May 14 2004

The ultimate sick-buffalo story

Mango Sauce reader Nick has concocted the last word in sick-buffalo stories.

Dear Bill

I love you and I miss you too much. my friend bar say you old man look same same monkey but I know you hansum man I have problem I write you before that buffalo me sick Now it die Fall down and dead in middle rice field. Bad fortune when it fall it fall on papa and break leg he three place Now he not work Brother me make stretcher bamboo he take from roof house Roof come down and rain in house He take papa to hospital motorcycle Have big accident when he come home hit police car Police say brother me blame Police say he pay big money. not worry darling motorcycle OK but Police car bad broken Bad luck make Mama heart problem. Doctor say she must triple by-pass. I no understand but brother say you understand.

You know darling I only work in bar and not go with man I wait for you come back Bangkok but if you no help me I fuck many many many many many farang get pay bills money.

Old people my village say you responsible if you send money me before buy medicine sick buffalo then it no die papa no break leg house have roof brother no ride into police car Mama no have heart problem.

Please send me 200,000 baht for my bank. Papa fix 10,000 new roof 30,000, new police car 100,000, mama fix 50,000. I take off 2,000 baht for sell buffalo meat but me have to pay more hospital bill for 24 people have problem eat contaminated meat 12,000 baht. I not know money England but my brother me say me it 71.2424 mid-market rate close of trading yesterday This means you send me 10,000 your pound

I love you darling

Noi

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[Posted to Your Letters by David]

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Readers' comments

Cynic says:

David:

This isn't funny. The sick buffalo shit is fucking boring already. Fuck, maybe you should do a Seinfeld routine:

"What is it about thai hookers? Every time I get a letter from one - their buffalo is sick, yada, yada, yada"

Slowly deteriorating.......must...hold...o-

May 14, 2004 1:13 PM

Combover says:

What about the panicky "sa-nake! sa-nake!!" phone call routine?

The one used to convince you she's actually in a breeze block hut in Isaan rather than spending 12 hours a day in a body massage place on Pethcburi Road and despite what you may think really quite vulnerable but she misses you and if you could give her a little more each month she could live in a nicer place where no have sa-nakes blah, blah, blah...

May 14, 2004 1:48 PM

stu_$ says:

i cringe in horror (cringe)

is this an actual email ?
did this guy actually swallow this crap ?
i'm dying 2 know as it either the unluckiest lady in asia or the biggest idiot in europe...

either way , its worthy of the guiness book !
please , put me out of my misery

chock dee

May 14, 2004 3:54 PM

nobend says:

this one has been doing the rounds for a least a couple of years and i have even seen it posted abouve the urinals in a bar somewhere in bangkok

May 14, 2004 4:31 PM

mr peter says:

Mr Nobend, that's what I thought at first but I seem to remember the other one being slightly different and having someone falling down the well. Maybe there are a few funnies like this. Didnt spicey girls bar sell T shirts with something along the same lines printed on them?
The real ones have gotten a bit more sophisticatd over the years, but often when I am in an internet shop in Bkk there seems to be a girl or group composing something similar. The sad thing is that many mugs actually marry these girls and then complain about enormous amounts asked for sinsot and the never ending money requests from the grasping in laws.-peter

May 14, 2004 4:45 PM

Dana says:

Best 'sick buffalo' parody letter I have ever seen. I thought I had read them all and I have even recieved a few myself. Thought I was burnt out on this part of Thai 'culture'. But this one made me laugh. A classic.

May 17, 2004 10:43 AM

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