April 11 2004

Rare neurological disorder found in Thai bar girls

Bar girl brainscan

Our Mango Sauce Science Correspondent investigates the link between cross-wired electrical pathways in the human brain and Thai bar girl behaviour.

Consider the following true stories of farangs and their live-in Thai girlfriends:

a) Before going to work a farang asked his girlfriend what she was going to do that afternoon. He was told "Go cinema, my sister." When he came home he asked "How was the cinema?" BBB's answer: "Not go. Play pool. Sister go Italy with boyfriend last month."

b) A farang had two TV's in his house. One was in the living room which his girlfriend kept on Thai TV 17 hours a day. The other he kept in the bedroom so he could watch football and sport on UBC. He returned home one day to find his TV gone. "Where's my TV?" he asked. Reply from BBB: "My brother came. He no have TV. We have two. I give him one."

c) A farang went on a visa run and was away for three days. He returned to find an empty space in the kitchen. The fridge had disappeared. "Where's the fridge?" he asked. Little BBB replied: "Spend all money you give me. None left. Need more. Sell fridge. You buy new one."

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Some weeks ago I reported that scientists had discovered the existence of at least two extra genes in Thai girls from north-east Thailand. One gene conferred on the little "BBBs" (Brown Bunnies from Buri Ram) the unfailing ability to attract gold objects (See: New gene discovered in Thai bar girl DNA #1) whilst the second gave them phenomenal data processing speeds (See: New gene discovered in Thai bar girl DNA #2).

A distinguished neurosurgeon from Thailand hypothesises that nature works in strange ways and that these two genes may have evolved to compensate for cross-wirings in the electrical pathways within BBB's brains. Anyone who has dealt with little BBBs for even a short length of time will know that their brains work in weird and wonderful ways and that their logic invariably defies any rational explanation.

While fraternal socialism and economic necessity might just about explain the missing TV and fridge the missing sister is more puzzling. Could Miss BBB really have expected her sister to clairvoyantly perceive the invitation to go to the cinema and return to Thailand by time machine in order to catch the 3.30pm performance at the Lido?

Our Thai neurosurgeon suggests that these types of errant logic in the brains of BBB's can best be dealt with by gentle cranial massage and soothing noises.

The Mango Sauce DIY (Electrical section) Correspondent suggests a more drastic solution to dealing with BBB's utter illogicality. His solution to curing short circuits and cross wiring in a BBB's brain is to deliver 240 volts in an appropriate place by a vibrator hard-wired to the mains.

I fear that this will only encourage them.

[Posted to Your Letters by David]

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Readers' comments

Bangkok Phil says:

>

You see this was always my problem. I can never let things like this go. I would have to sit the BBB down at a table with a pile of blank A4 paper and with a complex set of timecharts, pie charts and Venn diagrams find out exactly what the story was. In the end, you either get your answer or BBB locks herself in the bathroom crying and screaming that you don't love her anymore.

April 12, 2004 12:34 PM

george says:

This must be an extremely common reaction. Every second day my gf starts this charade and she's in her 30's with an American MBA.

April 12, 2004 6:39 PM

BKK Tom says:

Do you realise if only for an instant the base racism in your so called satire. BBB's. wake up you idiot, zip up your fly so that [BKK Tom: I have removed this section of your comment because it insults another contributor - David] will stop masterbating you. You are a couple of self important jackoffs not worthy of the lowest bargirl, who you slander day after day in your pathetic web journal. Chi Dum is how they would describe the pair of you twits.

April 12, 2004 9:06 PM

Willie says:

Right on Bangkok Tom. Same thing applies to this constant criticism of the Royal Thai Police.

If you fellows keep knocking the Thai police, and they are half as bad as you make them out to be,
then don't be surprised, when one night they come knocking at your door, and give you your walking papers - or worse.

April 12, 2004 9:51 PM

www. says:

BkkTom
the word is actually spelt .masturbating.

April 14, 2004 10:21 AM

Iffy says:

Unless he meant "Master baiting" i.e. testing the resolve of their latest wallet provider.

April 15, 2004 8:53 PM

njap says:

yeah, shut your cake holes you miserable over the top pc correct ass's.
this site has kept me giggling for days, bravo, keep up the good work

May 14, 2004 11:40 PM

NJW says:

Ah, another example of the high cultural standard to which this site aspires.

May 19, 2004 6:39 PM

David says:

NJW - Still annoyed about the "real Thailand" buffalo jibe huh? I don't mind you taking the piss out of my website but your comment would have carried more weight if you had added it to the foot of one of my articles rather than a reader's letter. You'll be the man reading the collected works of Shakespeare at a humble Buri Ram food stall I presume - David.

May 19, 2004 7:30 PM

pattaya Tom says:

How any womans mind works is a mystery and thai bar girls are no exeption, The Rare neurological disorder found in Thai bar girls are also found in women of every culture, also in men of every culture as we are all playing the game, how many of you farrangs tell your thai GF that you wish you had paid bar for her sister as she is sexier, none I reckon, instead I guess you take advantage of one of her tantrums and tell her shes dumped then quikly return to the bars to pick out another bar girl, no ones foolin anyone everyone of us is hiding something, some bar girls seem to keep a long face for days after a break up with there farrang as it means that they have to return to eating grilled chicken hearts and living in non airconditioned room with 6 other girls, not as farrangs believe that there heart is broken, its just that there personal ATM farrang machine is another girls Jackpot now

September 25, 2006 7:29 PM

katastrophic says:

I asked my Thai girlfriend what the Thai word for temple was. She said "wat".
I said "you fucking heard me, what's the Thai word for temple".

November 16, 2006 2:47 PM

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