March 8 2004

New gene discovered in Thai bar girl DNA #2

New gene discovered in Thai bar girl DNA

Yesterday we explored the function of the "Reverse Alchemy" gene, in Thai bar girl DNA (See New gene discovered in Thai bar girl DNA #1). Today, we unlock the puzzle of their "Pentium 28" gene. Our Science Correspondent takes up the story.

The "Pentium 28" gene, found most commonly in girls from Buriram, confers an ability to micro-process visual information at speeds previously unidentified in the human brain. Seemingly, a visual image can be scanned and processed into a course of action within 28 "nano" seconds.

Scientists are unable to explain exactly how this process works but the scientist identifying this gene recounts a story to illustrate how this gene can be "turned on" and gives an example of how it operates.

While carrying out his research in Thailand the scientist employed a Thai assistant who told him that she had a cousin in Buri Ram, who she had not seen for three years, who was coming to Bangkok. This cousin was described as a poor dumpy village girl who was very dull and had spots. Apparently, this poor girl had been giving away her favours to all the village boys and now her mother had decided to bring her to Bangkok where, at least, she could be paid for giving away her charms and, what's more, she might even acquire some gold trinkets to support her mother's old age.

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On her second night of working in a bar in Patpong the scientist was taken to see this poor, dumpy, dull seventeen year old girl and was encouraged to bring along some food, as surely, such a girl as dumpy as this could never earn any money to buy her own.

Surprise, surprise when introduced to this girl he was astounded to see a stunning beauty (the possible existence of a third gene, unique to north-eastern girls, the "Cinderella" gene, is now under investigation). The spots had gone, or at least could not be seen under 5 millimeters of make-up, and the dumpy girl promised was transformed into a tall, brown, slender nymph. But what was so amazing were her sparking, flashing eyes. While his assistant tried to engage her in conversation her eyes were everywhere as she constantly survived the room and monitored all males coming through the door. Radar-like each farang was scanned and instantly evaluated for possible wealth.

On several occasions, when a new man wandered into her field of vision, he was assessed and within a third of a second she could be on her feet entwining her arms around his waist. In a unique example of visual dexterity, she was able to gaze lovingly at the chosen man whilst continuously scanning the room for richer targets.

The scientist is currently unable to explain what exactly turned on the "Pentium 28" gene found in this seventeen year old girl but postulates first exposure to flashing lights, loud repetitive music and the first sight of over-weight, white skinned males may have something to do with it.

Our Mango Sauce Science Correspondent obviously has impeccable academic credentials but don't cancel your subscription to Nature just yet.

[Posted to Your Letters by David]

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Readers' comments

Prorogue says:

An interesting phenomenon of the Pentium 28 gene is the 60 gigabyte memory for faces and names. Long after a night of carnal depravity has faded into the recesses of the Medulla. The inevitable yell of ones name from a bar chick that would still be doing the rounds of domestic conquests worthy of a Saturday Night Fever hairy chest is received across the hubbub of Big Cock life; Often while showing the folks around town contradicting ones' assertion that a little voyeristic sniffing around town is but a chubby deflated erection of a lie.

March 8, 2004 11:09 PM

bongobob says:

Is this 28 (nano) seconds a derivitave of Nana ??
where you can pass from paradise to hell in 28 seconds . How many have CUM across this.

April 27, 2004 9:14 PM

Dana says:

Regarding the '60 gigabyte memory for faces and names'--one of the most effecting and flattering things to ever happen to me was because of a bargirl's memory. Hadn't seen Noi in 6 months. Didn't tell her I was coming. As soon as she saw me in the crowd at the Nana she instantly shouted out my name--DANA. Astonishing: and very, very flattering. You can calculate yourself how many other men she had 'met' in the last 6 months. Never got over it.

David--I think this is one of your best pictures.

July 31, 2004 8:00 AM

Johnny says:

Guess the bill :
Next time you have a meal with a girl with the said gene, order many different things, after the meal, ask her how much the bill will be. She will give her answer immediately to within 10 baht without even thinking, no pause at all. See how long it takes you to guess the bill for comparison. I don't think they even know how they do it, it just comes naturally, because she wouldn't be sure herself until the bill actually comes, and they have a little giggle and feel pretty good about themselves when they realise how good at this they are.

July 24, 2006 8:20 PM

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