March 7 2004

New gene discovered in Thai bar girl DNA #1

New gene discovered in Thai bar girl DNA

Today, Mango Sauce steps down from its chromium pole to bring you news of exciting discoveries in the field of molecular biology. This from our new Science Correspondent.

Scientists recently announced an amazing discovery in studies of the human genome with the identification of two previously unknown genes which are only found in the female population of north eastern Thailand. The two genes, which they have called the "Reverse Alchemy" and "Pentium 28" genes, are identified most commonly in girls of the 15-30 age group in the provinces of Buri Ram, Surin and Khon Kaen.

The Reverse Alchemy gene confers a unique ability to transform gold objects into base metals. The type of gold that is particularly susceptible is the highly shiny yellow gold, known among these girls as "Farang" gold, which is typically found in necklaces, bracelets and rings.

As is well known, whenever any Farang gives a Thai girlfriend a piece of jewelry within days this trinket mysteriously disappears. When the farang asks "where is the lovely bracelet I bought you?" he is inevitably told that it was lost, stolen or, even more brazenly, just given away. According to the scientists what happens is that the gene imposes an irresistible urge that drives the girl to take the gold ornament to the nearest gold shop where it is immediately sold for baht. It seems that nothing the girl can do can override this compelling force to transmute the shiny gold object into base metal (or notes).

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When buying gold trinkets for girls from north eastern Thailand Farang purchasers are advised to check carefully how many times a particular gold necklace, bracelet or ring has been bought out and then sold back-into the particular shop. Instances have been identified of particularly shiny bracelets doing the round trip over sixty times in one year.

Tomorrow, we unlock the puzzle of the "Pentium 28" gene in Thai bar girl DNA (See New gene discovered in Thai bar girl DNA #2).

[Posted to Your Letters by David]

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Readers' comments

John U says:

I'm not sure I agree with the area the girls who have the "Reverse Alchemy" gene come from. I have seen this phenomenon first hand with a lady from Korat, and another from Hat Yai.

A friend of mine tries to counteract this gene with their fear of anything spiritual or unlucky. When asked to buy gold he says with a serious look on his face that gold is very unlucky. They always look shocked and say very emphatically that gold is not unlucky. He then says "Maybe not for you, but very unlucky for me".

It doesn't always work, but it gives us a good laugh. It's worth a try because some gullible young ladies may already be passing the story around that gold is very unlucky for some farangs.

March 7, 2004 1:51 PM

John U says:

My last comment reminded me about the correspondence the same guy had with a young lady he had associated with for some time.

When he returned to the UK he had an email asking for his help in buying a rice farm for her parents. It was quite a tidy sum she wanted, and he wrote back telling her he didn't know her well enough to give her that kind if money.

I've copied her reply directly for his email account and pasted it below:-

Dearest My Love Alf

It very nice to hear from you.

I badly dssapointed you can not help with problem as you not know me well. When you here November you looked close at my eyes, you counted my teath with your toung, you checked my breasts to se if there milk in hthm, you removed fluf from my navel, you counted hairs on pubic one by one. How well you want to know me you BASTARD.

Love you
Poum

What a f***ing good laugh. We thought our pants would never dry.

March 7, 2004 3:02 PM

Paul says:

What is this north eastern crap?My ex monster from the south was born with this "gift gene".

March 8, 2004 4:46 AM

billy-bypass says:

I encountered the gene in 1992 when I bought the love of my life a nice fat gold necklace. She even persuaded me to take one for myself - she insisted on handling the negotation and smilingly informed me that she had obtained a remarkable discount for both necklaces. Once back in the hotel she began giggling and informed me that only gay men wore gold necklaces. To spare me embarrassment she kindly accepted the necklace' both of which were to disappear within 24 hours, along with a signet ring, made years previously from my grandmother's wedding ring - all cashed in to pay for school fees for her baby sister.

March 10, 2004 1:24 AM

stu_$ says:

oh no !
i just got back from koh samui
i bought a girl a gold bracelet
all of a sudden , i feel like a tosser
thanx mango sauce
stu_$

March 14, 2004 5:25 PM

P Abbott says:

i have bought my perfect thai wife lots of gold at a low price and sold it at a high price and then bought condo's unfinished then sold at a high price to fools like you.If u work with these girls and understand they want to make a good life 4 u and there family, buriram girls are perfect in ever way do u think they realy want to sleep with some fat git for free. with out my wife and her family i wood not have my perfect life i am 31 5 house's 18 condos 6 cars and that s just thailand ok i had some money b4 this but in 5 years its 15 times all because of a buriram girl

November 10, 2006 3:12 AM

philH says:

I recommend courses in English language, grammar, punctuation and spelling for starters.

Talking utter fucking bollocks you have off to a fine art.

I dunno about Abbott but it seems you have been bashing the Bishop a bit too much in your life.

Wanker!

November 10, 2006 1:18 PM

Jack Wow says:

So, P Abbott is that an admission that you're a fat git who pays his wife to sleep with him? Ah, what do you care anyway - you've got your 5 houses, 18 condos and 6 cars (all purchased in your name?)

November 11, 2006 9:07 PM

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