June 2 2005

Never cook for the wife

Romanian sexual misadventure dominates this week's Mango Sauce postbag - in the form of an unattributed newspaper cutting submitted by Big Dave:

Perhaps as a consequence of bizarre sex-related accidents, the Romanians have acquired a reputation for imaginative cursing. Tanai Kwai sent me a handy guide to understanding Romanian expletives and these are the highlights:

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Plimba-mi-ash coaiele pe coliva ma-tii din bomboana in bomboana.	I take my balls on your mother's funeral meal from one candy to the next.
Sufla-ti-as cu curul in lingura cand te arde ciorba la gura.	I can blow farts in your spoon when the soup is too hot for you.
Baga-mi-as pula in albina care va suge nectarul de pe floarea mormantului ma-tii.	I'd put my dick into the bee who'll suck the nectar from the flower on your mother's grave.

Let's return to Asia with a follow-up on Pattaya Peter's pursuit of the nymphomaniac Filipino with a passion for older Caucasian men in Camel Adventure Wear who are "here today and gone tomorrow and not want to be hanging around" (See I'm hot & wet & ready 4 you).

Unfortunately, the girl was too busy dildoing herself to answer Peter's emails so he ended up trawling the girlie bars of various crappy resorts instead. His account made depressing reading but, towards the end, he rewarded us with the quote of the week:

In Manila, I went to this famous freelance bar called LA Cafe. Many of these girls are not really pros. They are sort of college girls looking to pick up some money. I picked up two that seemed the sweetest. They were incredibly shy, but I was able to win their trust with little gifts of toothbrushes and minibar privileges.

If he'd replaced the "toothbrushes and minibar privileges" with shiny mirrors and colourful beads, I reckon that Pattaya Peter could've re-enacted Captain Cook's voyage to Tahiti in the privacy of his Manila hotel room - which suggests that "The Age of Adventure" is not yet over. Perhaps we should call this new epoch "The Age of Camel Adventure Wear."

The last word goes to DMO: