March 21 2004

Farang boyfriend steals victory in extra-time

This sneaky Thai tart thought she'd won a home game against her farang boyfriend but didn't reckon with a surprise goal in extra-time. Our Sports Correspondent takes up the story:

If you were watching the sports channel on TV and you heard the football score Team BBB 257,000 goals Team F 1 goal, you might be forgiven for thinking that you misheard or that the announcer was drunk. In fact, this score is true and represents the number of times Team "BBB", which stands for Bouncing Babes from Buri Ram (not Bradford, Bingley and Blackburn), have out-played Team F which is Team Farang.

Well, you might say, the only surprising thing here is that Team Farang actually scored a goal and on one occasion managed to get the better of a Buri Ram girl. How could this happen? Even if she was permanently drunk it would be most unusual for a Farang to out-manoeuvre a BBB.

The story goes like this. John was an English teacher working on Silom Road. Even though his salary was modest he was still able to visit Patpong a couple of times a week and soon he made the acquaintance of Khun Nong who, in due course, moved-in to live with him. All was well for a few months until one day Khun Nong announced that maybe she would like to have a baby and get married.

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John was naturally quite shocked but, like most teachers, he was a non-controversial sort of guy. Rather than saying an outright "No" he pleaded the excuse of being a poor teacher who had no money to afford a wedding. Reading this to be a "Yes I do want to get married" Khun Nong said "No problem. Leave it to me. I'll fix everything."

Some weeks later John was persuaded to visit Khun Nong's village in Buri Ram where he was introduced and inspected by her parents, brother, sisters, aunties, village elders etc. The assembled clan after due consideration pronounced him suitable and announced that the wedding they had planned could take place next day.

John was somewhat in the dark about what was happening and thought he would be attending a welcoming party, and not his own wedding party, and happily went along with the idea of festivities. There followed three days of massive eating and drunken revelry: buffalo were slaughtered, bottles of Mekong opened, crates of Singha consumed about all of which John remembered very little. Everyone in this village and farming families from all the villages for miles around enjoyed themselves immensely as it was not often that they attended a wedding at which the Farang was paying for all the food and drink.

Alas, here lies the catch. Knowing John had no money Khun Nong had borrowed Baht 120,000 from all her relatives to finance the festivities and promised everyone that John would repay the debt in the future out of his teaching salary. Unfortunately, she hadn't told him of his good luck and when he found out he was now a husband, and a heavily indebted one at that, he collapsed further into his massive hangover.

A couple of days later, after coming to terms with his new fate, John hatched a plan. Saying he was going out to buy some cigarettes (which Nong, in hindsight, thought odd as he didn't smoke) John walked to the main road outside the village and grabbed a lift to Buri Ram airport. Two hours later he was in Bangkok, one hour later in his apartment retrieving his passport and three hours later on an airplane to Europe where he remains to this day.

Alas, poor Nong couldn't quite work out what had happened but, with her relatives help, and that of the van driver who took John to the airport, the picture was soon put together.

There was little (actually no) sympathy for poor Nong. She was quickly reminded of her Baht 120,000 debt to her relatives and promptly booted back to Bangkok and told not to reappear in her village until all the debt, plus interest, was repaid.

Note from Mango Sauce Sports Editor: while willing to acknowledge that Team F did indeed score a goal we believe this should go down in the record books as "Own Goal."

Presumably, the away leg is postponed indefinitely.

[Posted to Your Letters by David]

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Readers' comments

douceberg says:

Not a total victory. He still had to leave BKK!!

May 4, 2004 11:22 PM

Anonymous says:

i can not give my name at this stage, but as i write this my husband is in the midst of being conned by one of these women .he will not listen to reason, and believes that he is in love with this creature. he has met her family and has given them money.he also mentioned a party with friends and monks.he is a well respected business man aged 49 married happily for 29 years

June 28, 2006 10:39 PM

marti says:

let him make his own mistakes. All us men are like children and the only way we learn is to mess it up. He may come back wiser but he has to make that journey alone....personally id rather have a few years of bliss(albeit false bliss) and spend the cash rather than die miserable with a fat bank account...thank goodness there are still gullible people willing to do anything for bits of paper with a number on it.....just look at developed countries...doesnt matter how much money is in the bank....you have to be "gsoh" and intersted in going to gym etc etc before a woman even takes a sniff at you.....long live capatalism

September 21, 2006 3:02 AM

ollie says:

Being the crafty young handsome butterfly i am, I tend to scope out the newbies on game, (this tends to be girls that lack english skills and have no assets on show ie. phone, gold etc...Being my second trip to the los, i was not stupid enough to fall in love on this occasion. I was however sneaky enough to play the girls at their own game by feeding them double the amount of bullshit they feed me, the fact i bothered to learn some pigeon Thai helped too. So bargirl x from Pattaya falls head over heals with me, and i set her up an email account up to stay in contact. Unlucky for her was the fact i knew her password and could moniter how many farrangs she was fleecing in my absence. It took a year almost before i noticed any correspondence from a love sick farrang, and i fear now my young innocent teerak has become a hard nosed hooker, (this being obvious due to gold, mobile phone, tattoos, and her english is now better than mine!) When i confronted her about her new piece of british ruff, she denied it, until i presented my evidence to her, she still loves me though(bollox), and just wants farrang number 2 as he takes care of her, whereas i dont! I thought about emailing this poor chap to inform him off his naivety. But decided to leave him to find out the hard way!!! haha. The point off this story is: to keep one step ahead of the BBB's and team Farrang will score many more goals!
I cant wait to watch my next newbie bar girl move up the ranks! Its like watching a sweet puppy turn into a mean rot wieler.

January 29, 2007 1:01 AM

Road Natzi says:

Ollie,

You are telling us this because???? Anyone who has had more than 3 nites in Bangkok knows this dude and quite simply, even if you are twice what you say you are, your going to get screwed over at some point.

Be very careful matie, thailands ladies have been playing 'the game' since ur great great great great grandpa was a tadpole in his fathers sack!!! The BG tricks get handed down from generation to generation and are slightly honed and trimmed as they go. You'd be surprised how many 'smart arse' bastards just like yourself end up with half a dozen ladyboys hanging out of them after they try to 'play the game' and lose.

Ollie, go back to ur homeland and keep licking ur grannies foogie, it suits you better.

January 29, 2007 2:21 PM

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