April 30 2007
Mac attack: Westerner beaten in Bangkok Apple Store
When you order a MacBook Pro from an approved Thai dealer, you don't expect to be beaten-up and arrested in the store - but this is exactly what happened to an unfortunate Mango Sauce reader.
Last Friday, I placed an order for a MacBook Pro, a 30' display and accessories at The APPLE Store in Siam Discovery Center, Bangkok. The total came to 188,000bt. Paid with a VISA Card. The APPLE employee would deliver the setup later.
While waiting for the delivery at my condo, the APPLE salesperson, phoned me and claimed to have made a mistake on the bill and wanted another 12,500 before delivery.
July 19 2006
Unmasking the Nana Plaza prowler
For five years, a mysterious figure in black has been keeping a nightly vigil on the comings and goings at Nana Plaza and Mango Sauce reader, Dale, wants to know what he's up to.
Hi David
I've already asked a few columnists this same question but they all chose to ignore me, with Stickman even blatantly refusing to even acknowledge the question, the tit that he is.
Anyway, I've noticed for a while now that there's a bloke who hangs around Nana Plaza and does nothing other than stand and watch people and then move around various vantage points while making the odd phone call and the odd note in a book.
July 18 2006
Sodom & Gomorrah in Pattaya
When Joan visited Pattaya, she was shocked to find the naughty bits from the Old Testament being reenacted and felt moved to share her thoughts with me.
Our visit to Pattaya in November gave us a vision of the Biblical Sodom & Gomorrah.
In Patong we had seen a few old men picking up young girls, and it seemed slightly amusing. When we went to Pattaya it was another world. Little did we expect to see the mental and physical cripples from Europe side by side with the Thai girls, who were not innocent parties in these transactions.
These two elements gave a bad taste to normal tourists. How does a country, with the traditions of Thailand, allow itself to be dragged down to this level - a host nation for "dirty old men" and paedophiles?
June 9 2006
American woman slams Thai marriages
After getting the obligatory rant off her chest, Niki from America goes on to make some interesting observations about her brother's Thai bride:
I am not a Thai female, but a female. I've been reading many opinions about Thai women vs. western women. I'm an American, and I can see that, no matter where you travel, women are women! You'll bump into sweet ones, moral ones with strong family beliefs, dummies, educated ones and gold diggers.
To define why you prefer to buy a women instead of working for one: It seems to me that, when challenges come about, most weak-minded men will run far away. That's what I'm hearing.
You men obviously hate yourselves! What ya need is some true American love, instead of buying it. And any woman who sells herself, especially Thai, you should kick yourself. Why? Because of the sex traffic problem in Asia with regards to children.
June 11 2005
I'm hot & wet & ready 4 you
The Mona Lisa's enigmatic smile is a centuries-old puzzle but there's no mystery as to what's brightening up this fella's day - he's getting wanked-off by a tiny monkey.
The (uncropped) original was sent to me by Brian but, to prevent an awkward misunderstanding at Bangkok Airport, I've now deleted it from my hard drive.
Fortunately, some Mango Sauce readers also contribute material that I can publish. Pattaya Peter sent me this extraordinary example of Filipino medical malpractice from AdultFriendFinder.com:
I'M HOT & WET & READY 4 YOU
Member name: xxhot_wet, a 21 year old woman from Makati, National Capital Region, Philippines.Last year I discovered sex, and I wanted to fuck all the time, I mean like everyday, and if I can't get off with a guy I use my finger, and on my doctors advice, last week I bought a rubber like penis that vibrates, it gets me off in minutes. He suggested this as he put it, because I am a Nympho, and should stop fucking these young guys as I would probably get pregnant or catch something. He felt that the safest way for me to continue having sex, was to restrict my sexual activity to older cacasian men. Who would be D/D free and would always practice safe sex.
June 2 2005
Never cook for the wife
Romanian sexual misadventure dominates this week's Mango Sauce postbag - in the form of an unattributed newspaper cutting submitted by Big Dave:
Perhaps as a consequence of bizarre sex-related accidents, the Romanians have acquired a reputation for imaginative cursing. Tanai Kwai sent me a handy guide to understanding Romanian expletives and these are the highlights:
May 7 2005
The ladies of Lumpini Park
This week, our Mango Sauce Nightlife Correspondent checks out the action in Lumpini Park. He also tells me that, on the Greek island of Mykonos, bar owners are threatening to close at 11.00pm to protest against a law that forces them to shut at 4am "on weekdays." In a press statement, the irate owners argue that "on an island where partying begins at 2.00am in the morning it is inconceivable to close (so early)." I'm lost for words.
After a heavy weekend spent consuming too many Tiger beers, Marlboro Lights and chasing the tail of Miss Creeping Lizard Girl around the bar counter of Suzy Wong's, I resolved to commence a fitness campaign starting on Tuesday by going for an early morning walk around Lumpini Park.
At 8.00am I caught a taxi to the park (not wishing to overdo the exercise thing) and commenced my morning walk. After about two minutes what struck me was that everyone was walking anti-clockwise while I was walking clockwise. The next thing to strike me was that all the other walkers, who numbered a few thousand people, all seemed to be over sixty and were walking with such intent that they must have been practising for the "Geriatric Olympics" to be held in Beijing in 2008.
September 1 2004
American woman wants a date in Thailand
Today's mission is to find a suitable partner for a 48 year old American woman who wants to relocate to the remote north of Thailand - but it's not going to be easy.
Hello, my name is Rossa and I live in the USA. I have just come back from a trip to Thailand and I enjoyed my visit there so much that I decided to purchase a home in Pha Hin. I am 48 years old and a professional woman with many businesses in the US and soon to start a few businesses in Thailand. I am single with no children.
I am seeking to meet a professional gentleman for dating and a possible long term relationship when I return to Thailand. I do not speak Thai so I would be seeking someone who also speaks English. Do you know of any excellent personal sites where I might find quality gentlemen interested in meeting quality US females for a long term relationship? If so, I would appreciate any help you can give.
I am very attractive and in good shape. I was born in Italy but raised in the USA. I hold a masters degree in English. Any help would be appreciated. Thank you. Rossa.
Hi Rossa. I'm afraid that Thailand is rather short on excellent personal sites where you might find quality gentlemen interested in meeting quality US females. The specialist Thai introduction agencies are only interested in matching financially-motivated local women with naive foreign men.
I'll do what I can to help but I have to warn you that your chances of success are slim. Even in the first flush of youth, single Western women living in Thailand often remain single. It's not that there's anything wrong with them - it's just that every eligible Western man in Thailand is constantly bombarded with charming invitations from beautiful young Thai girls. Consequently, ordinary middle-aged Western men are as unobtainable as movie stars.
August 31 2004
Hua Hin: Home of the Thai cavalry
In the first of a series of special reports from popular beach destinations (See Beaches just a taxi-ride from Bangkok), our Mango Sauce Travel Correspondent visits Hua Hin - and reveals the smelly truth.
Last weekend, we took a trip by train to Hua Hin. It takes a little longer than driving but, as the road to Hua Hin is a little like a demolition derby, it's much more relaxing and you have a fairly good chance of reaching your destination in one piece.
We found a nice hotel, had a good evening meal and next morning took our towels and lay down on the beach. After closing our eyes for a couple of minutes we heard and felt the ground vibrate as we seemed to be in the middle of a mini earthquake. Six horses roared by raising large clouds of sand. Minutes later they returned doing the same again. What was going on? We didn't realize that we'd booked a holiday in the middle of Aintree Racecourse.
After this exhibition of machismo riding the swarthy looking horsemen dismounted and proceeded to walk their horses along the beach, who after their morning gallop, proceeded to deposit large turds in the sand and on the sea shore at frequent intervals.
Thinking a swim would be nice, we ventured into the sea but we soon discovered that we were swimming in a sea of effluent as round green turds floated by. Not content with fouling the beach, numerous Thai men were also engaged in roaring up and down the seashore on jet skis endangering the life of anyone foolish enough to try swimming.
August 28 2004
Buffalo won't dump cheating Pattaya hooker
Shu Qi would make quite a good catch (See Shu Qi: Actress and nude model) but some fellas are a little less discerning. Mango Sauce reader, Andy, fell in love with an alcoholic, deaf and dumb, illegal immigrant Pattaya hooker with two black eyes. Even when she took to nude base-jumping without a parachute and beating her head on marble floors, his affection for her didn't waver.
Andy gallantly rescued his dusky damsel in distress and took good care of her family. All he wanted in return was her loyalty but what he actually got was a painful lesson in human nature. The Thais say "don't stroke the dog or it will lick your face" but Andy was convinced that his kindness would be rewarded. His dream was of a shared life in a little house nestling in the Shan hills - but, to her, he was merely a buffalo and she completely took the piss.
Andy already knows that the situation is hopeless but he can't bring himself to dump the girl. His sympathy for her borders on Stockholm Syndrome. Before reaching the end of his email, I too was banging my head on the floor.
Well, today I am one pissed-off farang. Let me tell you why. A few years ago, I took a holiday in Thailand. I fell in with an English family at our stopover in Germany and they said they were heading to a beach resort called Pattaya. They said I would enjoy it and I should tag along.
I soon realised that there was more fun to be had than on a day trip to Southend and, inevitably, I woke up late next day, hung over, with a Thai girl in my bed.
July 9 2004
A genuine sick buffalo story
In traditional Thai medicine the best cure for a "sick" buffalo is a farang cash injection but, given that it's hard to persuade a perfectly healthy specimen to play dead, the donor rarely gets to meet the patient - unless he insists on taking a look for himself. Our Mango Sauce Bovine Affairs Correspondent tells the story of a man who did just that.
Despite exciting events in Euro 2004 the entire front page of The Bangkok Post was recently devoted to a proposal by the Agriculture Minister to import cows into Thailand from Australia. While there is undoubtedly something under-udder about this proposal it is not the purpose of this article to speculate what's afoot. Instead, we are reminded of a story told to us by an Australian living in Bangkok, let's call him Bruce, who fell in love with, Khun Dao, a girl from Nong Kai.
One day Miss Dao turned up at Bruce's apartment with tears in her eyes: her father's two buffaloes were sick - he must help her do something. Now normally, sick buffaloes, after Mama ill, and Grandmother dying, is the third most common manipulative reason used to extract money from farangs. In this case though, our Bruce was no fool: he needed a new visa so why not go to Nong Kai, on the way to Vientiane, and see for himself what ailed these buffaloes?
Arriving at Khun Dao's father's farm he was immediately struck by how dirt poor these folk were. They lived in a hut in the middle of their rice fields and sure enough there were two buffaloes lying down on their haunches looking very sad. Now fortunately, Bruce's cousin, Vic, was a vet in Perth so he gave his cousin a quick phone call on his cell phone to describe the symptoms and explained these animals were as "sick as a blue parrot mate". Fortunately, Vic the vet diagnosed what was wrong and knew what was needed "no worries mate" and told Bruce what to do.
June 17 2004
I want our baby NOW!
"She is one of the most beautiful women I have ever known and the best lover I have ever had" says Mango Sauce reader JDMAN (52). It's no surprise then that he wants to retire to Thailand and set up home with his dream-girl (28) - and she wants his baby too.
JDMAN is no fool. Two previous marriages to American women left him financially burned and he's in no hurry to marry again. He still has a retirement income of $100,000 a year, though, so his new life in Thailand should be very comfortable - if he plays his cards right. This is why he needs some help and advice.
Can a Thai girl be sincere about wanting kids outside of a marriage? I have a dream of moving to Thailand to live and raise a family with an "ex-bargirl" who I have known for four years. So many of the posts on Mango Sauce suggest this will be a huge mistake. However, I am very committed to the goal and would appreciate feedback on how to do it safely and with the highest probability of success.
I have travelled to Thailand at least a dozen times over the last six years and fell in love with the place on my first visit. Like most men in their late 40's I was immediately enthralled by the beauty, grace, and fun-loving nature of Thai girls. I have been married twice to American girls and while both were great ladies initially, things went south eventually. Most annoying was that they both let themselves go physically while I kept myself in great shape (6'2'' 185). Eventually it turned me off to look at them and my dick told them what was "going down" so to speak.
June 8 2004
Thai massage with a happy ending
A traditional Thai massage (See Relax in a traditional Thai massage parlour) is, in some respects, like a cricket match where rain stops play or an opera where the fat lady doesn't get to sing. Thai massage with a happy ending - often regarded as the thinking man's choice - is a topic that cries out to be investigated (agh agh aaaagh, yeah baby, aaaaaagh...) but, realising that I might lack the willpower to "make my excuses and leave" my good friend, the Mango Sauce Health and Efficiency Correspondent, has kindly volunteered to fall on his (pork) sword.
Wandering down Sukhumvit soi 11 the other day I saw a gaggle of smartly dressed girls in beige uniforms outside a message parlour. Although they could have been trainee air hostesses for Nok Air I figured they were probably masseuses, and, having an hour or so to spare, I thought I'd pop in to have a little relaxation.
After entering the salon the manageress quickly produced a very attractive girl called Khun Poo who escorted me upstairs. I was shown into a large room with cubicles separated by curtains. Khun Poo indicated I should undress and discretely disappeared to re-appear two minute later wearing very short hot pants and a bikini top. Figuring my luck must be in here I laid back to enjoy an invigorating massage with, undoubtedly, a sensuous happy ending.
May 29 2004
Is his Thai internet bride a con-girl? #4
Things are getting worse for Mark, the 46 year-old American accountant who chose an 18 year-old Thai bride from AmericanSingles.com. The manipulative little cow has been shagging another guy in his apartment and now she's driving a wedge between him and his best mate. Mark's farang ex-girlfriend, Marianne, takes up the story. If you haven't done so already, you should read her first, second and third letters before continuing.
Some HUGE events have occurred since last update - all of which you predicted of course, but at the snail's pace my newly hired PI is operating, I'll be in a Nursing Home, on feeding tubes by the time any additional useful info is uncovered!
In a separate piece on this website, I indicated that Nok left Mark 2 months ago. Well, she did. She manipulated his best friend into calling her father and having him wire cash for a flight back to Bangkok. Unfortunately, for reasons only Mark knows, she returned to him 4 weeks later.
Anyway, if you're willing, please take a look at the remaining new developments, and render your opinion of what they portend:
May 14 2004
The ultimate sick-buffalo story
Mango Sauce reader Nick has concocted the last word in sick-buffalo stories.
Dear Bill
I love you and I miss you too much. my friend bar say you old man look same same monkey but I know you hansum man I have problem I write you before that buffalo me sick Now it die Fall down and dead in middle rice field. Bad fortune when it fall it fall on papa and break leg he three place Now he not work Brother me make stretcher bamboo he take from roof house Roof come down and rain in house He take papa to hospital motorcycle Have big accident when he come home hit police car Police say brother me blame Police say he pay big money. not worry darling motorcycle OK but Police car bad broken Bad luck make Mama heart problem. Doctor say she must triple by-pass. I no understand but brother say you understand.
You know darling I only work in bar and not go with man I wait for you come back Bangkok but if you no help me I fuck many many many many many farang get pay bills money.
Old people my village say you responsible if you send money me before buy medicine sick buffalo then it no die papa no break leg house have roof brother no ride into police car Mama no have heart problem.
Please send me 200,000 baht for my bank. Papa fix 10,000 new roof 30,000, new police car 100,000, mama fix 50,000. I take off 2,000 baht for sell buffalo meat but me have to pay more hospital bill for 24 people have problem eat contaminated meat 12,000 baht. I not know money England but my brother me say me it 71.2424 mid-market rate close of trading yesterday This means you send me 10,000 your pound
I love you darling
Noi
April 30 2004
The best divorce letter ever written
Tanai Kwai sends us this gem. It's not about Thailand and we don't know who the author is but it's absolutely priceless - particularly if you've ever been through a bitter divorce (and who hasn't, these days?).
Dear Connie,
I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that.
But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says: "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close.
Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19; with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete?
April 11 2004
Rare neurological disorder found in Thai bar girls
Bar girl brainscan
Our Mango Sauce Science Correspondent investigates the link between cross-wired electrical pathways in the human brain and Thai bar girl behaviour.
Consider the following true stories of farangs and their live-in Thai girlfriends:
a) Before going to work a farang asked his girlfriend what she was going to do that afternoon. He was told "Go cinema, my sister." When he came home he asked "How was the cinema?" BBB's answer: "Not go. Play pool. Sister go Italy with boyfriend last month."
b) A farang had two TV's in his house. One was in the living room which his girlfriend kept on Thai TV 17 hours a day. The other he kept in the bedroom so he could watch football and sport on UBC. He returned home one day to find his TV gone. "Where's my TV?" he asked. Reply from BBB: "My brother came. He no have TV. We have two. I give him one."
c) A farang went on a visa run and was away for three days. He returned to find an empty space in the kitchen. The fridge had disappeared. "Where's the fridge?" he asked. Little BBB replied: "Spend all money you give me. None left. Need more. Sell fridge. You buy new one."
April 7 2004
Confessions of a Thai driving instructor #2
Our Mango Sauce Crime Correspondent brings us the concluding episode of this splendid Thai farce (See: Confessions of a Thai driving instructor #1).
Hearing the knock on the door, and then a voice she recognized, little Miss Roong quickly realized that she was in danger of being caught in flagrante delicto. Pushing off the thrusting Somchai she threw most of his clothes at him and hurled him through the back kitchen door just as the front door shattered and Pascal charged into the apartment.
Now Roong was much smarter than your average girl. She knew she had only seconds to figure out an escape story so, as a temporary holding measure, she did a quick faint and collapsed on the floor. Pascal rushed to pick-up his naked girlfriend and carried her to the bed where she slowly came to. Roong's story was simple: she had been drugged and didn't know what had happened to her. Hesitatingly, she explained she had been given a lift home by her driving instructor who gave her something to drink after which she fell asleep.
April 6 2004
Confessions of a Thai driving instructor #1
This true crime story has everything - an oversexed Thai girl, her lecherous Thai driving instructor and a jealous farang boyfriend. Our Mango Sauce Crime Correspondent takes up the story:
Khun Roong was a pretty girl. She was not just tall and slim but was also really quite a bright girl. In fact, she was everything a farang desired. Her latest boyfriend was French (let's call him Pascal) who ran a restaurant in a trendy Sukhumvit soi.
Pascal had found her a nice apartment (living room and kitchen and satellite TV) off one of the more desirable Sukhumvit sois and it was only a five minute journey to visit her on his motorbike in between lunch and dinner or whenever business was slow. Roong had almost everything she could possibly want - but one thing was missing, she decided. She needed a little car.
Her boyfriend laughed when she suggested he buy her one as "ma cherie you cannot drive." But he was soon persuaded to part with 20,000 baht for driving lessons and a promise that, if she passed her test, she would receive the little car she so desperately desired.
April 1 2004
Buri Ram girls abducted by aliens
The riddle of Buri Ram's missing girls has finally been solved. Our Mango Sauce Space Correspondent has the details:
An American newspaper recently reported the results of a survey showing that: (a) no-one could recall voting for George Bush Jnr and (b) that 4 million Americans claimed to have been abducted by Aliens (See www.csicop.org). While the first survey result is quite understandable; the second finding might, at first sight, seem rather improbable - that is until the results of strange happenings involving little green men in north-east Thailand are revealed.
If you have ever walked down a village street in Buri Ram province (why you should be doing that is, in itself, an interesting survey question) you might notice a complete absence of females in the age group 15 - 30 years old. In fact, all you see on those dusty streets are groups of rather surly men loitering idly to no good intent (if all you had to look at were grandmothers and buffalos perhaps you'd be grumpy too). But where have all the little brown bunnies gone?
March 27 2004
Why do rich Thai girls act like hookers?
Mango Sauce reader Mary B has asked me to explain why some rich Thai girls behave like prostitutes.
Ok, now I'm really confused. Why is the competent English-speaking girl that approached Steve in a public place (See Was my dream date a con-girl?) and attempted to separate him from his friends, either a con-girl or a freelancer, but "Nok" (See Is his Thai Internet bride a con-girl?) who exhibited ALL the above and many more con-girlesque behaviors in seducing "Mark", merely a disturbed rich teenager?? How does a rich teenage Thai-Chinese girl all of a sudden conduct herself in every manner like a call girl? How would she even know how to?
Granted she IS disturbed, but how would a rich girl just happen to know & follow all steps listed in "The Complete Thai Con-Girl/Hooker Manual", unless she was one herself, all along? Or were you suggesting that her rich breeding gave way to con-girl/hooker-like behaviors, by necessity, when she was "excommunicated" by her family & made to live on her own, and that she was a fast learner?
March 26 2004
Miss Noo's Best Bangkok Short-Time Hotels
The year's hottest publishing sensation has been commissioned by our Mango Sauce Literature Correspondent:
Strolling through Asia Books the other day I noticed copies of "Tatler's Guide to the Best Restaurants in Thailand" on sale. This jogged my memory to track down Khun Noo who I commissioned some time ago to write "Miss Noo's Guide to the Best Short Time Hotels in Bangkok."
Khun Noo is one of those girls who you're always bumping into (quite literally!). A one time King's Group go-go dancer she's now a freelancer who's typically found after midnight in CM2, Music Cafe, Nana Disco or, in more distant times, the Grace Hotel or Thermae. In her late twenties she's been around for the best part of ten years and during this time has established impeccable credentials to write a guide to the hotels of Bangkok. Imagine: ten years plus over two hundred customers a year equals, at least, two thousand hotel nights. Great shame that most of the hotels she goes to don't give Frequent Flyer points!
March 21 2004
Farang boyfriend steals victory in extra-time
This sneaky Thai tart thought she'd won a home game against her farang boyfriend but didn't reckon with a surprise goal in extra-time. Our Sports Correspondent takes up the story:
If you were watching the sports channel on TV and you heard the football score Team BBB 257,000 goals Team F 1 goal, you might be forgiven for thinking that you misheard or that the announcer was drunk. In fact, this score is true and represents the number of times Team "BBB", which stands for Bouncing Babes from Buri Ram (not Bradford, Bingley and Blackburn), have out-played Team F which is Team Farang.
Well, you might say, the only surprising thing here is that Team Farang actually scored a goal and on one occasion managed to get the better of a Buri Ram girl. How could this happen? Even if she was permanently drunk it would be most unusual for a Farang to out-manoeuvre a BBB.
The story goes like this. John was an English teacher working on Silom Road. Even though his salary was modest he was still able to visit Patpong a couple of times a week and soon he made the acquaintance of Khun Nong who, in due course, moved-in to live with him. All was well for a few months until one day Khun Nong announced that maybe she would like to have a baby and get married.
March 14 2004
Was my Thai dream date a con-girl?
Steve had dinner with a friendly Thai woman he met in an internet cafe but decided not to take things further. Now he's wondering whether he did the right thing.
I once met an attractive 28 year old Thai girl in an internet cafe. Surprisingly, she approached me and we got to talking.
Supposedly, she owned a bookstore, but was becoming bored with it and looking for new business opportunties. I ended up taking her for dinner and she talked about how her english was improving with each day, and that she had even started to dream in the language.
Dinner ended and we each paid separate bills, then she invited me to hang out with her for the evening and go to see fireworks. I was a bit hesitant, so I told her I had to talk with my friends first. She asked me to choose between her and my friends, so I said that I'd already made plans. I offered to introduce her to my friends, but she declined.
In your opinion, is this normal behaviour? Was I right to flee the scene? Do you think she had alterior motives?
March 14 2004
Cruel and unusual?
Disturbing news about the War on Terror from Mango Sauce reader, David.
Saturday's Bangkok Post carries the story of one of the Britons, suspected of being an al- Qaeda terrorist, who was recently released from Guantanamo Bay. He recounts how when the Americans wished to punish or humiliate a prisoner they would force the inmate to watch a local prostitute cavorting with no clothes on. He is quoted as saying "It was a profoundly disturbing experience."
If this form of punishment catches on, it could add a new dimension to being sent to the naughty boys' corner. Imagine the scene:
Husband to wife: "Honey - I'm very sorry I forgot to buy you something for your birthday."
Wife: "You're a very wicked man. I'm going to punish you by sending you to Pat Pong for four hours to watch girls dance with no clothes on. That will make sure you don't forget next year!"
When you've been naughty, why can you never find an imaginative CIA interrogator when you need one?
March 12 2004
The curse of your mummy's womb
In Thailand, the birth of a son is sometimes greeted with dismay. Mango Sauce reader David explains why.
My girlfriend's mother, Khun Joom, is a lucky lady. Everyone says so. Why? Because she has four daughters. A thousand miles away, the late Sir Y.K Pao was Hong Kong's richest and most respected man but when people saw him in the street they shuddered and said "Ay yah! Such a shame! Poor man he has four daughters!"
What's going on? In China daughters are considered a curse. In fact, traditional Chinese didn't even give their daughters names, other than daughter number one, number two etc. Daughters can't work properly in the fields, are extra mouths to feed and you have to give a dowry to another family to get rid of them.
In north-east Thailand daughters are a blessing. Khun Joom, who lives in a small village near Buri Ram, packed her daughters off to Bangkok as soon as each one became seventeen. Two have Farang boyfriends, one is a hostess in a night club while number four has just arrived and is feeling her way in Patpong.
March 8 2004
New gene discovered in Thai bar girl DNA #2
Yesterday we explored the function of the "Reverse Alchemy" gene, in Thai bar girl DNA (See New gene discovered in Thai bar girl DNA #1). Today, we unlock the puzzle of their "Pentium 28" gene. Our Science Correspondent takes up the story.
The "Pentium 28" gene, found most commonly in girls from Buriram, confers an ability to micro-process visual information at speeds previously unidentified in the human brain. Seemingly, a visual image can be scanned and processed into a course of action within 28 "nano" seconds.
Scientists are unable to explain exactly how this process works but the scientist identifying this gene recounts a story to illustrate how this gene can be "turned on" and gives an example of how it operates.
While carrying out his research in Thailand the scientist employed a Thai assistant who told him that she had a cousin in Buri Ram, who she had not seen for three years, who was coming to Bangkok. This cousin was described as a poor dumpy village girl who was very dull and had spots. Apparently, this poor girl had been giving away her favours to all the village boys and now her mother had decided to bring her to Bangkok where, at least, she could be paid for giving away her charms and, what's more, she might even acquire some gold trinkets to support her mother's old age.
March 7 2004
New gene discovered in Thai bar girl DNA #1
Today, Mango Sauce steps down from its chromium pole to bring you news of exciting discoveries in the field of molecular biology. This from our new Science Correspondent.
Scientists recently announced an amazing discovery in studies of the human genome with the identification of two previously unknown genes which are only found in the female population of north eastern Thailand. The two genes, which they have called the "Reverse Alchemy" and "Pentium 28" genes, are identified most commonly in girls of the 15-30 age group in the provinces of Buri Ram, Surin and Khon Kaen.
The Reverse Alchemy gene confers a unique ability to transform gold objects into base metals. The type of gold that is particularly susceptible is the highly shiny yellow gold, known among these girls as "Farang" gold, which is typically found in necklaces, bracelets and rings.
As is well known, whenever any Farang gives a Thai girlfriend a piece of jewelry within days this trinket mysteriously disappears. When the farang asks "where is the lovely bracelet I bought you?" he is inevitably told that it was lost, stolen or, even more brazenly, just given away. According to the scientists what happens is that the gene imposes an irresistible urge that drives the girl to take the gold ornament to the nearest gold shop where it is immediately sold for baht. It seems that nothing the girl can do can override this compelling force to transmute the shiny gold object into base metal (or notes).
January 28 2004
Drugged and robbed by Pattaya hookers
Walking Street Pattaya
Mango Sauce reader, Richard, explains how he was drugged, robbed and left for dead by two Pattaya hookers. Accosting him on the street, they lured him back to his hotel room with the promise of free sex. He learnt the hard way that nothing is free in Pattaya.
I was in Thailand on a 9 week holiday and had been up in Chiang Mai and the remote Acha villages near Burma and Chiang Rai for most of the time. Feeling pretty relaxed, I felt that I could drop my guard a little.
I ending up in Pattaya for the very first time (and this is before I ever tried ladyboys). I was enjoying the free and easy attitude towards sex but was getting bored with the decision of who to choose next.
One night, just 3 days before I had to return home, I was making my way down Walking Street when 2 women approached me. They told me that they worked in a shoe factory and had saved for 4 years to take this holiday in Pattaya. They said that they did it to meet a farang.
January 9 2004
Is his Thai internet bride a con-girl? #3
Now we learn the final twist in the story of Mark, the 46 year-old American accountant who chose an 18 year-old Thai bride from AmericanSingles.com. His concerned friend is actually his ex-girlfriend - and she wants him back. If you haven't done so already, you should read her first and second letters before continuing.
I want to add the final twist: I am actually Mark's ex-girlfriend! Needless to say, as I sit helplessly by, watching this girl, young enough - as you so aptly put it - to be his granddaughter, destroy him, I wonder how much longer I can endure it. But my only goal is to ensure Mark survives this and I desperately need more of your insight to do so.
Mark and I met in grad school 10 years ago and developed a friendship that ultimately evolved into more. Possessing scant knowledge at the time of the combined affects of alcoholism/ADHD on adult behavior, I naively assumed I could save him from himself. After 4 years of living with him, however, I became emotionally and physically exhausted. About 1.5 years ago, I amicably moved to a place near to his apartment, in the hope that my moving would encourage him to seek out any professional help he needed and perhaps we would ultimately reunite. Enter AmericanSingles.com.
January 5 2004
Is his Thai internet bride a con-girl? #2
Today we learn more about the ordeal of Mark, a 46 year-old American accountant who chose an 18 year-old Thai bride from AmericanSingles.com. His concerned friend wrote to me again. If you haven't done so already, you should read her original letter first.
1) For the 5 months while she ("Nok") was back in Bangkok awaiting K-3 approval, and living with the "brother", she talked to Mark (yes, she does have fairly good English) for 2-3 hours every day on phone, and asked him for a divorce at least once a week!! But Mark would always say "no", you must come to the US first, and then I'll give you a divorce;
My question: Whose $ was she living on that enabled her to be available to talk to Mark for 3 hours a day, or was she living off her ponce boyfriend's revenues for a change and would a boyfriend allow her to talk to Mark that much? What made her change her mind and come to the U.S. after all, 5 months later.
January 1 2004
Is his Thai internet bride a con-girl? #1
What happens when a 46 year-old American accountant chooses an 18 year-old Thai bride from AmericanSingles.com. A concerned reader sought my advice about a friend of hers who did exactly that. Predictably, his wife is a con-woman but he's already fallen in love.
One year ago, a childhood friend of mine, a 46-year old accountant, met an 18 year old Thai girl on an internet dating site (AmericanSingles.com). After only a few emails and a couple of weeks, he flew to meet her in Bangkok. He had already purchased a plane ticket prior to meeting her, because he was planning to visit Thailand. According to him, he simply wanted to find someone who would show him around Bangkok for 2 weeks, and this girl ("Nok") was the only Thai girl on AmericanSingles.com that agreed to pick him up at the airport and make hotel reservations for him ahead of time.
Not only did she pick him up at the Don Muang, ALONE, she proceeded to go back with him to his hotel room (one she had booked in advance for him) and spend the night beginning day one and slept in same bed with him! He said he didn't have any idea why she was doing all that so soon, but he didn't try anything "physical" since she was so young. To this day, he doesn't know if she would have done anything in that regard because he didn't make an attempt.
December 10 2003
Khao San Road drug sting ordeal
Everyone fears being fitted-up by the Thai police in a fake drug bust. This actually happened to Mango Sauce reader, Patrick. He befriended a Thai girl, Noi, on Ko Pha Ngan. Later, he bumped into her on Khao San Road and she lured him into a trap set by corrupt police officers. This is his story:
I got arrested in Bangkok and nearly ended up in the Bangkok Hilton. The reason I am writing this is that I read an article on your site about buying the police off with 15,000 baht - or if you are unlucky you might come across a straight police officer and then you are toast. (See Smile, you're in Thai jail).
I spent 5 months in Thailand from November until March 2002. I went to Ko Phi Phi, Chiang Mai and Kanchanaburi and then hit Ko Pha Ngan for the full moon party and New Years Eve. On Pha Ngan I met up with about 15 other backpackers from all walks of life. It was great until this Swedish lad said he could get some pills - E.
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