The sleazy charm of Georgetown, Penang

Gary says:

George town is a total shit hole.. I can't imagine a worse place to visit, bar a visit to a chinese jail that is. What nightlife? Last time I was there, and it will be the last time I visit, there was one reasonable bar and a few nightclubs. I must have seen one decent looking girl my whole stay, its certainly not a place to get laid, unless if running the ladyboy gauntlet turns you on.

In my desperation I ventured to said 'massage palours'. The girls looked like crack whores and the places were filled
with even dodgier looking men.

All that combined with Chinese dudes hacking up flem over the street make it a very memorable place.

Julius says:

So is there any sleaze to be had in Kuala Lumpur?

Coldweasel says:

I once jumped into the convertible and drove from Singapore to Penang to take advantage of a few days off. My memories of the place are mainly of outside Georgetown: the classic Lone Pine Hotel on Ferringhi beach is an excellent place to stay for a couple of nights on your next visa run, and the colonial houses on the hill at the top of the funicular railway - some restored very tastefully - are really beautiful.

But there's something spooky about Malaysia in general. So much of it is tatty, the Muslim males are just weird, and the vast amounts of unrenovated colonial architecture are simply depressing. It's a bit like Planet of the Apes, where an inferior species is living among the creations of a previous civilisation.

For Thai residents, though, it does serve a very useful purpose: regular trips there from Bangkok are a good way to remind yourself just how great Thailand is in comparison.

Datukmike says:

Gary,

Next time you visit Georgetown I would advise you to venture further than the hotel 'health centre' and go for a walk.

And don't forget to open your eyes, it helps you know!!

golfball says:

gary, you must hv been to all the wrong places..or you have a sleazier agenda of which only pattaya, bangkok n the likes can provide same.
Penang is where farangs get around easily as english is a main language there and road signs are all very clear. almost all the roads are line with vegetation and alike a city in a jungle.
Eastern & Oriental hotel is about 6000baht per nite (discounted) and it is very beautifully maintained. If you visit the karaoke then you will have amply choices of caucasian, mainland chinese n other asian girls. I do agree that compared with bangkok, it is a far shout but it is definately not a sh.t hole.

Hugh Jarse says:

Having the Sahib's girlfriend mooned by an orang asli - priceless, as Mastercard would put it!

Strangely, the Malays take great pride in having preserved the open gutters and squalor of Georgetown under the pretext of sustaining the ambience of its colonial past.

The nightlife is not entirely non-existent. A few steps from the Cathay is the Cititel with it's Crystal Karaoke where the early bird could get a fair choice. Compared to the variety offered in Bangers though, Georgetown lags far-far behind.

ozzyboyz says:

i did visa run by trian i got a sleeper was a bit of fun took for ever but to butterworth then the little ferry i thought wow this must of been what singapore was like 60 years ago sleepy run down qwaint and for what ever reason full of kaytoys the cathy looks cool for 700b well done when i was growing up penang was a very pop destination what happened so visa runs go on still i thought that was over man i think i did all the visa runs except burma at victoria anyone done that if your australian under 30 uni educated can get 1 year working visa dam 50 years too late and not smart enough

Johnny Tokyo says:

. . . the banana pancake eaters and their ludicrous facial hair experiments, we stayed at a mid-range colonial relic called the Cathay Hotel . . .
. . . pure Mango Sauce freedom of speech

Matt says:

You know I have been all over the Middle East, parts of Europe, raised in the States, seen some interesting stuff.
But Malyasia scares me. It's like Asian countries are not supposed to be like that.
But to each it's own.

tonychang says:

Beware: unlike Thailand none of those knocking shops will let you in if you are bladdered so stick to the Ribena punters, but if you fancy a nostalgic slice of home life and a non existant accomodation bill that will make the dodgers jelous just hit the local offie and get some Special Brew down yer neck then simply pass out in a pool of your own piss.

Bangkokram says:

Penang as been the best visa run I have done.

The locals, especially the ethnic Indians who make up the Taxi drivers know all the good places that a gentleman of the world would want to visit.

The Horse racing rules! I pocketed a fortune (well £100). The food is very Indian based and yes I did neck a couple of cans of Special Brew.

My number one choice for the "get out of Thailand in a hurry" place.

Be aware, when taking Thai partner, be prepared for "The noodles aren't as good as Thailand" or "Thailand does that better" all the time.

tingtawng says:

One of the best things about Malaysia is that they sell their own version of Guinness Export in little stubby cans - 8% strength. If you can't find a prostitute to make your legs go all wobbly, this stuff will do the trick.

Matt C says:

Good food in those parts. Wasn't really keen on eating with my hands though.

Prufrock says:

Well-worn colonial patina, reasonably priced hotels, a variety of decent restaurants and more or less intriguing surroundings usually within walking distance of each other make runs like this worthwhile. . . . mostly pleasant memories of these accidental encounters with the SE Asia’s colonial past.
In Lao, Malaysia, Singapore and Myanmar my Isaan bodyguard prefers to use her English. I’ve found that outside of Thailand, in non-Thai surroundings cool, well travelled Thais are willing to “let it go” to a certain extent.It’s the foreign Asian surroundings. . . especially with other Thais. . . . fun to watch the odd bit of ‘away game bonding’ that comes up.

“Oh, Pi, where did you and Mr. Prufrock actually meet, ka” (“hubby” shoots me a quick smile and checks out his menu . . .we all know my dark-skinned guardian has got to be a former sister of the pole but his “dirty weekend in Lao” is a mia noi situation fer shure)
Big ole hi-beam smile. “C’mon, ja, I think you know where we meet. . . . Why you like to come to Luang Prabang. Bangkok people don’t like so much Lao.”
“We like to go around when we free time. We come here before. Last year.”

Banana pancakes I’m afraid but no ludicrous facial hair experimentation beyond a one or two day kikiat gon nuat thing.
Worth the trip all on its own.

Next run we’ll do your Georgetown.

philH says:

"So is there any sleaze to be had in Kuala Lumpur?"

Julius, assuming you're serious I'll answer.

Yes there is but it's not so "in yer face" as in LOS or other places. See my earlier posting under David's Visa run to Kuala Lumpur piece.

Only update is that a new club "Aloha" has opened on Jln P. Ramlee between Beach Club and Rum Jungle. Is equipped with short time rooms and some of the waitresses are little hotties.

But for real sleaze the Green Elephant takes some beating even by Pattaya standards.

Backpacker says:

LOL. More backpacker hating. Im 20 years old and have a mango designed goatee.

dhiren says:

There's a whole street of upmarket nightclubs opposite the newly restored Eastern & Oriental Hotel (a sort of poor man's Raffles) but we gave them a miss because, when I'm out with my Thai girlfriend, I don't enjoy getting stared at by large groups of sexually frustrated Muslim men.

....................When u proudly said this about your thai gf...is she a thai bar girl...or are you a discarded farang rejected by farang girls?

Tony says:

Hmm, I agree with a lot of the comments above. Malaysia is not as friendly as Thailand. There is definately something creepy about the muslim guys there.

It's the only place in Asia where I've had people be openly rude to me. I was walking down the Georgetown promenade and one young muslim buck trying to impress his girlfriend said Hello to me. When I said Hello back he said "F*** Off!". I complemented him on his English and walked on. Then, on the train in KL some more muslim guys were giving me the evils. Scary.

Georgetown is a dump and a smelly dump at that too. But I suspect getting out of town things might improve a bit. There are some nice parks, hiking trails and beaches. The temples in GT are not bad though. Fort Cornwallis is, just about, worth a visit too.

Probably OK for a visa run, but not sure I'd want to stay in Penang longer term.

BananaPancake says:

Backpacker,

Whereabouts on your body do you have this goatee?

P.S. the apostrophe key on your keyboard appears not to be working

Paddy O'Ffialle says:

BananaPancake,

And your full stop key isn't working either.

Bose says:

Dhiren, your name suggests that you originate from South Asia, probably from India or Sri Lanka. May I ask why are you in this forum, do you have a Thai girlfriend, or you are planning to visit Thailand for cheap but world class women... Or you are a discarded Indian, like millions of others, who did not manage to get a decent life in his own country, so currently settled in Malaysia....?

BTW, 1947 is over and you need not be so hateful to farangs anymore. They are designing chips and developing medicines, while you are wanking inside a BPO call centre toilet.

What is making you so proud? Because the place you came from is flooded with sexually starved people maintaining a culture of triple standards? Get a life and go screw someone.

Zaphod says:

One word: Islam.

Jason says:

Superb review.

Those Indonesian ladyboys are so ugly -- I remember. I'd like to know who the hell is giving them business.

Prufrock says:

dhiren said...........When u proudly said this about your thai gf...is she a thai bar girl...or are you a discarded farang rejected by farang girls?

Actually mine IS a former bargirl. Known her a long time. We've worked it out.

But, yeah. Fer shure. Before we met, I had been trying to score one of those righteous Muslim chicks that used to suck in their breath, cluck, and generally "make hot eyes" at me from behind their veils but . . . no luck.
(Hot wet "urgent" sex, by the way, but nothing lasting and sacred.)
For obvious cultural reasons they just couldn't commit.
Actually the big dream-score back in those days would have been a delightful Islamic fatty with one of those copper snow-plows riveted to her face . . . but, again, no luck.
Scroll back and see. I bear no ill will towards Islamic people, whatsoever.
I deplore intolerance, however.
You are intolerant.
And it's rather unhelpful, you bigotted pig-fart.

I hope this has helped.

cheers,

Prufrock

Lewis says:

Thanks for putting tossers like small dhiren in their places, Prufrock.

And yes, dhiren, you are probably small.

Dhiren says:

To Bose: your outlook is very limited and it seems you hail from a hell. Definitely an illeterate farang or Bangladeshi as ur name suggests. I am in no way going to follow your advice. Keep it to yourself and go screw. I have had enough in my life. And yes, we are not sexually starved tourists. May be you are one of them, as it proves time and again in Cambodia and in Thailand. Perverts. Can you please recall who is your mom? Oh yes you can...and then can you recall who your father is ?? I bet you can not. Think twice.

To Prufrock: My guess was very correct as u have told that ur gf was a former bar girl. Must be from Issan. No insult.

To Lewis: You better grow up. I have seen more world than you.

Gary says:

I know some people seem to disagree with my description of Penang, I just found the place to be very depressing. It didnt seem to have much pull for tourists. Most of the people I met there were like myself, on a visa run. I found there was little to do there bar shopping for pirate DVDs and waiting for my visa.

I did however see some interesting old colonial buildings that did look quite cool.

If anyone goes there for a visa-run make sure you do it military style.. arrive late flight in the evening, next day get down the consulate before 12, apply for visa. Return next day in afternoon.
Get passport back. Hop into a taxi and speed towards the airport. Get flight back. Voila! Back in Bangkok.

There was one very positive thing that came out of my trip.. It made me appreciate Thailand a whole load more.

Prufrock says:

Yeah, whatever dhiren.
Listen. Since you're such a man of the world can you clear something up for me?

What's that copper face-guard thingy the girls wear really for.
Incense burner?
Buttcheek separator?
Pube plow?

thanx
Prufrock

Prufrock says:

dhiren
I, as you, am merely a guest on this board. Perhaps you've noticed that you are free to speak. You are also free to make a fool of yourself. That's how it works in the free world.

I don't know David. Never met him.
So we are talking about my girlfriend NOT David's.
You have NOT cleverly unmasked a shameful situation.
Got it now?

I simply replied to David's witty well-written, Georgetown travel piece. Unlike you, I saw the humour and the information in the article and unlike you I have had the pleasure of having gaggles of crotch-pulling Muslim males, eyes afire with sexual depravity, stare at my girlfriend and scatter like school girls when confronted. (By one or both of us)

Yes, five years ago MY Isaan girlfriend was a prostitute.
It's no big deal.
Like I said we've worked it out and it's certainly no business of yours.

In Thailand where you are possibly living out your life as a monnied giggle-fart Thai male or in Malaysia where you get to fuck the "snipped" woman your parents arrange for you, this probably IS a really big deal. I know because I have had great slobbering oral sex with three hot married Muslim women. Two spit, one swallowed. (She told me she'd seen it (swallowing ;-) on the internet and had made it her habit whenever she had sex outside her marriage. (Hubby's away on business a lot ;-)

I suspect until this point you may have been looking forward to gleefully boasting about this post to your team of crotch pulling, like-minded Muslim male friends.

So far, dhiren, you, like a few of your bigotted Western counterparts, have only succeeded in showing the rest of the world what a stupid ignorant fool of a man you are.

Have a nice day.

Bose D K says:

Interesting thoughts there Bose...

It is difficult to believe that one billion Indians are wanking in call centre toilets all the time, isn't it? At least one of them was in Georgetown baring his arse at David's better half.

Anyway, I hope that by the time I'm done typing this post you shall have discovered a cure for Cancer.

Osmosis Bum Loader says:

just go to Jakarta - Blok M for a night. For the cost of as Mcdonalds you can shag a cute Mulsim girl no problem.

no Muslims to glare at you, as they are shagging as well.....

Combover says:

Osmosis is correct. Jakarta is wild. Everyone is shagging, often for pleasure rather than money.

Plenty of Muslim girls to be had in Hong Kong too. Just head to Laguna on a Sunday.

philH - tell me more about the Green Elephant. I'm in KL now and starting to feel like I might need a massage.

ozzyboyz says:

when you are on a visa run and i did heaps you are not in the best frame of mind
why because lets face it LOS is where you want to be not spending money on fares accomadation ect i aways tried go somewhere different but id rather been at my new home LOS so thats colors how you feel about a place this is a chore visa run not fun and as i said the sleeper from bk was a pretty easy trip no speed boats and sea sick cambodian hookers threwing up all over the place
penang is sleepy backwater i cant belive say 30 years ago it was so popular does anyone know what happened and has anyone done border run ranog [victoria point]to kawthoung.

Combover says:

In the absence of Green Elephant lowdown from philh I trawled the usual KL bars the neet.

Aloha was good, but no idea where the whores are. A few stunnas, but Malaysians on office partaays mostly. Honolulu bar downstairs has nice bird but v. cock heavy.

Thai Cowboy pub & Hard Rock shite. Was almost tempted to investigate the behemoth-like ladyboys enroute from one to the other.

Finally got nicely pissed in Beach Club - enough to handle the horrible looking whores in there - and found the sexiest girl in the place. Until we reached the street and it hit me that her porn star body did not match her crack whore face.

Sorry if this sounds like a Stickman submission, but this is the only time in my life I've stuck my fingers down my throat to regurgitate an erectile disfunction drug I'd taken five minutes earlier.

:-(

philH says:

Combover, the Green Elephant is a pure bred brothel in the ages old traditional style. No niceties, no frills. Get in there, choose the tart, pay the dough and get down to business. They do sell beer which is their one concession to creature comforts.

Location is a problem. Went there with a mate, pissed as cunts we were, told the taxi driver we wanted a place with goirls and fun. Best I can do is I read on another website mention of it in the area around Federal Hotel/Low Yat Plaza. This is off Jln Bilit Bintang but any disreputable KL taxi driver, there are a few (bah-ha-ha!), should know it.

Suggest you try that Aloha place on Jln P. Ramlee. Some of the waitresses are little hotties and amenable to spending a brief period of time helping you relax.

philH says:

ps Combover, for fuck's sake don't get the Green Elephant confused with the Green Man. The G.M. is a dire Brit style 'pub' run by an equaly dire sweaty sock. The place has all the appeal of a wet Wednesday afternoon in Bournemouth in November. But if you are into crap food, darts and quiz evenings this is the place.

Prufrock says:

Combover said:
Sorry if this sounds like a Stickman submission,
It doesn't, Combover and you don't need me to tell you.
97.7% of that Sticky stuff was sad drek on a #&^%&@#$%&^ board.
Whenever I did go there I felt like one of those Bangkok trash-truck commandos; grubbing about for the apocryphal 5 baht chain (the worthwhile 2.3% of submissions) among the soiled MamyPokoPants, Depends and the mounds of wet tissue that packed that site.
Personally, for reasons we all harbor deep in our sub-consciousness I just could never be, (oh f*ck - - - never mind)

Your last three posts had me chuckling helplessly here.
In tears. Some of them, the rheuminess (wd?) of my years but I know the real stuff when it streams down my silly face.
Never happened on that “Black Mariah.”
It's pretty clear why the MS board is getting all the play now from guys with a tendency to "go on" a just a bit. (see above )

Perfect carom for David.
Best of luck to Stucky's new project whatever it may be but for now, we're ahead.
Saves a bit at the book store as well.

Andy says:

Thanks to Combover above for festooning the place with vomit, Viagra and sleaze in the best traditions of the Crimbo office party! Cheers! *hic*

Bose says:

Bose D K... I dont think even 10% of the one billion Indians have proper toilets to pee, let alone wank.

As Bombay movies have taught you... cursing the white skinned people for nothing means you are expressing love for your country (the colony days syndrome).

But being polite and offering a warm welcome to the farangs can actually improve your country's economy. If they are marrying some of your country's prostitutes, they are doing your country such a favor, that you cannot even dream about doing yourself. In this regard, Thailand is thinking 100 years ahead of Pakistan or India.

I am not a farang, so you have wasted your last few lines.

dinsmann says:

"when I'm out with my Thai girlfriend, I don't enjoy getting stared at by large groups of sexually frustrated Muslim men."

Georgetown population is 80% non-muslims, and the ones oggling you and your scantily-clad thai girlfriend probably are not them either.
Sikhs wear turbans too, and they are not muslims. Its a rare treat to them seeing over-exposed feminine bodies. Let the poor souls feisted their hungry eyes. Do not worry, you gf will not get raped in Penang. The Malaysian laws are harsh and the police force is very very efficient compared to Thailand's. Do not get involed in drugs when you are doing your visa run in Penang. It carries a mandatory death penalty. Congratulations on a very nice and informative blog esp.for mongerers. Thank you. My 2 bits. Cheers.

Dicer says:

As Bombay movies have taught you... cursing the white skinned people for nothing means you are expressing love for your country (the colony days syndrome). - Bose

Some of us call this the sticky ramification of the Raj which spilled over to Malaysia and beyond.

"If they are marrying some of your country's prostitutes, they are doing your country such a favor, that you cannot even dream about doing yourself. In this regard, Thailand is thinking 100 years ahead of Pakistan or India." - Bose

I doubt India needs foreign lechers who marry hookers to prop its economy. What it needs is a great leveller, something to bring it out of tribalism and the caste system as Karl Marx's ideas - although, ironically Marx himself despised the Chinese and made various untoward comments about them - did for China, albeit with disastrous consequences. Pakistan on the other hand, is simpy a "failed state" as Musharaff himself put it. Perhaps you can do your bit there by heading to Swat Pathan in search of it's dancer-prostitutes or Peshawar where an army of Afghan tarts await you ready for action. A Pashto phrase book will be in order.

alanjeen says:

This article is about Georgetown and Penang-not KL,Jakarta and certainly not South Asia.
Hey DHIREN,
I heard when Penang people are faced with a cobra and an I..... with only 2 bullets left ,they will pump 2 bullets into the I..... to make sure its really dead.

Mike says:

I'll agree that Georgetown is a bit creepy and dirty. That's why I spend all of ten minutes there for each visa run I take. There are places in Penang that are much cleaner and friendly. I usually stay in Ferrenghi Beach (which is 20 minutes and a world away from Georgetown). There is an awesome night market along the street there offering DVDs at RM4 and numerous handicrafts and knock-off clothes. Halfway between Ferrenghi and Georgetown is Gurney Plaza... a huge shopping complex, like Komtar, but cleaner and newer.

Georgetown is a dirthole, but the rest of Penang is quite decent if you know where to go. It's not wild and craxy like LOS, but that's why I like it - I can escape that for a day and be somewhere quiet(er).

Prufrock says:

Nambam: Thanks for that Dicer thingy.
Regards
Johnny Tokyo & not ImtiazMuqbil

Happy New Year to All!
Prufrock

Mark Lydon says:

"Banana pancake eaters"

This has become such an unfair stereoype. It's an unnecessary put-down, and not only that, it's totally irrelevent.

Why are banana pancakes always put in this unfair light?

Why?

Dicer says:

"Banana pancake eaters" can be described without having to slag the individuals off but examining what goes in its making.

1. Dirty sugar unfit to be packed and sold on its own

2. Banana rejected from supermarket produce section

3. Near expired can of carnation

4. Cheapest flour from north east with sawdust thrown in

5. MSG more MSG and more MSG, otherwise known as pongchulot in Thailand.

6. Uncertified eggs from a Nonthaburi farm

7. The delectable aroma of sewer air mixed with butane molecules

8. Unwashed hands

9. Sneering mutant face

10. Overcharged by 5 baht

11. Then a final "look at this foreign idiot eating that crap" smile from the very same mutant who made it.

Next time you have buckets of Red Bull and cheap Thai whisky and feel peckish (for your gf who may be having her "monthly appointment" make that watermelon shake) and feel like your requisite banana pancake at least think about 1-7 above. Mind you, I have not even ventured into the non-existent dress sense, lacking hygiene and other characteristics of "Banana pancake eaters" which would fill a few more pages but I'll leave that to others like our host here who briefly invokes the archetype in his posts. Those who find seating in a bar/restaurant expensive and would rather sit by a manhole whilst gleefully gormandising their pancakes may want to venture to Thai Visa where a special forum is set up to address issues such as how to make up for the nutritional deficiencies of staple banana pancake consumption during your holiday. For those who decided to stay but lack the means there is even a forum for a 21 day certification program to Pat Thai Connoisseurship after which you can buy a cart and ply the trade. Ciao.

I Love Penang says:

Because these stupid foreigners try to laid on someone in penang and start comparing with Thailand..ou get what you want with Money + Aids + if you are lucky..some cut throat by these girls and their boyfriends. This is not the case in malaysia. Penang has the equal good "Things" hidden and only visible to those who look into the glasses for real gems. Not for ass*holes like you guys make Penang as the stopover to run your Visa. If you patience enough, you can see these gems coming out on a fine days. There are more than 75 place that you can enjoy with a young and beautiful girl in Penang but does any of these stupid ass*holes knows. I knows because I am the Riau raiders member Exploring the 5 nations of SEA. Indonesia offer far more better choice that Thailand but you guys afraid to go there because of what your country has done to their country and people. Philipines has the best in the world model looking girls as cheap as 10USD but you guys don't dare to go that places between their civil war going on. I dare because we are asian..we are one event our skin color is diffent not like you assholes dirty never bath for days..no wonder you cannot lay on someone in Penang.