June 18 2004

Regional fall-back options

Blah, blah, blah... they're going to clamp down on consecutive tourist visas. It's the same alarmist bollocks on every Thailand web-board. Given that this would effectively expel half the farangs currently living here (and, more importantly, their money), the idea is laughable.

Of course, many readers will argue that the Thai government often does silly things - and they'd be right - but have you ever seen them introduce measures that would slash the income of the ruling classes? (I'm not talking about bar owners. I'm referring to the plutocrats who own the expensive farang-friendly apartment buildings - people like the PM's wife). I don't think so.

Mass expulsions that defy economic logic do occasionally happen in crazy third world countries (for example, in Uganda) so it's still a good idea to have a regional fall-back option.

Laos: If you meet an Isaan woman who's beautiful, charming and totally unspoiled then I'm afraid you've inadvertently wandered across the border into Laos. The dead hand of Communism has preserved a way of life not seen in Thailand for 40 years. It also boasts decent French food, wine and architecture. Before we get too carried away, though, I have to point out that the only entertainment on offer is the weak overspill signal of Thai terrestrial television. Fuck that.

Burma: Sometimes, as we cross Burma, the little white plane on the seat-back monitor (it's my favourite in-flight entertainment channel - but the plot moves rather slowly at times) passes over a place called Cox's Bazaar. It sounds mysterious and exotic - but common sense suggests that it's a total shit-hole. Fuck that.

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Cambodia: Angkor Wat and Cambodian women are certainly very nice but, unfortunately, their country isn't. The compass tells us that it's over to the East but the reality is more like the Wild West. The thought of having to spend another evening in Martinis, where paedophiles openly grope their 8 year-old conquests, makes my stomach turn. I hope the perverted cunts step on a landmine - because there aren't any decent hospitals in that sad little country. Fuck that.

Vietnam: Like a grown-up version of Laos but not as friendly. The last time I was in Saigon, some local ruffian threw a cigarette packet at me (it was empty). The combination of wide boulevards and millions of motorbikes makes crossing the street very hazardous. If your needs can't be satisfied within one city block, then you're stuffed. The Communist bureaucracy is horrendous too. Fuck that.

China: Fuck that. No explanation required.

The Philippines: The bar scene here is said to be lively and some of the girls speak good English. The food is dreadful, though, and there's loads of violent crime - but it's definitely better than living in England.

Indonesia: Ditto.

The rest: Taiwan and South Korea are dreary. Hong Kong and Singapore are too expensive. North Korea makes Uganda look inviting. I've no idea what goes on in Brunei.

And finallyÔø? Malaysia: There are no go-go bars in Malaysia but there's plenty of respectable nightlife. Farang-curious girls of all flavours are quite easy to meet. If his Thai girlfriend refused to go with him (perhaps preferring to try her luck at the Q-Bar), a farang man (perhaps one who spends far too much time at home writing his blog) wouldn't be lonely there for long. Malaysia is cheap, civilised and cosmopolitan. It's like a multi-racial Muslim version of Thailand - but with fewer restrictions on foreigners.

Here's a recent letter reproduced from The Nation entitled "Expats might want to consider Malaysia."

For those expatriates being chased out of Thailand with their Thai wives by the new immigration laws, new doors are opening up.

Malaysia is offering a retirement scheme with no age limitations; health insurance is however required as Malaysia cares about foreigners as they are viewed as people. Engaging in voluntary work is permitted; there are no limitations on foreign NGOs. There is no financial discrimination on any nationality, as the same rules are applied on all nationalities.

This must feel like heaven for foreigners in Thailand, who are discriminated against in all possible ways.

Foreigners in Malaysia can also get a 5-year visitor's pass and own a house. All this nicely demonstrates the difference between Malaysia and Thailand.

Utopia (via internet)

The darkest cloud on Malaysia's horizon is the potential for ethnic strife between the Malay, Indian and Chinese communities. It's been carefully managed up until now but the actions of a single self-serving nationalist politician could quickly change all that. Fortunately, it hasn't happened yet so Malaysia remains my regional fall-back option of choice. Unfortunately, though, Mango Sauce: Crazy about Kuala Lumpur doesn't sound like a particularly riveting read.

Concerned readers shouldn't panic, however. I'd rather let Ronald McDonald baby-sit my kids (if I had any) than leave you in the sole care of Mr Stick. I intend to remain in Thailand until the day that heavily armed Immigration Officers beat down the door and drag my sorry arse down to Don Muang Airport.

[Posted to Visa Run by David]

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Readers' comments

L. Mao says:

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
China: Fuck that. No explanation required.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I like that!

L. Mao

June 18, 2004 11:52 AM

TOBY says:

If i were to go to cambodia and let's say I beat the shit out of a pedophile publicly, what would happened to me?

June 18, 2004 12:23 PM

TIMH says:

"China: Fuck that. No explanation required."

"however. I'd rather let Ronald McDonald baby-sit my kids (if I had any) than leave you in the sole care of Mr Stick"

My opinion of David has risen immeasurably with these astute comments.

June 18, 2004 12:31 PM

CYNIC says:

It must be very hard to deal with, seeing that shit occur in Cambodia.

June 18, 2004 12:40 PM

buffalo_bill says:

David,

should you ever skip Malaysia in favour of moving to Cox's Bazaar in Burma you might be horrified after you woke up the first morning when you realise it is in Bangladesh. Fuck that .

BuBi

June 18, 2004 2:30 PM

alanjeen says:

BRUNEI-the sale of liquor is banned.There is no
nightlife of any kind.The biggest thrill
inside Brunei seems to be attending
wedding dinners and going to Jerudong
Park with the kiddies.

June 18, 2004 2:31 PM

mr peter says:

Never saw any underage goings on in martinis, but only been twice. Don't think I would want to live in a country where young singers get gunned down for singing the wrong type of song.
You missed out Japan, all that raw fish and £100 for a hand job though-fuck that.
Philippines would be great but it's something about that wacko religion that puts me off, parts just as wild west as Cambo.
Malaysia would be a worry for long term settlement as you might end up living in a place as bland as Brunei if the loony Muslim front gets more of a grip.-peter

June 18, 2004 2:46 PM

Ox says:

Toby: It would all depend on who the kiddie-fiddler was, because in Cambodia you are only as protected as your group of friends.

June 18, 2004 4:43 PM

kelake says:

So I can expect that upon arrival for one of my twice monthly visits to Thailand I will be refused entry because I come to much (so to speak)?

June 18, 2004 8:10 PM

Kip says:

What about Sri Lanka? As Thailand has started down the alarming pathway to Thaksinism and my second choice Manila keeps getting more conjested with traffic and more polluted, my friends and I have been thinking about Sri Lanka. Any ifo would be much appreciated as our research has just begun. Thanks

June 18, 2004 8:15 PM

Toby says:

Bangladesh? I was there on a humanitarian mission with the marines back in sept 2003.
Fuck that place. i mean i like 3d world countries, but fuck that place, it's up there with somalia and east timor.
well any country where foreign troops have to go provide civil services, food and medical care has got to be a fucked up country.
The plus side to that mission was 4 days of liberty in pattaya, the Govt put us up in the Montien hotel

June 18, 2004 8:45 PM

huh? says:

""Philippines would be great but it's something about that wacko religion that puts me off, parts just as wild west as Cambo"".

What wacko religion are you talking about?
perhaps you meant to say wacko region?

June 18, 2004 11:49 PM

Royal Troon says:

What about Scottsdale, Arizona?

June 19, 2004 12:07 AM

TANAI KWAI says:

Now that's funny.

(...)

June 19, 2004 12:21 AM

usvirgin says:

"What wacko religion are you talking about?"

I think he meant to say "Wicca".

June 19, 2004 1:01 AM

TANAI KWAI says:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/3820495.stm

(...)

June 19, 2004 2:47 AM

Royal Troon says:

"China: Fuck that."

When Phillip of Macedonia stormed the gates of Sparta he sent a message to the besieged King:
"When I capture your city, I will burn it to the ground." A one word reply came back; "if."
Very laconic.

David is very laconic as it pertains to China.

Royal Troon

June 19, 2004 4:53 AM

TIMH says:

Laconic:
Using or marked by the use of few words; terse or concise

If you have spent anytime in China, you should understand the less said the better.
TH

June 19, 2004 8:20 AM

BigDUSA says:

What about Sri Lanka?

Think Tamil Tigers. Nasty guerrilla group that likes to kill people..

June 19, 2004 12:12 PM

Chopper Harris says:

It has to be Cuba. Great music. top rum, beautiful women and because of the embargo, virtually no Americans (so you wouldn't have to put up with cunts like Tanai Kwai). If it's good enough for Diego.

All the best.

Chopper

June 19, 2004 5:43 PM

Royal Troon says:

"so you wouldn't have to put up with cunts like Tanai Kwai"
Chopper

Stated very eloquently.

I have a friend from Berkeley that spent a month in Havana and loved every minute.

June 19, 2004 8:46 PM

DICK HEADLEY says:

Ah there you are Chopper. Funny you should mention Cuba. I was thinking about it myself.

Now I know you're dying for an update on our travels so here you are. We were lucky to get a steady easterly wind from Tahiti but instead of going straight to Panama we stopped at Easter Island. I'd been there before of course but I wanted to see what the girls thought of it. They loved the big heads. Tua yai said the girls from Buri Ram. They are used to my plonker by now so I assume they meant the big stone heads that dot the Island. Truly one of the world's great mysteries.

Then we went through the Canal and as you know the original plan was to head for Aruba. But there was just no way with that headwind so we stopped in at Bocas del Toro. Do you know it Chopper? A pleasant enough place if you don't mind a few mosquitoes. It even boasts a modest little yacht club. We'll wait here until the wind changes or perhaps stop in at other places along the coast. Long time since I saw Cahuita or Bluefields but we'll probably give Limon a miss.

Come to think of it I may head straight to Cuba. Been there before of course and enjoyed it very much. Not Varadero so much, which as you know Choppy is where the riffraff go, but Havana is great. Probably park the boat at the Marina Hemmingway and stay at the good old Hotel Nacional. Is that little place across the road still open? ìMonsieurî I think it was called. Up the hill towards the Capri? Let's hope so. They had an excellent restaurant with a bar attached.

I couldn't help noticing your comment elsewhere about ëGattacaî. A ëpile of shite' I think you called it. Bit harsh I thought. I happened to see Gattaca. There were a lot of boring bits but I quite liked the idea of trying to reconcile the standard robotic sci-fi vision of the future with body fluids. I expect you found it a bit too philosophicaly stimulating right? No matter how much we aspire to perfection our natural human weaknesses just won't go away...something like thatÖ

So there you have it Choppy. We'll probably head to Cuba and do Barbados on the way back. Oh, almost forgot, I'm looking for somebody to scrub out the bilges so if you feel like a holiday why not pop down? You would be most welcome assuming you can get time off from the slaughterhouse.

June 20, 2004 12:37 AM

TANAI KWAI says:

Choppy, you're nothing if not a gentleman, always remembering me in every post and paper-training the new pups by example... You're doing God's* work, you know.

Okay, I better stop -- I'm getting emotional.

(winky)

*Lemme guess, you played with God back in '73. Tended goal. Husky but quick as lightning. Turned a forward from Leeds into a pillar of salt once. Not a bad turn since you owed the bloke 50 quid, (etc.).

June 20, 2004 1:27 AM

Chopper Harris says:

Prefer Habana Vieja myself and Centro Habana. Vedado and the Hotel Nacional are a bit out on a limb. Might suit you though Dick. You could just step out of your hotel onto the Malecon to pick up a boyfriend for the night.

Unless they've built a trailer park next to Marina Hemmingway, I doubt I'll be seeing you in those parts Dicky boy.

Kind regards.

Chopper

June 20, 2004 1:32 AM

DICK HEADLEY says:

Trailer park in Marina Hemmingway! LOL, that's a good one. Very handy place to park a boat though.

I like the whole city Chopper but you're right about Vedado and the Hotel Nacional. It's the only place with guaranteed electricity and the security people are first class. I'm guessing you stay at the Deauville? A very dodgy area at night, but each to his own.

June 20, 2004 2:02 AM

tonychang says:

Chop and Headly (smythe)
I like the cut of your jib.

June 20, 2004 2:23 AM

DICK HEADLEY says:

We must all get together for mojitas....though Chopper would probably prefer Hatuey. When you get to Havana pop into the Nacional and ask for the Headley Suite.

June 20, 2004 2:28 AM

tonychang says:

I'll bring the heroin and hookers.

June 20, 2004 5:06 AM

Errant says:

Haven't made it to Cuba but I don't doubt the good notices. I can add however that back when I was passing the time about 150 km over the Straits from Cuba I would on occasion encounter some Cuban yachtsmen just recently arrived. Nice people on the whole, though a bit difficult to engage given their often being in an odd state of both extreme fatigue and inexpressible relief. They seemed also to hold eccentric notions of seaworthinessóyou have to question the airfoil capabilities of a 1957 Chevrolet Bel Air atop pontoons. Their helmsmanship, however, can not be denied.

June 20, 2004 11:00 AM

Dana says:

I hate to return to topic, but what no one ever mentions or imagines about hooking up for life with a nice Phillipina girl is that you will spend the rest of your life either going to Mass or fighting about going to Mass or letting her go to Mass alone where she will meet other men who say they just love going to Mass. You don't marry the woman, you marry the religion. No thanks.

June 22, 2004 9:39 AM

Jules says:

Indonesia is for me. I own a place in Eastern Java which is absolutely beautiful. The green paddy field stretch as far as the eye can see yet it is higher up and the days are cool.

The local large town is bustling and has a number of fancy hotels, bars, restaurants, shopping malls etc. but retains the character.

The locals, some my tenants, are friendly and a mix of Christians and Muslims.

The main rail line to Surabaya passes my door.

It is cheap and friendly. There is no violence (except the odd church burning) and the food is actually quite good once you get used to it.

The Dutch influence still remains strong and there is great coffee and good bread.

I love it except I cannot earn a decent living there. Ah well, just wait for retirement.

Oh, and it is not Bali.

June 25, 2004 4:21 PM

Dave says:

Please go to the Philippines but not to Manila- go to Angeles City or to Cebu. It is about as good or even better than Thailand.

Check out:

www.angelescity.com

June 30, 2004 4:05 AM

jack says:

thiland ,philip is the way to go.
white women don't have a chance.

July 1, 2004 4:30 AM

TANAI KWAI says:

Dear Mangoistas,

It appears there is a fair chance I will be relocating to Singapore. My initial review of relevant websites gives the impression that the place is antiseptic (though loosening up a bit) and fairly expensive (as David indicates above, though not as expensive in every respect as Hong Kong).

My greatest fear is that the place recalls Taipei a hell of a lot more than it suggests Bangkok. (And I would practically rather live in the U.S. than Taipei.(!))

I would be delighted if someone could disabuse me of any of the above.

(thanks much)

July 15, 2004 9:03 AM

Combover says:

I'm a Hong Kong fan and for me Singapore is antiseptic by comparison, but some people really like it. It has good expat nightlife, great food, Orchard Towers and you're just a hop away from lots of wonderful places. You could even stay in SIN Mon - Fri and keep a place in Phuket for weekends.

July 15, 2004 10:13 AM

TANAI KWAI says:

Combover, you've made my day/night. Sounds more than tolerable.(!) And I had forgotten just so close Singapore is to Thailand.

(thanks again... back to the gators)

July 15, 2004 10:57 AM

Tania Kwai says:

Well well - isn't it time them to bid good riddance? Does this foretell the end of our relationship with my pet buffalo? Happy hunting in Sing Sing then on www.peanutsauce.com!

July 15, 2004 11:54 AM

TANAI KWAI says:

Hello unintelligible jackass!

Yes, our poor embittered cunt lurking in wait to pounce on the most benign comment. Don't worry, I'll be back soon enough to enliven your otherwise drab and impoverished existence.

(winky)

July 15, 2004 1:42 PM

mr peter says:

Our Dave said: 'Please go to the Philippines but not to Manila- go to Angeles City'

I have been to both, Manila is very boring whilst Angeles is more of a one horse town than even Pattaya, just sex and beer. Although a bit more exciting than Manila Angeles is certainly not worth the trip IMO and I would not go again. Singapore on the other hand, although pricey, is what all cities should aspire to and now they appear to be losening up on the entertainment front. I believe prostitiution has always been legal in SP but not of course in LOS. If I had the money to live anywhere it would be Singapore for certain. It's clean, safe, has great medical facilities, almost all speak english, good nightlife, corruption virtually nil, no double pricing, traffic managed by the quota system, great places to live, all sorts of women. The only thing against it is the cost of everything.-peter

July 15, 2004 3:00 PM

Tania Kwai says:

Hi intelligible jackass!

Please take Mr. Peter with you. Prostitution is legal there so both of you can be legit.

July 15, 2004 3:30 PM

mr peter says:

I can make my own travel arrangemnet thanks TK but perhaps you could invite me to stay at your place if you get re located. I could soon show you that SP is not at all like taipei and that there is much to enjoy, even for you. A few beers in orchard towers would soon cheer you up.-peter

July 15, 2004 5:18 PM

TANAI KWAI says:

Mr. Peter,

Thanks for the info on Singapore (and on the Philippines, for that matter).

(appreciate the effort)

July 15, 2004 9:00 PM

mr peter says:

TK, Are you being sarcastic there? Fcuk you too then. Soon you are another sad story in SP. - peter

July 16, 2004 8:57 AM

TANAI KWAI says:

No, I was not being sarcastic.

(fcuk you three)

July 16, 2004 9:06 AM

Raz says:

If going to Cambodia then go to Sihanoukville ... sure, you still get the run-down hookers and pedos but the beaches are ok and the western food is decent ... plus, stop off on Ko Chang on the way back

August 8, 2004 3:05 PM

Paul says:

Sorry for the off-topic folks, this section is the closest thing I could find, and this thread was the most trafficked.

I need some advice from the visa experts.

I am British Citizen but I live and work permanantly in California. I am 38 and I have an occasional emailing/visiting relationship with a nice middle-class Thai gal from Singburi.

She's finishing up her undergraduate degree next year and, as a gift, I would like to take her to England for a short 2 week trip at Xmas. Meet Mum, see ole' Blighty etc.

Anyone have any perspective of how difficult it will be to get her a visa for this visit? I know it will be hard. Like I said, she is great girl, with near-perfect English and from a good family. Her father is an career accountant in the military and her Mom is a teacher (I bet they secretly hate her dating me - heh).

She'll have her own money for the trip, roundtrip ticket from me, job to go home to with letter from her employer, letter from my Mom to her family inviting her for the holiday.

And of course, I don't live in the UK anymore, so she's hardly be planning on staying to shack up with me!

Anyone have any perspective on how this will all be viewed by the UK embassy in BKK?

Any tips and tricks?

TIA for any help.

Paul.

September 17, 2004 2:44 AM

shuggie says:

Get thee to Thailand-uk.com

September 17, 2004 2:48 AM

Mother Terrisa says:

DO you remember writing this opening piece?
" Blah, blah, blah... they're going to clamp down on consecutive tourist visas. It's the same alarmist bollocks on every Thailand web-board. Given that this would effectively expel half the farangs currently living here (and, more importantly, their money), the idea is laughable".
I bet you feel a cunt now dont you!

------------

Hi Mother Terrisa

The term you're strugging for is "prize cunt."

I made that remark on June 18, 2004.

Happy days, eh?

Regards
David