December 18 2006
The sleazy charm of Georgetown, Penang
If you can't get laid in brothel it's usually your own fault but, if you're unlucky enough to be a Muslim man living in Penang, the law dictates that you have to wait outside while your Chinese friends get stuck in.
It's probably of little comfort but, after dark, Georgetown's sex-starved Muslims can take their pick of the horrific Indonesian ladyboys who prowl the streets.
September 14 2006
Farangs go home
Discouraging foreigners from residing or investing here is a big vote-winner in xenophobic Thailand so it comes as no surprise that, as the election draws closer, the populist (but unpopular) Thaksin administration is announcing ever-stricter curbs on us.
This week's scrapping of the popular investment visa means that those foreigners willing to invest a few million baht or more in Thailand are no longer guaranteed entry. If your investment happens to be a condo purchased as a permanent home, this could prove inconvenient to say the least.
When you consider how capricious the Thai Government can be, belated assurances that existing investment visas will be renewed don't exactly inspire confidence.
Only a mug would buy a condo without a rock-solid guarantee that he could actually live there so I feel sorry for those who were hoodwinked into paying (or, in many cases, overpaying) for one. The second-hand market is flat enough as it is without having to cope with plunging demand.
August 12 2006
Aristocrat misses flight & dies in Bangkok jail
Millionaire tourist Christoph von Hohenlohe, 49, died this Tuesday after collapsing in a shit-smeared Bangkok prison cell while crammed in with 40 other inmates. He was being held in connection with a one day overstay on his transit visa after missing his flight home to Honolulu.
Far from being a criminal, von Hohenlohe was actually minor European royalty and a beneficiary of the Fiat fortune. He was arrested for (foolishly) altering the date on his transit visa - a "crime" roughly on a par with declaring the wrong hotel on your landing card or carrying an extra bottle of wine through customs.
When immigration officials at Bangkok International Airport noticed the amendment, he was charged with possessing false documents and transported to the notorious Bangkok Remand Prison.
April 9 2006
Thai non-immigrant visas in 30 minutes
Alan Taylor: Hon Consul of Thailand at Hull
Waiting in line and being treated like a criminal suspect seems to be the norm when applying for a Thai visa but one unique consulate puts its customers first.
Visa applications are processed in minutes rather than days and its well-designed website gives you clear and unambiguous instructions about how to fill in the forms - which can be downloaded.
Amazingly, you can even book an appointment to visit the Consul General at a mutually convenient time - just like professional people do in the real world - and, if you need advice, he also answers your emails - in perfect English.
June 18 2004
Regional fall-back options
Blah, blah, blah... they're going to clamp down on consecutive tourist visas. It's the same alarmist bollocks on every Thailand web-board. Given that this would effectively expel half the farangs currently living here (and, more importantly, their money), the idea is laughable.
Of course, many readers will argue that the Thai government often does silly things - and they'd be right - but have you ever seen them introduce measures that would slash the income of the ruling classes? (I'm not talking about bar owners. I'm referring to the plutocrats who own the expensive farang-friendly apartment buildings - people like the PM's wife). I don't think so.
Mass expulsions that defy economic logic do occasionally happen in crazy third world countries (for example, in Uganda) so it's still a good idea to have a regional fall-back option.
Laos: If you meet an Isaan woman who's beautiful, charming and totally unspoiled then I'm afraid you've inadvertently wandered across the border into Laos. The dead hand of Communism has preserved a way of life not seen in Thailand for 40 years. It also boasts decent French food, wine and architecture. Before we get too carried away, though, I have to point out that the only entertainment on offer is the weak overspill signal of Thai terrestrial television. Fuck that.
Burma: Sometimes, as we cross Burma, the little white plane on the seat-back monitor (it's my favourite in-flight entertainment channel - but the plot moves rather slowly at times) passes over a place called Cox's Bazaar. It sounds mysterious and exotic - but common sense suggests that it's a total shit-hole. Fuck that.
June 2 2004
Thai Immigration Bureau: Room 101
Even if your papers are in order, it's natural to feel a little anxious when you visit the Immigration Bureau on Soi Suan Plu. This sign isn't going to calm your nerves, though. Check out the room number where you get your non-immigrant visa stamped. It's all rather Orwellian.
Here's the relevant extract from 1984 by George Orwell. In Chapter 5, the prisoner, Winston, is "softened up" by his interrogator, O'Brian.
"You asked me once," said O'Brien, "what was in Room 101. I told you that you knew the answer already. Everyone knows it. The thing that is in Room 101 is the worst thing in the world."
The door opened again. A guard came in, carrying something made of wire, a box or basket of some kind. He set it down on the further table. Because of the position in which O'Brien was standing, Winston could not see what the thing was.
"The worst thing in the world," said O'Brien "varies from individual to individual. It may be burial alive, or death by fire, or by drowning, or by impalement, or fifty other deaths. There are cases where it is some quite trivial thing, not even fatal."
March 16 2004
Thai visa run chaos in Denpasar, Bali
With a new Thai Consulate just opened in Bali, I wanted to test the island's potential as a Thai visa run destination. Located in a Denpasar industrial zone some 30 minutes drive from Kuta beach and the airport, the Thai Consulate proved hard to find. My taxi driver checked dozens of name plates and eventually located the Consulate on the fourth floor of an anonymous warehouse building.
Escorted up four flights of narrow steps, I managed to squeeze myself into the tiny office of the Thai Consul's secretary without knocking anything over. Her name was Yani and she seemed surprised to see me. After checking my form, Yani explained that, in addition to my passport, she needed 3 photos, a photocopy of my air ticket and US $25. Local currency was not acceptable.
For a simple tourist visa, no Thai Consulate has ever asked me for so much. Yani eventually agreed to accept the usual 2 photographs and allowed me to fax through a copy of my air ticket later. She wouldn't budge on the US dollars, though. I only had Thai baht and we both saw the irony of Thai officials judging their own currency worthless.
December 7 2003
Quarterly or monthly Thai visa runs?
Following the hike in Thai visa fees, the free visa-on-arrival now looks like a bargain. You don't have to bother visiting a Thai embassy either - just walk straight through. In future, more long-stay westerners in Thailand may opt for monthly visa runs.
Based on my own trips, I worked out the annual cost of quarterly and monthly visa runs to Kuala Lumpur and Singapore respectively (See Visa run to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia and Daytrip to Changi Airport, Singapore). Surprisingly, these two methods now cost roughly the same. If you loaded up with duty-frees, monthly visa runs could actually save you money.
| Annual cost | 90 day visa (KL) |
30 day visa (Singapore) |
|---|---|---|
| Flights (incl. tax) | $1,012 | $1,607 |
| Connections | $144 | $120 |
| Hotels | $252 | - |
| Visa fees (incl. extensions) | $283 | - |
| Total | $1,691 | $1,727 |
November 26 2003
Daytrip to Changi Airport, Singapore
Last week, I went to Singapore but never left the airport. A few hours later I was on my way back to Bangkok. The reason for this strange journey was to extend my Thai visa by 30 days. Following the recent hike in Thai visa fees, the free visa-on-arrival looks like a bargain. You don't have to endure embassy visits either - just walk straight through.
It was a pleasant day out. Changi Airport is Singapore's show-piece. With its gardens, restaurants, TV lounges, fitness centre, internet access and duty-free shopping, it's the next best thing to a holiday resort. There's even a swimming pool. If I'd had five hours to spare, I could have taken a 2-hour sightseeing tour of Singapore - absolutely free. There are five tours a day - 10am, 1pm, 3pm 4pm and 5pm. The booking counter opens at 8.30am.
The facilities at Changi Airport are first-rate and you don't have to fly business class to use them. Four hours in the Rainforest Lounge costs SGD 25 (£9/$13) and includes a shower, free finger food and soft drinks. Optional extras include taking a workout or getting a massage - but you can't combine the two, Bangkok-style.
October 28 2003
Thai police target visa cheats
Last week's arrests of western tourists by Thai police were on a much larger scale than I had realised (See Goodbye APEC and good riddance). However, the story has not been reported in the papers.
Raids of all of the popular nightlife districts in Bangkok were backed up by sweeps of the cheaper apartment buildings favoured by westerners - including those on Soi Ekkamai. Those who could not produce passports or valid visas were taken away in handcuffs. No details have been released but it is thought that hundreds were arrested.
Currently, the Thai authorities are taking visa overstays very seriously. Tourists are ending up in jail, sometimes for months, pending deportation. For an idea of the appalling conditions they have to suffer, take a look at the posting (See Smile, you're in Thai jail).
If you have overstayed your visa, you should go to the airport with an international air ticket and plenty of cash. Dress smartly too. The fine for your overstay is 200 baht per day up to a maximum of 20,000 baht. You can then board your plane without fear of arrest.
October 16 2003
Playing the Thai visa game
Thai visas on every page
Recently, hundreds of western tourists with incorrect visas were arrested and jailed in appalling conditions. Some had their heads forcibly shaved. These days, long-stay foreigners can suffer serious consequences if they lose at the visa game. Thai hospitality isn't what it used to be.
Being turned away at the border is everyone's worst nightmare. In theory, you could lose your home, girlfriend and possessions at a stroke but, in practice, this seems rare - only naughty boys end up on the immigration blacklist. If you avoid visa violations, law breaking and political activities there should be no problem.
Many foreigners living permanently in Thailand hold only a tourist visa. The promise of a 60 day stay is the only security they have. A 30 day extension is normally granted but, after that, they must leave the country to get a new one. Quarterly visa runs are an irritating fact of life.
August 30 2003
Visa run to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Petronas Twin Towers, Kuala Lumpur
Voted one of the world's least friendly cities, Kuala Lumpur (KL) in Malaysia is not the most obvious place to get a visa. It has its supporters though, so last week I went there to see for myself.
The ideal visa run is quick, hassle-free and cheap. For me, this means air travel, taxis and half-decent hotels - but all at a bargain price. Readers who actually enjoy 24 hour bus rides and studying the lifecycle of the cockroach should look away now. My expenses are listed at the end.
KL may be unfriendly but it's no worse than London. It's seriously multicultural so westerners attract little attention here. In fact, going around unnoticed makes a pleasant change from the scrutiny you get in Bangkok - "mumble mumble farang mumble mumble farang etc..."
Best of all, KL is dirt-cheap. Hotels, taxis, food and almost everything else cost more or less the same as in Bangkok. The fake goods are even cheaper but, for now at least, the DVDs have vanished. I bought a quality TAG Heuer watch for RM100 ($26/£16). You don't see copies this good in Bangkok but I still wouldn't chance it in the shower. Sadly, there are no bargain electronics. Hong Kong it is not.
Previously
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
December 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
