November 29 2003
UBC: Thai satellite & cable TV

Thailand's six terrestrial channels seem to show the same crappy drama 24 hours a day. Rich girl falls for bad boy. Big-haired mum and Benz-driving dad go berserk in their mansion. Siblings, friends and servants pitch in. Later, the bad boy reveals himself to be rich too and they marry. That's it - and there aren't any subtitles either. It's utterly intolerable.
Many apartments offer a cable TV service but this is normally limited to one movie channel, CNN and MTV. Consequently, farang-friendly buildings throughout Thailand sprout satellite dishes like acne.
The choice of satellite TV operators includes UBC, UBC and er... UBC. Yes, it's a monopoly and it behaves like one too - charging whatever it wants and delivering a lacklustre service - but it's the only lifeline in Thailand's TV dead-zone, so we can't get too picky.
Though it offers fewer channels than its western counterparts, UBC's Gold Package isn't too bad:
| Movie | Entertainment | Knowledge |
|---|---|---|
| HBO | UBC Series | Discovery Channel |
| Cinemax | X-ZYTE | National Geographic |
| Star Movies | AXN | History Channel |
| Hallmark | TVS | Animal Planet |
| Music/Kids | Sport | News |
| MTV | ESPN | CNN |
| VH1 | Star Sports | CNBC |
| UBC Spark | Super Sport | BBC World |
| Cartoon Network |
The installation charge is about 8,000 baht ($200/£133) and the monthly subscription is 1,568 baht ($40/£26). This includes tax, equipment rental and the delivery of a listings magazine.
Theoretically, you can opt for cable at no extra cost but they don't seem to have laid much yet. You will probably get a satellite dish - even in central Bangkok. This is unfortunate because the short-wavelength signal cuts out when it rains. The system isn't well suited to Thailand's climate.
Apparently, you can sign up to UBC on their website but, when I tried it, the bloody thing crashed. Phoning is the better option - they do have English-speaking staff. Amazingly, they installed it the very next day.
The fella who did the work had one leg six inches shorter than the other. This made things quite stressful. When he carried my TV across the room, it was like watching Michael Jackson dangling his baby from the balcony.
UBC is far from perfect but there's usually something worth watching. Your girlfriend can enjoy it too because most of the programmes have Thai subtitles. Unfortunately, the package also includes the Thai terrestrial channels so don't let her have the remote.
The strangest feature of UBC is the clumsy commercial breaks. When a foreign ad comes on, it's supposed to be replaced by a Thai one. Unfortunately, the fella who flips the switch tends to doze off. As a result, we usually see half the foreign ad before he notices. Worse still, he tends to obliterate 10 seconds of the next programme too. WAKE UP!
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[Posted to TV/Movies by David]
*** THE COMMENT FORUM IS NOW CLOSED ***
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