January 20 2006

Thai superstars face their dhoom dhoom doom

Tata Young's tribute to the Artful Dodger

Tata Young's tribute to the Artful Dodger.

In Bangkok, you see Thai celebrities just about everywhere - if your girlfriend can be bothered to point them out. The Thai public are far too polite to gratuitously hack their superstars to death or even to pester them for autographs so famous folk have no reason to hide themselves away.

When she was still at school, my girlfriend and a classmate knocked on the front door of Thai superstar Thongchai "Bird" McIntyre's Bangkok home. Pee Bird wasn‚Äôt there, of course - he lives with some farang bloke in Switzerland - but his mum invited the girls in, showed them round and served up a tray of cold drinks. They were thrilled.

It's hard to imagine the same thing happening in the West. If the girls had gone round to Britney Spears house they'd have been Tazered to the ground and savaged by fierce dogs before even making it past the security fence.

Bangkok's most reliable celebrity-spotting venue is probably The Emporium. At lunchtime, the food court is often heaving with TV personalities but, in the flesh, they're a surprisingly ordinary bunch. As one famously tousle-haired Channel 3 presenter reached for her purse, her blouse rode up to reveal stretch-marks that looked like a ploughed field.

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Westerners might think it odd that Thai TV personalities should be hanging around a shopping mall like bored teenagers or eating at a cheap food court but the explanation is simple. Like the Hollywood moguls of the 1930s, Thai media barons are notoriously stingy and only the shiniest stars earn big money. The rest just scrape by from day to day and use their fleeting moment of fame to hook up with someone rich.

Last year, I attended the opening of a posh new restaurant at the Sukhothai Hotel with a couple of chums. The free food and drink on offer ensured that the place was heaving with cash-strapped minor celebrities and we were seated next to a table of giggling actresses.

Normally to be seen pouting, weeping and bitch-fighting in Thai soap operas, they had the coquettish demeanor of bar girls but, despite their come-hither glances and conspicuous hair-flicking, we decided to stay put. Not being genuine high-rollers, we felt that it was kinder to spare them the disappointment.

If Thailand's B-list celebrities fail to secure a wealthy sugar-daddy, it's not just their careers that are dhoom dhoom doomed. Acquiring expensive tastes without the income to match can lead to more serious trouble. Hardly a week goes by without a report of some faded actress or singer being busted for drug-dealing.

Most Western celebrities tend to give Bangkok a miss. Compared to Monte Carlo and Mustique, they probably regard it as a bit of a shit-hole. Personally, I've never once spotted a famous white face here but a friend swears blind that supermodel Caprice stopped her black BMW on Soi Nana to ask him for directions to an after-hours drinking den. Another chum spotted Fred the Weatherman from Channel 4's Richard & Judy Show - but he's hardly going to get the paparazzi's flashbulbs popping.

The Sun Newspaper reported last year that celebrity whore-monger Hugh Grant had experienced a saucy mishap in the Tilac Bar on Soi Cowboy (See Hugh Grant flees Tilac Bar, Soi Cowboy) but the story turned out to be untrue. In reality, he merely visited a blowjob bar called Fanny's where the girls failed to recognise him.

Interestingly, Sylvester Stallone, Jack Nicholson and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all said to be regular visitors to Bangkok. They probably enjoy the delicious local food. Stallone in particular is rumoured to have an insatiable appetite for spicy Thai dishes delivered straight to his room.

I've seen quite a few Thai celebrities at close quarters but, so far at least, Tata Young has managed to elude me (See Tata Young: Sexy, naughty, bitchy). However, her farang dad can often be spotted drinking in his favourite Patpong go-go bars.

[Posted to TV/Movies by David]

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