August 14 2006

Bangkok Dangerous: Nicholas Cage hits Soi Cowboy

Looking dangerously shifty in a Hawaiian shirt and black wig, Hollywood superstar Nicholas Cage was, last night, spotted lurking outside the Tilac Bar on Soi Cowboy - the very same Bangkok go-go bar where fellow thespian Hugh Grant famously had his tackle felt.

Unlike Hugh, however, Nicholas Cage was in Soi Cowboy on business filming a big-budget remake of the Pang brothers' cult gangster thriller, Bangkok Dangerous.

Signs warned Bangkok revellers that, by entering the area, they were consenting to being filmed - so it probably wasn't the best night to go striding down Soi Cowboy arm-in-arm with a six-foot transsexual.

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Quite honestly, it's almost got to the stage where you can't visit Soi Cowboy without some film crew shoving a camera in your face. That carefully crafted "conference in Frankfurt" story is bound to unravel when your true whereabouts are being broadcast to your loved ones every weekday night on Channel 5.

I, however, see it as a second chance at fame.

Showbiz first beckoned twenty years ago when I landed a small part in a Bollywood epic called "Romance". Calcutta's festering Salvation Army Hostel was home to just ten white men that weekend and the other nine were incorrigible hippie fleabags so the coveted role went to me.

The director was a garrulous little man who boasted that the movie would be "bigger than Gandhi" but his camera was a shoebox with Mickey Mouse ears that probably first saw action under Charlie Chaplin.

An Indian mate's mum later hired the video and pronounced it the worst movie she'd ever seen in her entire life, bar none. "Romance" subsequently sank without trace and my dreams of becoming a matinee idol, swapping pleasantries with Steven Spielberg and shagging Halle Berry up the arse appeared to be dashed... until yesterday.

Sharp-eyed film-buffs who wish to catch my elevation from Bollywood zero to Hollywood hero should get ready to hit the pause button because the drunken buffoon that Nicholas Cage deftly sidesteps outside Suzy Wongs is none other than yours truly.

[Posted to TV/Movies by David]

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Readers' comments

Andy says:

Great news on the fleeting-and-tenuous-flirt-with-fame front there, David!

August 14, 2006 4:12 PM

Eniac says:

Steven Seagal was also seen filming on Cowboy a while ago; the big tart.

Probably wears women's knickers.

August 14, 2006 6:23 PM

sniffer says:

David; doesn't your old mate Nigel film on or near Cowboy, too?

August 14, 2006 7:01 PM

Derukugi says:

[[Steven Seagal was also seen filming on Cowboy a while ago; the big tart.]]

Steve Segal?? Does his fat behind even fit *in* Soi Cowboy these day?

August 14, 2006 8:02 PM

Mr Thaksin, bangkokchat.org says:

with the advent of your average phone now upto 3 mega pixiesssss.
we're all up for a bit of film star treatment.
very worrying indeed.

Thako.

August 14, 2006 8:23 PM

Dana says:

Sorry, it all reads like yesterday's news. Where is the next Thailand? I'll book the tickets for everyone. Just someone please tell me.

August 14, 2006 8:48 PM

Charles says:

If it worked for Michael Caine there is a very, and I do mean very, slim chance it may work for you.

"My Name is David .... and I write Mango sauce, now not a lot of people know that." said in worst cockney accent.

August 14, 2006 9:23 PM

Anonymous says:

This film could be a real serious test of Nic's acting ability, with all the "distractions" around the joint.

When the movie comes out, we'll get to see how well his mug holds up in front of the camera while an Issan tart slyly slips a hand in his pocket to fondle his codlings unseen.

If we see the slightest glitch in his performance, say a slight smirk, a sudden glance to the side or wavering of his voice, we'll know the cause.

Im sure David's key role will show his true, professional poise under pressure, from the wealth of experience he's so earnestly worked to atain under those circumstances.

August 14, 2006 11:54 PM

snookums says:

next time i see a celeb in bangkok i'm gonna pay one of the young punks around to start up a fight and then let me cum to the rescue and beat everybodies asses and become a hero for as long as i can milk it... yesssss snookums will do just that!

August 15, 2006 12:35 AM

Peter says:

I have a very serious note. This is actually very troubling. It wasn't bad enough that Nicholas Cage makes "National Treasure", "The Rock" and other celluloid crap. (David's drunken performance aside.) It wasn't enough that he and fellow egomaniac Oliver Stone had to exploit 9/11 and make another $10 million each with their latest crap fest "World Trade Center." (Any of that money go to charity Ollie?) Now, every American drunken asshole fraternity boy that ever saw a Nicholas Cage movie (and only assholes do) is going to see Soi Cowboy and want to show up there. This is precisely why i LEAVE America to visit Thailand. You think the Japanese drive up prices, wait 'til these morons show up. Drunk idiots will no longer be confined to Tony's Pattaya, I can assure you.

August 15, 2006 12:35 AM

Mick from the Isle of Man says:

Was Mr. Cage wearing the same wig he wore in Moonstruck? I could have sworn I have seen Mr. Cage numerous times in Soi Cowboy sans his wig or maybe that was Telly Savalas.

August 15, 2006 1:02 AM

Rico says:

I don't give a damn about Nic what's his name BUT who is that honey he is with..mmmm sweeeeet!!

August 15, 2006 6:41 AM

Johnny says:

I actually saw Bangkok Dangerous for the first time this week, it was much better than I thought it would be. It will be tough to make it better, but it can be done. I think Nic Cage can do a great job here, it will take alot of good acting to get right. I'm glad to hear it is actually being filmed in Thailand, it is one of those stories that has to be in Thailand, it wouldn't seem as good anywhere else.

I wonder who will play the baddie ? The original one was a great baddie, more dialogue with him would be good.
I was laughing my head off when she askes him "What did you eat?", "Tom 'fak' Gai", then she says "Go fuck your mother" and walks off. I know a high strung and drop-dead gorgeous friend called Gai, and she definitely would go ballistic if I said "Johnny 'fak' Gai", she hates me now by the way after we had a few drunken verbals, except the more she treats me mean the more I like her for some reason, because she is just too cute. So I blew it with her, oh well, just when I thought I had found the one, but at least I had a good laugh. It's kinda fun to have your heart stomped on.

Is Nicolas Cage single now ? He was going out with a Korean Glamour wasn't he ? I suppose the next trip to Thailand, the girls will be saying "You look same-same Nic Cage" now.

August 15, 2006 9:59 AM

Coldweasel says:

To while away the crushing tedium at Nana Plaza one night, my portly ex-boss and I were playing 'spot the celeb lookalike' while observing the sad display of flesh on offer on that particular evening.

Proceedings took on a distinctly 1970s British TV theme, getting as far as 'Mildred from George and Mildred,' 'the woman who used to read the news on ITV,' 'the tall snooty one from The Good Life,' and 'the toothy one from Robins Nest'.

Surprisingly, there were also several passable Charlize Therons (albeit short, brown, squat-legged and displaying the effects of multiple motorcycle exhaust burns on their legs).

Afterwards, in one of the outdoor bars abutting the main Soi 4 thoroughfare, I spotted an incredible doppelganger of a certain Chinese star and drunkenly shouted out 'Bai Ling' for the amusement of my corpulent companion.

Imagine my surprise when the doppelganger turned out to be Bai Ling in person, who ended up hanging off the bar with us sipping on Heinekens until closing time.

Unfortunately the fun ended there and we said goodnight; as much as I would have liked to liven this post up with stories of spontaneous three-in-a-bed action with the Oriental temptress and my amply-proportioned friend, I cannot in all conscience do so.

August 15, 2006 3:34 PM

Plastikman5 says:

..did Nic Cage step aside? Or as I remember, you pushed him in the back! Coward I woulda kicked him up the arse..ha ha!!

August 15, 2006 9:47 PM

cdub says:

So was he there checking out the tarts, or shooting? I checked IMDB website and they have the movie being called "Time to Kill" but AKA'd it with the title Bangkok Dangerous.

August 16, 2006 12:04 AM

waxhead says:

Wanted
Talentless balding tall man with famous movie making relative to play mute Thai gunman in latest Oxide Pang production.

Must have American accent and play a talking mute, butchiering Thai language a plus, Korean wife 20 years younger also considered. No fatties.

Wanted 2
Talentless Chinese actress to play talentless Thai actress opposite tall talentless balding American has been. Must be willing to do some on the knee work. No fatties.

Wanted 3
Talentless extras to work illegally for low budget production for below scale wages.

August 17, 2006 3:47 PM

maltese nosher says:

i too have played the 'spot the tv celebrity' in nana. i can claim to have seen 'her indoors' from 'minder' and 'captain mainwaring's' wife from 'dads army'. go on ...call me a liar!!!

August 19, 2006 10:52 PM

maltesenosher says:

even better than nana for celeb spotting; patpong. i can claim to have seen the following on my travels down 'patpong lane'; mick belker's mom (hill st blues) charlie (from charlie's angels)maris crane (frasier) no1 (from the prisoner) father bigley (from fr ted) emma peel's husband (the avengers) collumbo's wife and dame ednas husband 'norm'. i wish i had their autographs to prove i'm not bulshitting!

August 19, 2006 11:08 PM