Home  Asian Babes  Sex  Nightlife  Sitemap

« || next »

This week, I put the retail outlets of Bangkok's Don Muang airport to the test by hunting for 10 items that might feature on a typical traveller's shopping list. Here they are in order of importance:

1. Big bottle of water
Though essential to maintain human life, water is a rare and expensive commodity at Bangkok airport. Tiny bottles suitable only for hamster cages are available - but at a price. Drinking fountains (if they exist) are kept well-hidden. My recommendation: Lap up dirty water from puddles on the tarmac before you board the plane.

2. Book
The possibility of having to endure 120 minutes of Scooby Doo 2 is the best reason for bringing a good book. Bangkok airport has plenty of bookstands but they offer little but Thailand fiction and coffee-table tomes about teak houses. The prices are a piss-take too. Tea Money by Jake Needham, which normally retails for 450 baht in Asia Books, costs a whopping 720 baht at the airport. My recommendation: Spend the entire flight reading the safety procedures.

Your Ad Here

3. Mars bar
The airport confectionary shops don't sell individual Mars bars - only huge multi-packs. Meanwhile, the airport cafes sell them for 65 baht each ($1.66) - more than 3 times the street price. Going to Mars would be cheaper. My recommendation: Find 20 other passengers in a similar predicament and band together to buy the smallest available multi-pack. That way, you're only stuck with 10 Mars bars each.

4. Condoms
The airport "pharmacy" is, in fact, just another crappy bookshop with a few tubes of ointment under the counter. No condoms were on display and I'm far too shy to ask. If invited to join the mile-high club, I could be faced with a dilemma - the condom that I've had in my wallet since 1986 has probably perished by now. My recommendation: Pleasure your girl with a surplus Mars bar - but remember to keep the wrapper on.

5. Pen for landing card
Only Mont Blanc pens are available at Bangkok airport - and they cost a month's salary. My recommendation: Hack off your little finger and then use the bloody stump to write.

6. Inflatable neck pillow
Would Bangkok airport stock a useful and inexpensive item specifically designed to make air travel more comfortable? Of course they bloody wouldn't. My recommendation: Advise your fellow passengers to put on their waterproof life-vests before you fall asleep and drool on them.

7. Duty free wine
Duty free wine is available at about half the Bangkok supermarket price. Joking aside, this is the only area where Bangkok airport actually scores some points in the survey. My recommendation: On returning to Bangkok, purchase your full allowance before passing through customs.

8. Overpriced designer shite that I don't want or need
From Rolex watches to Christian Dior handbags, it's all here in grotesque overabundance. My recommendation: If you're gullible enough, go ahead and fill your boots but don't come crying to me when the credit card statement comes through.

9. Photo of me standing beside Tony Blair
The fake photo stand advertises its services with a poster of arrogant pretty-boy footballer David Ginola (whose name, incidentally, is an anagram of vagina dildo) with his head in a crocodile's mouth. My recommendation: If you can't find it, just follow the sound of onlookers chanting "bite, bite, bite!"

10. Big box of pretty purple orchids
For reasons I don't fully understand, every shop in the terminal is stacked high with the bloody things. My recommendation: Take the whole lot and turn your drab apartment into a tropical Shangri La.

[Posted to Travel by David]

Your Ad Here

Syndication

• RSS Feed

Resources

Site Map
Links

All rights reserved. The contents of this website are protected by copyright.