May 24 2004

Tinglish funnies #2: Nok Air

Tinglish howlers #2: Nok Air

A Thai person will typically say "I no care" instead of "I don't care". Why then did no one notice the unfortunate connotations of the name chosen for Thai Airways' new budget airline, Nok Air? (See Nok Air selects crew on TV game show). The airline offers a no frills service but naming it "no care" is still quite a blunder.

The blame for this fuck-up would appear to rest with a company called Total Quality PR - Nok Air's appointed communications partner. The name alone sets alarm bells ringing. Anyone who has ever suffered a management seminar at the Telford Moat House will be aware that any consultant mouthing off about "Total Quality" is invariably a smarmy well-dressed opportunist with his head wedged up his own arse just as deep as his hand is buried in your employer's pocket.

The Managing Director of Total Quality PR is a bloke called Tom Van Blarcom and this is how he describes Nok Air and its customers.

Business Description: The first no frill airlines that offers passenger fun and friendly service starting from check-in while maintain superior safety standards.

Customer Base: They are those who love to travel, and looking for value deals.

Van Blarcom is a Dutch name but plenty of Americans share it. No Yank would stumble over his words like this, though, so it's odds on that Tom Van Blarcom is a canal-dwelling cloggie who puts mayonnaise on his chips and advocates the licensed recreational use of marijuana.

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In my Farangland days, I often used to work alongside northern Europeans and, just like the Thais, they'd rather put their nuts in a blender than ask a subordinate for help. Consequently, when they offer English language advice to non English-speakers, it's the blindfolded leading the blind.

The natural formality and politeness of the northern Europeans (particularly the Swedes and the Dutch) explains why they are the Thai businessman's favourite flavour of farang. The Thais find the rest of us rather brash - including the natives of all the English-speaking nations. Consequently, the northern Europeans do good business here and often act as willing accomplices in the butchery of the English language.

Sometimes, though, the results of this euro-English are quite charming. Abba got away with their cheesy lyrics because we all cut Benny and Bjorn a bit of slack. No one else could have got away with this.

Nina, pretty ballerina
Now she is the queen of the dancing floor
This is the moment she's waited for
Just like Cinderella
(Just like Cinderella)
Nina, pretty ballerina
Who would ever think she could be this way
This is the part that she likes to play
But she knows the fun would go away
If she would play it every day

Unfortunately for Van Blarcom and his chums, though, the readers of Thailand's English language press are far less forgiving than the world's record-buying public. He's obviously out of his depth so I'm going to help him by composing an ad jingle for his client.

Nina, pretty ballerina
Looking for value deals on the dancing floor
This is the fun and friendly service she's waited for
Nok Air - Just like Cinderella
(Just like Cinderella)
Nina, pretty ballerina
Who would ever think check-in could be this way
Maintain superior safety standards isn't child's play
But she knows the fun and friendly service would go away
If she would fly Nok Air every day

Chorus

Nok Air - Just like Cinderella
(Just like Cinderella)

Repeat until fade-out.

Spare me any words of thanks, Tom. Just send the royalty cheque.

[Posted to Thai Secrets by David]

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Readers' comments

NOK says:

Hey David,

One shouldn't pass judgement without trying their airline first.

Who knows, on your first flight even you could be upgraded to a permium "Nok Class" seat.

If you have any complaints or suggestions after that, please feel free to contact - "Nok Customer Service".

Nok Fan

May 24, 2004 2:17 PM

khun stupid says:

You gotta see it's web site intro it's a good one!http://www.nokair.com/menu_en.html

May 24, 2004 11:51 PM

Errant says:

The airline begs for phone calls obliging an employee to put down the receiver and loudly ask if anybody's seen a Mister Hunt, goes by Mik.

The caller may have to explain that Mik Hunt has nothing to do with Nok Hunt.

May 25, 2004 1:38 PM

robert says:

I wrote to TQPR ('tqprthai@ksc9.th.com') back in March when they announced this bizarre airline. No surprise - they never replied !

My favourite was the idea that they might want flight attendants who are "living". Guess that would put them one up on UA !!!

I am all for comsumer choice - in the short term more airlines equal lower fares.

But there is no evidence that Nokair is ready to fly; there is no flight schedule, no announcement of fares and no online reservations - yet they were due to launch in june - errr - next week !

TIT as someone used to say.

Sir/Madam,

At last an address I can write to with some observations ref your fledgling (pun intended) airline.

1. Your logo has a nasty old 737-200 emerging from the egg in NOKAIR colours. You will be flying not quite so nasty 737-400s.

2. The following para is from your English language job application form. Presumably you mean lively rather than living. It is after all rather hard for DEAD people to apply!!!!! The other typos you can find for yourself.

"Spread your wings with NOK AIR. If you are energetic , living, friendly, service-minded and most importantly, wish to work with us, please fill out the application form below".

3. To descibe the airline as independent is almost hilarious. You are Thai Air with new paint and aimed head on at 1-2-Go and Air Asia. BA used GO as its foothold into the Low Cost sector; but Go was left alone - and had to find its own planes and crews. You should read Barbara Cassiani's book to show how such an airline can be made to work.

4. What a bizarre time to launch an airline with the name Nok Air. In case you missed it we are in the middle of an asia-wide Bird Flu outbreak. NOKAIR = Bird Flew ????

5. The English language advertising opportunities should be great fun ; Try any of :

NOK Down fares
NOKAIR - chicken feed fares
Baht XXX - a NOK out fare

etc etc.

Sincerely.....

May 26, 2004 11:16 PM

usvirgin says:

Garuda (Good And Reliable Under Dutch Administration) Indonesia distributed a book on the history of the airline on the occasion of an anniversary, back in the nineties. It contained a chapter (a sentence, actually) entitled "Total Quality Qontrol."

Was that a Van Blarcomism, or a really, really modest nod toward reform?

June 1, 2004 2:14 PM

Teresa says:

All of you have it completely wrong. The branding, the launch and the susbsequent media exposure was a stroke of brilliance. I think a PR form like TQPR could do wonders for the national airline. Nice going TQPR.

July 27, 2004 12:52 PM

younameit says:

Does this Mr. Van Blacom have any business background? I suppose that was the best he could do for a formal English teacher. :-))

July 29, 2004 8:40 PM

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