Thaitanium's bathroom secrets exposed

Eniac says:

Perhaps we should ask Mr Conan to have a word with Keith Summers.

nigel says:

Odd that 2 people share the same bathroom but get their own personal waste bin!

Anonymous says:

The Dual Dunny is a common sight in Northern England, where triple-buttocked pharang women void the remains of their batter-fried Mars Bar lunches through turbocharged twin-exhaust colons. Up north, however, the toilet technology is considerably less advanced than in your picture, consisting of a rough-hewn plank above a fetid sump of rotting human ordure, which is later recycled into nourishing English cuisine.
(I think your photo shows the proposed venue for the forthcoming Stick/Galt summit, actually.)

Pants Elk says:

Hey! Some elf called Anonymous is hijacking my comments!

camcoop says:

I had no idea that BEC Tero was so cutting edge. The dual toilet configuration is a new trend in men's bathrooms in LA nightclubs that enable close mates out on the pull to high five each other. Unbeknownst to most men, women's bathrooms have had them for decades, accommodating the deep-rooted feminine instinct to 'pick flowers' together.

Mr Thaksin, BKKchat.org says:

You won't find any twin hand wash basin there either l bet.
Thai's just don't wash their "mitts" after going to the shitter.
Just plain fact.

And they call us farrangs dirty wonkers

tut tut tut.

Thaxo.

Half Man Half Goat says:

These toilets are are perfect for me as I have 2 cocks and can now urinate east and west simultaneously. Thanks Conan...you're the bizness.

Keith Summers goes to the doctors with a frog on his head. The doctor says 'Jesus, what happened to you?' And the frog says'...well, it started with a boil on my arse...'

RDN says:

I think it's crap.

Maniac says:

These ar summer specials, one to shit on and the other one to puke in at the same time, we all know he likes a very tidy world....don`t we.....

philH says:

Dual dunnys I see but where's the fucking bum guns? I guess (c)rap artists lick each others arses that's why they spout such utter shite.

Johnny Chimpo says:

Where's the toilet paper holder?

Trink says:

Thats all you wrote? Pretty lame...

Bandersnatch says:

Thais don't call anyone 'wonkers', nor does anyone else, save for a bumptious, jejune wanker whose tiresome mimsy postings leave one uffish and frumious.

A wonk is someone who takes excessive interest in minor details of political policy.

'Wonker' is a pseudo-word used by a puerile twat eager to be considered supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, so much so that he uses the ex-PM's name to show us just how hip he is to things Thai, the slithy tove.

Pants Elk says:

I was visiting some temple in Bangkok (I know, I know, I'm sorry, okay?) when I received an urgent telegram from my colon, to the effect that unless I made its evacuation a priority matters would be dealt with independently. The nearest facility proved to be what I imagine to be Traditional Thai - the porcelain footplate around a filthy hole, and a kind of trough of water to one side with a plastic bucket in it. No paper. No "bum gun". No flush handle.
This was the first time I'd encountered such a puzzling array of equipment, seemingly ill-suited to the task in hand. It was like being in some TV gameshow where you have to complete a puzzle. Let's just say that I'm sure I deployed the elements incorrectly, and was grateful soon after for locating a more comprehensible facility.
My question, and it's a serious one, is: how is one supposed to have a clean shit under such circumstances? What's the trough of water for? Flushing, washing ...? What's the little plastic bucket for? How do you clean your arse? Dry it?
All serious answers will be gratefully benefited from during my next visit, should I ever find myself in a similar hole ...

Andy says:

Like the poster above, I have never seen or heard the instructions regarding correct usage of your average Thai carsey....
The fact that you're using one in the first place would signify some urgency in this matter; and the sheer relief of rusty water with a muzzle velocity of a sniper rifle hitting anything other than the inside of your boxers somewhat mitigates the hygiene difficulties encountered later.

philH says:

Taken to a restaurant in Bang Na a few years back, it had western style crappers. There was a sign outside the bogs showing a person squatting on the bog seat with a red cross below and a person sitting on the seat with a green tick.

"Class establishment here guys, crapping instructions" I commented.

But as Andy said usually, in Thailand, when using the bog the sense of urgency precludes any thoughts of etiquette. As long as you get your arse over the hole before the flock of birds take off anything else is unimportant.

Pants Elk says:

Yes, detonating the fecal equivalent of a nailbomb is, in a fundamental sense, its own reward. But the subsequent shrapnel clustering around your sphincter zone is less of a pleasure and should, in any civilised country, be unnecessary.
So:
The trough.
The bucket.
The no tissues.
The no flush.

Surely someone out there in mangoland can supply the key to this enigma?

Mac says:

Scientists have indeed established that there is a ring of debris around Uranus, and are eager to probe more deeply into its dark mysteries ...

Meanwhile, back on planet Thailand, it's fairly simple. You use the dipper - not really a bucket - to scoop water from the trough, then use your hand to splash water from the dipper up your backside until you feel sufficiently cleansed. Think of it as a poor man's bum gun. Another few dippers full are used for flushing. Further handwashing, with soap if possible, is highly recommended.
And since pants favour the well-prepared behind, it helps to carry a handkerchief to dry off with.

You find similar facilities throughout Southeast Asia and it is in fact quite civilized. Certainly it's light years ahead of the horrors one encounters in places like Afghanistan - no water, no paper, and as often as not, no walls or even toilets of any description. But plenty of germs and frequent three-alarm blowouts.
It is with good reason that in the Muslim world, the left hand is considered 'unclean'.

Pants Elk says:

THIS is what makes Mangosauce such a valued re-sauce. From the heart of my bottom, I thank you, Mac!
All I need do is carry with me is a hermetically-sealed plastic bag with a bar of disinfectant soap, a roll of toilet paper, a couple of small towels or flannels, a water-jet attached to a small but powerful two-stroke compressor, an aerosol air-freshener, and a portable hair-dryer, and I shall have every confidence in availing myself of traditional Thai toilet technology!

Roberto E. Lee says:

I encountered something even slightly more odd today, which I was hoping David might elucidate.
Walking up Suk soi 23 to the post office, I passed a construction site. From the site came screams and yells of pain. Not that that would have been unusual, but on pausing for a moment, it sounded as if they were playing a pain soundtrack - not unlike those that afflict so many mid-grade haunted houses across the US.
Is the CD there to discourage people from hearing real yells of pain? To scare away evil spirits and katoeys? Or perhaps, while it only sounded like screams of pain, could have been a Thai motivational CD?
David, help me out, please.

Harry Balls says:

Oh, this type of toilet is very common at pilots' lounges at airports around the world.

You gotta understand, a pilot and his copilot do literally everything side by side in the cockpit for 6, 8, 10 hours - after some time they are so used to doing everyhing within (literally) an arm's reach from each other, they eventually get used to pooping that way as well.

Maybe the owner of that place is an ex-pilot.

richard o'brien says:

Problem solved.

It is a simple, but crude attempt to make a toilet accessible. Taking out the wall between the toilets means a wheelchair has some manouverability in the cubicle.

This is starting to appear in a lot of malls, (as well as many gay bars for some reason....)

Dicer says:

"Walking up Suk soi 23 to the post office, I passed a construction site. From the site came screams and yells of pain. Not that that would have been unusual, but on pausing for a moment, it sounded as if they were playing a pain soundtrack" - Roberto E. Lee

I'd suggest you've almost got the correct answer:

"To scare away evil spirits" - Roberto E. Lee

I would say to mollify the spirits. Central Thai foremen would try anything to placate the spirits that appear on and around building sites. Especially if the land had anything to do with ritual or burial either in the distant or near past there are certain purification rituals that have to be carried out.

Now western folk may scoff at all this mumbo-jumbo hocus-pocus and things that look like they have too much whitening cream on (wouldn’t a ghost at a construction site be a good commercial for Nivea whitening)... but people do see the spirits.

Here is an interesting story:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/
0,,25689-2376565,00.html

What the article does not say is that during the airport opening ceremony a man was visibly possessed by Moo Ping in front of assembled guests. The horror on the Khunyings faces was palpable.

If you observe around you and have the capacity to catch things beyond the normal (and I don’t mean like a Kao San new age freak) you see the significance of the spirit houses in go-go bars or any houses. Can you see the spirits buzzing about the places? Have you seen the lingams sold in the amulet markets? What do they mean? Why does a gadgets shop in the mall has a big dildo in full blast in the display case? What is the purpose of the Erawan statue? What are those mirrors on buildings? What are those dots on the roof of taxis? It's all in the supra-muggle world and not all of it is BS. While not sure about this particular building site I will hazard a guess and say that someone has seen something on that building site and they're trying to appease the intruder.

Andy says:

I think they're just building another "Ripley's Haunted House" up there, thats all...

Moving on swiftly....