Thai teens get high on buffalo dung

Dicer says:

So alienation strikes the south to the point of poop sniffing, a population gone into proverbial dire straits... where is Borat when we need him??

Speaking of which best Borat line so far: He walked into a dating agency and asked:

Jagshemash my name Borat would nice american girl . I want meet nice western girlies for chitchat and sexytime - preference lady with yellow hairs, with plough experience and little or no history of retardation in family. I would like to meet you and make romance inside you. If you agree be my wife then you will come my country, I will give you television with remote contro casset player we listen to snoppy dog together.a red dress, two strong shoes, I will love you and care for you, we will be as one... but if u cheat on me I will crush you.

Looper says:

Guys up north in Oz not only inhale petrol but also lick cane toads. Apparently the secretion on the toads' backs is highly hallucinogenic.
If there is a crackdown and the dungballs get proscribed I guess the frustrated youths could cut out the middle man and try licking the buffalo's arse? Lucky buffalo!

Mr Thaksin, BKKchat.org says:

"licking a buffalo's ass".
shite!!!! flashbacks of wondering down to the Grace coffee shop pissed as a newt.

Thaxo.

Anonymous says:

Only last year, under the Thaksin regime, there were plans for a mass cull to stem the rising problem.

Jack Wow says:

Hi, my name's Jack Wow, and I've been a dependent user of buffalo dung for quite some time. It all started with just a few sniffs every saturday night, but now it has escalated to where I'm smoking it in a bong every day. I do plan to get help before I begin injecting myself, and I want to thank MS for highlighting this growing problem.
Although she refuses to kiss me after a particularly heavy session, my girlfriend has been very supportive about my addiction.
It's an evil drug that can easily take over your life. My advice to anyone thinking of trying it would be: Kee Kwai – just say no!

tracey emin says:

Borat's schtick is getting tired.

He was painfully unfunny on Jonathan Ross last night.

panadolsandwich says:

I mind reading a story 'bout this teen, homeless, girl in Brisbane, whom been 'chroming' daily for several years. It was written in the "Courier Mail" - sorry, too lazy to find the link.

What she was doing was spraying paint into a plastic coke bottle then inhaling the vapours.

When she was about 19 going on 99 after all this abuse, she had a humpback and someone had kindly provided her with a tripod walking stick.

She was literally almost braindead after all the abuse; many ppl would think she was better off dead.

Curiously and coincidently, Coca Cola introduced an diet Coke bottle that was the exact replica of this girls bottle after she'd chromed!

Chroming took off with a vengeance! All under the guise of what was now a socially acceptable bottle!!!

The whole affair was particularly revolting. From what I understand the diet coke chroming bottle was withdrawn, however before that happened, several innocent dieters were harrassed by the less than amused police.

Dick Renegade says:

No shit!?!

chris says:

coke is passe people the dung is the new thing.

Dana says:

File this story under:

"No amount of beer can make you come up with something stranger than real life."

Mankind's capacity for idiocy and self-destructiveness is apparently a bottomless well. And yet we are the dominant species. Makes you wonder what stupid and self-destructive things the lesser species are doing to get high.

bangkokram says:

This kind of thing will never be a problem in Thailand.

This is the country that as no prostitutes because it is illegal.
No one drinks because it is not the Buddhist thing to do, under age drinking does'nt exist, the legal age for consumption is 18 and no Thai teen would break the law.
Drugs are just a problem with Aussie tourist's, not a local problem.
Petrol, glue, solvents and dung are again a western problem, not one that as infested the LOS.
Thailand is also home to the best drivers, the best law enforcement agency who don't ever take bribes. There is little paperwork and are always kind to foreigners.

Yeah right!

I'm now going to lie down and forget the week I just spent in a civilised country, and drink the three large bottles of Beer Chang I just bought.

bangkokram says:

BTW, Thai teens would get high on fairy liquid if you told them it was part of a "Trendy" lifestyle!

Ruddiger says:

the second posting in 3 weeks and its this silly story? como on guys, your readers deserve better

sniffer says:

Too right, Ruddiger! We Mango Sauce readers demand posts on the Thai economic and political situation post-coup and what moves are being made to bring peace to the troubled South. Silliness has no place on this site

Munted says:

Smoking dried bannana skin is much better. And inhaling nutmeg is said to lead to a great high!

Dicer says:

"He was painfully unfunny on Jonathan Ross last night" - Tracey Emin

Jonathan Ross my foot! .... is he the cultural barometer for stuff in Blighty nowadays or are you hypnotised by that face shaped like the hump of a dromedary camel.

What is "funny" (wrong word, more like a piece of absurdist humour with the shock factor) about Borat is the reactions he elicits, esp from gulper yanks. Like when he asks a hick in a rifle shop: 'I need best gun to defend myself from the Jews,' the reply is a swift: 'That'd be a 9mm or a .45.'

Anyway this review gets closer to it so read and weep... remember to put the central heating on first love....

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/review/
story/0,,1933911,00.html

Coming back to sniffing (Dog Whisperer is wincing here), the beetle in the pic rolling the buffalo poop that probably escaped the sight of a southern school kid will end up on the plate of those lamenting the state of today's children.... the parent's council of Narathiwat High will talk it over plates of fried mung daa.... high mung daa I hear your say Khun Somboon?

Some enterprising southern fella 'll nick the rolled poop from the nest, throw it in a celophane and flog it to the hapless kids.... 5 years on there will be war on kii kwai and the mung daa ball trade will be consolidated after 2000 poop traders are eliminated. Painfully unfunny this, as Tracey Emin would say freezing her balls off in the breezy bedsit.

Jonathon Woss says:

Borat was funny 4 years ago. Now he has outstayed his welcome.

Face it, the guy is shite. If he had any class he would have quit while he was ahead.

Charlie says:

Everyone knows a .40 S&W is the premier defense round for this decade. Brits. Sheesh.

Dana says:

Dicer just posted a submission with a reasonable and readable length. Unfortunately I was standing when I read it and the fall nearly killed me. Beware the Dicer.

TANAI KWAI says:

How can you people find Borat "tired"?

He's only the most brilliant comic invention of the last 40 years. He and Larry David. And Triumph. I don't even care if Dicer quotes him, or Cesar Millan, for that matter. And it's MIL[L]AN, for chrissakes. Not "Milan." He's Mexican, not Milanese. And take you meds. And Jesus in drag, get an editor. From this planet. Fucking hell.

Now where was that ass-to-mouth post from Carline Grant... Ah yesss...

Andy says:

"Ass to mouth"????? - Life-saving techniques have certainly changed since I was a lifeguard, but its better than tossing a buffalo's salad I suppose...

philH says:

50 zillion flies can't be wrong. Sniff shit.

Dicer says:

Let me see.... hmmm.... I wonder, why is Tanai Kwai surly and restive like Nunu the Chihuahua? Well could it be the lassitude of age? Or perhaps his tart is treating him like a polished purse? As Ceasar Milan would say (after dealing with Nunu and Nunu II better known as Bandit, the Dog Whisperer changed his name and moved into a Roman play), mental erase is a hard thing to teach esp to one hemmed in and festooned by his own words.

TANAI KWAI says:

You're such a douche. And if Cesar ever met you he would agree you stink of vinegar and water. (He would also say it makes him uncomfortable when viewers use a dog obedience show to masturbate.)

Regarding the lassitude of age, I had no idea sitting on your ass all day watching Dog Whisperer and then scurrying over to your keyboard to type up episode capsules was your secret to remaining so youthful and well-preserved. I'd love to see the "tarts" you pull being such a fine specimen. I'll just look for the well-muscled Alpha stud leading a zombie train of gorgeous admirers through MBK as they jockey for first position. (If I'm being honest, I actually imagine you look quite a bit like tornado-beard.)

Behind so(oooo) much of what you write is an astonishing scorn for the obvious. You break the amazing story that dogs smell fear then claim you are misunderstood by low-synthesis nitpickers.

...

Okay, I admit it. I am writing you only in an attempt to coax forth another delicious string of your trademark dog psychology patois. Just can't get enough.

Dicer says:

Obviously the obvious eludes you and so do words it seems. Douche we've heard before. What happened to the bag? how about your native putz? Search away.

The all too obvious is where reality is at incase your pretentious lingo and writerly affectation delude you into thinking that woolly language is where the secret is.

Just like the pitiable chap who asks "gin kao ruu yang?" when he cant spot the contradiction in himself and resorts to feckless ad hominiem you seem to lack the gist of what is meant by synthesis. No matter.

"if Cesar ever met you he would agree you stink of vinegar and water"

After first seeing his programs a while back I'm colaborating with Cesar. And you are a self assured arse. Just as Cesar pours scorn and derision at his hapless clients I wonder if your overactively imagined tornado beard here should imagine you to be the pear shaped character with his 25 year old Lao tart who really takes care of you and pursuaded you to relocate to grimy bkk... (pointless but let's continue in TK fashion) there you are at a restaurant. Lao tart is hand feeding TK the shrek cum psychiatric out patient in his blue farmer shirt and trousers ornamented with a diaperlike pattern...Lao tart speaks in subtle low frequencies on her phone...and to whom? oh her brother of course...this girl never stops talking...of course she was feeding TK at the same time but there was the boyfriend checking on her.. such wonderous nuptials came to be perhaps after you had one margarita too many and asked for her hand in marriage...nice eh....free arse wipe service.

Does all of this mean anything? Doubt it.

Dog Psychology on the other hand could teach you a painfully obvious thing or two.

Blinky.

Dicer says:

nearly missed this one.... mental erase at work...almost.

"He would also say it makes him uncomfortable when viewers use a dog obedience show to masturbate" TK

So now Cesar is about dog obedience? You really are a stupid arse. He even says himself that his show has little to do with dogs and all about humans. Cesar is simply a magic guru or shall we say wild Chihuahua shaman loose in the desert. It's about people. And he has a couple of UCLA profs consulting him. But you'dnt know that would you low synthesis nitpicker.

Yeah, and I ran to my PC to write this. lol.

TANAI KWAI says:

Bag,

You can never resist getting in that one last zinger! Glad you remembered. Made a huge difference.

So what have we learned? Well it looks like someone just claimed her crown as the queen of nitpickers, haven't they? Ever notice how intimately familiar you are with all the traits you accuse me of manifesting? There's a term for that in doggie psychology, right?... It's on the tip of my tongue... oh yeah... it's called being an asshole.

I also like how you conveniently avoid dealing with the heart of my ad "hominiem" because it exposes what a nut you really are. You know, the bit about how you're actually a sedentary load of shit banging away at your keyboard like a shaved chimp -- and not really an alpha stud with a coterie of willing babes under your control, as you wish to be perceived? (If I'm wrong, please do let me know!)

Also note your obsession with "Lao peasants" -- your favorite pejorative for a Thai of a certain class, to whom you find yourself so very superior. And yet... you are quite intimidated by "writerly" affectation (which is your snarky way of saying you recognize the power of a fitting ad hominem), and you've previously made reference to the financial power you imagine I have... My, my, my, you really are just a frightened little "beta" puppy yourself aren't you? Well, at least you're good looking and young and fit, right? You've still got that going for you, right? ...Am I right? ...Hello? ...Is this thing on?

Wonderful to hear you're now "collaborating" with Cesar Millan from your hut in northern Thailand. That is very exciting. Please expand on the nature of that collaboration. Are you going to be appearing on his show anytime soon? What breed will you be playing? I'd like to mark my TV guide.

Dicer says:

Whoa..... slow down little pecker....

I had to laugh at a kangaroo just now...in a herd this one fellow finally bonked a female in heat and the oz keeper said, well now we know who our dominant male is. Then the male pops off the female but stays right there to show his dominance in general and get this, he holds up his paw and licks it. I bet you'd attempt to suck on to your pecker in imitation. Doesnt work I'm afraid. And then condemn that Kant's categorical imperative had nothing to do with it.

Poor sap, Lao peasant is not "class" but simply means Issan farmers as they are ethnic Lao and the way they are organised leads them to be called peasants. You rant about things you dont grasp. Here is another. You watch an episode and later notice how amusing .... how the aisle girls especially in BKK take over the aisle, run people off and actually knock them down..especially to younger females...Locals get territorial very quickly. Then they start to sneer at the customers...this is just basic territory stuff...looking down is trying to show dominance and of course low esteem frightened clients of Cesar (maybe he could do wonders with you?) try this all the time..their other strategy is to make faces and say things...to create their version of a boundary to an outsider.... I'm sure you can go on about how horrid I am on this one....

You dont need me to tell you the channel so tune in and enjoy. Yacking away here like a demented muggle wont get you anywhere. Just a little hint: Cesar's primary clues are visualizing a program before it happens. You might (I mean just might) pick something up from it.... so calm down.... oh yeah there are almost constant illustrations about calm aseertive energy as opposed to short breathed yelps. Some of those who cant stay calm and cant go for grasping take to drink, others resort to posts. That loyal retainer of the Tanai Kwai brain, the itchy fingers.

TANAI KWAI says:

Puppy,

Take a look at the last couple of posts. Who is ranting? Who is calm? Or don't you see it? Who is fleeing for the safety of non-sequiturs and tangents and "mere words"? Who is avoiding the true discourse you claim to crave? Who cannot bear to respond to the most simple, direct, literal questions he himself invites?

So you just keep nitpicking like a wrinkled old school marm (or, perhaps more precisely, like the piece of dried fruit you share a bed with) when I have the temerity to suggest that the basic premise of a dog show is about behavioral concerns people have about their dogs... And purposefully avoid the point entirely about "Lao peasants" and "tarts" and "mutants" and "scum who consort with bargirls" and all of the others you disdain in a vain effort to puff up your concave little puppy chest.

Still waiting to hear about all of your experiences as an Alpha male stud... Or was that all pure fantasy? A propos of that, please don't be modest about your new affiliation as a consultant to the Dog Whisperer show. Do tease us with just a little more information about this intriguing new venture. (I'm so pleased you'll finally have a platform to share your breakthrough peanut-butter-up-my-rectum protocol for focusing unruly Chihuahuas.)

**************************
NOTE TO NON-PSYCHOTIC READERS: I enthusiastically recommend the South Park episode where they feature the Dog Whisperer. It is f'ing hilarious. The coolest thing about it is that -- contrary to what they do with David Blaine and others they mock mercilessly -- they actually parody Cesar Millan in such a way that elevates him beyond his actual mortal talents, but with genuine respect and affection for him. Never seen any depiction quite like that on the show in a decade.

TK

Dicer says:

seems self evident he's enjoying this badinage...keeps saying stud, stud, stud though as if that is the end game. No studs, just observing and throwing alpha hints. Cesar would say there is a program planted in the dog brain. When it clicks it, hard to deal with...nesting nesting is one program for low esteem foreigners here...time for a new facsimile wife made in Thailand but Lao. The dogsbody is different the problems are the same. Anyway let me come back to what was being said. So a phrase here about his purchasing power, a word there about a little pecker, a word here about puppy. Oh my pedigree chum, do you have more food? Since you hold on to my words like a drunk monk does his soaked sutra I'll hasten to add that yes a narcissist is someone better looking than you are (dont worry not me, as we've established that I'm covered with hair.)

Ok bonepicking is a spectator sport. Obviously counter-intuitive but let me indulge.

"....an alpha stud with a coterie of willing babes under your control, as you wish to be perceived? (If I'm wrong, please do let me know!)"- TK

wrong. You've perceived me as a tornado bearded puppy stuck in a northern hut so that will do. Or throw in a puppy jerking off to puppy shows.

"Lao peasants" -- your favorite pejorative for a Thai of a certain class" - TK

wrong. have answered this one above.

"you are quite intimidated by "writerly" affectation (which is your snarky way of saying you recognize the power of a fitting ad hominem), " - TK

wrong. ad hominem is effective when something factual is given about the person, not when you are just carried away with imaginary masturbating long bearded puppy images, which does not amount to successfully attacking a character. Basically a poor method in a forum, unless it is Boratic comedy.

"Well, at least you're good looking and young and fit, right? You've still got that going for you, right? ...Am I right? ...Hello? ...Is this thing on? " TK

wrong. that does not matter. It is all about state of mind and mental images. Boy...the miscarriage and bleeding continues...

"..please don't be modest about your new affiliation as a consultant to the Dog Whisperer show.." - TK

I'll be featuring as a mean little shar pei soon followed by a bull dog doing Attila the Hun. Third series episode four and five.

"Who is fleeing for the safety of non-sequiturs and tangents and "mere words"? " - TK

I still can not get a whole picture from your above missives. You could have summed it up with the busy puppy image. Or is there something else?

"So you just keep nitpicking like a wrinkled old school marm (or, perhaps more precisely, like the piece of dried fruit you share a bed with)" - TK

as we do all.... dried longan to be precise....

"And purposefully avoid the point entirely about "Lao peasants" and "tarts" and "mutants" and "scum who consort with bargirls" and all of the others you disdain in a vain effort to puff up your concave little puppy chest. " TK

aaah something here....so the puppy is hateful and complexed and bitter too eh...Gorden Bennett! Is that the point that took this long or are there genuine questions why I use these terms?

"Still waiting to hear about all of your experiences as an Alpha male stud... Or was that all pure fantasy? " - TK

yep. I'm just an old fart with nothing better to do than get all Bazkia on a dog show and psuedo associated ideas with culture.

Now that we've established all that...I'm almost exhausted (normally I can go on)...no matter...before I dash out for a breather and gather up some negative ions ...

REGULAR PROGRAM RESUMED..

The best stories I got in Thailand are mostly from the Indians. Probably because they sit on a perfect vantage point to observe both Thai culture and the foreigners. So the clue is what is THAT vantage point. Additional clue about the no colony no white man vantage is.... Perhaps they've survived the hundred years of khek manipulation, how to spot disrespect and arrived at the 10 quick tricks to disarm a village girl with a knife. If you find yourself hyperventilating in a closet what to do next is, assuming that you are brought up in a closet, joked one Indian Thai friend is to remember that you can react to THAT legislated mutant behaviour you have observed, i.e. the group cheating sneer etc...well, expressions expounded for a cogent plan... What we have is a city full of non trained Chihuahuas. So there can be easy slow calm deliberate ways to turn them around one at a time. Now it is interesting because they have even legislated their barriers at a national level...no farang ownership, no real job here, visas, and the like and any latest scheme on the home level is the same old scheme, so he said you only need to think in slight variation on the same theme. Interestingly which is what Cesar gives us with basic animal behaviour and again and again we ask where is the line between animal and human?

An all too obvious example. The other day while waiting for the office lift in bkk slutty receptionist came out and gave me a stare, neck hidden, face forward, head tilted down, end of lips pointing down, almost disappeared pupils, nostrils inflated, shoulders inwards, crooked gait ...a right menstrual look. I took one deep sigh and without opening my eyes moved my whole body clockwise into the lift. It helps never to turn heads around but the whole body in a graceful motion. I used to do the pirouette, turn around and look for a few years until I really got the lowdown on the mutants, now I never ever do, once you KNOW the sneers are there there is no point in gracelessly collecting more useless data, unless of course one has other designs which is a no no with such signals flying... When people go in the pack area Cesar warns not to look or talk to them...same with slutty... if you don't look at them they are a bit stunned, but look and in the animal world it is actually attack time. Whisperer warns that his dogs will immediately attack if anyone looks at them. Of course the low status females are the worst of all.

What is fab about the sharpei is the other dogs getting the message real quick. Even attack dogs get the message (so there is the mutant group) but with the China dog, hysterical with it not giving up trying to watch TV. A big black lab was thrown off the bed once and got the message, but the female China dog was not about to give up. I could see all the Chinese ajarns doing exactly the same thing; they keep fighting. "Well you can't tell me what to do." This really amazed Cesar although I mentioned also that a lot of people get postal when you compare dog and human behaviour. So to wit, Thais I would bet are quicker to get the message and give up. Chinese won't. To gain rhyme and reason does of course take them age and maturity but that is a different matter.

Now what would it take to get an Essex bird into line...no, you cannot use a gun, but a leash is OK.

Time to go out to the garden and sip the nice nov evening chill.

TANAI KWAI says:

Dancing pup,

Please, you can get off your hind legs now. No more tricks. It's inhumane.

Your response certainly looks comprehensive, but you say so little with so very many words. So if we strip your response of its usual lacquering of bullshit...

(1) You aren't really the great Alpha (I'll dispense with "stud" since you perceive that gives you some daylight to squirm) you've been claiming to be all this time. You have instructed us all to take notes regarding how you control your gang of admiring Thai dog-females but that's not really you at all, is it? (Or don't you remember that bit of fantasy?) And you theorize I am "pear-shaped" as though you are the embodiment of male beauty forged in a vat of alpha testosterone, but that's another fraudulent guise, right? So you're actually just a rather pitiful beta theorist who was enjoying his pose as an alpha practitioner while it lasted? Is that what you are? (I notice how you've avoided these flights of fancy today. That would seem positive.)

(2) Despite your attempts to deflect the question, you have yet to explain what you meant when you said you were "collaborating" with Cesar. If that's fantasy also, aren't you a bit concerned about your mental state? I'm quite serious. You immerse yourself in this world of the Dog Whisperer to a degree that suggests you might benefit from OCD medication. You may have few social outlets other than this website. (But please don't go off on an unproductive tangent about OCD or your social life.) Is the line blurring between cyber and meat? Unburden yourself. Go on and explain what you meant regarding your important work with Cesar. I will proudly salute you if I am mistaken since we so rarely have celebrities participating here.

"Since you hold on to my words..."

What else do we have to go on for purposes of this analysis? I am a student of the maladjusted making that inexorable trek toward insanity. I pay careful attention to my subjects. And that reeeally bothers you, doesn't it? So many petards on which to hoist yourself, so little time.

So where does that leave us? Sarcasm is your final refuge. Breezy sarcasm cloaking anxious evasiveness.

If you don't stop dancing we'll never beat this thing. The questions have been posed. I have yet to stutter. Are you capable of speaking with economy and candor, and without the veil of sarcasm? All ears. And again, please don't drown me in words. And don't rely on your old crutches of calling me "literal-minded" or claiming that it's all so complicated and "beyond my grasp." Or your new device of justifying your compulsive fraud by saying "It is all about state of mind and mental images." Pretend for a moment you are bound by (or at least affected by) the laws of physical reality like the rest of us. These are simple inquiries anyone can understand.

Dicer says:

"Your response certainly looks comprehensive"

bonepicking is neither comprehensive nor does it give an overall big picture. It's just a time wasting orgy. So if we deconstructed this fella what would we get. Well we'd need more factual stuff but given what we've got here it would carry on like this...

"And you theorize I am "pear-shaped" as though you are the embodiment of male beauty forged in a vat of alpha testosterone..."

f****n hell, that must have stung...he does chew on them eh....

"So you're actually just a rather pitiful beta theorist who was enjoying his pose as an alpha practitioner while it lasted?"

wrong. bleeding again. No, I'm just learning and connecting dots and throwing hints about... I mean damn, is it going to be transfusion time soon.

and just LOVE THE FOLLOWING. A little approbation thrown in, but like Dale Carnegie on mung daa acid! Here goes:

"(I notice how you've avoided these flights of fancy today. That would seem positive.)"

how magnanimous of you!

"Despite your attempts to deflect the question, you have yet to explain what you meant when you said you were "collaborating" with Cesar. If that's fantasy also, aren't you a bit concerned about your mental state? I'm quite serious."

Here is something asked in earnest. and concerned for my welfare too. It's simple really, at least for those who wont spin out of control: using Cesar's (actually there are more ppl behind it) ideas in other unadorned (and unflippant) ways to have a go at people problems.

"You immerse yourself in this world of the Dog Whisperer to a degree that suggests you might benefit from OCD medication."

yes yes, I washed my hands for the nth time before typing this last sentence.

"You may have few social outlets other than this website"

You are very astute. I've been found.

"the maladjusted making that inexorable trek toward insanity"

nice!....no really I shit you not, this made me smile. Hang on...Never new though that proto nutcases were unyielding or unalterable? Doomed eh? Sounds bleak. Not funny after all.

"I pay careful attention to my subjects."

smarmy...naah...quesy even...naaah

"And that reeeally bothers you, doesn't it?"

bothered?, I'm scratching the blackboard and erm whatever.

"If you don't stop dancing we'll never beat this thing."

on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on..... and then

"don't rely on your old crutches of calling me "literal-minded" "

abundantly clear, anything but! this much you've achieved.

it carried on and finally arrived at this semi-menstruation....bleeding from above and below it seems:

" Pretend for a moment you are bound by (or at least affected by) the laws of physical reality like the rest of us. These are simple inquiries anyone can understand. "

physical reality?. no idiot, what I go on about IS perceived reality, to become aware of a continuum, by means of the senses....and go all the way to abstract stuff like OTHER culture which is outside and progress to discerning the pre-real, the real...the hyperreal. I bang on about time warp so at least you should have picked that up.... illustrations and cases stuck up sky high and Kant's categorical imperative.

I think I encouraged you here, but not only is this exhausting but tedious. Or is it the old motto "Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear" more like your fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution. A letter follows...

"Hi mum. I'm ok. I still think though everytime I let go of my feelings of guilt and self aggrandisement, I feel like I am in touch with my inner self who tells me I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of pointless ectoparasitic posts. I tell people in mangosauce I am an artist because I even lie when it is too inconvinient. I mean I tell people that I have gainful employment so.... I think what I do is normal in Thailand, or so my lovely girlfriend tells me. I think I can control myself now because I think I have controlled this guy Dicer on MS who was taking too much space. Yes I understand what you said last time mum. I need not suffer in silence while I can still write posts that moan, whimper and complain and feel at one with my psychosis. Only a lack of hyperimagination saves me from immobilising myself with imaginary long bearded dancing puppies. I've decided to spend as much time casting Dicer as the problem, actually as a scapegoat because in the end a good scapegoat is nearly as good as a solution to the problem. I'll call you soon. - bliwinky." TK.

...

Time to wind down this lavish orgy raaaaight about HERE.

Dicer says:

The bonified psych says: a few problems...when you point out to people that dog can explain man it's like saying Pepsi can be Coke or the little tart in the cafe saying "no mistel we hab milo and not kotex." He is getting irritated because he has painted his bubble pink and doesn't want any one messing about. He has vested time. (Yes yes I've said this before.) In fact the regular awareness is suffocating in fear.... while paradoxically decided there is no evil in the world (which is comforting to overly feeler ostrich folks). The bubble is nice, but fades into neurosis as the subconscious sends out warnings. Next you get the auditory whose prime technique in life is avoidance...again, the bubble with some teflon is just the thing, but again nagging doubts and before you know it they are in a corner in fetus pose hyperventilating with a keyboard (or a pillow or anything really). Their entire supposition is based on being a beta male but not willing to admit it then you have a geezer who is just stalemated in junior high...he seems to have a lead bubble that is reality proof.

...roams the world a bit unsure of himself but hopeful. Well in the forum is the super cocky alpha int he eh....

There was this episode about dogs afraid of humans. Pinky has fear of people issues prior to being adopted by her new owner, a fireman. This guy was a strong pack leader on the job; used to making people feel safe in the most extreme, dangerous situations. However, he couldn’t get Pinky to relax. When Cesar saw her Pinky, a female pitbull-mix was so fearful of him she would curl into a comma-shape and tremble so hard she could hardly hold up her own weight. Her tail seemed to be permanently stuck between her legs. So Cesar says as humans, we tend to feel sorry for animals that seem scared. So neurosis people in their natural inclination to coddle try and make a frightened dog feel safe sometimes resulting in the dog nipping. So you think you are doing something positive while actually encouraging unwanted behaviour. Now get this, pity and guilt is perceived by such a dog as weak reaction. The emphasis here is that the right therapy takes time. Pinky was sorted and became an official greeter to the customers after being relieved of her timidity by a strong pack leader calmly and assetrtively moving Pinky through her fears.

Whatever is said though ME FIRST (therapeutically diagnosed as insensitively selfish indivudual) has created a bubble world where you get to make up your own themes. In this case defensive and a rationaliser as he thinks he can counter reality at any moment with some kind of counter response to the locals...lower level similar types just tell you to change the subject or doze off. The difference is the level of ammo. For example an individual with REAL LOCAL experience and some LONG VIEW wll try to counter case until he runs out and then just slumps. Lowers quickly go to ad hominem as they have no cases and stay there.

and you cant help say to them illustrate, illustrate!

They don't get anything because on top of the bubble they have radar to spot incoming reality and pull up star trek type shields...the statement is I CAN MAKE MY HUIS CLOS REALITY AND YOU CANNOT STOP ME...REAL REALITY IS GONE...I CANNOT INTERFACE SO LEAVE ME ALONE...last man is bubble man. THE DISAMBIGUATION OF HYSTERESIS by Dimitri Gibberishvy.... what is he, a Kazakh?

TANAI KWAI says:

Well, you're explosive diarrhea of the mouth has finally engulfed everything. But no worries, I'm coming to hose off the scene.

I know you'd love to end the "orgy" (ick) but let's not do so until we've taken a giant strainer to this fetid mess and culled out the bits of reality (not "hyperreality," you poor excuse-choked fraud).

(1) You've demoted yourself to being merely an oracle of "alpha hints." Having hastily sloughed off your manly alpha pose and revealed the feeble little man behind the curtain, you've now escaped to a world all your own: The Alpha Hinterland, where you can still hold your head high and where your attempts at humor don't so closely resemble botched abortions.

(2) Now here is the funniest thing you've yet written... (And by funny, of course, I mean you're an asshole.) First, you tragically claimed:

"After first seeing his programs a while back I'm colaborating with Cesar. And you are a self assured arse."

Priceless. You had hoped to give yourself the unassailable patina of legitimacy by claiming that the object of your homoerotic affections had finally recognized your talent in the field of episode capsule work. When pressed, you pulled every rip cord and set off every bit of linguistic pyrotechnics in your demented arsenal. But finally goaded into an explanation regarding your close relationship with Cesar you grudgingly concede (drumroll please):

"It's simple really, at least for those who wont spin out of control: using Cesar's (actually there are more ppl behind it) ideas in other unadorned (and unflippant) ways to have a go at people problems."

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! It's simple, really! Indeed, it is! You're a complete jackass. In a fit of overreaching grandiosity, "watching the show with a million other fat, sedentary boobs" suddenly becomes "Collaborating with." Nicely done! Did I get it or was that too hyperreal for me to grasp?

You know, I was really hoping you were going to overreach yet again and create one of your baroquely stupid explanations for your puffery. That would have been entertaining for so many reasons you couldn't even fathom.

Now try to wash away any memory of this little interchange with another coat of your erratic spurtings. And don't forget the breezy sarcasm about the "self-assured arse."

Go on then... SPURT out another prodigious load... five courses of Indian food, baby! You can't be stopped, you can only be contained!

Jack Wow says:

I wish I had the time to write such long posts. You gotta envy Dicer and Tanai Kwai - it must be nice to be retired.

Dicer says:

"culled out the bits of reality (not "hyperreality," you poor excuse-choked fraud)."

do you use words just for the sake of using them? what is the difference? Do you know what interfacing reality means? Do you know what pre-real means? Do you bother? of course not. Your job is washing crap here, right...no no forgot, I meant cleaning up after abortions and "explosive diarrhea". In that order? Are you in your overalls and wellies and powerhose in hand.....It seems your screams get louder the closer we poke around to the reality.

"colaborating with Cesar"

This bothered him so much he was given more food to expell more of the poor words that festoon his subconscious...wonder if the possibilty (let's say the probability of my doing anything with Cesar at any capacity is bothering him.) For someone who has no idea about Cesar's work why would that be? Now this "it" as the tarts would say, whose entire substance in mentioning any, I mean ANY illustrative material from Dog Whisper is limited to South Park and one statement about "dog obedience"... I reckon he hasnt even seen a single episode in full. Amazing. But is it really? I mean there are thousands who randomly invent biblical quotations so what would one Leviticus character change here.... any moron would instantly recognise that whether I have anything to do with Cesar or not would not give an iota more weight to any post here. Totally unimportant. But who has lost the plot and gone time and again to prove that he is certifiable. It's all there....Priceless indeed my not so pedigree crapper.

"You had hoped to give yourself the unassailable patina of legitimacy by claiming that the object of your homoerotic affections had finally ... regarding your close relationship with Cesar......"

homoerotic?....Jemima did you see this bit..... my oh my.....and legitimacy? where here in this forum ha!... I mean do you think any sane person who claims legitimacy would make any crap exchanges (oh so memorable to you) such as this one with a funny man.

btw is this your old playground rules that you imported to Mangosauce all those years ago and have invested "memory" into and evidently alive and well.... albeit the bag of tricks as well as you have faded off the pages and you lose your rag about "containing me" ..... and then you say oh "shining in MS is like playing tennis and depends on the contrapuntist".... gerbilising away, what an investment!

The game is up unless you are compelled to regress even further to multiple effing this and effing that.... and I, funny man, am back into the alpha hinterland (I wish there was one around here...does he even know what that refers to?) ok rather back to toying with dog explaining man.

contain away, funny man.

Dicer says:

oh, I wonder if said southern kids high on poop would expunge similar amount of shit particularly about nothing in the Captain Container fashion.

Cop catches Captain Container taking a dump through the letterbox of the house he thinks belongs to any perceived enemy. Cop to CC goes....you're nicked me old pear shaped beauty and CC goes, no sir, I was only hosing it down, I was containing it, scrapping the phoney legitimacy, honest.... officer, at least let me wipe my arse before....

onlooker goes... Dicer what are you on about....oh, dog explaining man....erm what do you mean by that.... the basic traits of dogs manifested in humans and using those to toy with our recurrent problems in Thailand or anywhere foreign really.... huh so why do you go on and on about Cesar Millan... coz he's the canine shaman.... are you possessed...yeah inexorably.... oh and who's that guy, pointing to Captain Container wiping his arse on the back seat upholstry of the cop car... that my friend is a true example of what in psychology we refer to as dissociative living beyond limits, and one always wonders if such a phenomena is staged or not.

TANAI KWAI says:

A sobbing old woman writes:

“ Do you know what interfacing reality means? Do you know what pre-real means?”

Oh, dry your tears. “This Tanai Kwai is just a brute. A Philistine. I won’t dignify his remarks except by sobbing and typing well into the night. Why doesn’t he engage me in an abstruse academic discussion so that I can thrill my fans with a nice collegiate circle-jerk about Derrida and Baudrillard? Perhaps then we can avoid this unpleasantness surrounding my innocent little fibs.” Worry not, Madam. You can resume your “PROGRAM” again shortly without TK (or anyone) interrupting you again. Your rambling posts can then drift around cyberspace without the slightest breeze to disturb them, like gently bobbing floaters.

“For someone who has no idea about Cesar's work… I reckon he hasnt even seen a single episode in full.”

Sir, you cut me to the quick! How easily you have disarmed me. So I guess your pitiful claims of a grand “collaboration” with Cesar are hereby rendered less pitiful because you have an encyclopedic knowledge of every errant crap taken by a Chihuahua over three seasons.

“wonder if the possibilty (let's say the probability of my doing anything with Cesar at any capacity is bothering him.)”

Not at all. I welcome "the probability" of your triumphant explanation of how you and Cesar are working so closely together after all. I’m certain you and he have set up an intimate “members only” blog where you whisper sweet nothings to him in the form of 25,000 word posts, which he relishes over a glass of Merlot before staying up all night trying to express his admiration in a lovingly crafted reply. Face it, you’re gay.

“that my friend is a true example of what in psychology we refer to as dissociative living beyond limits”

All those readers who wish to receive psychological services from Dicer, the paragon of mental health and proper socialization, please queue up in an orderly fashion. I’m a man and all, but that is some scary shit. If you aren’t a classic OCD case (which you can’t rule out just because you don’t like to wash your hands after taking a piss) then there must be some other condition that compels you to respond to every playful kick in the nuts with a painfully unfunny response coupled with one of your cruelly boring allegorical doggerels.

TK: You’re an idiot.

Dicer: I’m an idiot am I? Blimey, Taffy, Jemima, LOL mate! That’s rich... You wouldn’t know the first thing about being an idiot... Dog walks in to a bar and orders a drink... I’m doubled over in the next barstool, pants on ankles, trying to lick myself... Lao peasant looks away nervously... Suddenly I'M the mutant because I've only got one ball... They're all looking at me down their noses... Classic dominance stuff. Man tries to lick his cock and ball and they get right territorial...

Okay, well you enjoy yourself. All the best in your collaborations with your many celebrity pals!

Dicer says:

"Why doesn’t he engage me in an abstruse academic discussion "

dont flatter yourself sunshine.... I'm in the very obvious.. remember "Captain Obvious" n'est-ce pas?

" nice collegiate circle-jerk about Derrida and Baudrillard? "

hehe.. zee french are thrown in for good measure.

Dissociated personality was I believe the term...for the mutants they drift off in their own reality which is equally unreal compared to the floating psychosis of the visiting scum who cannot interface or synthesise realty... on one side you have a race away from realty and on the other conscious avoidance of the same towards the hyperreal, the simulated.

" Face it, you’re gay...."

I wonder the misfit anomie barking under the Tanai Kwai moniker for four years led to dissociative disorder.... one expects there would be a parting shot on this perilous journey of an endless road travelled, but on a second look it's clear that he's made it a lifestyle. A simple search of "Tanai Kwai abortion" leads to 11 different usage of the word in various posts by the same between 2003 and 2006. Whoa! and "homoerotic" has 8 references. Actually make that 9 and it goes on. These two illustrate the state of mind perfectly.

The irony is that as some compatriots call him "prolific" or "funny" or somesuch his soaring value of self worth grows unabated. Akin to that Kiwi chap I saw in the Chiang Mai bar pulling his pants down and horrifying the girls. He was ejected out of the bar but forced himself in again. One local guy who watched the whole episode from a corner suddenly got up walked over and gave him a well arranged knuckle sandwich which threw the arsehole tumbling down the kerb.

Did you lot read the penultimate paragraph. Wow. All that stuff about sucking and licking, abortion and on and on and on... I was wondering if he was going to say "Leucorrhea" in this last post. A tanker full of crap just for this.... very curious to say the least.

Jack wow says:

And cue Dicer...

TANAI KWAI says:

I guess what hurts the most is that you would accuse me of writing about the same pet topics and being repetitive in the use of particular words and phrases. When God was handing out the creativity I guess he saw fit to give me a bit less than most. But that doesn't make me any less of a man. In some ways I think it's actually made me a stronger person. I appreciate the little things a little more, you know?

I’m also disappointed that I seem to have missed these supposed compliments regarding “funny” posts I submitted between 2004-2006, and I challenge you to produce them. May I assume you will again decline to present evidence for your outlandish claims? The paragraph above which concludes with “Face it, you’re gay” was not remotely funny. Nor was the insult credible in the least.

But in my defense, and since we’re walking down memory lane, we were doing endlessly long dog/bargirl psychology posts here at Mango Sauce years before you arrived on the scene. Here is a little number from back in the Fall of ’04:

* * * * *

David writes:

"Just remember that prostitutes are for recreational use only."

In terms of playing the percentages, this is definitely a wise approach. Certain relationships have some daunting front-end obstacles. Examples:

1. Incest
2. Vast age difference, especially if the junior is within spitting distance of the age of consent
3. Relationships with the highly medicated or grossly under-medicated
4. Relationship with someone who has crossed the boundaries required to sell her body to a stranger
5. Any combination of the above.

Otherwise stated, falling for a BG is generally for daredevils (the American Kennel Club terms these kinds of people "advanced" owners, who would choose an African Basenji* or a Turkish Pariah dog over, say, a chocolate Lab bred in Greenwich, Connecticut). Can it work? Yes. But such understandings are not for the faint of heart. Or for those wrapped up in notions of shame.

Sometimes, BG-type relationships are sought out by a man looking for the kind of woman who cannot shame him for his own checkered past and failures, personal or otherwise. If the man is enough of a sexual compulsive, the problems in the relationship migrate, becoming centered around his inappropriate sexual behavior, not hers.

But more often, some poor naive bastard just gets eaten alive, ultimately plunging off of a Pattaya balcony, his depleted 401(k) statement clutched tightly in his fist.

"Don't worry about AIDS - or any other STD, for that matter. You didn't indulge in high-risk behaviour with this girl. I know loads of guys who take a different girl every night and who haven't yet come a cropper. If you used a condom during intercourse, you'll be fine."

May I also suggest prompt removal of the condom followed by thorough washing of the entire genital, perineal and abdominal area with an antibacterial soap and/or alcohol? (I assume, Dana, that a modicum of hygiene does not disqualify this activity from consideration as sex qua sex?)

As to the fears expressed about oral sex, some guys just don't like to do it and will come up with all manner of reasons to abstain. Use your best judgment after a careful (but not too obviously clinical) inspection.

(...)

*Of 155 registered AKC breeds, Basenjis are by far the least popular. Basenji breeder J. Taylor writes:

"You might ask, 'If these dogs are so hard to handle and so uncontrollable why do people want them?' While the adoption postings certainly make them sound sweet and loving enough Basenjis can range from highly destructive and aggressive to perfect angels..."

"Basenjis are curious, active and self-directed by nature. If they are bored or anxious, they can get into a lot of trouble emptying trash cans, chewing furniture, eating shoes and clothing, exploring the cat box, and destroying a wide variety of things that would amaze you! Never underestimate the wily nature of a Basenji. These activities give them great pleasure and using force or severe discipline will not change their predisposition to do them. The best strategy is to remove the temptations... Close doors and crate or kennel them if they will be unsupervised for any period of time (at least until they can be trusted).

Basenjis are not easily trainable... generally, they are self-determined and will comply only when they want to. When you get to know your Basenji you can watch her 'deciding' whether to do what you have asked. This is not a trait everybody can live with."

"In addition, the Basenji is a sighthound with a high prey-drive. (Don't even think about training thousands of years of nature out of them!) They like to hunt anything and everything that moves and will tear after all things that interest them, with complete reckless abandon. Sadly, this is the behavior that gets them killed most often; as they run into the path of cars without being cognizant of what they are doing. Their natural instinct also makes them bolt through open doors. No amount of calling and commanding will bring them back until they have satisfied their curiosity...."

"So, getting back to the question, If these dogs are so hard to handle and so uncontrollable why do people want them? For me it is because when they love you, you know it is completely their idea. There is no blind following or genetic predisposition to respect humans. You have earned their respect and affection. They challenge me and I find myself asking, How can I outwit this dog? . . . and enjoying it!"

"On a more surface level, they are clean and odor-free and they don't bark. They are a wonderfully portable size but still big enough for a good cuddle. Finally, they are simply magnificent to look at and watch."

"Basenjis are not for everyone. If blind obedience is a desired quality in a dog, a Basenji should never be considered. But if a wonderful companion is wanted--and a relationship where on-going negotiations are the norm--and you have time to give your Basenji lots of loving attention, then this might be the dog for you."

Posted by TANAI KWAI | August 13, 2004 10:23 PM

* * * * *

Look Dicer, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of two little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that.

We’ll always have Paris.

Dicer says:

"... I challenge you to produce them. May I assume you will again decline to present evidence for your outlandish claims?" - TK

When we peddle our pet topics not only could we get lost in illustration, worse we can end up lost and our purpose could be reduced to simple lexical dazzlement. To illustrate without making an exact science out of it I'll give you one example, which I reckon should be listed under the crowning achievements of Tanai Kwai. Esp you contributions towards the end.

http://www.mangosauce.com/relationships/
want_baby_now.php

Pet topics being what they are, can metastasise into endlessly resounding themes. Anonymity allows us some candour here so I'd say on top of dog psychology, mutant and misfit evolution, one other theme I find inexhaustible, perhaps to the chagrin of others is how much the Thais have developed instant conversational non-sequiturs and digressions into an art form just like they have their slick first encounter system. When you live in Thailand some themes refuse to go away and they grow. You stack cases one on top of another and the illustrations grow high into the sky and however much you'd like to brush them aside the themes are there and there is no avoiding them. So after years of listening to local women who say MUFFINS! I came up with so many examples that when added up it seemed like a sketchbook from some pythonesque show.

Here from the past:-

.......
As for the MA from a foreign university type of education I'll share with you one anecdote to illustrate further. Once I was having dinner with a bunch of friends in a leafy London suburb. Among the guests were academics of different nationalities and two Thai guests. One was a Phd, a rather chatty woman who was there with her husband, who is a Scandanavian businessman in bkk. The talk around the table was about EU politics and in the middle of the talk she would pop with statements like "I like chocolate muffins" and leave everyoone astonished. I'm sure in her thinking she had made a legitimate contribution; conversation that shifts quickly. I see the same thing in universities and offices. Everybody is happy with small talk situation but many have problems with more involved conceptual or theoretical talk... some quickly get bored (even in subject matters they are supposed to be experts) others just sulk and pout. Now this woman in London was educated and I've read some paper she wrote, but what I call "educated" here is rote and slow recall. Now I dont mean to say that all are like this, but that this is very common, thats all. John Hinds, who was a top linguist at Thammasat has written a lot about Thai conversation patterns. He says that it generally shifts from idea to idea over a kind of reality surface and is not accustomed to making conclusions. Choose a polite to semi polite, middle of the road, short, positive, paint by the number, non-conclusive topic and you'll do just fine. ....

Posted by Dicer | August 8, 2004 9:59 PM
----------------------------------------

Now the latest example is even better. I am on a flight headed north and the guy sitting next to me is a Professor from Kasetsart University. Conversation goes like this:

Professor: Where do you come from?
Dicer: UK, and you?
Professor: I'm Thai of course.
Dicer: I meant which province.
Professor: Bangkok.
Dicer: I see, and what do you do.
Professor: I'm a law professor at Kasetsart.
Dicer: Ah interesting....[thinks this could be a normal conversation]
Professor: Cold in England now?
Dicer: yes, quite. [Thinks it's sliding but perseveres]. What do you think of the recent developments in Thailand?
Professor: Oscar de la Hoya.
Dicer; excuse me!
Professor: I said Oscar de la Hoya.
Dicer: the boxer?
Professor: yes, he's good isnt he.
Dicer: erm...yeeeaah [frowning].

When he said Oscar de la Hoya I should have played and said, "Anastasio Somoza" and then he'd have invited me to his home thinking that we're soulmates to whisky and more deviation. Another missed opportunity. I find the art of the non-sequitur almost permanently present around here. One day after eating the fiery Mexican chilli called Habanero, which in chilliscale is up there on top, I blurted out "Habanero!" in the middle of a polite conversation. Since then it has been like a sort of non-sequitur warcry where mid conversation someone shouts "Habanero!" Well we are beginners in the art you see. If compelled I'm sure you can find one from your arsenal, not least the "babynow" post I mentioned above.

All this shows that we have pet topics, peeving ones or not. Not that I'd count the word "abortion" to be one. That asthmatic lion of thought Isaiah Berlin told us that you are either a hedgehog (knows many diffuse small things,) or a fox (knows one big thing in a unitary vision.) Perhaps one would want to be a hedgehogy fox? The point is that hedgehogs think foxes suffer from OCD. And foxes think that hedgehogs have lost their bearings.

Habanero!

P.S Basenjis respond to calm assertive energy and mutual affection.