April 23 2007

Thai girls with guns

A Thai bargirl's handbag always contains surprises but you don't expect to find a 9mm semi-automatic pistol.

The scene is a Patpong beer bar and, with the obligatory bargirl perched on my lap, I'm enjoying a quiet drink with a chum. When the conversation turned to Seung-Hui Cho and the Virginia Tech shootings, our bouncy new friend dropped the bombshell that she too was packing.

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Naturally, we responded by ordering her a couple of shots.

Thailand is awash with privately owned handguns but acquiring one legally requires a bit of effort. American retirees are always banging on about how difficult it is to obtain a firearms permit but some farangs are treated more favourably.

If you're a notable local employer with a benevolent attitude towards law enforcement officers, getting tooled-up could hardly be easier. One of my better-connected friends has even scored a permit to carry a concealed weapon.

Once you've got your hands on the hardware, you'll obviously be itching to use it.

To impress the chicks, you could hold your pistol (or, ideally, pistols) sideways and fire off an unfeasibly large number of rounds while performing a slow motion summersault but it's fair to say that, if you actually wanted to hit something, the extra points won for artistic impression would probably be lost on technical merit.

In all seriousness, though, privately owned handguns really belong on shooting ranges. I used to favour a total ban but, having thoroughly enjoyed playing Rambo at Phnom Penh's infamous Thunder Ranch, I had a change of heart.

However, even a tightly regulated approach isn't perfect.

Based on newspaper reports, I've worked out that, on any given day in any one of Pattaya's busy shooting ranges, you've got a one percent chance of witnessing a glum farang blow his own brains out.

Of course, illegally held weapons pose a much greater threat.

Years ago, another bargirl described to me how she had planned to gun down her unfaithful farang boyfriend.

After hawking the intended victim's VCR and a couple of necklaces around Chinatown, she was soon the proud owner of an under-the-counter handgun boasting its very own criminal record.

Even in Thailand, the mere possession of such a weapon can get you into serious trouble and, once her murderous temper had cooled, the gun became a dangerous liability. The next time financial circumstances obliged her to pack up and do a runner, she left it behind in a drawer.

I've been pondering why girls with guns are so appealing.

When I was young, adolescent Tomb Raider fans would conspire to make the pistol-packing Lara Croft run into walls time and time again for the vicarious pleasure of making her moan. The game must have turned a whole generation of impressionable young men into "girls 'n guns" freaks.

When it comes to combining sexual fantasies, however, the whole is always greater than the sum of the parts.

You might think that a grown man like myself would have better things to do than to scour the net for a picture of nude model turned actress, Shu Qi, impersonating the big-titted grave-robber - but you'd be wrong.

Shu Qi guns

Bingo!

Getting back to the original story, our Patpong bargirl became increasingly evasive as we tried to validate her firepower claims.

"Do you want to see my tattoo?" she asked.

"No. We want to see your gun."

[Posted to Thai Secrets by David]

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Readers' comments

broadbandbully says:

A quick serch on the internet will reveal that the Army and Police run shooting ranges in Bangkok. I have heard from a memeber of the Korean community, that after several visits a license and firearm can be obtained.

April 23, 2007 12:05 PM

Gun Ho says:

I recently noticed one of my Thai colleagues reading a gun magazine. When I asked him if he had one he told me he had two (one for the car and one for the home)! Apparently three out of the ten guy in my site office had pistols!
From previous experience of visiting friends in the NE of the country it would seem many â€˜up-countryâ€™ folk have guns at home (although most of these date back to Colonel Custard days) and would probably result in more damage to the operator rather than the Buffalo wrangler try to steel the family treasure.
A while back I asked one of my â€˜connectedâ€™ friends if I (farang) could legally get a gun. The answer was: â€œNot unless I could supply very good evidence for justifying needing a gun such as having to carry large amounts of cash. However should I have difficulty in producing this evidence I could always short cut the system with 60000 Baht.

April 23, 2007 12:22 PM

Common Sense says:

Thai chicks packin heat. My American, white bred, republican ass is sporting the largest erection I've had in my life just thinking about it.

April 23, 2007 12:52 PM

Grunt says:

David's poo-poo'ing the idea of an armed peasantry aside...

25 years murder-free in 'Gun Town USA'

Town makes it MANDATORY that each home have a firearm and, wonder of wonder, crime rates plummet!

Nearby town BANS firearm ownership, crime rates skyrocket.

http://wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=55288

Seriously David, lay off the Prozac, ok?

April 23, 2007 1:09 PM

sniffer says:

The father of a Thai girl I know is a captain in the BKK police. He game home paralytic one night and left his pistol in the front room. My friend's sister found it and sold it to a girl she knew at school. Both the sister and her schoolmate were 14 at the time

April 23, 2007 3:00 PM

Young & Handsom says:

Bar girls & guns........Sex & violence! Sign of things to come I am afraid. Used to be that expats were safe to walk the streets, now I am not to sure.

April 23, 2007 3:16 PM

Ckrisg says:

Took a girl from a Pattaya Beer Bar last year back to her house on the darkside of Sukhumvit. It was a treasure trove of firearms, she told me very bad people here no one take my money.

April 23, 2007 7:07 PM

Mr Thaksin, bangkokchat.org says:

wonkers all wonkers.

Guess what.... after Columbia and SA which is the next country for highest death rates from domestic gun crime ???
Yep! LOS's

And they say in the mags "what a warm friendly culture"

Thaxo.

April 24, 2007 3:37 AM

charles says:

this should be the nightmare for u guys living in thailand, open your eyes.

April 24, 2007 9:59 AM

William Mahanakorn says:

David,

Are you sure it was really a "gun" she was referring to, and not one of those nasal balms that they like to insert in their nostrils?

April 24, 2007 11:11 AM

Wombat says:

Sure it was a gun "she" was packing & not something altogether different.

April 24, 2007 1:10 PM

Michel says:

No good to have guns available.
When I quizzed a Thai about gun laws, I was told that only farmers that lived near where there was wild dogs could get permits, and for everyone else it was hard.

Was fun at the gun range though especially the 45 or the shotty.

April 24, 2007 3:06 PM

John Frum says:

Jesus David, I'd respected your wit for as long as MS has been around until this:

"After hawking the intended victim's VCR and a couple of necklaces around Chinatown, she was soon the proud owner of an under-the-counter handgun boasting it's very own criminal record."

What is the fuck with "it's" when it's clearly "its"?

(Sweating the small stuff so we can all get back to romping with bargirls).

--------

April 24, 2007 8:52 PM

ozricdan says:

Ckrisg said.....

Took a girl from a Pattaya Beer Bar last year back to her house on the darkside of Sukhumvit. It was a treasure trove of firearms, she told me very bad people here no one take my money.
----------------------------------
ozricdan says.......

could have stayed in pattaya and be shot for not taking a bar- girl back to bangkok. you must have been pretty horny and she must have been a real stunner to travel all that way.

might have been easier to have been shot and be done with it!

or is that chris from luton who maybe a little drunk...........?

the thai's in uk cant belive the laws concerning firearms. when i told a thai girl about the guy who came home to find a burgular in in living room high on drugs and then beat the man with a cricket bat. i tod her when the police arrived the man who owned the house was arrested for gbh. my friend then said, after she stopped laughing, if that happenned in bangkok to her she would shoot first ask questions later although she would be taken to jail things would blow over eventually under the thai laws of beurocracy.

a thai man gets kicked to death in a village outside sisaket and nobody cares the police dont care either.

a farang man gets shot in prasat near surin by a policeman because of being drunk and lewd the policeman get 10 years but is out in 2 months.

if they can do it to thier own they what chance have we got.

be careful out there.

June 1, 2007 8:45 AM

PrasatPiper says:

Hey ozricdan, When did that shooting occur in Parsat? I didn't hear about that one...Why did the police shoot him too?

June 1, 2007 1:43 PM

Anonymous says:

prasat piper.....

are you in prasat now?

it happened about 2 years ago because the market people finally had enough of him being drunk and rude. ie swearing being abusive whilst dringing chang beer etc etc.

ps... also be careful of knives as well

a bar girl in pattaya goes to the next bar to steal customers the farang owner tells her to fuck off, quite righly i say but the bar-girl comes back and stabs him in the arm. she gets arrested he goes to hospital

the next day the police arrive to arrest the farang bar-owner, it seems that the bar-girl had sex with two of the arresting officers and also had told lies about the bar owner.

he lost his bar eventually and she found another poor sod somewhere well it would seem that the latter is always true.

so be careful of guns knives or bar-girls with guns knives etc

be also very aware of your friendly neibourhood farang. while hes being ever so nice to you he is also informing the police about any other activities you may or not have.

a farang and his thai wife in near surin were busy informing the police about other farangs, some got into serious trouble but some had hign ranking police connections and now this informer is doing time in the bangkok hilton.

so be careful of the above and farangs that seem too friendly if the thai's would lie cheat and steal from other thai's then it also applies to the farangs amongst us.

i really hate to be the prophet of doom here but sadly this it all too true.

be very very careful out there.

June 4, 2007 6:21 AM

ozricdan says:

after reading sniffers statement

i just remembered a good story i heard....

a bar owner had policemen coming to his bar and one day they noticed a new dartboard so when they officers tried playing this they were pretty useless but after a while they got better.

one day they came into the bar and thanked the bar owner for helping them to play darts this was a happy day and drinks all round for everybody,

the bar owner then found out shortly after why the police where so happy.
it appears that the darts training had also worked wonders for their firearms skills and had passed a test earlier that day in weapons training. well if you can call it that.

so now all the new recruits go to the farang owners bar for the real weapons training...beer in one hand and a good dart in the other.

June 4, 2007 7:57 AM

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