Sit & smile: Thai toilet habits

Manjula says:

Many modern Thai's use toilet paper now. Just see the sales of TP in supermarkets. I use it too.

Skid Marx says:

Yeah, but most of it does end up in a silly plastic box sitting on dining tabels instead of in the toilet!

Dave says:

When I was "holidaying" in Bangkok, I once picked up a bar girl and brought her to my Hotel room to spend the night. Just being curious I asked her whether she uses TP or water spray to clean up after a BM. She said she uses toilet paper.

Pannaporo says:

Re comments by Manjula, I think you are right. My family is Chinese Thai and we have been using toilet paper ever since I was born. I think using paper is is more convenient as it is not messy.

stone says:

That also explains why it ends up on the dining tables. Convenient and cheap and the chinese eat like they are shitting anyway!

Pacha says:

I am from Thailand and we use water to wash ofter passing a motion. However since I travel to western nations to for studies I am used to using toilet paper.....I live in Australia now and use toilet paper...However I would still consider water as more hygenic ...the only problem is Australian bathrooms are not designed to handle water flow if one really wants to use water.

enima lust says:

nothing better than that squirt of warm water up the arse. i'm farang but have lived in asia for over 20 years. i love that hose next to the toilet...almost more than life itself...........

turn-on says:

Re the paper vs water controversy:

I'm Asian but was educted in England. In Asia, we use paper first and then water (the toilet hose) for further cleaning. After these events we use soap & water to wash our hands. I do believe that these methods are way more hygenic than the paper only dictums of Europe & America.

Almost every Thai lady with whom I've discussed the matter of hygene and /or body odor, has told me that the typical farang stinks to high heaven.
The reasons for the 'farng stink' is not only the farang diet, but also farang toilet habits, that is, the use of paper only, after taking a dump. Paper only, never cleans thoroughly- to be graphic: particles of shit adhere- combine this with the hot and humid conditions that exist in Thailand and you have the odor / stinks, so characteristic of farangs.

One has only to walk into any bar along Sukumvit on a hot day to be engulfed with the characteristic farang odors - the same smells that one has to suffer when taking the London underground (trains) especially in summer.

The one thing that I've not yet had the courage to ask a Thai lady is: in village toilets there is only a bucket of water beside the toilet, there is never any soap; how does a person clean his/her hands after going thru the water based Ablutions ??

Combover says:

I agree 100% that the paper plus hose combo is way more hygienic, and I'm a huge fan of aiding a post Tom Yam Goong chilli-blaze dump with a good squirt of cold water up the jacksie. But I don't think that's necessarily why Thai ladies think we stink.

Unless you are dealing with a particularly unhygienic farang specimen - and granted, there are more than a few of them around the upper reaches of Sukhimvit - it's unlikely that you'd catch a whiff of somebody's arsehole as they stroll by (or even as they maul your fanny in a go-go bar).

It's far more likely that we stink because many of us are hairy, unacclimatised to hot & steamy Thailand, and overweight. We certainly need to shower more regularly in this environment (though this may not come so naturally to our French cousins).

Not to mention that we eat different foods. Many Chinese are rumoured to think that Westerners smell of sour dairy products. A trip to West Africa and you will undoubtedly be initially taken aback by the all-pervading smell of pungent dende oil wafting from your friends and colleagues. In India it would probably be garlic and spices instead. In Hong Kong I find the ever-present smell of bad breath to be more than a little off putting.

I'm guessing the same girls who complain about "farang bad sa-mell" can breeze past an open sewer without batting an eyelid, forage blissfully in a dried fish market for hours, munch upon handfuls of fresh Isaan onions and smack a big one on your lips without having an inkling of their own peculiar odours.

In answer to your last question, I have my doubts that people do clean up properly. Whilst Thai people may be naturally clean as it relates to getting rid of visible dirt and smells, I suspect your average villager's knowledge of antisepsis and cross contamination is sketchy. In any case, a grubby bar of Imperial Leather is unlikely to do much to prevent arse-to-hand-to chopping board bug transmission.

Best to just get used to it. The flies'll get there first anyway!

Combover says:

Just to add - I do recognise that Thai women are fragrant and lovely, and I take appropriate measures to ensure my own chocolate starfish is squeaky clean, shiny and polished throughout every trip to Thailand.

Dave says:

I once slept with a Thai girl. After some talk in patchy English, I asked her how she cleans up. She said with some difficulty that using toilet paper is considered unclean by Thai's and that she uses water and her left hand. However when doing an overnight in Hotels, she said she uses toilet paper and rinses her (bottom) in the shower!

AVID says:

[David writes: Blatantly racist remark removed. I've warned you about this before, AVID - are you taking the piss or what?]

Talking about squatting, I think the longest squat I ever had was after getting off the plane from Bali. I must have dropped so much crap that it took about 7 'thai water bowls' to clear up the mess. I was getting worried coz the whole was overfilling & I managed to get shit on floor too. Only a sharp exit 'saved my face'. Whata load of shit man!

AVID says:

DAVID:

Not fair. I bet you got one of those Windows Alerts that send u an email every time I post something.

We are all a little racist inside, however much one tries to delude himself that he is not. There are lots of racist postings on this site, but you're only singling mine out coz i joked about hacking you site.

Well?

David says:

Please behave yourself, AVID. I know you can be civil. Don't make me block your access to this site.

AVID says:

I take that as a personal dislike.

You have just lost my respect. Bye Bye!

Dana says:

Farangs do not smell. That is a racist myth.

losluvr says:

Hello, I'd just stumbled across this site after returning from my 3rd trip to LOS this year, so I thought I'd put my 2 satongs worth in.....My 1st experience with Asian toilet practices was on a trip to PI last year. I was staying at a nice resort with my "at the time" Filipino GF. We had just gotten back from the beach when I walked into to find her squatting ontop of a western style toilet seat. I was very puzzled & asked her why she doesn't just sit down as it would seem more comfortable. Her reply seemed fairly logical. She told me that if there are germs on the seat that she'd rather get them on the bottom of her feet than around her genital area. Kind silly but I can accept that. But what I didn't care for is when I go in to sit down & the seat is left wet. A little paper to dry it off & no problem though. One thing that I still don't care for though is to walk into a bathroom with a wet floor. For some reason that just give me the creeps.....I noticed TURN-ON mentioned that Asians use the paper first & then wash off. I thought that I'd give the Asian way a try one day but found it much more productive to wash off first & then dry with the paper.....course most "farang way's" do seem to be the opposite of Thai.....As far as farang's smelling, in my experiences in LOS I've found that there are people that smell & people that don't no matter the race. I have smelled some God awful falangs that don't even seem to know that they reak of B.O. but I've also smelled some Thai men that were pretty rank in the underarm dept. too. I've also had the displeasure of sitting next to a clean looking young Thai man on the BTS as I was nausiated by him smelling of urine. I do have to say that I've never come into contact with a bad smelling Thai lady.....except for my gf's breath on occasion after eating dried fish snacks.

phil H says:

My worse experience with a Thai squatter came when visitting my gf's family up near Saraburi. Had a bit of a queasy stomach that day but nothing out of the ordinary.

So, I needs to go for a crap. No problemo makes it into the bathroom, drops my kit and just as I swung the ringpiece over the Thomas F it happens........ all of it......in a second. It was like a flock of birds taking off. Trouble was that half of it ricocheted off the rim and sprayed up the wall.

OK, I can deal with that, just get the plastic pail and wash the shit down the drain hole in the corner. No, too easy son! Due to subsidence the floor no longer sloped towards the drain and the shit all ended up in the opposite corner.

30 minutes of sloshing and spalshing later I emerged from the bog to a room full of perplexed faces. They must have thought I was some kind of hygene freak. Sit and Smile? Fat Chance,

FIGJAM says:

The usual mistake: anglosaxons = westerners/farangs.
In Italy and France, for example, we use toilet paper first, then move on the bidet for a soap and water cleaning. Way more hygienic, neat (and not messy like Asian toilets) than anything out there. I don't know how you folks can live without it :o)

david says:

The great Romans used sponges to clean their asses after defecating (learned from the History Channel).

The idea of a bidet is a good one. American toilets and bathrooms certainly need some redesign; a great business opportunity!

daniel says:

I’m not really a fan of the Asian style squat toilets I mean what foreigners are but in the main tourist spots in Thailand this seems to be less of a problem however another reason for wanting to avoid the dreaded visa run was the fact that every time the coach stopped the toilets we were supposed to use I wouldn’t a wash a filthy mangy soi dog in one I mean when your out on a visa run and have a case of the trots the only possible answer is to use some camouflage and some foliage to make yourself feel that much better again. Even so unless the squat toilet is in a clean environment I will not use them.

The most interesting thing about squat toilets is with everything else is the more you use them the easier it gets and this was proved to me by staying with my girlfriend in Issan.

Now she has a big house etc but the house still has its squat toilet, when I arrived she knew I like my creature comforts after all she used to spend ages trying to talk to me outside the bathroom door while I was sitting on a western style toilet with a good book when we lived in my apartment in Phuket. So when I arrived at her house I found all the necessities such as toilet paper, some magazines an even an ashtray and this made using it that much easier although how I was supposed to enjoy reading the magazines I'm not sure. Anyway I don’t really mind them too much when I spend time at my girlfriends house now, so in fact that when I do go to the loo I just sit and smile.

Taba says:

I'm an exchange student here in Thailand and call me daft, but I don't know how to use the "bum-gun" and am afraid to do so for fear of getting watter and crap all over the place. My host family has two crappers: one squatter and a western style toilet, but no TP...a little help?

Roberto E. Lee says:

Heh. I had to have a Chinese girlfriend explain it to me during a bout with Bumrungrad-inspiring food poisoning.

Begin by aiming the device in front of you, as if you were shooting at the wall. Maintain the direction, but move the shooter behind you, as though you were shooting yourself in the back. Lower the elevation of the gun, but keep the angle the same. When you fire, the water should hit your crack and, more or less, flow between the cheeks. The harder you press on the gun, the more "stimulating" the water pressure is.

What a way to wash those erogenous zones, eh?

Looper says:

Back in Farangland I don't have access to the bum gun, sadly. I have to make do with the garden hose with adjustable nozzle in the back yard, much to the neighbours displeasure. They should mind there own feckin business I reckon. Like they say once you've tried Asian theres no going back. For those really stubborn tagnuts I use a 3 phase electric powered industrial high pressure spray gun. Works wonders but does run the risk of accidentally bursting your grapes if you are a sufferer. Keep the Preparation H within waddling distance.

John says:

When my Thai wife and I first moved back to Canada about 5 years ago she was complaining about no 'Bum-Gun'. So being pretty good at plumbing I figured no problem. A trip to the hardware store and I was set up with a torch, kitchen sink spray gun, solder, and fittings. Since the bathroom sink was right beside the toilet it was easier to hook in there and have a sprayer just under the TP roll.

My dear wife was all happy and proceeded to do her business. Then the screaming started. I hadn't taken into account the water temperature difference between LOS and northern British Columbia in Feb. The ice water that shot out onto her privates was not very pleasant I guess.

Back to the drawing board, I connected into the hot water as well. This solved the ice water problem but since the hot and cold water was now an open circuit, the hot water was back feeding down the cold water line and my hydro bill shot up about 200%.

I finally figured it out with an in line shut off, so long as it is remembered to close the valve to isolate the cold and hot water line I don't have to take out another mortgage to pay the hydro bill each month, and my wife is joyfully washing her bottom.
.

philH says:

John, I am truly impressed! Your wife must have a BA Hons in fluid dynamics just to use the bum gun.

btw how do you achieve temperature control? After all a frozen ring piece is bad news but a scalded one - jeeez!

Looper says:

Kudos to John. Plumbing in an improvised bum hose with climate control to help your Thai wife get her bearings in icy northern Canada is surely an act of heartfelt devotion. May your marriage be a long and happy one and long may your non-reverse valve function satisfactorily.

Scraping away with dry bog roll just doesnt cut it after getting used to the sensual delights of the ring hose.
An accommodating girl in Chiang Mai schooled me by example in the art when I was a novice. I could see my face in her spanker after she'd given it a good rinse. Not to mention eat my dinner off it with HP sauce.

I bought a real bum gun in Bangers and brought it back but have never been arsed to plumb it in. I find polishing off with a babywipe to be an effective workaround. Leaving your piece not only squeaky clean but smelling of roses too.

Pants Elk says:

During a recent visit to one of the (perhaps two) shit-stalls levered into the architecture of Suvarnabhumi at the last minute I noticed that the business end of the bum-gun had been thoughtfully appropriated by a previous occupant. This no-bum-gun no-facility teamed nicely with the no-paper no-facility.

Personally, I favor a young goose, drawn between the butt-cheeks by its beak, for intimate freshness.

philH says:

Pants Elk, I find angora rabbits a little gentler on the Chalfonts.

john says:

Washing your ass is highly rated. I've found that I can usually wash my ass in the sink(except in public washrooms obviously), or I have the foresight to go just before I shower. Look here guys, really, when you're taking a dump and things weren't going well, you need to consider washing your nards; they were down in that hell. I used to have a very small bathroom that stupidly had carpet as well. I always wanted to raise the doorjam up, remove the tub, and just tile everything or fiberglass it. Currently my roof is leaking in the bathroom when it rains despite the roofer being out at least three times now. You'd think there is at least 50% chance it would leak over a water appliance, but I don't get that kind of luck, and I have to put a bucket in the doorway. I never knew Thailand had anything to offer but underage sex and/or ladyboys. Wow, a waterproof bathroom! You all have my deepest respect.

Pants Elk says:

I used to be the proud owner of a reversible towel. I know all towels are reversible, but the problem is you don't remember which side you used for which body part. So some unsung genius marketed (until he no doubt went bust marketing a short time after) towels which read ARSE on one side, FACE on the other. In a fetching brown and white color scheme.

(If there was one with ARSE on one side, and HOLE IN THE GROUND on the other, I'd send it to my friend "Common Sense".)

Common Sense says:

Am I being taunted here?

Pants Elk says:

Hey! Common Sense! What you wearin'?

Common Sense says:

Your mom.

Pants Elk says:

Tsk.

You're a necrophile, then. And not in a good way.

(...waits)

Common Sense says:

I take it however I can get it.

Sitting & Smiling says:

My host family has two crappers: one squatter and a western style toilet, but no TP...a little help?

If you looked carefully, you might find the missing toilet paper in a nice round plastic box sitting on their dining table.

Pants Elk says:

"Common Sense" (the quotation marks are mine, but you can have them), I'm sure my mother's corpse was the best* shag you've had for a very long time. The most willing, too.

(*I originally typed "only" here, but that seemed needlessly cruel)

Common Sense says:

Nah. Your wife was more willing. Your mom seemed a little "stiff".

Pants Elk says:

"Nah. Your wife was more willing. Your mom seemed a little "stiff"."

Well, that's more than you were for my wife, apparently.

Common Sense says:

True. Very true indeed. She's such a hag who wouldn't have that problem with her. No problems with mom though which speaks volumes about the wifey.

Pants Elk says:

Always good to see you reaching for your thesaurus, CS!

Common Sense says:

Pants,
I see you've ran out of anything funny to say so you chose the typical UK insult of attacking grammar. Unfortunately in this instance there is not a single word in my last post that is above the third grade level, therefore everyone reading likely understood except you. Now do us a favor and fuck off because an ignorant cunt like you aint worth anymore of my time.

Common Sense says:

And just to cut short your next response, yes i can speak and write above the third grade level.

Pants Elk says:

I wasn't attacking your grammar, although God knows you couldn't make it an easier target if you hung lights off it.

You don't use a thesaurus for help with grammar, C.S. But *you* don't use a thesaurus for anything, which was kind of my point - I was being *sarcastic*.

Still, good to see you falling back on the old "fuck off" thing!

Common Sense says:

Whether its grammar, punctuation, or vocabulary you’re attempting to harp on its still pretty lame. Not only is it lame, but also an irrelevant argument. Look up the word "fallacy" and you will understand what I'm talking about. True though, I have yet to master the Queens English since I am American, but one thing I am proficient is tailoring my writing to the educational level of the recipient. Since I have yet to see any great literary masterpieces out of you, I feel third grade level is appropriate.

As for your failed attempt at sarcasm there, I will just add that to the growing list of things you lack.

1. An erection.
2. A sense of humor.
3. A life.
4. A knack for sarcasm.

As for your following me around from thread to thread trying to provoke me, its kind of childish. I have a suggestion though to occupy your time. Please read David’s article that suggests a new hobby for stalkers such as you. I have included the link for your convenience.

http://www.mangosauce.com/diary/
appeal_to_wouldbe_stalkers.php

Oh by the way.
LOVE YOU LONG TIME!!!(wink)
Fuck off.

Pants Elk says:

Gimme a big hug. You know you're enjoying this, or you wouldn't do it.

The Land of the Rising Dung says:

Once again, leave it to the Japanese to perfect and automate this process. The modern Japanese toilet seat is like a fully equipped cockpit with pilot's control console on the right. Can control temperature. angle, volume, along with a few tricks, such as massage and "bidet" mode. Feels so good that you might want to spend the afternoon there. OTOH, the instructions are in Jap-speak only, so very easy to accidentally pick scalding hot water shot at volcanic eruptive speed up the hoop.....caveat emptor!

torture says:

Who knows where to buy toilet spray in New Zealand?

Pants Elk says:

You can buy "toilet spray"? I usually supply my own.