Rare species, weapons & poontang ploughing

BLACKCUNT says:

David,
Iam always freaking out when thai vendors approach me on the streets, last saturday while I was enjoying my B110 large heineken at the open place on soi 7, a guy approached me with some G-SHOCK look alike watches and when i tried on one and pressed down the big button that illuminates the dials, guess what I got? FIRE! yes , its a watch /lighter.Perfect combo, smokers can now time the gap between their smokes and their grave.
Done that already 15 years .Sorry guy, smoke and fire only makes things worse.Move on.

Jules says:

I was searched at the airport in Christchurch a few months ago after a long flight from Bangkok.

I had already filled in the forms about food etc. and passed through quarantine when I was pulled to one side and they announced I and my baggage would be searched for drugs (Hey, it happens) and I would have to wait a minute.

Ah, sniffer dog probably methinks. So I am standing there and open my bag to get my pen.

Oh shit, 500g of undeclared fruit and nut chocolate I picked up in Singapore. Dogs love fruit and nut, they will be all over it, huge fine, thrown out, maybe some prison time.

So I scoffed it surreptitiously.

When they came to search me (with a small vacuum sampler) the lady asked me if I was OK as I looked a bit pale. I nearly spewed on her.

stu_$ says:

my thoughts exactly...
just got myself a stun torch at chatuchak markets
800 baht , hopefully its got enough voltage the shock the tuktuk drivers off me ,

i cant walk the 150 m to local 7 11 without a minimum 3 drivers yellin "where you go ?"

could also come in handy the next time a girl tries to pull a 1000bht note out of my pants while she she gives me a hummer...

although i fear a zap to the nutsack
could be considered pleasant by some the hardened katoeys that hover around my soi

chock dee

Farangutan says:

hehe could be worse - chocolate can be poisonous to dogs, if the sniffer dog had scoffed it you might have been up on a canine murder charge! :P

Jules says:

500g of fruit and nut can also be poisonous to readers of Mango Sauce.

Farangutan says:

"fruit and nuts" -sounds like a new mangosauce slang term for a katoey perhaps...

Looper says:

I got one of those insect display case things a while back.
According to the Australian Customs Service the insects are cool, the bat is not.
I now have an insect display case with an epaulet bat shaped silhouette in the middle!

mr peter says:

Where can I buy one of those Taser guns from and how much do they go for? There's a few people I would fancy seeing with a few thousand volts up their arse, I'd leave it until it was pelting it down with rain of course!-peter

Jules says:

Had any "fruit and nut" today, guv?

Ubangi Me, Ibangi U says:

Hell, soon you'll be able to detect one of us Mangosaucers on the street: Your cell phone suddenly won't work and some guy bristling with weapons and objects that cause fires will be looking intently at your nightly catch!

Magyver says:

Pete - You can easily make your own taser.

Just need one of those disposible cameras & some insulating tape.

mr peter says:

Looked at what the cops use:http://www.thamesvalley.police.uk/crime-reduction/taser-guns.htm

Don't look much like a digital camera though does it. Think of the fun you could have zapping next doors cat as it shits on you lawn for the 100th time, not to mention sticking one up NJW's arse and pulling the trigger-peter

Magyver says:

Pete - bet this site makes u feel like a wee boy in a sweetie shop

(and NOT in that way)

http://www.totse.com/en/bad_ideas/guns_and_weapons/163381.html

KDub says:

I was looking at Taser's(TASR) stock price recently. Amazing, went from $2 to $32 in just the past year. WTF!?!?

TANAI KWAI says:

Yes, TASR is the best performing stock in the world. Truly.

But with that PE it can't be sustained. Not the time to jump in, to say the least.

(...)

Gurst says:

Tanai Kwai, I suggest APCC. With a PE ratio that can be sustained, it looks like an attractive buy.
Revenue for the first quarter 2004 was $351.8 million, an increase of 14 percent from $309.0 million reported in the first quarter 2003. Net income for the first quarter 2004 was $34.7 million or $0.17 per share, up 16 percent from $30.0 million or $0.15 per share in the first quarter 2003.
The Company's Small Systems segment, which provides power protection, uninterruptible power supply (UPS) and management products for the PC, server and networking markets, produced revenue of $275.1 million, or approximately 79 percent of product revenue, in the first quarter. First quarter revenue for the Small Systems segment increased 13 percent year-over-year and declined 18 percent sequentially. The Large Systems segment, consisting primarily of 3-phase UPS, DC-power systems, precision cooling products and services for data centers, facilities and communication applications, had revenue of $58.3 million, or approximately 17 percent of product revenue, in the first quarter. Large Systems segment revenue in the first quarter grew 23 percent year-over- year and was down 24 percent sequentially. Finally, the "Other" segment, which is comprised of various accessory products, was $16.2 million in revenue, or approximately 4 percent of total product revenue, in the first quarter. Quarterly revenue in the "Other" segment declined 7 percent year- over-year and 9 percent sequentially.

Geographically, the Americas region (North and Latin America) represented 47 percent of first quarter revenue and was up 8 percent year-over-year and down 21 percent sequentially. In Europe, the Middle East and Africa (EMEA), first quarter revenue represented 31 percent of total APC quarterly revenue and increased 11 percent year-over-year and declined 26 percent sequentially. Finally, first quarter revenue in Asia was 22 percent of total company revenue in the quarter and grew 33 percent year-over-year and 7 percent sequentially.

On a constant currency basis, total company revenue in the first quarter grew 9 percent year-over-year and was down 19 percent sequentially. Additionally, in constant dollars, first quarter revenue in EMEA was up 1 percent year-over-year and down 28 percent sequentially and first quarter revenue in Asia was up 22 percent year-over-year and 6 percent sequentially.

Cog says:

I'd like to suggest Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, Inc. (NYSE: KKD) P/E growth ratio expected to be sustained indefinitely. Many thanks go to the gastronintestinal endeavors of all the men and women in the police force.

TANAI KWAI says:

Thanks, Gurst. Looks solid and you can't fake cash flow. I have a brilliant broker to whom I give total control of my modest portfolio, and I will send him APCC forthwith. He loves unsexy securities like this one, specialized insurance companies, obscure holding companies controlled by proven investors, etc. His performance has been staggering -- he hews to a real value discipline akin to Buffett. I can send you the list of my holdings and his contact info if you are ever inclined.

Best,
TK

Cog says:

Khun TK...
My stereotypical suppositions of male hispanics could be skewed...but why the hell is a "cholo" like yourself using high-falutin' words, like "forthwith"?

(curious)

TANAI KWAI says:

Cog,

I have never been to Hispania, nor do I speak Hispanish. The word "Hispanic" sounds ethnically sterile to me -- like a brand of hot dogs.

"Hispanic" has become an increasingly popular term since the 1980 U.S. Census, which used it to mean "ethnic" and "Spanish-speaking." It has since been favored by Americans of Mexican provenance who are ashamed of their Mexicanness. Before the advent of that feel-good term, such crypto-Mexicans referred to themselves as "Spanish," to which I would generally reply with a question: "If you are "Spanish" why do you look like Sitting Bull?

Anyway, my mother is Mexican, Portuguese and Spanish, and my father is a European Jew. I am a product of places like Andover, which explains why I am so at home in the rarefied air of Mango Sauce, using words like "forthwith" and "whingeing cunt."

I think I was Thai in a previous life because I have never felt more at home than I do in LOS, and I have lived in many places.

Hope that clears it up, homeslice.

(...)

Warren Buffty says:

You can fake cash flow for sure...

Toby says:

first of all, let me start by saying i hate conservationists, environmentalists, and granola eating, tree hugging, hippy fags.
but on the other hand i also hate conservative whites, republicans, Geroge Bush; Herbert Walker and Dubya.
so i guess i just lump everybody in to the 'hate' or ' to kill' catergory. But you guys are ok.

my personal favorite weapon is the crossbow. i'm sure many of you have seen it on the streets of pattaya, many times i've considered getting one, but i don't even want fuck with shit coming through u.s. customs.
i guess i could mail it home, but it's too much work, for the time being i'll settle for the fantasy.

some other favorites of mine are the the replica HK MP5s, .45 ACPs, and Browning 9mms, and the beretta.
they shoot small plastic pellets, much like the airsoft BB guns. or you can just get the replica gun lighters, those are always fun.

but one gadget i've been meaning to get for some time is the small video camera that stands about 4 inches tall with its miniature tripod. there is also a wire less receiver, pretty good for spying on people or if you're just paranoid.
i've thought to get one a few times, but could not come up with a justifiable reason to buy it. it's cool, but in the end it's just a waste of money, for me at least. that's baht i could be spending on cheap booze and hookers- or is that the other way around?
that's the trade off for youth, virility, and good looks, you tend to be poor.

mr peter says:

Magyver thanks for the link, I will give it a go, I might do for that cat yet if I can get close enough-peter

bendover says:

I come here to find links on questionable websites, humourous anecdotes and scathing diatribes, and what do you give me?

Stock tips.. pffffft.

Magyver says:

Want cool links?

P2P music sharing is a pale shadow of the glory days on 2000. Anyone remember Audiogalaxy anyone?

Well, MP3 blogs are the lastest fad (cue lawsuits etc)

Try some of the links in here -

http://monkeyfilter.com/link.php/3404

Pete - you should start a morlam one. It may stop you from molesting the neighbour's cat!

mr peter says:

Music bloggers, whatever next I never heard of this before. Maybe the cat will have to wait-peter

Cog says:

Khun TK,

Ese, thanks for your response.

As a mark of sensitivity, I decided it would be prudent to use the generic, non-descript term, "Hispanic", to inquire about your cultural origins. And, I certainly wasn't suggesting you were a wiener with a sperm count deficiency.

I didn't know the Talmud allowed for that much genetic diversity in one person. If I were Khun Greg, I would say your Ashkenazi heritage automatically places you in the top percentile of The Bell Curve. Sadly, I find myself at the bottom of the proverbial totem pole.

I am glad you've found a barrio in the LOS. Choak dee khrap.

TANAI KWAI says:

"I am glad you've found a barrio in the LOS."

Yes, Khun Cog, and that barrio is the J.W. Marriott, exec floor, usually.

(Well we're movin' on up,
To the Sukhumvit side.
To a deluxe hotel room in the sky.
Movin on up'
Watch that Skytrain glide.
We finally got a piece of Nana pie.)

Toby says:

...fish don't fry in the kitchen, beans don't burn on the grill....
now i got that damn song stuck in my head

hey fuck being P.C., i'm tired having to tip toe through my vocabulary so as not to piss off the indigenous people of what ever.

call em wetbacks, spics, niggers, honkeys, crackers, chinks, gooks, wops, kikes, rag heads, what ever. did i leave anybody out? see if did leave somebody out you'd have some pussy ass liberal telling me that i'm discriminating against the group that i failed to insult.
ok well i didn't mean that literally. but the term i hate most is "...."-American, i.e. african-american-- i'm sorry, if youre a black american you ceased to be an african years ago. how many jamaicans do you know that call themselves African-Jamaicans?
also, if you're canadian and you emigrated from canada to the u.s., that would make you a candian-american? but isn't a canadian techically an american already? this is the asinine country i live in. and seeing that half the redneck cracker-ass-cracker population here in the u.s. supports bush, i'm emigrating my ass from here to canada. i love america, but i sure do hate americans.

Ubangi Me, Ibangi U says:

I endorse your decision to move from the US to Canada. You'll raise the average IQ of both countries.

waxhead says:

Yo Toby

My take on the "..." American is 'cause when some Chinese guy says, I am American, then a fair few white people say, "well, how come you ain't white then?" or maybe "yeah, but where are you from"

Then when the same guy says to someone else, "I am CHinese" they say "wor yo dta shin jeeo" or some other crap in Chinese, so he says "nah, I mean I am Chinese-American" (i.e. of Chinese descent but from America)

I guess he could call himself Chinese or American, but either way it would not accurately describe the combination of ethnicity vs. nationality.

Since America and Canada are both countries of immigrants, it would not be necessary to say "Canadian-American" or so forth.

Common around the world to objectively describe this combination of ethnicity vs. nationality as per "Thai-Chinese" "Thai-Indian" etc etc. I would hardly call this politically "correct"; more just easy to understand.

But then again, a lot of Americans do love to get riled up about the slightest thing so no doubt you have some other take on this, which as a non American (but Asian) I may not "get".

Did I use the "quotes" correctly? I wish you could see that I was also doing the two fingers thing to show verbally that certain "words" were in quotes "too".

"Wa"xhea"d"

KDub says:

"I think I was Thai in a previous life because I have never felt more at home than I do in LOS, and I have lived in many places."

Perfect. I feel the same way.

Gimpy1 says:

Toby,

Pleaase don't forget Dago, Spearchuckers, spooks, or my favorite, Jungle bunny!

Cog says:

^Errr....why don't you white-ass honkies just refer to the database of racial slurs.

http://www.rsdb.org/

Yours,
FOB

Gimpy! says:

Tania,

What would you describe as a "Sexy" Stock vs. an "Unsexy" stock. Is is one that dresses up in a matching bra & thong set compared to one dressing up in flannel PJs. Would tattoos and piercings be involved? How about some dirty talk?

Oh, and to agree with Warren Buffetty's post ,you can fake cash flow. One only need look at a company like Enron, or the late 80's early 90's electronic chain in the New York area, Crazy Eddie's. Both collapsed under massive accounting fraud.

And, while I think you're full of shit most of the time, rambling on with your incessant posts to everyone about every little topic, I will say this, you're annoying! (sorry, I couldn't think of any other way to end the sentence)

Seriously though, when it comes to financial matters, you might not want to give the guy total control over your portfolio. People get ripped off all the time from money managers given power of attorney. Would you give one of your boyfriends your checkbook and signing authority? Probably not! He says you're getting great returns, but how true is that? Do you get a large dividend check every quarter or a statement I'm reminded of a question posed to both Bill Cosby and that fat piece of shit Oprah. The question posed or something to this effect was, "what is the one piece of advice you would give someone?"

The answer in both cases was, "Always sign your own checks!" No matter where he goes in the world, Bill Cosby always has all of his checks Fedexed to him everyday for review and approval. Just some food for thought.

Cog says:

I forgot to add:

Toby doesn't realize that liberal Canada heavily promotes Multiculturalism. It would be best (for all of us) if he secured his ass in "redneck" country and just remain contented with fucking his sister.

TANAI KWAI says:

Limpy,

Got your trickle of piss. Thanks.

I can count on two fingers the number of times you've posted without either addressing me or referencing me. (By the way, if you weren't such an ass maybe I wouldn't need to be so hostile in return, but you don't take well to civility either so go fuck yourself when you're done here.) Anyway, your badly needed education continues below.

"What would you describe as a 'Sexy' Stock vs. an 'Unsexy' stock."

Ordinarily, I would take this as a lazy attempt at humor but in your case I must assume you really don't know that "sexy" is commonly used as an adjective for well-publicized stocks.

TASR - sexy.
Krispy Kreme - Sexy.
Danielson Holding Corp. - not sexy.

"Oh, and to agree with Warren Buffetty's post ,you can fake cash flow. One only need look at a company like Enron, or the late 80's early 90's electronic chain in the New York area, Crazy Eddie's. Both collapsed under massive accounting fraud."

Yes, and you are a moron. You get your news and information from skimming the headlines of USA Today. Enron didn't have free cash flow in large amounts -- only a relatively sporadic (and non-transparent at that) cash flow. Enron, Limpy, was a trading concern.

Solely in terms of an EBITDA analysis companies like Enron and Worldcom could only fake cash flow in an unconvincing and muddled way -- by faking earnings. They would routinely obfuscate earnings and cash so you could never see where it was coming from or going to in a transparent manner. They would claim extraordinary charges and indulge in off-balance sheet shenanigans -- the signs of what I would consider a dangerous stock to own.

If you are smart (and you are decidedly stupid) you would restrict your investing activities to companies that pay down debt and pay out dividends in such a manner that you can trace the path of the cashflow from a bank statement directly to a company's balance sheet. In this way you can prove that shareholder equity is being increased. It is noteworthy that the only way you can fake cashflow in this respect, you steaming pile of shit, is to fake actual bank documents -- for example, printing up a Bank of America statement and altering the balance reflected. The "massive accounting fraud" you squawk about had nothing to do with this type of absurdly brazen and impractical means of faking cashflow.

"And, while I think you're full of shit most of the time, rambling on with your incessant posts to everyone about every little topic..."

With all due respect, you are a barely literate dumbass. You come from a long line of dimwits whose backs are still sore from the transition to walking fully upright. Your comments are so insignificant that you don't even have detractors, for Chrissakes. All anyone knows about you is that you ajudge bargirls to all be lazy whores who deserve no pity should they become infected with AIDS. Oh yeah, and that you use the term "throat yogurt" in virtually every post.

"Seriously though, when it comes to financial matters, you might not want to give the guy total control over your portfolio."

My broker is far better at picking securities than I am. (His fees are also discounted as his brother is a longtime friend.) His compounded returns for my account (using concentrated leverage) have been between 35-40% since we started our relationship in 2000. (His non-leveraged accounts are performing at 21%.) My account is not large but he treats it with the utmost care and attention.

To whom you delegate authority over your portfolio is a matter of strategy. If you have strikingly poor judgment and no ability to relate to people (unfortunately, your most salient traits), then you are fucked no matter what you do. You will never attract a financial advisor who is anything but mediocre and untrustworthy and he will just put you in the same S & P crap that everyone else is buying. (My guy left a large, prestigious brokerage house because they tried to force him to push garbage on his clients that would have been down 33% when during the same period his positions were up some 19%.)

Implicit in your sage financial advice seems to be that I also diversify who controls my portfolio. But if one fantastic broker is sufficiently diversified, has a proven track record, and emulates Buffett, Price, Rainwater, etc., then he will do much, much better than five morons (or than one genius broker and two or three morons).

Nice talking with you.

("if you want to run with the big dogs don't pee like a puppy")

toby says:

people are easily manipulated.
i don't mean about 75% of the shit i say, because it is in fact shit.
i'm sitting here at my summer temp job bored off my ass waiting for fall classes to begin.
my only recreation at this miserable reception desk is to read the amusing posts by various individuals of different nationalities and social backgrounds.
it pleases me to stir a hornet's nest, because some of you morons take this site seriously!
come on now, even the operator of this blog has said that nothing here is to be taken seriously and it's all in good fun.
like i said, i have nothing better to do but sit on my ass and get paid.
so keep em coming, otherwise i'd be forced to read articles from stickman's site, don't even get me started on stickman's phony ass.

Dana says:

Hello Tanai Kwai--some clever posts here by you--particularly the parody of the situation comedy TV show The Jefferson's theme song. I thought of it--you posted it. That's the difference between you and I. I can resist temptation. I've got a challenge for you. Resist temptation for the next 7 days. Come on--we all believe you can do it. Then you'll be as cool as me. Reach for the stars.

toby says:

further more, i'm jamaican/chinese/irish/czech, just a dirty mutt. my own racial insensitivity stems from my own lack of an ethnic identity.
and you missed the point of why i was saying that i am going to move to canada (i'm really not going to).
hey, if dave chappelle gets to racially offensive on national television, than i can be as offensive as i want on a blog.
in the mean time, everybody just keep talking shit, because i've got another 45 minutes left at work,
and you can only look at cnn.com so many times before it stops becoming 'news'
jungle bunny, that's good one, sounds like a more old fashioned term. what the hell would you call me?

toby says:

on a lighter note, my last day for work here is friday, and next week my ass is on a plane to phuket international.
no pattaya though because my girlfriend from here is going with me. i just hope no bargirls in phuket will recognize me, my girl is already on to my thailand exploits.
so all hate and discontent from me will cease for 14 days, but i can't speak the rest of the ass holes who post here.

TANAI KWAI says:

Dana,

"Hello Tanai Kwai--some clever posts here by you--particularly the parody of the situation comedy TV show The Jefferson's theme song. I thought of it--you posted it."

Thanks, I think, but "to know and not to act is not to know."

"That's the difference between you and I."

Actually, that's the difference between you and me.

"I can resist temptation. I've got a challenge for you. Resist temptation for the next 7 days. Come on--we all believe you can do it. Then you'll be as cool as me. Reach for the stars."

Then I must be twice as cool as you since I recently took about two (count 'em) two weeks off while I worked on a book project.

Again, we have our disagreements but you do us no favors by your absences.

(...)

Dana says:

No Other Place To Put This--I always find it curious that there is so little cross pollination of these chat sites. It always seems to be all or nothing especially on Mangosauce. The posters on Mangosauce don't seem to pop up on other sites. Reminds me of a school that I attended in 1966. Many of my fellow school mates were from the State of New Jersey judicial system. They had been given a sentencing choice by the judge. Either 6 months in jail or 26 days on the island that hosted the school. I sometimes wonder if the same circumstances account for the unusual and unnatural and improbable exclusivisity of the Mangosauce posters. Example: each posting would represent one day off the sentence. So it follows as the night the day that the poster with the most frequent postings had committed the greatest crime and received the longest sentence. Kinda makes you wonder what crime Tanai Kwai committed. . . .

TANAI KWAI says:

Dana,

Given your prolific (and sometimes profligate) postings on Mr. Stick's site I find it curious that you would have the gall to encourage some of us to post less.

As I recall, Stickman celebrated his 1000th post by toasting your voluminous contributions, gleefully quipping something along the lines of, "and how appropriate that it would be Dana" or "who else but Dana?" or some such thing. (I'm too tired to try to navigate through the dank bowels of that Byzantine site for the precise words.)

By comparison, my posts here amount to no more than a few words compared to your several phone books' worth of diaries there.

As for the lack of cross-pollination, I simply prefer the format here. It has a certain immediacy and there is (usually) a decent mix of views and perspectives here.

(...)

Pat Paulsen (hic..!) says:

Dana,

I've read(enjoyed)some of your shorter stories at the "other site." Equally, I enjoy watching you tumble now and then. It's a never ending search for the right combination of words and associated feelings, and you troll Mango for some material to stir up inspiration, to perfect and call yours, again.

"Creating" can be such a, oh....I don't know....a painfull, borrowing process?

You went to the rehab on an island out in Boston harbor, ruled by the old lizard who tried to teach his "students" some tough love and a little character? I heard that place only took kids they could mould, but you're still spun tighter than an oxidized ships clock; eight bells and all is well? Island community work team schedules at that age can be stimulating, or stigmatizing. Some kids learn quick, others spin out quickly, becoming even more petulant than when they started. Wonder what your offense was.

Your writing must be therapeutic now, but coming to check on this little oasis, to another "island," charges your batteries; a splash of salt water spray for you to remember a simpler way of life abandoned for every real time/real writer deadline you can muster. Whew! But still you long for easier times, just like the sound of the ocean, the curtains snapping in a breeze, and blankets that kept you snug and warm at night. Short and sweet.

Keep up the good work, but admit you love us!

Richard says:

Tanai was that little song you posted ........nana pie a reference to the Peter Tosh song in The harder they come ?

Richard

TANAI KWAI says:

Pat,

Very lyrical. Reminds me of another talented monologuist.

Richard,

As the ascetic Dana alluded, we Americans know the anthem to new-found good fortune fondly as the theme song to The Jeffersons, which you can hear here:

http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/9176/song.htm

(...)

richard says:

Ah well the Jetsons was it. In any case I was wrong about Peter Tosh it was Jimmy Cliff I was thinking of

Well they tell me of a pie up in the sky
Waiting for me when I die
But between the day you're born and when you die
They never seem to hear even your cry

CHORUS:
So as sure as the sun will shine
I'm gonna get my share now of what's mine
And then the harder they come the harder they'll fall, one and all
Ooh the harder they come the harder they'll fall, one and all

Well the officers are trying to keep me down
Trying to drive me underground
And they think that they have got the battle won
I say forgive them Lord, they know not what they've done

CHORUS

ooh yeah oh yeah woh yeah ooooh

And I keep on fighting for the things I want
Though I know that when you're dead you can't
But I'd rather be a free man in my grave
Than living as a puppet or a slave

CHORUS

Yeah, the harder they come, the harder they'll fall one and all
What I say now, what I say now, awww
What I say now, what I say one time
The harder they come the harder they'll fall one and all
Ooh the harder they come the harder they'll fall one and all

TANAI KWAI says:

Hilarious. No, Richard, the Jeffersons, not the Jetsons! The Jetson's are a horse of quite a different color...

http://www.cybercomm.nl/~ivo/

Love the Tosh song, anyway. Haven't listened to Marley or Cliff or even Yellowman for that matter, for a while. Today's the day. Sean Paul is a great talent though, eh?

(Meet George Jefferson.
His maid Florence.
The Willis zebras.
Weezie his wife.)

Gimpy1 says:

Tania,

Do you blow your father with that mouth?

Once again you need to take some Imodium for the shit coming out of your mouth. So according to you, Taser and Krispy Kreme are sexy stocks. If Krispy Kreme is a sexy stock, I really like to see what you discribe as a sexy male. A quick review of their financials indicate that they are trading close to their 52 week low point of $17.01 down from $49.74. In an effort to save themselves, they've taken to introducing a doughnut drink.

As far as you spouting off about Taser, could you be any more original. Where did you get that one from? They've received a lot of press lately in the WSJ and other financial pubs. You mentioning them is about as bold as you quoting the word of the day from the toilet paper from the ladies room at Starbucks.

In typical fashion you contradict yourself by saying that your broker is a financial genuis and then go on to say he emulates Warren Buffet. Emulates? Why don't you just say he looks at what Berkshire Hathaway holds and he buys the same thing. Hardly origina!

"To fake cash flow they'd have to print up a fake bank statement." Jeez, my 10 year old nephew could do that in study hall. It's really not that difficult. Stick with something you know, will you! Getting someone a latte and scone and them blowing them!

"My mother was Mexican, Portugese & Spanish and my father was a European Jew"

To come up with a mix like that both your mother and grandmother must have been whores. Now we all know why you spend so much time sucking dick in the restroom at Starbucks. It's also now clear why you spend so much time concerning yourself with bar girl health issues. It runs in the family. It's okay you can admit it.

Was your Starbucks closed for remodeling the past few weeks when you weren't posting?

Once again I pose the question to you, "Is your life so pathetic that you have to again respond to every single post?"

TANAI KWAI says:

Uh oh, Limpy... You can't get it up! You have nothing to say.

"Once again I pose the question to you, 'Is your life so pathetic that you have to again respond to every single post?'"

You are such a scared little boy at heart. We both know I don't work a menial job -- and we both know you are a failure. For someone who talks so much shit about people who work at Starbucks I am 1000% sure your income is nothing to crow about. Do you honestly believe that ANYBODY here would want to trade places with you? NFW. You are lacking in compassion, bereft of even a spark of wit or cultural acumen, and possess no discernible talents. Most unfortunate, you bring out the worst in me.

You are correct in one key respect: It is getting to the point where I will not be able to stomach responding to you. Why? Because deep down, you have no redeeming qualities. None. There is no one else on this board (except maybe the creamy banana guy and the medecine salesman) to whom I would dare say that, especially with the earnestness and sincerity that I am saying it now. If that weren't enough, your reading comprehension is so poor, it's like corresponding with a piece of dung. You do frustrate me in this respect, I admit it.

Your comments in response to stocks I identified as well-publicized demonstrate that you are incapable of even the most basic reasoning. Same goes for your insane leaps of logic regarding my broker, who doesn't own a single thing Buffett owns. I can only hope your responses are fueled by drink, else you are genuinely mentally deficient (not in a "ha-ha, you're a retard" sense, but in a "holy cow, I think this guy may really be a retard" sense).

In my valiant efforts to make you interesting here's are two challenges:

(1) Explain why your life is so much more significant, enriching and meaningful than that of a person who works, say, in the food service industry. Why, specifically, do you imagine yourself to be so above such people? Is it your wealth? Your looks? What?

(2) Next, explain why you hate gay people with such passion? In the previous summary of your character I forgot to mention that you are rabidly anti-homosexual. I respect and honor many homosexuals so it pains me to point out that you are totally obsessed with cocksucking. Your posts are replete with male-on-male imagery. You need to ask yourself why these thoughts occur to you so readily.

Now then, focus on the questions respond like a good boy -- don't just spew more silliness about your Starbucks bathroom fantasies or how you'd like to have your way with my grandmother and my mother, who are both foxes and amazing lays...

CONCENTRATE, you degenerate.

And be HONEST -- no need to hide here, we're all friends.

I'M WARNING YOU: I'll turn this car around right now and stop responding to you if you don't behave -- and I know that's the last thing in the world you want... But mark my words, if you play the fool again I'm cutting you off, then where will you be? I'm the only one around here who talks to you, remember?

(waiting...)

Gimpy1 says:

Tania,

Yup, you prove once again that your life is pathetic by posting 5 of the last 10 posts. Having once again to prove yourself right in all situations and respond to every little thing said.

Poor peachy babes!

What math class do you take that allows you to be 1000% sure of anything. Last I knew the charts maxed at 100%.

As far as me wanting to have sex with your grandmother or mother, wake up! I don't date whores. I've told you that before that they are lazy good for nothings. You've quoted it back to me numerous times!

In response to question #2. When have I ever bashed gays? I don't recall any of my posts doing so. I've insulted you as being the little Starbucks bathroom cocksucker that you are, but I've never once refered to you as a bull dyke.

As far as implying that I have male on male fantasies, please you're really reaching on that one.

You're the one who said your genius broker emulates Buffet and now you say he doesn't. Make up your mind. Actually, it makes perfect sense to follow Buffet. Warren not Jimmy, that is, as his logic and reasoning make perfect sense. One of his guiding rules is not to own anything that you don't understand. Can you say that about everything in your portfolio? In not, why not? These questions don't need a response, (but I'm sure we'll get one) they are more for thinking about in regards to financial security.

Having to listen to all of the shit coming out of your mouth reminds me of an old saying:

Never put both of your feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on. You prove this time and time again.

John U says:

I have a look at this site now and again, and sometimes there is an interesting or funny piece, and I may think it worthwhile to try to enhance it with a funny or interesting comment. ( funny or interesting to me of course).

But it seems there are certain captains of industry reading and adding to this site. :<)) ???

They are rich, very succesful, young, handsome, and want for nothing. They are also (they say) extremely knowledgeable about current succesful companies, and what EXACTLY to invest in for the best returns.

They are also EXTREMELY knowledgeable about psychiatry, philosophy, art, lesbianity, homosity, and loads of other 'ologys.

What the fuck are they doing getting involved here?

Shouldn't they be in the Bahamas, or Mustique, or the Maldives with a gorgeous young thing?

People, when I first came to this site it was fun. Now it seems to be taken over by these twats who pretend they are Allan Greenspan.

For fuck's sake guys grow up. Nobody believes your shit. You can't make in the real world, and you can't make it here.

TANAI KWAI says:

Okay, I'm done with you Limpy. You are the classic internet troll as described elsewhere -- no logic, just an insatiable appetite for attention.

You can't justify your claims of superiority over a decent, hardworking person -- because you truly are a miserable failure with nothing to show for your pointless life. (Funny how you glossed over that first question even more than you did the second. Must be a pretty sad situation.)

You don't accept responsibility for your bigotry, racism, and lack of human compassion. (And before you start in with your asinine denials re-read your hideous sentiments on the thread about Nigel and shut the fuck up.)

You don't know the meaning of the word "emulate" and are too stupid and lazy to look it up. Here's a hint: it doesn't mean "slavishly imitate without deviation" as you appear to believe. Emulating Buffett's value investment discipline doesn't mean buying exactly what he buys, fuckwit. And I myself never claimed to emulate (or imitate) Buffett -- I leave investment strategies (in the stock market), like plenty of other people who recognize that there are others with greater expertise in this area. Hard to believe but I think you are going to walk away from this discussion on investing thinking you've actually made some sense! I'd love to have a list of your stock picks, dumbass. And while we're at it, what real estate holdings have you focused on of late? Given the clarity of your financial insights I bet readers would trample each other on the way to their brokers' offices as they race to "emutate" your blueprint for success. <== BWAAHAAAHAAA.

By interacting with you I only perpetuate your existence here (and probably on this earth) so enjoy talking with yourself from this point on. I'm sure you're used to doing most things by yourself anyway. I suppose you will just go back to stoking your contempt for the bargirls who deign to satisfy your brutish requirements and your rage for the gay men who won't look your way.

So keep the brutally uninspired "sayings" you picked up at the truck stop coming and enjoy flying in the coach cabin of life.

(winky and so long, you oblivious, inbred cunt)

Gimpy1 says:

Jesus, Tania, get the sand out of your vagina!

Learn to read would you? I didn't gloss over anything, I didn't answer it.

Not that I really feel the need to brag, but, my real estate holdings consist of property in Las Vegas. Which, if you read some financial trades, you will find has been one of the hottest markets in the country. Total return for the past 15 months has been 115%. Just for you, that would be the current appreciation divided by the original cost. Stock holdings are too numerous to list quickly, but anyone with half a brain, and using a broker with half a brain would also have their $ in mutual funds, not individual issues. For a half wit like yourself, the concept is called, not putting all of your eggs in one basket. Didn't you learn anything in school. But since you're 1000% sure of things I guess not.

And do me a favor, since you say I gay bash, which really would be out of character for me, as I'm a live and let live type, what is the exact quote that I use that would indicate that I'm a homo phobe gay basher type.

And I suggest you use Massengill for the sand in your vagina.

Dana says:

Thanks for the last posting John U. For a minute I thought I was reading me. Similiar rant style. A disorienting but pleasant experience. I quess my work is done.

Dean says:

Some of these comments are really funny!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Combover says:

I enjoyed the impression of manic laughter!

The lunatics are taking over the asylum.

Dean says:

----------------------------------------------------
What the fuck are they doing here?
Shouldn't they be in the Bahamas with a gorgeous young thing?
-----------------------------------------------------

I have asked that question quite a few times when I was in Thailand myself. I worked as an English tacher in Bangkok for about four and a half months.

Some of the students you could tell did not practice the language even ten minutes a night.
They liked to go to Future Park.

Some of the people on this column write surprisingly well. Would the paucity of the English language in Thailand affect these people more profoundly than most?

The more time I spent native aping, the less genuine I felt. I eventually learned to speak Thai, mimicking the Devanagri language with a Rich Little type of precision. I even became proficient at that curious, squiggly noodle script that is the Thai alphabet.

But whenever I spoke Thai for more than30 minutes at a time without speaking English even once, particularly in the company of up-country Thai people, I felt like I was Face (Dirk Benedict) on the A-Team running yet another one of his scams!

Recently, though, I have taken to Learning the Khmer language from a book called Colloquial Cambodian. The Khmer alphabet is one that is more intricate, more psychedelic, and arguably better than the Thai alphabet simply because it has that many more silent letters and other remarkable features such as first and second series consonant designations, not only are vowels subscripted as in Thai, but in Khmer, there are also subscripted consonants. The Khmer alphabet is better than the Thai alphabet like Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was better than Raiders! The Thai alphabet is adapted largely from the Khmer script.

Well, one thing is, after studying Khmer, I can read Thai a lot faster than I used to!

One more thing, the book Colloquial Cambodian, as well as other books in the series, Colloquial Thai and Colloquial Malay are published by a publishing company on a street called New Fetter Lane. New fetter indeed, as in any time you speak any language other than English, it is fetter.

Yet I still wish that I could have another chance to visit Thailand again one day. Thailand is a very friendly place to visit. So exotic. So different from Canada. I actually attain a sense of accomplishment when I travel to Thailand. I am a different person when I travel. I am in a different mode when I travel. I am less of what Gurdjieff would call, 'a robot', when I travel.

Dean

mossman says:

Dean,

I have taught English only once, to high school students as barter for my meals at the guesthouse where I was staying.
That was fascinating what you wrote, re the differences between the two languages. No hurry, but more please!

And also:
"I am in a different mode when I travel. I am less of what Gurdjieff would call, 'a robot'..."

You touched on something genuine here; again, more please?

Did you learn any Burmese (or Lao)?

Something about the people in Mandalay stirred my sense of humility more than anywhere else(though it has little to do regarding their language, since so many speak English well enough). Perhaps living under the same, tyrannical system for more than 27 years, they have had to take a life of hardship for granted, yet I hadn't seen quite their level of dignity in any other se asia country. It's hard to be a "robot" with only my problems in mind after seeing some of these people, and touching their lives.

Even if you don't have more...keep up the good work!

Dean says:

Mossman:

I never did go to Burma. Being somewhat of squeamish traveller, and from what I read of Burma, I never did go there. Have no plans to, unless the political situation there brightens up.

I suppose the languages, Thai, Burmese, and Lao you would need a language book as well as a tape recorder, since these languages are tonal.

In the case of Khmer, and Malay, you only need a book and not necessarily a tape, since these languages are atonal. Sure all languages have a certain rhythm, or cadence, even English as any writer of the language of the Sceptered Isle would know, but if one started to speak an atonal language too slowly, no one would really mind.

Gurdjieff? He was a Russian mystic who used Sufi traditions in his philosophy of personal development. His main student, PD Ouspensky who wrote 'The Fourth Way', had a lot more to say.
I have not read these books in ten years or more!
Gurdjieff wrote that people are an involuntary emotional product of their environment. He was fond of saying "It is easy to decide to change sitting in your own room, but when you go outside, the horse kicks."

Being in a less familiar environment, like the ornate exotic intricacy of things Thai, would necessarily force one to excercise different faculties of one's mind. When one is at home, one can put their feet up, when a person is travelling, typically they would be out on a limb, they would have to be on their toes all the time!

Sigh... the books I am reading these days are from the writer David Icke, James Van Praagh, and PMH Atwater. Sure all this is airy metaphysical stuff, and sometimes I think I should get into a more tangible Craft like carpentry.
In an extreme nutshell, I believe that thoughts are a dimension. Thoughts are things and things are thoughts. Then it occurred to me, that the idea of a parallel universe, Johnathon LIvingston Seagulls moving at the speed of thought, the Native Spirituality idea of a larger world surrounding this one, the fifth dimension, Frye's undifferentiated aesthetic continuum, the Tao, darshan, the unified field theory, the noumenon vs the phenomenon, are all the same thing!

Live telepathically! Now we are thought beings with a physical body, when we die, we become thought beings without a physical body. The Natives say that dreams are more real than battles. True. All you see around you will be for the most part, decomposed in a hundred years, but the scapes, the locales that you visit in your dreams will be around in a thousand years even!

There is no longer the luxury of believing, "Your thoughts are your own. What you do after work is your own time." When one is deliberately entertaining indolent thoughts, one is fucking around with a dimension!

Dimensions: 1st)length 2nd)width 3rd) depth 4)Awareness:time & space. 5th)thoughts, when you brainstorm and all these thoughts seem to enter like smoke entering a room, or as Drew Barrymore said, "When all the marbles start coming together."
The world of dreams.

See, there is a large cube.To see all six sides would require time. But in the fifth dimension, all six sides are seen simultaneously, since a large cube is a concept, and the fifth dimension is one of concepts.
Nine thirty pm, 57 seconds, June 15, 1905, for instance, is the same moment as twelve thirty am, 45 seconds, July 24, 2004. There is no time!
The kaleidoscope keeps shifting!

David Icke purports that scientists and organized religionists put down esotericism in order to pull the ladder up and stop others from using this against them. Organized religion is the religiousization of the fifth dimension!

Quantum physics uses these precise principles; that no event can be predicted with total accuracy. Another principle of quantum physics is that you cannot observe an event without affecting its outcome, so as PMH Atwater wrote, it is not so much "how it happens" as it is "what happens". Subtle difference.

Thailand taught me about the fifth dimension. Once, a couple of years ago while in The City of Angels; Krungthep, I would think of or even write about gangsters, and within 24 hours, a quite fearsome gangster would show up; one with tatoos and play that game of Thai-20-questions with me.
I would experience waves and waves of coincidence. One that would put Paul Kammerer to shame! It was then that I realized that coincidences are unavoidable and are a sign that you are on your correct "silver path" (although the possiblities of travel are limitless, in the end when one looks upon their life, their paths traced a very thin and specific trail called the silver path, or what the hippies call "the long body".

I think that I really must stop now. I don't want to appear as pedantic, or preachy. For God's sake!

Before, my main email activity was to fire off another one of my articles to CBC, CNN, BBC, Global television, Newsline Channel 11, Farang magazine, philip ajarn dot com, and stickman bangkok (I will stand up for him and say that I think he is a very conscientious personality who has enriched with his presence. Not a phony!)
but I would not get much of a response. This format is a lot more exciting!

While the news companies et al that I wrote to imposed no word cap on the emails that I sent them, I really got to keep the postings sent to this column short.

Dean
British Columbia, CANADA

TANAI KWAI says:

Dean,

Welcome and brace yourself.

(...)

mossman says:

Great foundation for thought Dean, thankyou! You're right, this is alot to process, but I am better(eventually)for it and for your contribution here.

Stay!

From a "cabinet maker."

Dana says:

Hello Dean--

Regarding other dimensions and other realities, etc; I think I can save you some time here. There is no God and Life has no meaning. We are insignificant carbon based life forms on a cooling rock hurtling through an indifferent space towards an unrecorded future. All that you think and believe and ponder is self-serving and of no value. You will not be remembered. You can make no contribution because nothing matters. Your morals and absolutes and lines in the sand and personal constucts are of no consequence. The quacking of ducks. Your pile of toys by your death bed and your weeping love ones are little to show for someone who had such a high opinion of himself. So first make yourself happy. Happy people make other people happy. And don't call it philosophy. Just do it. Your reading and education and cocktail party chatter accrue to nothing. The cemetaries are full of men who lived longer and had more fun and knew less. Stop the measuring and the thinking. Just be. And smile at a child.

Dean says:

---------------------------
welcome and brace yourself -tanai kwai
---------------------------

-------------------------
stay! -mossman
-------------------------

thanks!

Yeah, once upon a time, long time ago, I thought that some long timers here were people who ran their own country to the gound and are in Thailand to leech off the Thais. Sure, then that would include yours truly!

Mr Kurtz in the Heart of Darkness originally went out on a genteel merccantilist mission of selling ivory while attempting to influence and civilize the natives. Instead, he wound up himself being totally consumed by the primordial forces of the jungle!
A lot like Thailand.

A lot of people in Thailand are artists who have dropped out like Paul Gaugin. Others are perhaps hoping to bring a piece of themselves, that is a piece of their time on this Earth to visit Cambodia in the spirit of St. Patrick, to hopefully brighten up their lives.

We all have the best of intentions, I am sure.

But a lot of people like to go to places where there are not any other tourists and are disappointed when they see other tourists. This sentiment of disappointment would be what Spock would call illogical. I would be more worried if one day, I went to a popular tourist spot in Bangkok, and there were absolutely no tourists... It might mean an International emergency the proportions of the 1975 helicopter rooftop evacuation of passport holding American Nationals from the US embassy in Saigon. Even though I am intensely shy and rarely venture to talk to someone, I am always glad to see tourists, I feel safe when I see tourists around.

I am glad that this website is around. It is like I am in the lobby of the Peachy Guesthouse again, talking to the other tourists, trading tips about how to get around.

The short story 'Interzone' is a great depiction of expatriate life overseas, in that case, North Africa.
In that land, there were no visa requirements. One did not have to register with immigration etc.

What a difference between that and Thailand. One will have to learn to accept the visa runs if one is ever to live long-term in Thailand.

I once wrote for a scrip of a paper called the Carnegie Newsletter here in Vancouver BC. No one remembers those days. I wrote an article about Prohibition which is sheer interesting reading:

Alcohol, from an Arabic term meaning, the forbidden.

The period between 1920 and 1933 in America is called Prohibition.

"Prohibition is better than no alcohol at all."
-Will Rogers

Every law has its loopholes. The Volstead Act permitted industrial alcohol, sacramental wine, certain patent medicines, doctors prescriptions (limited to 1 pint/ 10 days) toilet preparations, flavouring extracts, syrups, vinegar and cider.

People in the U.S. would go to Canada and Mexico for legal booze.

At the stroke of midnight, January 16, 1920 America went dry.

The day before Prohibition, the NY Daily News printed this valuable and timely advice:

"You may drink liquor in your won home or in the home of a friend when you are a bona fide guest. You may buy intoxicating liquor on a bona fide prescription of a doctor. A pint can be bought every 10 days."

"You may consider any place you live permanently as your home. If you have more than one home, you may keep a store of liquor in each."

"You may keep liquor in any storage room or club locker, provided the place is for the exclusive use of yourself, family or bona fide friends."

"You may get a permit to move liquor when you change your residence."

"You may manufacture, sell, or transport liquor for non-beverage or sacramental purposes provided you obtain a government permit."

The NY Daily News also reminded its readers that hip-flasks, consuming alcohol on hotel or restaurant premises, manufacturing of alcohol on hotel or restaurant premises, manufacturing of alcohol above 0.5% alc., storage of alcohol in a place other than one's own home and signs advertising for liquor were illegal under the Volstead Act.
source:
Prohibition: Thirteen Years that Changed America
Edward Behr Arcade Publishing NY 1996

Wild, eh? That's incredible that this happened. The current policies of Prime Minister in Thailand Mr. Thaksin, is taxin'. What with the current almost anal attack on people who use drugs and the quadrupling of all immigration fees. But this just means that one has to be sure not to use drugs in a Third World country where you do not fully understand the language. That is just being smart.
As for the immigration fees, no one from Thailand is forcing anyone to go visit there. I would like to one day see a write-up about possible loopholes regarding immigration. Does one have to do a border hop if one is laid up in traction in a Bangkok hospital and could get a doctor's note to prove it?

I believe there is a God.

Life is a Ripley's Believe It Or Not world, and I look at my problems as something that, if taken far enough, may very well be an entry in that book.
I would very much like to visit the Ripley's museum in Pattaya one day.

I am an amateur anthropologist. Thailand is an anthropology trip. When I see an English man from Britain wearing a kung-fu uniform with Oriental martial arts weapons, and when I see a Chinese man writing an article about Shakespeare, I feel happy. It is not about Chinese culture, or English culture. It is about human culture! We all have a right to artifacts and trappings from other lands. Perhaps the pull to certain foreign climes is karmic!

Yours,
Dean

Dean says:

Yeah, I wish that there was an English translation of the Laws of Thailand that anyone could pore over. Of interest would be immigration laws.

There was a story about a man who got deported for stealing a towel from a hotel in Pattaya. On his passport were stamped the words, "Menace to Society". Refused from ever visiting Thailand ever again.

It is like one of those cases that the Police has is questioning someone for murder. Sure the guy may not be guilty of the particular murder that he is there being questioned for, but there are three other murders that he is indeed guilty of that are not being discussed.

Reading between the lines, the guy probably got discovered el flagrante delicto in an indiscretion. Perhaps he went to Thailand for less than savoury purposes and was observed by undercover Thai secret intelligence agents. "Make a tit of yourself in a go-go bar." Right.

Maybe it was an errant pattern that he was sustaining in his psychic life...

Thailand is a very magical land. Brahmanistic practices of homeopathic, contagious and sympathetic magic as per James G. Frazier are still being practiced. Magic is human's attempt to understand and control Nature. The manipulation of the 5th Dimension. Thoughts are things. Things are thoughts.

Science does exactly the same thing and Frazier does indeed suggest an unbroken lineage. What with the magical sai sin, the countless profusion of Spirit Houses, the charms, amulets, etc. There has been, in the last 30 years a trend for English peoples to learn about their Celtic Wiccan pagan Shamanistic traditions; traditions that predated Christianity. The Shamanistic tradition of Christianity, although it is not generally viewed this way.

Yeah, well right. I wonder what status I currently hold in Thailand. A country that places somewhat more of a premium on its citizens keeping mum than North America does. Is there a dossier about me in Thai Secret Service headquarters?

It would be nothing less of a miracle if I were ever to show up in Thailand again. Even more of a miracle if I were to be able to teach English again.

Yours as ever,
Dean

Dean says:

What about the idea of visiting Canada?

Travelling in Canada is as much of an adventure in the National Georgraphic context as travelling in Thailand is.

The lands of Canada have a spirit about Her, that's for sure.

There are different primal traditions afoot here.
Traditions that place an emphasis on dreams. Traditions that teach that before one can harvest a plant, or farm an animal, one must take care of the health of the land of the Earth around it, first.
That the aggregate collected energies of the Earth and its living things is another consciousness or entity of itself, and one that is beyond mere biological intelligence.

Global warming. There are people in the Andes Mountains, in Patagonia who have not seen snow on the peaks of their mountain tops for more than ten years.

Vancouver is a blast! There is a lot of good energy here. There are good geographic lines, ley lines and one very powerful point is Pacific Spirit Park on the UBC campus grounds. All Universities have a good energy about it anyways, but this is a lot extra. Trail 5 at Wreck Beach, the one that is a curve carved along the side of the mountain has very beautiful energy about it, and what with the sloping hill, and the beautiful view of the azure blue sea, it must be what the cliffs of Kraby might be like in Thailand.

Canada with her bracing cool weather, and friendly people would welcome you and you would soon feel that you belong.

mossman says:

Dean,

Hinduism, Ancestral Worship and Animism have many gods, one for almost everybody.

Don't jump!

Anonymous says:

Dana,

For you it's...
Nothingness, just a drop of water in the ocean of the "Absolute."

Just do it?

No thanks!

Dean says:

Coincidence #1:

Thailand is shaped like the Americas. Thailand is a smaller version of the Americas: Northwest Thailand Chiang Mai Province is a small version of Alaska Yukon Territories Northwest Territories British Columbia. Chiang Rai the Golden Triangle is a smaller version of Churchill at the tip of Hudson's Bay Penninsula. Northeast Thailand Issan Provinces are a smaller version of Labrador Quebec Province Maine New England Pennsylvania New York.
Koh Chang is near an area of Thailand that resembles Florida. Bangkok is where Texas would be on the map of the US.
The Isthmus of Kra resembles the Central Americas, and Malaysia could resemble a shrivelled, shrunken larval version of South America.

The possibilities of voodoo because of this, would be incredible! I am sure that this fact is not lost on Native Americans and Thais alike.

The coincidence is, after I sent this article to my usual quorum of News companies, I saw a picture in stickmanbangkok dot com depicting a bar in Soi Nana called voodoo!

Nana-imo, Soi Nana.

"Na na na na na nana na
Na na na na na nana na."
-Kylie Minogue

Dean says:

Oh, what the heck...

Dana: Thank God I'm an atheist.(?)

PMH Atwater in her books talks about Transcendent Experiences in NDEs. These are experiences where a person is shown much higher levels than the astral level after this level. Sometimes a person is shown events 400 years into the future, etc. Atwater also mentioned that the C.I.A. would not allow her to publish these types of experiences that she attained through interviews with Near Death Experience survivors.

She also spoke of what is called a Master Vibration. One that does not, would not, could not permit dust or decay.

Ergo, there probably is a God.

The people who visit in my dreams always seem so clean and healthy and young and fresh and glowing
that it is almost nauseating! And what about those dreams that are as vivid as a punch in the face.

I once wrote in an unpublished story that money, as such is a metaphysical force and if you do the right things, it will indeed pay you a visit to size you up.

Indeed, ever since I have started writing down my dreams, characters would visit me, sometimes those who have passed away. I have heard that smoking tobacco cuts down on one's dream life. I don't touch the stuff.

But I wonder if smoking pot would affect one's dream life. The amphetamines, supposedly ones that would be illegal in Canada are ubiquitous in Thailand what with Kratin Daeng, Red Bull Extra,
M-Roy etc.

Can you dig it?

I wonder, how old some of these people are. Well, not really, not yet. But does it matter? On a different planet with a 250 Earth year revolution around the sun, and a 150 Earth year day, time would be reckoned differently.In fact, there is a planet in this solar system named after the Inuit goddess Sedna, that revolves once this sun every 10,000 years! In this era of globalization people about five years older and younger than each other is about the same age.

I am 34 years old.

tonychang says:

fuck the chang, I'll have whatever Dean's drinking!

Dana says:

Attn: Everybody--Dean is going to try to talk this way to bargirls--just hope you are not the next guy to get her. . . . !

Ubangi Me, Ibangi U says:

Cue the rabble who clamor for the heads of pseudo-intellectuals!

Dean says:

Oh! I miss travelling so much. Esp. in Thailand.

The amphetamines in the beer, the viscous liquified speed drinks like caraboa daneg, red bull, etc actually makes ones dream life even more intense!
I have suspicions that that viscosity is so that those of the 221B Baker St., The Sign of Four page one set do not get it into their heads to start mainlining the stuff!

The 3rd Dimension and the 5th Dimension aka
The tonal and the nagual -Carlos Castaneda
The rational and the Absurd - Albert Camus
Details and principles - Saul Bellow.

The parallel universe to ours is not linear-parallel, but parallel in terms of dimension.

William Burroughs, is in my opinion, one of the finest writers who ever lived. I don't like his writings because he was a junkie and a queer, but rather in spite of the fact! He wrote Interzone.
And once, he built a Wilhelm Reich style orgone energy accumulator, and the reason why the CIA did not arrest him was because the accumulator was only made out of plywood, a layer of aluminum foil, and a sheet of leather. However, his namesake, Wilhelm Reich died in CIA custody.

Orgone, is not the 5th Dimension, but a subcomponent of it. Orgone is similar to the Chinese concept of chi. The Chinese call the 5th D the Tao. The East Indians call Orgone prana, and they call the 5th D darshan.

In Banglamphu square, there is a street called Pranagan. In the Thai language, gan means field or realm. The Thai word for government, rachagan comes from the Sanskrit raja for King, and gan for field = King's realm. And pranagan of course means the field of prana, since I discovered the 5th Dimension for myself, this name has a more profound meaning for me than ever.
Or does Pranakarn mean Pra Nakorn, that is, the Priest of the City?

Once I was wondering whether or not to go to Malaysia for a visa run which entails an insane 17 hour each way, trip to Pedang Besar. I saw in a Bangkok Post student weekly, an advertisement for a video game called Jedi Dash. Yes, I was so anxious for English language entertainment while I was in Bangkok that I would even read the BPSW!

I miss going to the movies with my girlfriends in Thailand. Heck, I miss going to the movies with my girlfriends in Vancouver Canada! When I was in Bangkok however, my usual haunts because of close proximity to where I lived, were EGV Major and Central Pra Pinklao. The first time I went to the malls in Bangkok, I thought, "This is more advanced than Pacific Center Mall and Metrotown Mall here in Vancouver BC! And to think, they call Thailand the third world!" One day, this term will be discarded as obsolete; the Third World. It is all one world, really.

Thanks TonyChang, is that Chang for Chang beer?

Ubangi, isn't that the African language with all those jocular clicks? Right on!

Lean, maybe one day again to be in the travelling scene,
Dean

Dana says:

OK, I'm in. Laughed all the way through. This last submission by 'Dean' is the finest work you have ever done Tanai. I salute you. We all do.

TANAI KWAI says:

Nice guess, but I don't think I've ever smoked anything laced with the effluvia of fairies, unicorn horn shavings, Einstein's dandruff and God knows what else.

I am a fan of The Fifth Dimension, however.

( http://members.aol.com/laruemccoo/ )

Ubangi Me, Ibangi U says:

Dana, I believe you guess correctly that "Dean" is an avatar for one of the regulars here (although perhaps not for TK). By the way, he's not one of mine, I have more than one already.

Appearing in the middle of the exchange of mortar fire between Ubangi and some regulars about posting rules of etiquette, his purpose is to demonstrate that long, off-topic, pseudo-intellectual and quasi-mystical posts can be tolerated by the sweating masses here at Mango Sauce. His appearance was greeted with the spreading of palm fronds before his mount, and he feels he has made his point.

OK, "Dean", try voicing even a single controversial opinion. Take one of the regulars to task over something. Refute an argument, take a stand, ridicule attempts to attack you personally rather than your positions.

Ubangi wasn't attacked until he did these things.

TANAI KWAI says:

"Dana, I believe you guess correctly that "Dean" is an avatar for one of the regulars here (although perhaps not for TK)."

No, I believe this force of nature is his own man and new to the site.

(...)

Dean says:

Fairies?! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

In the days that was staying at a Thai Buddhist temple, a few of the monks called me "Swing." "Mr. Swinging.", "Mr. Swing."
And I answered, "Yeah, that's right! Swings one way!"

I was going to tack on that conventional teaching teaches that our body is the boat and thoughts are the wake. It is really more, our thoughts are the boat and the body is the wake.

When we die, we are thought beings without a physical body.

A castle in Scotland has always existed. It is one day built here on Earth. After it decays, it will always exist.

Einstein said, "Everything is happening simultaneously." That is true, only, there are a lot of everythings, and simultaneously is a very long time.

The beginning and the end of the Earth are events with 3D objects. All 3D objects are 5D objects and not the other way around.

PMH Atwater wrote that when people are in the womb, they depend on mother's nourishment. After they emerge, they no longer need mother's nourishment but can eat from the things in the environment. And after we die, we no longer need nourishment from things in the physical environment, our nourishment is thought energy.
She also wrote of further, higher levels that are levels of non energy.

I really got to stop writing all this esoteric kind of stuff. I mean you can get loads of this kind of stuff in the 133.8 section of the Library. I wish that I had the talent for that casual, offhand banter that you do.

From now on, I must get a grip and write only about the World in the terms as it presents itself, and not all this New Age crap.

I am here in Vancouver for spiritual reasons.

J-school teaches reporters that there is no "I" in the word reporter. And so far, in this column, I have fucked up this cardinal rule.

This is the only chat room of this kind that I know of. The messages posted here stay for some time, not like the terse, ephemeral chat rooms with words that usually do not go beyond a fifth grade vocabulary. And why should it?
I am not going to even try to look for other chatrooms like www.mangosauce.com. Because this chatroom is based in Bangkok, there is an osmotic quality; the nice, warm tropical vibes have seeped through to the writers of this column, and that disarming, gentle, insoucient quality, like a name brand, that is found in SouthEast Asia has obviously coloured this column.

A famous Native Canadian writer named N. Scott Momaday wrote,

"An Indian is just an idea."

Yes, when I was staying in Bangkok, I read Graham Greene's 'The Quiet American'. One of the more poignant passages he wrote in his book was,
roughly that no man can really know or understand one another. That is why some believe in a God; finally at last, someone who truly understands them.

And because the writings in this column tend to stay for awhile, I will resist the temptation to print anything angry. Not that I do not hold angry views about various topics, but being an amateur scientist; an amateur anthropologist, I must find another way to look at the things that make me angry. There is responsibility. There is going to be karma especially for such a public medium as this.

Before, I sent articles to the news companies, but all that just goes into a vault, often unread. God knows how many people could potentially read this as I have a suspicion that most who read this column do not send in any posts.

Right now, is daylight savings time and Bangkok is 14 hours ahead of Vancouver. In the winter, during Pacific Standard Time, Bangkok is 15 hours ahead of Vancouver.

The next STAR WARS movie is going to be called,
"Revenge of the Sith."

Sith. That sounds suspiciously like the name of that Egyptian God; the bad one.

... I can't imagine life without the internet. People at the computer modules in Internet shops; kind of like rats at a cocaine feeder bar! Pavlov's dog, indeed! Myself included, I guess...

TANAI KWAI says:

Dean,

I meant fairies as in "faeries." You know, magick?

That's two posts where you have assured your growing legion of readers that you aren't a fairy or a queer. Phew!

In view of the transcendental "our thoughts are the boat and the body is the wake" sea across which you journey I would have thought such issues were less preoccupying.

(...)

Dean says:

The Buddhist Priest calls me "Mr. Swing", as mentioned in the last posting because my first name, the name that appears in my passport, is Wing. Like JG Ballards Empire of the Sun, I am someone of European extraction, and some East Indian and Arabic, and part Chinese, who was born in Asia. And I was adopted by Chinese parents who gave me a Chinese name.

Little Wing. Jimi Hendrix.

When one travels, any problems that they had in the town that they left take on a new level of irrelevancy.

I don't know how some of these people in Thailand can drink 10 cans of beer or more. About three for me is enough! And Thai workers drinking grain spirits at five in the morning on their days off;
hardcore!

I think that if I save my money, I can be in Thailand again at around New Year's Eve. But I really doubt that I could ever meet any of you. Maybe to even suggest it is a jinx. Perhaps it is best this way, just writing on the computer.
You have my email address. I think there is a link set up here. And I will be happy to give my mailing address to anyone who asks.

I have not ventured out of this apartment building in about four days. I am here, holed up, voluntarily, living in somewhat less than Howard Hughesian splendour. The hedonistic diversions here chip at what travel money that I am trying to save. The women in Vancouver are friendlier than ever before; any given day these days is better than any given day ten, or even five years ago. Talk about Murphy's Law, just as women are the friendliest that they have ever been, I decide to stay in my apartment.

What is a girlfriend but a means to an ends, and that is happiness. Even if you don't have a girlfriend, be happy. Not being happy for any reason increases the illusion of separateness.
Having a girlfriend is work. I am a lazy guy, most times. To prepare oneself for being with a woman, I feel that I must dress up nice, psych myself to an extra confident state, and sometimes I do not have the energy to do that.

The women in Thailand, though some of you are cynical about them, have taught me about love. They have taught me that all you have to do is to spend a minimal amount of time with a woman, and see that her face is like a diamond with many facets and once you have seen these facets sparkle, watch out! because that is when you could find yourself falling, yes falling if you want to be a deconstructionist about it, in Love.
A woman's face is the face of eve.

God damn it! I could have stayed in Thailand last time. My Thai and Cambodian friends said, "There are a few hundred thousand illegals in Thailand. Just do not get into any fights." There is probably a clampdown now, but the Police do sometimes work on an off-the-record basis, and an asset to the community would probably be allowed to be an illegal alien.
When I think of you, Tanai Kwai, Mr Peter, Dana, Cog, Waxhead, Mossman, etc. I imagine a motley crue of emailers the likes of the tourists depicted in Amit Goa's Off the Rails in Phnom Penh. A fascinating read. Is the tourist scene there still so delightfully dissolute?

What the heck, I ask everybody else I talk to about Thailand, could any of you go to a local Buddha, Erawan, or even the most powerful one, Wat Pra Keo that I can get a windfall, or be sponsored to go to Thailand again? Thank you. Kop khun Khrap.

I post a column and then I say, maybe I should not have written trivia so exact. But what about that guy who is winning over a million dollars on Jeopardy! Sometimes, trivia pays, though not usually! Ha ha ha!

Dana says:

OK, Tanai maybe you are right--I take you at your word and this 'Dean' is an original. If that is so then we all need to band together and keep him from breeding. But not until he has posted at least another 10 times. Can't remember when I have sat in front of the screen and laughed so hard. If you took all of his posts and cut them up and then shuffled them like cards it wouldn't make any difference. I wonder if this is how Reverend Moon and Charlie Manson talk? Anyway, you've got some real competition here TK--this guy nuts is more impressive than you sane.

Dean says:

Mr. Tanai Kwai:

I gleaned from one of your previous postings that you are from Mexico.

God, how I would like a windfall and a chance to go to Mexico one day. Before travelling to Thailand, I listened to Berlitz every day for about three months. About a couple of years ago, I did listen to Berlitz Spanish everyday for a couple of weeks, but I was already too wired on Thailand. So that project was abandoned.
I would like to try peyote. In New Mexico, it has been legalized as a sacrament, as an ethneogen for religious purposes.

I painted a picture of a design found in a Mexican pyramid. Those curious little characters that move up and down and then across are suggestive of telepathy. In the 5th Dimension, thoughts are stacked on top of one another as it were.

I remember reading Farang Magazine in Novemeber 2003. There was a highly entertaining letter. The reply from the editor went something like, "Sure, obviously this guy is not obnoxious at all." What an entertaining magazine. This is an emagazine with mainly letters. In fact, more letters than articles. There should be more of these out there.

I like the article about all those death threats some Thais were sending into Mr. David, who runs this e-magazine. Picaresque stuff!

And there was that article about some guy doing a flight of Icarus without the wings, outside a five story building in Bangkok. Wow! And I hope that the girl who said she was suicidal is all right.

A psychic wrote, When one dies, one becomes a spirit, that is a thought form without a physical body. The word body is from the old English word bodig meaning house. Anyways, those who have committed suicide and crossed over to the other side say that while they seemed normal and everything else in their life was going fine, there still was some mental knot, sometimes a trivial thing, that they could not unravel.

Indeed in the world of thought, you could go ten thousand miles away in an instant. If only you just do it. Scientists could not locate the mind in the brain. The brain is a thought of the brain.

I think it was you, Mr. Tanai who wrote, "Expats typically would not make good friends including myself. Perhaps that is why we are here."

One must wait until the evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Thank you for writing.
Dean

TANAI KWAI says:

Dean,

Very quickly, as I lay me down to sleep, I am actually American.

And I can't imagine I ever said "Expats typically would not make good friends including myself. Perhaps that is why we are here."

Sounds like a Gregism.

(...)

Dean says:

A joke:

Sailboat owner to a friend: "That's my 18 ft. yacht over there. I've hired a junkie to be the deckhand."

Friend: "A Fairliner?"

Sailboat owner: "No, a mainliner."
__________________

When I typed message board which is presumably what they call this type of website, on google.ca, there were about ten million hits out there!
Ten million message boards.

So much for this being a unique phenomenon.

This is probably not even the only message board about Bangkok, Thailand, as well.

60 Minutes was on, this being Sunday night. I was too busy thinking about this message board, thinking, oh no, I shouldn't have typed in that thought! A frisson of embarrassment. Now everyone will know what a real geek I am!

Yeah, right, me and thousands of others...

When I was last in Thailand, they were just setting up a system where people could get cable TV, English speaking channels that is, for about 1000 baht a month. This is November 2004. Before that, the only English programs I watched in Bangkok were, Newsline on channel 11 at 10 pm, and a few times I watched the morning show with Valerie MacKenzie.

The next time I go, if I go to Thailand, there will probably be English television programs more widely dispersed.

I often questioned myself for teaching English in Thailand as if I were contributing to a secondary, covert form of colonialization. There has to be one lingua franca of the World, and it looks like it is not going to be Esperanza. English is an extra skill like knowing how to play chess, and the local citizenry who know a sprinkling of English would make Thailand more attractive to foreign investment.

And I learn Thai when in Thailand. Lots of neon lights on Khao Sanh Road, Sukhumvit, Chinatown, etc!

A neon light, such as one with a design would be nice to have.

Animals have spirits. Maybe I should become a vegetarian.

Once when in the Bangkok zoo, after walking through the area of the big cats, I saw an orange ginger cat lying on the park bench. I petted the cat because she looked clean. Friendly. What a coincidence!

Maybe I really do not do credit to the animals when I go to the Bangkok zoo insisting on being drunk. I used to like to go there and then get good and sloshed on three beers wandering around. Perhaps the animals are better enjoyed, sober.

The klong boat ride is an experience that one will not get in Vancouver. Those Venetian narrow winding riverways, an arterial network, an anachronism from the romantic days of Old Siam.

I remember all too well the times that I was sitting in a bus and sometimes the bus would be on one spot for an entire hour or more! I have practiced zen meditation for years and although able to catch myself that I did not ever raise my voice, I was unable to restrain myself from cursing a blue streak! I am sure that the other Thais sitting around me, especially those who probably understood English very well would have been more angry at me had I not been so poetic about it at the time.

When I first arrived in Bangkok, I was amazed to see the catfish which made me think of New Orleans; the bpla meuk skewered on a bamboo
Thai stick! And then the sight of those insects deep fried made me think how different things are back home in Canada.

Once, I was staying with a most wonderful group of friends in a Soi in Bangkok, and my Thai friend brought in a ziploc sandwich bag full of deep fried katydids; grasshoppers. The way he wriggled his fingers made the grasshoppers look very alive, and the sheer number of the bugs...
I ran out of the Sala screaming at the top of my lungs!

When eating my first and one of the very very few that I will ever eat, I had to lean my cheek against the floor to brace myself if you can visualize that!

I probably am one of the only tourists who did not visit the Bangkok nightspots. I usually don't go to nightclubs. Maybe I should more.

I wound up like the tourist who visited for three weeks but only stayed in his hotel room. Expand that three weeks into a few months and that is an idea of how my life went. But I did stay in the best of circumstances. I was a boarder in the hospitality of some wonderfully kind Thai people. I was afforded a glimpse of a way of life that I otherwise would not have seen.

Dean

Greg says:

At first I thought Dean was a silly young fool, and didn't read his posts. I didn't understand his art form. I still don't. Funny though, and he had me fooled.

Dana says:

Hello Dean--I repeat: There is no God--Life has no Meaning. It's time to shut her down. Just lie down son. Suck in your final toke on me. Then flip it out the window. As you awake to the heat and light and flames of careless butt disposal--remember, your final immolation is of no consequence. There is no God--Life has no Meaning.

Greg says:

Dana, as you are probably aware, the circularity of your logic erases the meaning of it. If there is no meaning, then the concept of no meaning also has no meaning. It is impossible to posit meaninglessness.

Ubangi Me, Ibangi U says:

"...I believe this force of nature is his own man and new to the site."
*smile, slow nod* Maybe.

Mr Anonymous says:

"AVATAR"
Results 1-5 of 43, from Concise Encylopedia Brittanca online

1) avatar; (ìdescentî), in Hinduism, the incarnation of a deity in human or animal form to counteract some particular evil in the world. The term usually refers to these 10 appearances of Vishnu:

2) Vishnu; one of the principal Hindu deities, worshiped as the protector and preserver of the world and restorer of dharma (moral order). Vishnu, like Siva (the other major god of Hinduism), is a syncretic ...

3) Vaishnavism; from Hinduism Vaishnavism is the worship of Vishnu and his various incarnations. During a long and complex development from Vedic times, there arose many Vaishnava groups with differing beliefs and aims.

4) Regional varieties of folk religion from Hinduism
In the hilly and mountainous regions of North India, Saivism, aligned with Saktism, is prevalent. The awe and mystery of the jungle and mountains are, there and elsewhere, personified as forest ...

5) Kalkin; final avatar (incarnation) of the Hindu god Vishnu, who is yet to appear. At the end of the present Kali age, when virtue and religion have disappeared and the world is ruled by unjust men, Kalkin ...

Number 5 "KALKIN" should fit right in on this site!!!!!!

Dean says:

>> gathering up the shaken dust and rubble of their more expensively educated peers.

Someone wrote this lively sentence in a previous mangosauce.com posting.

It causes one to reflect on the topic of Universities.

"Universities polish pebbles and dull diamonds."

Four more years of institutionalization.

Four more years of being adult baby sat en masse presided by an older professor. A situation that could easily lend to Freudian transference.

-Make sure that the smart poor kids pass and that all rich kids, smart or not pass, but do not let the stupid poor ones pass. Maybe University professors are given that instruction at the start of the year.

Four years of having some personality dickering around with your talent. Four years of a professor giving a "C" grade to you "A" grade work in a course that is probably a subjective kind of course anyways, just because he is envious of your youth if nothing else.

A lot of famous luminaries, did not attend University at all. But the most famous one is Bill Gates the Third; Microsoft Bill.

Universities were accused of being an ivory tower, and some uptown Universities here in Vancouver, and the extra beautiful energied U.B.C. set up places in downtown Vancouver.

Universities are great places to meet women. The social scene would be awesome at a University.
This is a different generation, that's fer sure.

There are a lot of self-educated men, like Edmund Spencer.

In spite of that, I could not imagine the World without Universities. Funny how that word can be so routinely used in the plural.

When I was in Thailand, I visited Thammasat University campus and the Ramkamheung University. Those are the only Universities that I visited while in Thailand. The #53 bus takes a very convenient route past the train station, Chinatown and Pahurat, Thammasat University, and through Banglamphu to wind up near Pier Thewes.

Gone is a cynicism of the nineties. Because of the baby boom, 75% of the population is now aged between 55 and 65. I read somewhere it is people in their forties and early fifties who have a psychic tendency to like to see people in their twenties compete with each other and kill each other off. But these people are now getting past that age.

Life gets easier once you hit thirty.

And then things were different in North America after 9/11. I remember exactly where I was when I heard. Here is a Thailand story:
I had just returned from teaching after a three hour commute from a school near Cha Choeng Sao, passing through the Muslim suburb of Minburi and after an exotic klong boat-bus ride. I ducked into Aporia Books on Tanao. A lady walked in and asked for a newspaper, she seemed like she was urgent. The owner, Khanin, a real nice guy, said that all newspapers were sold out that day. I saw a newspaper and it was the store's private copy. Then everything went in a blur. He said, "Did you hear the news?" I said, "No."
"What have you been living under a rock? The World Trade Centre in New York was attacked. It collapsed. It is no more."
The train of thought was, I could not believe it! Something that architecturally immense. Gone forever. I walked through Khao San Road that afternoon wondering if it was the start of World War Three.

I will never know what it was like to be here when that happened. To miss a North American cultural event like that would be like missing the Beatles performing at Shea Stadium in 1964.
It would be like not tuning in to the television the night of the 1969 moon landing.

Dean

Dean says:

Oh yeah, I dropped out of college in my first year after finishing three and a half months out of a four month semester.

Hard core!

Anyways with the competition game going on in Bangkok to be an English teachers;clamouring to be in a position to be a performing monkey, I was constantly asked what my qualifications were. I was onced asked that in regards to me having taught English in Bangkok, and I answered truthfully,
"To be honest, absolutely none."
And the person who asked me that, said, "Well, good things happen to good people."

How can you win at the game unless you say you got a PHD from one of the British Schools like Eton, or Cambridge or Oxford. The next from that is Yale, and Harvard, and UCLA. Then in Canada it is the Eastern schools like McGill, U of T, McMaster. Mentioned UBC or SFU and that will not be taken as seriously as, again, the Eastern Canadian Universities.

Then if someone with a BA will always meet someone with an Master's Degree, if not someone with a PhD. And if someone has a PhD from a less notable school like SFU, or a BA from Cambridge, let alone anyone with higher credentials than that, they will be considered overqualified!

There is no grandfather clause in Thailand anymore when it comes to English teaching.

A TEFL course will not necessarily give someone a good English accent if they do not already have one, let alone the ability to teach students a good English accent.

I would bring a GED textbook and say to my students, I will help you master this textbook, so at least you can get an honest to God, Canadian high school diploma in case you ever want to emigrate to Canada.

StickmanBangkok did say that those who speak English well may not necessarily be someone who teaches English well.

Kru Wing

TANAI KWAI says:

So much... to say...

Paralysis... of... choices...

(...)

Dean says:

The picture that features this article is very cute.

It is one of a large bat encased in a box.

Bat sounds like baht! -Thai money.

TK, you mentioned being from the United States?
I would like to visit the United States. That is, if I had money.

I opened a page at random of Bill Gates' 'The Road Ahead'. On page 113, he talks about how people who send email be it on chat rooms or message boards will deliberately insult one another in a practice called "flaming".

I never knew this. This explains a lot.

Refuse to fall into the trap; refuse to take the bait;
refuse to hang on words. That's what you gotta do.

:-)
Dean

Dana says:

Come on Tanai Kwai--where are you when we need you? We need to plan ahead and band together. We need your skills with Google and Bartlet's and OED and Thesaurus to start neutering this guy. Unless this guy is you. Some of his Thai minutia is suspiciously knowledgable.

TANAI KWAI says:

His posts... like Kryptonite...

No... strength... left...

Will never... be prolix... again...

(...)

Greg says:

"Universities are great places to meet women. The social scene would be awesome at a University."

Yep, same guy who writes at http://stuffthatisawesome.tripod.com/awesome/

A sense of humor all his own. Kind of warps the mind, doesn't it? Not exactly irony and sarcasm, not exactly not. Hypnotic.

Greg says:

Why on earth, while readings Dean's post with my eyebrows poized quizically, did this sentence make me laugh out loud?

The #53 bus takes a very convenient route past the train station, Chinatown and Pahurat, Thammasat University, and through Banglamphu to wind up near Pier Thewes.

I swear he's invented a new kind of humor.

TANAI KWAI says:

"I swear he's invented a new kind of humor."

No Greg -- you have.

I can't agree that Pro = Dean. NFW. Nor can I agree that either Pro or Dean spawned www.stuffthatisawesome... That guy (Wesley) is yet another force of nature, with an equally confident voice that sweeps across the screen like a tsunami. Here a typical non-Dean, non-Pro excerpt from Wesley's site:

"What is Stuff That is Awesome?

Stuff That is Awesome is a website I created in order to teach the world what is Awesome. It's a collection of things that rule...

This is not a cute page to put up pictures of my friends or recount the story of when we all went to the mall together... This site is pure Awesome....

You will never get gossip or anecdotes or photos of my buddies. Oh, and if you took a picture that you think is Awesome or if you did something you think is Awesome, I don't care...

(...)

Dean says:

Plants are aware. Animals are aware that they are aware. People are aware that they are aware that they are aware.

Everything is connected.

The story that I wrote about Cambodia, somewhere else here on mangosauce dot com, is written a priori rather than a posteriori.

An Islamic belief that it is bad to deliberately give something that offends you a second look plus the Zen riddle "Don't think of a monkey" equals a classic dilemna.

I envy all you travellers, soon I will be joining you.
I get the CPP! And that means I can travel in Thailand with less worries.
Yes, while you are there, go for it, like Anakin Skywalker when he jumped off the speeder car in the city of Coruscant in AOTC.

A zen story:

Once a man was dangling over a cliff. He had been chased by a tiger. The tiger on top was circling. Looking below, there was another tiger encircling.
The vine that he was holding on to was being chewed on by a mouse. There was a strawberry within arms reach. He grabbed it. Ate it. How delicious!

I missed being able to cook for myself in Thailand. Next time I live in Thailand, I will try to live upcountry with one of those orange propane potbelly stoves. A recipe for Thai fried rice is chopped garlic and white onions, Thai red curry paste, whatever: meat or vegetables, and rice.

I like to cook Italian food, and undiletantte sushi. Usually sushi is too delicate looking. I was thinking of boycotting sushi restaurants for this reason. The good sushi would be in the form of large, carelessly cut chunks.

I am using a computer in my apartment building. I was prattling about how it would be nice if I were a master surgeon at John Hopkins University hospital. And my neighbour said, "You're babbling!"
Cut to the quick!

I get delusions of reference all the time. I was reading the Bangkokpost.com today, and one of the words on a headline was "malfeasance". For a second, I imagined it was a reference to the copious drug references that have so far, even at this early stage leaked through. I so wanted to present myself as a sober writer.

On the Bangkok radio stations, sometimes they play a song called "You're so vain you probably think this song is about you."

Checkmate.

Where I live, there are beautiful women. So beautiful that the cat got my tongue. Today there was a beautiful blonde girl who stood next to me when I was typing on the computer and I should have said hi to her. I stay in my room all day, not without times where I dream of women, so at the crest moment of the day when a beautiful woman does appear, I am too overwhelmed, too shy to say even "Hi."
Well, she will show up again.

Dean

mossman says:

Dean,

Clarity comes when I am totally high, or when I am totally straight, but never in the transitions from one condition to the other.

Dana says:

More on Dean: This guy makes me look like a mute. And I presume that what he finally posts is what remains after normal editing. Imagine what these diahhrea-of-the-mouth posts looked like before editing! As for humor--I'm not sure that is the intent--only the result.

Greg says:

TK, you may be right that there is no connection. I wonder myself. I won't bore you with the many reasons I see one. I decided not to take a lot of what I read on the site or in Dean's postings at face value. I decided to think that Dean is not an author, but an ironic fictional character. Wesley's page http://stuffthatisawesome.tripod.com/awesome/id22.html would lead me not to take that "awesome" adoloscent attitude too seriously. The author of that site says:

"I pursue Psychology, Religious Studies, Philosophy, History, and Gender Studies, and unlike a lot of my friends, I have opted to keep the Honors Program, even if it slows down my graduation."

The author of that site is studying at University of British Columbia, Vancouver.

The page with the replies from people who seem to get his joke would also appear to see something in his humor that does not take it at face value. It may simply be that I'm loosing my mind, and making connections that don't exist.

Greg says:

Dean and Wesley also profess to be the same age.

Greg says:

Ok, I will bore you. None of the above clues is what led me to the conclusion. After being drawn into the site and reading it, I became fascinated by the quirky sense of humor, and started to get a feel for the cadence and style. I started to get a feeling of appreciation for his unique style of humor - to see an unspoken ironic joke that is told as much by his cadence as by his words. I could take take the time to give clear examples of such style on both his site, and in his writings, and try to explain what it is about the cadence that seems humorous to me, but like Dana said, that might come accross as deconstructing a Jerry Lewis movie.

Greg says:

- U of BC, where Wesley attends, was referenced in one of Dean's posts. What other forum poster has done so?
- What other author on this forum has ever used the word "awesome"
- When Wesley says "THAT would be awesome", you hear the word "that" as a higher pitched tone with emphasis. Dean also says "that would be..." in the same way, where the word that is heard in the minds ear to rise. The phrase is used as repetitive emphasis that is unnecessary to the meaning of the previous sentence. This particular writing habit, eventually, seemed humorous to me, and took on a meaning of it's own, independent of the words.
- Wesley on one page when responding to an email asks why the person would spend his time criticizing a humor site. It isn't obvious, at first, that the site is a humor site.
- Dean also is not at first obviously a fictional character. It takes a while to notice that he has a complete grasp of irony, and it takes a while for the mind to melt a bit and wonder where the irony begins and the character ends. Both the website and the character of Dean are ambiguous about sincerity, due to being so soaked in irony.
- Dean's writings appear to subtly mimic and mock the existing posters on this board, something that would be beyond the character if he were to be taken at face value.

You might still think that Wesley's website is simply not funny and that Dean is a poor and rambling writer, but my opinion is that the author has created and embodied an irony soaked fictional character and uses that character in ways that are a bit novel. I suggest his very art form is a joke not immediately seen.

Greg says:

Oh, and am I the only one who thought that Dean's excessive writing was itself an ironic joke?

Cog says:

^Errr....yes.

David says:

"Poontang ploughing" may never make it into the Oxford Dictionary but I'm quietly confident that Mango Sauce will soon boast the #1 Google ranking for this useful term.

...and my dream came true.

Dean says:

I wish that I did not use the word "awesome".

That word was used a lot in the eighties when I was working at a restaurant.

I thought of that word remembering a skit with Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan. They were parodying Air Supply on an episode of SNL. They were doing a satire of the song, "All out of love."

"Well thank you my friend, I like your new blazer,
The sleeves are pushed up, it looks mighty awesome."

There, that is where I got that goddamned motherfucking word, AWESOME. Now I wish that I had not used it.

Now you think that I am someone called Wesley, or Prorogue, or whatever.

What the hell can I do about that? Nothing.

I really don't give a shit. Like the old saying goes, "Those who know me know me well,
Those who don't can go to hell!"

What the fuck...

Greg says:

I guess I was wrong. Thanks for letting me know.

YABS says:

Dean has obviously just done too many chemicals.
Nothing less, nothing more
he posted some crap about shamanism
on Sticks site under the pseudonym? of cryspis
or something like that.
Hopefully for his sake hes in his late teens or early twenties so he can have time to reconstruct himself and sweat those chemicals out.
it must be good stuff that hes smoking thats for sure!