January 10 2004

Best job in Thailand: Inactive posts

Years ago, when I worked in corporate hell, I used to dream about becoming the company bum - a highly paid executive with few responsibilities.

As company bum, I could arrive mid-morning and spend the first hour of the business day distracting my co-workers with risquÔø? anecdotes before sloping off to an early lunch. Staggering back mid-afternoon, I could give my secretary (Lena Li) a good scuttling across the boardroom table before crashing out in the first-aid room. Naturally, I would be out of the door at 4.59pm precisely.

Through nearly 30 years of dedicated incompetence, one of my senior colleagues came pretty close to achieving company bum status but, sadly, this kind of success always eluded me.

Had I been born in Thailand, things might have been different. Here, tens of thousands of bureaucrats, cops and soldiers are routinely transferred to inactive posts - where they don't do any work but retain their pay and perks. Thailand is company bum utopia but how do the jammy bastards pull it off?

Your Ad Here

Incompetence is so widespread here that this alone might not be enough to secure you an inactive post. Corruption or downright criminality should do the trick, though. Bureaucrats getting kickbacks, cops running protection rackets and soldiers moonlighting as mafia enforcers all have a good chance of success. Their bosses just want to see them go without suffering any repercussions. The thought of firing the buggers wouldn't even cross their minds.

For Thai bosses, thinking up plausible-sounding inactive posts used to be a bit of a headache. However, following the recent "modernisation" of the civil service, 5% of posts are now set aside as inactive. Becoming a company bum has never been easier but where do I apply?

[Posted to Thai Secrets by David]

Your Ad Here

Readers' comments

JR says:

I guess you are not familiar with the term used in USA "cushy government job". In Thailand there also is no welfare system that yall can leach.

And if you havent realized the governmet and military of most countries are notorious for overspending. Doesnt have to be Thailand. You just seem to want to make an issue of it here :)

The draft is still in place, Thai soldiers still do combat at the borders. Thai government was controlled by military coups for nearly 50 years , Since the inception of "french styled democracy" god i do hate the french. I wonder who coined the term FARANG SAYDT for em and why. And yea THEY invented the word "coup" too :P yea yea dont bug me bout latin based this and that.

Unlike you, I think a job doing nothing but staying where you are assigned is HELL!!! Thats how they punish incompetent senior workers in corporations in USA, they dont fire them really, they just dont give them any work and wait until they retire.

June 4, 2004 9:21 AM

JR says:

o yea, well to answer your question, become old and incompetent in a US corporation.... as for military i don't think you have the coconuts to last in that arena :P

June 4, 2004 9:24 AM

JR says:

DAYAM i always have more to add...

If you thought the problem where employees you fired came back with a bullet for your head was bad in a country with WELFARE........

Thats it! "...disrupt welfare system and they shall fall..." /me adds notes to Suntzu's Art of War back cover.

June 4, 2004 9:28 AM

TANAI KWAI says:

JR,

Your posts are brutally literal-minded and consistently wrong-headed. Perhaps you would take the opportunity to read with more care and reflect a bit longer before posting.

Fondly,
TK

June 4, 2004 9:50 AM

Errant says:

To the parodist known as JR:

You have created a fine comedic character. Your JR and his poignant struggles not only with a second language but also with various concepts he can't handle make for some deft comedy. JR's righteous, high-handed chop logic results in much hilarity as well. The character's habit of deigning to instruct everyone he addresses reveals a master ironist at work. The malaprops bring laughs but are not overused. All told, you've cooked up quite a creation. Many compliments to the chef.

Keep the howlers coming.

June 4, 2004 4:44 PM

TANAI KWAI says:

Of course! How could I have failed to see it?

I have been a perfect foil for this subtle and nuanced baiting, "JR." You drop a hopelessly provincial comment here, a turgid serving of pablum there, and sprinkle in a few badly botched attempts to use hip colloquialisms -- and you've got me. I'll bite on an ersatz Thai persona every time -- hook, line and sinker.

So I come 'round, huffing and puffing, to point out your woeful ignorance and corrosive self-esteem issues centered on your crippling longing to be a Farang man (and, by implication, to suggest that you couldn't get laid in a monkey whorehouse with a stalk of bananas) -- but you were playing me like a fiddle, you scamp!

Take a bow, "JR", whoever you are!

And fine sleuthing, Errant! Boy, do I feel had.

June 4, 2004 10:22 PM

Cogito Errr... says:

Appying an inverse form of "The Peter Principle", Thais have perfected their own version of bureaucratic stasis called, "Somchai's Rules of Incompetency" -- an hierarchical evolutionary system where dismissals never occur on the account of keeping the appearance of social harmony intact. After all, for a Thai, being labelled as "jai dam/jai hoad hiam" for laying off loyal civil servants chest-laden with distinguished service medals is bound to have bad karma. A positive derivative effect of the "Somchai Principle" is that there are never demotions, just reassignments. This makes everyone happy. And, we all know...happy people make for happy fucking.

I would prefer to let the distinguished Peter of The Peter Principle explain in detail, but the lazy-assed fucker is at the water fountain chatting up some chicks again.

June 5, 2004 3:26 AM

Cogito errr... says:

^Shit...where's the edit button?

June 5, 2004 3:39 AM

Dexlowe says:

Go to Bangkok City Hall, 173 Dinso Road, and ask for the Town Planning Department. You'll be directed to a 255 storey building nearby. Nothing stirs inside. This is where you'll find all those "inactive posts". Mention "town planning" and a dust mite will smote you in the eye. Ask to see the latest plans for the central business district, and you'll be told that the mice ate them -- 65 years ago.

Dex

June 16, 2004 2:25 AM

Mother Terrisa says:

Better late than never!
Being a bit slow, I have just read your piece â€œBest jobs in Thailand â€“ Inactive postsâ€ - 10 Jan 2004.

I am happy to say I am currently experiencing such luxury. Thanks to the men with their big tanks and the subsequent lack of decision making by Sergent whats-his-face our work has dried up. I am now getting paid on a retainer basis while sitting on my fat arse reading old drivel from third rate websites. Its fucking brilliant!
How many other are in the same position?

Hugs and kisses,
Mrs T

March 26, 2007 2:05 PM

*** THE COMMENT FORUM IS NOW CLOSED ***