Desperate for a dump in Isaan

Andy says:

The "turtle's head" would have to be emerging before I thought about using that particular WC.
In fact, I think I've actually shat myself several times before now in the vain hope of finding something better to curl one out into,...
Another toilet topic? Great!!!

IHTFP 04 says:

I remember from "Plebe Summer," the basic 6 week-or-so military indoc at USNA, not being able to take a dump until two weeks into the program. I later talked to fellow classmates who admitted to taking enemas from the resident corpsmen to solve the problem (indeed, I only fixed it after chowing down about 2+ lbs (1 kg) of broccoli and setting my mind to it on an uneventful Sunday morning, praise God!)

I later found out from my Army buddies that had recently graduated bootcamp that my experience wasn't unique. Maybe Freud had figured out at least one thing after all?

Johnny says:

I thought it was part of your duty of being in Thailand to learn the squat technique. Except with no paper or squirter hose ?

I want to install a squirter line (boudet?) back home now.

I was squating the wrong way until I saw this Japanese gag toilet on a funny show.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1GajdOmU9g

Pants Elk says:

The picture for this piece is actually Road Natzi's mouth, isn't it?

Prufrock says:

Andy says: Another toilet topic? Great!!!

Not in the official transcripts of course, however, in the interests of brevity and decorum I'll be editing replies to Common's missives down simple verbs involving the flushing of stubborn fudge-monkeys.
I suspect he'll continue to hang around to do his sly dog-to-the-woods trick whenever he tires of the hunt and feels a bit peckish.

J.A.P.

Gary says:

I can't do a number 2 on a squat toilet. It gets way too messy. Its truely an amazing feat that the Thais can.

Amusingly some Thai's seem to have a problem with western style toilets too. Prefering to squat on the toilet seat as if it was Thai style. Thankfully, I've never been witness to that, but i did see the evidence of boot prints on the toilet seat once.

Telemachus says:

In Japan they have the squat thing too. Particularly in train stations and the like. I avoided using them on the grounds that I am an avid bog reader and enjoy my "quiet time". The times that I did use the squat toilets were normally accompanied by crys of "look at me I'm Japanese"

bob says:

and the Thais had the barefaced cheek to host the world toilets conference !they are taking the piss !

dave says:

when my thai wife first came to uk she used to squat on the toilet here resulting in her breaking 3 toilet seats before i persuaded her to use it as intended

philH says:

"they are taking the piss !"

No shit!(?)

Road Natzi says:

Pants,

If I needed to take a 'dump' somewhere, I would look no further than your ugly gaping trap, although its already overflowing with shit.

Bomb Aimer says:

My wife is Japanese. The bigger cities are ok, but rural J is 633 Squadron over a very small target...

tingtawng says:

I went to the trouble of building a whole new bathroom, complete with western toilet, for my girlfriend's "jungle shack" north of Korat. I know there are stories of Thai women fleecing their western boyfriends for all kinds of things, but this was money well spent.

bob says:

hey i recognize that photo , it was taken at Suvarnabumi airport one of the new traps there . Thai shoddy workmanship continues down the pan .

Mac says:

Look at the bright side: apparently you're the first one in.
Imagine the sight that greeted whoever was tenth in line.

Fruit Batman says:

Don't forget the old adage:-

'You know you've been in Asia too long when the footprints on the toilet seat are your own'

Phrakanong Pete says:

For those that like to stand on Western style toilets, I've seen horrific photos of what happens when the porcelin toilet bowl breaks - its just like glass and cuts like glass...

Fruit Batman says:

I think we've all shared some important thoughts here and the results are heart-warming.

Happy Christmas to one and all.

FyaPonDem! says:

You Gotta See This!:

'How To Use Japanese Style Toilet "Bowel"'

http://www.asahi-net.or.jp/~AD8y-hys/movie.htm

ozricdan says:

i can take a no.2 and squat, but there is no way i can read at the same time, without ending up sitting in the shitter maybe i could counter-balance my paper, book etc to the toilet door but then i might end up shitting on the floor.
anyway i going to attach a toilet seat to the squatter go get my digital camera and wait to see what happens.

{hehe..} this should be fun.

martin says:

Best description of a 'squatter' toilet came from a mate who refers to them as.........'A down hill skier'

ajahndon says:

Worst bomb-sight shitter experience ever was in Bangkok about 1971. When the turtleheads overcame me I was in a little noodle shop - the only WC consisted of 4 free-standing walls with no ceiling right in the middle of the kitchen. The door had no latch, so I had to teeter forward and hold it semi-closed with one extended finger. Waitresses and cooks bustled past the crack in the door without a second look. I managed to complete the task but of course there no paper to be found. I had visions of not being able to flush the evidence, and not wanting to incur Lèse Majesté with a 10-baht note, I instead sacrificed a good ol' George Washington from my wallet.
I worked in the old ChokChai bldg when it was filled with US military and contractors. Each floor's WC had a couple of stalls with Western johns and one with the elevated squatter. Someone placed a sign on the squatter stall: "Executive Facility"

Looper says:

Looks like there is a grate in that shitter instead of an open hole. Handy for preventing loss of your mobile when it falls out of your back pocket while you're squatting down - and then having to stick your hand down the shit hole and find it - or call from another mobile to aid with location in the pipeworks.

Does present a problem vis-a-vis persuading anything thicker than green curry induced skitters to find a way down. Perhaps you need to insert a shower head like contraption in your back passage to perform a kind of noodle strand conversion - like the spaghetti machine in the play dough factory (ages 3+).

P.S. David, Can I suggest an article category dedicated exclusively to toilet related matters? Thanks.

AngloTeuton says:

What's all this anal-retentiveness? The best and easiest way to defecate is in a squatting position, because that's how Mom Nature intended us to do it. Guess most of you folks never went wilderness camping and used leaves to wipe ass.

It's also the most hygienic way, if not the most dignified and aesthic one.
Your buttocks never touch a surface other buttocks have touched, not to mention the dangling parts.

Ever noticed that there is no or very little residue to wipe on the shicter after finishing a squat session? And the bidet hose washes and cools that sensitive area. Love it!

Notice that Thais will actually stand on the toilet seat when no squat toilet is available?

My Thai ex needed years to get used to sitting down and I had to install a Thai style bidet squirter as soon as she moved into my house in CA. I later upgraded that to a $800.- Japanese high-tech heated, pulsating bidet toilet seat. Anythig to make her happy...

BTW: making and delivering babies also works best for the female in a squatting positure.

Get used to it!

Pants Elk says:

I'm a big supporter of the squatshit. In fact, I have imported the habit, and familial complaints about footprints on the seat were soon resolved by my dumping - seemingly at random - all over the house, on a sheet of newspaper. This is a hygenic and ecologically sound practice to be recommended. As to the bum gun, I have pulled the business end of the garden hose through the window, which enables me to give the butt-cleft a refreshing (and regulated) spray in the comfort of my own living room.

Carlito Bandito 33 says:

just got back from samet island, bogg's were minging but what lay inside was much, much worse. sqaut toilet, thai style.... but some dirty ass turd hanging half way down it, i looked away sharpish, but still noticed some peanut's mixed in on in it or some shit like that. anyway man..... minging. one sick gezza's got to leave one like that.