June 26 2006

Thai hot herb balls massage

penis pasta

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"HOT HERB BALLS MASSAGE" is on the menu at most Thai massage parlours but the offer is actually quite ambiguous. The likelihood of a "happy ending" depends on how you interpret the grammar.

"Hot herb-balls massage" implies that youï¿½ï¿½ï¿½ll be rubbed-down with a hot ball of herbs but shifting the hyphen produces a much more tempting offer:

Hot herb balls-massage!

Obviously, we need to know whatï¿½ï¿½ï¿½s really going on so today our Mango Sauce Nightlife Correspondent investigates.

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On the third floor car park of a Central Department store I found a massage parlour offering "HOT HERB BALLS MASSAGE." Despite its downmarket location, the establishment looked quite respectable.

I was shown into a nice private room and asked to undress and lie on a mattress. After a few minutes, a thirty-something massage lady entered carrying a rice cooker from which emerged the fragrant smell of scented herbs. So far so good, I thought, letï¿½ï¿½ï¿½s see what a sprig of rosemary can do for my virility.

The lady then asked me to lie on my front and, assuming this was just part of some foreplay ritual, I turned over and waited for her with pleasurable anticipation. I was most surprised, therefore, when, after returning from her rice cooker, she proceeded to pummel my back with what seemed to be a wet cloth.

After a few minutes of this treatment, I turned around to see what was going on and saw she was holding a toadstool-shaped muslin bag which she was using to strike my back. Inside the bag was, of course, hot herbs.

In the end, it wasn't a bad massage and, when I turned over, it did produce a "happy ending". However, Mango Sauce readers are warned when in Bangkok to check carefully for the missing hyphen. What I had unwittingly signed up for was a "hot herb-balls massage" and, indeed, this is precisely what I got.

Proving that, contrary to popular belief, grammar lessons can be fun.

Readers' comments

Derrick Titmus says:

Love your observations of the Thai Soapies. Thanks for a most amusing web sight, its great. Delboy

June 26, 2006 11:13 PM

Dannbkk says:

I must say, this is no lie, i was also tempted myself to walk in and get a ball massage, the day i looked at the front entrance of the shop to see it had the signage on the front of shop "Herbal Balls Massage" in sukhumvit sio 39 close to sukhumvit road and phrom pong BTS station. But ofcourse i am glad i didnt now, lol

July 29, 2006 11:21 AM

Paul says:

So while Dave is suffering a sun outage, I'm left wondering where I get my ball-massage. There has got to be a HUGE market here.. If anyone has any inside info please share.. :P

September 29, 2006 3:42 PM

sandman says:

teen massage, orchid masage maybe orange massage, all give good balls massage and akane does prostrate massge and balls with a special japanese chair

September 30, 2006 9:09 PM