November 30 2003

Alan Partridge's Thai ladyboy lust

Alan Partridge: Tell me about the ladyboys

Celebrity loser, Alan Partridge, is a TV comedy legend. "I'm Alan Partridge: I'm a national broadcaster trapped in the body of regional disc-jockey and there are no operations that can cure that - at least not on the National Health." For Alan, life has hit rock bottom. His wife has left him and he's onto his 49th week at the Linton Travel Tavern.

Alan hides a secret passion for Thai ladyboys. He persuades Michael, the hotel handyman, to recount an army story about Bangkok katoeys but his PA, Lynn, arrives at the worst possible moment.

Alan: Tell me about the ladyboys.

Michael: Oh, you mean them transsexuals. Aye, I've seen them but, you know, they're disgusting. I kept away from them.

Alan: Oh god, yeah yeah. Fascinating creatures though (pauses). Looks like a lady but er... really it's a man. I don't find them attractive, it's just confusing (pauses). I don't suppose you've got any er... army stories about them?

Your Ad Here

Michael: I did hear about this corporal, right, and he's in the 3rd battalion, this lad, but he's right mean, ok. He goes out in Bangkok, right, and all the prostitutes is coming up and saying how much. He goes "I'm not paying that", right, and then this beautiful lassie comes up. She's gorgeous, man, and she's half the price of the others. They're getting down to it and he puts his hand up her skirt and gets a hold of the old meat and two veg, right. He thinks, hang on - I've paid me money, I'm gonna have summat. He flips it over and he fu... (Alan's PA, Lynn, walks into the room. Michael sees her but Alan doesn't) ...and funnily enough it lands on its wheels, it starts first time and they just drive away.

Alan: Strangest story I've ever heard... (Sees Lynn). Ah, hello Lynn (Turns to Michael). Ah, I see what you... Ah, right, yes. Michael was just telling me an army story about a friend of his who slept with (pauses) a Land Rover.

Credits

Alan Partridge: Steve Coogan
Michael: Simon Greenall
Lynn: Felicity Montagu
Writers: Armando Iannucci, Peter Baynham, Steve Coogan
Director: Dominic Brigstocke
Producer: Armando Iannucci

[Posted to Sex by David]

Your Ad Here