October 2 2003
Is your Thai sweetheart really a conwoman?

Thai sweetheart or Thai conwoman?
Each year, thousands of western men marry a Thai girl only to discover that she's a conwoman. Rich rewards await the smiling perpetrators of this perfect crime. The awful truth is that gold-digging pays. Lonely, soft-hearted men are the hapless victims left without a pot to piss in.
Even when a couple marry with the best intensions, the chances of success are barely 50/50. Mixed race marriages are even more fragile. Throw a Thai con-woman into the mix and your misery is guaranteed. If she is an ex-hooker, the divorce courts won't reproach her for fucking your friends, neighbours and teenage sons either. Her reward will be the same. The child you will be supporting is probably not yours.
In a previous posting (See Why do nice guys marry Thai prostitutes?) I urged sincere, marriage-minded men to beware of girls who are easy to meet. I also promised to write some guidelines about how spot a conwoman. Here they are.
If you are dating a girl who often stands you up or changes her plans at the last minute, you can be sure that she's got other guys on the go. Her expensive cellphone will normally be ringing. Even if most of the calls are from girls, this only suggests that she likes to hunt in a pack. Calls from western guys are highly incriminating. "He just friend" is pure bullshit. Thai girls do not have close male friends - western or Thai - only suitors and punters. She may claim to work with foreigners. Offer to pick her up from work. If she really is a tourist guide she will have a badge. Ask to see it.
Being a receptionist or waitress in a part of town popular with westerners is the perfect job for a con-artist. They meet potential victims all the time. Some of them are respectable though, unlike the friendly unaccompanied women you might meet in bars or clubs who are guaranteed to be prostitutes. If they claim otherwise, they are con-women.
Fluent colloquial English is a bad sign. If she understands "get your kit off" but not "balance of payments deficit" then she probably learned it between giving blow-jobs. Ordinary Thais do not speak English well. It is part of the national curriculum but in practice it's the blind leading the blind. Thailand's upper classes are sometimes fluent but they have good grammar and favour an American accent.
As in the west, respectable girls will be busy during the day. Beware of Miss Available who can easily book time off. Her eagerness for sex may have little to do with your natural charm and good looks. The 1960s never happened in Thailand. Casual sex is purchased and cohabitation is for the underclass. Brides are expected to be virgins. Getting into a Thai girl's knickers should be more difficult than raising the Titanic. If it's easy, then so is she.
Your girl may be plausible enough but her friends might give the game away. That's why you should invite them out. Suggest a few places popular with freelancers and choose the one she seems hesitant about. Watch out for signs that they are known there. If her friends drink, smoke, play pool, have tattoos or just seem a bit rough then they are hookers and so too is your girl.
She may be cautious about revealing her past - particularly her employment and relationship history. Ask detailed questions and don't let her fob you off. When you ask again later, her answers will be different. Remembering lies is not easy. Even without making any special effort, you will notice that her stories and claims often change.
Before she can steal your life savings she has her regular bills to pay. You may have noticed how often she talks about her financial problems. If you didn't get the hint, she will have to ask you for money more bluntly. This may take the form of an expensive gold trinket (to be resold) or cash to solve a fictional crisis. Pay what you think is reasonable. After all, even lying hookers shouldn't have to work for free.
Confronting her is pointless. Promise to stay in touch and fuck her goodbye. If you were careless enough to let her to move into your apartment, the end will be more traumatic. Plan every detail, don't give her any warning and don't let her change your mind. A cash payment will calm her down. Replace your credit cards and change your ATM PIN and email password. If necessary, change the locks.
Some prostitutes have an outwardly more honest approach "Holland guy he take care me, Australia guy he good heart but I love you number one etc." These girls have the same ambitions but their game plan isn't as sophisticated. They are strictly for recreational use only. Don't assume that choosing a plain one will save you from the trials ahead. It won't.
Many guys seem to leave their brain behind when they come to Thailand. The media loves to stereotype the daft old git who believes that a stunning Thai babe is crazy for him. The truth is that many sensible old codgers are growing old disgracefully here and enjoying every minute of it. They get what they pay for. Wisdom is one of the few benefits of advancing age.
In my experience, it's the younger guys who fall for the con. Men who have no reason to doubt the sincerity of a girl's saccharine patter are far more likely to fall for it.
In a posting below, I take a look at the problems that arise when a love-sick fool takes his devious sexpot back to suburbia.
[Posted to Relationships by David]
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