Home  Asian Babes  Sex  Nightlife  Sitemap

« || next »

Like the beacons that wreckers once used to lure ships onto the rocks, websites offering Thai mail-order brides continue to claim hapless farang victims. Today's story concerns a recently divorced American in his early forties who's in danger of being holed below the waterline. His concerned farang girlfriend takes up the story.

Dear David

I might be an unusual reader on your site... I am a "Farang" woman, an American. Perhaps I am one of the hated on your site. I do not know since it would seem opinions are split on American women from what I have read.

However, I need some closure on an issue and I do hope you can give it to me.

I live in the western part of America. I am 38, very attractive. It is not uncommon for people to assume I am much, much younger than my age. I have aged very well. I am successful, well educated, polite and respectful. While I am independent, I do believe in a traditional relationship with a man. I will admit I am rare for an American woman.

Anyway, I met a guy, 5 years older than I, last year. He claimed to want a woman who loved family (to help raise his two kids from his recent divorce) who liked to cook, was very sexual, liked music, had a job, was educated and would take care of him. As he dated me, he was in awe. Not only did I completely fit his profile but I had my own house and it is a nice house, money in the bank and no debt. He kept saying he could never do better than me, only worse. We had much in common and enough differences to make it interesting.

However, he had a few faults which kept our relationship from progressing smoothly...

Your Ad Here

He had to have things immediately. After just 2 weeks dating, he wanted me to sell my house and move in with him. When I said it was too soon, he revealed yet another bad trait, a very bad temper. He was also getting over being screwed over by his ex-wife. He had just gotten divorced a few months ago and he was being medicated for his "temper" which was not working very well. But the worst was yet to come.

Stupid as I was, I took him back but he confessed that he was now toying with the idea of getting an Asian bride because he was sick of us American women. He felt Asian women would be more respectful, not give him a hard time while being sexual "freaks" in bed as he put it.

Anyway, he would go back and forth about this Asian thing over and over and toyed ruthlessly with my heart. Finally he started communicating with Thai girls in Bangkok over the Internet. He wanted me to wait for him while he went over to Bangkok and saw these girls. "It was between me and them" he said. They were of course much younger. He said they had only one thing going over me and that was they were 27ish. It was just a matter of weeks before our relationship ended. On this night, he said I either had to move into his house the next day after just 3 on and off months together or he was going to Bangkok. I let him go. I could not make such a huge decision when things had been so bad.

He spoke a lot about the women he was e-mailing with over in Thailand. They were 27-30 years old with a kid (so he felt they would not want to have any)...with a college degree and job. What he told me was that his girls were farm girls. They had told him they were "hot and spicy". They all lived in Bangkok. That they would take good care of him etc. When I told him they might want his money, he said "no way, they were angels. And was I suggesting that they wouldn't want him for his good looks?" When I said they might be hookers, he said "no there was a third class of woman in Thailand who worked at honest jobs and were looking for a good faithful man because Thai men were unfaithful. And besides no girl was going to play him."

Anyway, I want to know what his chances are of finding a good girl to share the rest of his life with are over there? From reading your site I get the impression his fantasy could very easily become a nightmare. ("Hot and Spicy" were not words you said "good" Thai girls use.) Is that so? I just think the odds are against you if you try to find a bride in a place like Bangkok in 20 days, knowing nothing about the girls except what they have told you on the Internet. Am I right? Please keep in mind, prior to this trip, this guy had never left the USA and he knows nothing of Asian culture.

I know you are thinking "get over it and move on" and know you have probably heard many stories involving men such as this, but this guy did toy with me ruthlessly and I would love to see him get a stiff kick in the "arse". Plus, I would love to know your thoughts on men like this guy. I Other than that, no worries, I will be moving on. Please give me some answers and some closure...

Many Thanks

A Western Girl

Dear Western Girl

You'd be surprised at how many farang women write to me and most of them are in the same boat as you. There are certainly a few trolls lurking in the old comment threads but I'm sure that you wouldn't have contacted me if you truly believed that Mango Sauce was the natural home of the hate-fuelled knuckle-dragging misogynist. It's not.

Your boyfriend appears to be going through a messy mid-life crisis but, bearing in mind that he went through an acrimonious divorce so recently, this is hardly surprising. Emotionally charged legal battles tend to bring out the worst in people and the scars take a while to heal. Entering into another serious relationship so soon was bound to create a few problems.

I hope that he doesn't actually believe the preposterous candy-coated bullshit written about Thai women on the matchmaking websites. In reality, these girls are motivated primarily by money.

Women from poor families are put under great pressure to support their parents and, if they also happen to be single mothers, their options are very limited. Thailand isn't a welfare state so many of these poorly-educated women turn to prostitution to make ends meet. Marrying a farang is sometimes seen as an easier (or additional) option. To suggest that their intentions are romantic is laughable.

Plain girls often marry the first farang who comes along but these mismatched couplings tend to be unhappy and short-lived - particularly if the girl has to move abroad. The prettier girls quickly learn how to extract money from dozens of foreign suitors at the same time. Their schemes range in complexity from trotting out well-worn sob stories to perpetrating elaborate frauds.

Having said all that, though, tens of thousands of happily-married Thai/farang couples can be found living in towns and villages all over Thailand. The Internet doesn't really play much part in this, however. Typically, these couples meet in Pattaya - a popular coastal resort with a well-deserved reputation for that kind of thing.

If your boyfriend intends use the Internet to purchase himself a loyal, obedient sex-slave for export to the US, then he's in for a rude awakening. Real Thai women do not conform to this fantasy-driven media stereotype. It's true that they're brought up to be polite, charming and respectful but they're also extremely feisty and possess an almost supernatural ability to manipulate men. I have never in my whole life met a Thai girl who could be described as obedient.

From a cultural perspective, the Thais are an extremely conservative bunch. For them, the Thai way is always the right way and they're highly resistant to new ideas. To westerners, their behaviour is often rather baffling. For a mixed marriage to work, the farang partner has to be extremely accommodating. If he's not prepared to accept the Thai way of doing things - at least to some degree - then the relationship will most likely fail.

Your boyfriend's anger problem will also act against him. Thai people are extremely conflict adverse and farang-style temper tantrums make them recoil in horror. Expecting a Thai woman to form a relationship with an explosively angry farang man would be like expecting you to form a relationship with a methanol-drinking, dumpster-grazing madman with a vocabulary limited to the F-word.

I'll now attempt to answer your specific questions.

During his short visits to Thailand, your boyfriend's chances of finding a "good girl" to spend the rest of his life with are exceedingly slim. Thousands of desperados, con-artists and prostitutes are queuing up to pounce on naive new arrivals. Even long-term ex-pats get duped sometimes.

Ninety percent of cash-strapped country girls don't speak a word of English so their lovelorn begging letters are written by an agent. "Hot and Spicy" doesn't really imply anything - it's just telling men what they want to hear. If a poorly-educated country girl does speak good English, then it's a very bad sign. She's almost certainly a prostitute or a con-artist.

My thoughts about your boyfriend's behaviour are quite mixed. I empathise with his attraction to Thai women and I sincerely hope he doesn't get burned but the aspects of his behaviour that you related to me do seem to suggest that he has an insensitive and controlling nature. This in itself isn't an irredeemable flaw but, when combined with an anger problem, it's a good reason to take the relationship slowly. He'll probably improve once the dust from his divorce settles but I can fully understand your reluctance to sell the house and move in with him.

I wouldn't go as far as to say that men who make unaccompanied visits to Thailand are lost to farang women for ever but, for most western men, the slightest exposure to Thai girls creates an itch that will always need to be scratched (sometimes literally, unfortunately) and it's amazing how often this turns into an obsession.

I hope this helps.

Regards
David

Dear David,

Thanks so much for your speedy, thorough, and contentious reply.

Let me start by saying that, no, I do not think you are a misogynist. My apologies if this was the case. However, it does appear that some of your regular readers have had severe problems with past relationships which have left them scarred. And from reading virtually all I could on your site it appears to be cross-cultural not just "farang" related.

Let me also point out that I think your website should be required reading for any man hoping to make their fantasy of a Thai/Caucasian relationship a reality.

I would also agree with you that there are many, many very happy Asian/Caucasian relationships on this planet but I think you will agree that these were not quick, Internet, Bangkok, 20 day affairs but probably longer courtships with each party getting to know one another's culture respectively. Respect and love probably play a huge role in this with lust playing an important but minor role.

I have had a deep interest in Asian culture for many years, albeit Japanese in nature not Thai. Most of the facts you point out are very much in keeping with what I had come to expect from Asian culture. I'm not talking about the prostitution, but of the personality, cultural and behavior traits you have mentioned. I am constantly amazed at how many American men think Asian women are submissive, obedient and easily controlled when this is just simply not the case.

I would agree with you that my friend is going through a severe mid-life crisis. In his defense, he loved his ex-wife very, very much. He is in pain and is lashing out as violently as he can. It is unfortunate but very understandable and one of the reasons I wanted to take things slowly. I felt it would be hard for him to find his true love and start a serious relationship because these things are never easy when one has been truly hurt. Time and effort on both sides are needed for things to develop.

Yes, I do believe my friend bought the candy-coated bullshit written on the Internet about Thai brides. I think he bought it lock, stock and barrel. Having read your response to my e-mail, I think it is safe to assume that his 27 year old farm girl with her cell phone who could chat for hours in the Internet cafe via instant messaging in English was probably not the innocent victim he thought she was.

I do not mind losing my friend to a Thai woman if that is what is truly meant to be. Just as Thai women are beacons so too are American women to the right man. I have noticed that you have pointed out the virtues of Thai women to the various Caucasian women who have written you and I feel you are right. A woman who knows how to motivate a man will never be at a loss for a man no matter what her race.

I will say this about America. We are increasingly losing direction. As a society, we are becoming too egotistical, selfish and materialistic for our own good. Too much emphasis is placed on what you have as opposed to who you are as a person.

While the Internet has been one of the greatest barrier breaking inventions in history, I do think it has also been a curse for men and women, unhappy with their lives looking for a quick fix. I think people would be well advised to realize that any relationship must be cultivated. Anyone hoping to find the answer to love in a quick Internet romance needs to know nothing happens without a cost. The men who spend as much time as they can in Thailand seriously getting to know the culture and its people will naturally have the best chance of spending the rest of their lives with the woman of their dreams.

Thanks again David. Yes, your e-mail helped. And as I saidÔø? required reading.

Take care
Western Girl ;)

Find out what happens next:

Thai mail-order bride fuels mid-life crisis #2

[Posted to Relationships by David]

Your Ad Here

Syndication

• RSS Feed

Resources

Site Map
Links

All rights reserved.