Private eye exposes my Thai girlfriend's lies

John U. says:

I once paid a "private eye" to let me know if my Thai gf went home for Songkran a few years ago. He took the job and I had to send him 5,000 baht up front. He then told me he wouldn't actually be in BKK for Songkran.

The "Investigation Report" basically said he had gone to her bar after Songkran and she told him she had gone home and "played water" with her family.

What a load of f****ing bullshit. She actually told me herself that she had not been able to go home because she was short of money. Her boss had cut her wages because she had an eye problem and wasn't able to work for a couple of weeks. She told him she had gone home just to make conversation, she also told him she was 26 and actually she was 31. The silly twat believed her, and put that in his report also

So I was ripped off big time by this "private eye". He lives in BKK so his travelling expenses were no more than 100 baht to ask her questions. There was no actual verification carried out by him.

I won't tell you his name because he's pretty well known, and perhaps needless to say, his main job is not a private eye. He still advertises his services.

richard says:

Oh go on give us a clue?

John U says:

I've said enough. I'm actually on pretty good terms with the guy now although I've never met him, and I would hate to ruin his little sideline (Well I think it's little)

My comment is meant as a warning to other guys to make sure the "private eye" is able to do the job before sending the dough. Ask some pertinent questions first.

mr peter says:

I have used thaiprivate eye, but not for spying on a GF. The results were very good. -peter

John U says:

I suppose the conclusion is to use a professional if you want a professional result.

Thai Private Eye says:

John U., we at Thai Private Eye are sorry to hear about your bad experience with one of the other guys. As with any purchase of services, it really does pay to get references if possible, or at least find out the details of what the provider is going to do before you pay up.

Every reputable private detective keeps the client list in total confidentiality, but try a web search to find message board posts from past clients of a few agencies. Or ask your friends because investigative services are used much more often than you might think.

Our thanks go to David for the mention and to Mr. Peter for his kind words.

Toby says:

I think I used the same private eye as you JohnU.
only it was to locate a bar girl who was rumored to be carrying my baby. I told the guy of several different bars she could be working in and the jack ass only went to one of them.
i then complained to him about his shitty services and he never replied back.
don't trust these one man shows, you definitely have to go with the professionals. people who know basic investigative and surveillance principals. say, the PI you used he doesn't happen to also operate an unrelated website does he?

John U says:

Thanks for the advice guys. I know where to go if I need that service again.

I think you all probably know who it was, but I'm not going to give his name.

You're probably on the right track Toby. Sounds like a similar M.O. Did you have to pay about 5,000 baht up front?

Toby says:

Yea I think so, it was a while ago. But i i think i had to pay 8000 cause he went all the way to pattaya.
oh well. turned out the rumor was just that, a rumor but she was pregnant with some other dude. but i found out from a bar girl friend of mine, for free.
it's probably easier to just make a network of friends you trust who are will to peek on your girl every now and then.

John U says:

Ok I give in.

It's Stickman.

Actually it's partly because I'm a little peeved with him for turning down an article of mine because he's become so Politically Correct. Politically Correct in relation to the Thai government!!!! I ask you.

Also he's just put an article on his site which is one of the most rambling boring pieces of prose I have ever tried to read. I couldn't finish it. To really piss me off, his comment on this piece of rubbish is "A trip report of the highest calibre". WTF !!!!!

A case of the teachers pet I believe.

Toby I think it's time for you to reveal your useless PI's name as well, and wasn't there somebody else who had the same experience?

Come on everybody spill the beans and let us know who your useless PI's were to protect the unsuspecting folks who may otherwise use these impostors in future.

mr peter says:

In his defence I am sure stick has had a lot of satisfied customers or we would have heard about it before now. On the other hand why employ a teacher to be a PI anymore than you would your hairdresser to fix your car. Probably best to get somebody who at least does it full time.
Just had a look at the trip 'report of the highest calibre', surely he is taking the piss as it must be one of the worst submissions ever, even has the blokes crappy pics. Still, cannot complain too much as I have never gotten round to sending one in-peter

John U says:

Mr. Peter,

I wait to see if anybody else tells about their experiences with Stick. I think Toby may, we'll see.

As regards the crap submisssions, look also at Thai Journal 3 dated 9/1/2004 by the same guy (he also submitted Thai Journals 1 & 2), and look at Stick's comments!!! Unbelievable

tuk says:

Stickman = Lewser

Willie says:

John U. Before you complain about someones services you should reflect for a minute on how much a private investigation would cost up front from any reputable investigator anywhere in the world. $150 wouldn't get you a phone call in N. America. I have used Stick on an important matter once and I was very satisfied - as I suspect are hundreds of others.

Khun Mangosteen says:

Hi Willie

You compare BKK prices with the USA which as Mr Stick points out is a big no no.

Mr Pters hits the nail on the head when he says you would not hire a hairdresser to mend your car so why hire an English Teacher to be a P.I. (Unless Stickman was previously a policeman in NZ as the rumour mill suggests????

Willie says:

Hi Mangosteen You are right of course if it is a serious complicated matter requiring surveillance, videos, tapes etc. But if you are out of the country supporting someone who is supposed to be out of the bar or club and home waiting for you he does a good job.
I once had to engage a Thai professional private detective company for a serious complicated matter sometimes utilizing surveillance teams of up to 6 people, travel all over the country, concelaled videos, etc. but the cost of such investigations is high although far below N. American costs. But very thorough and professional. These kinds of investigations usually result from business deals gone sour. Nice talking to you.

John U says:

Hi Willie,

Been out of commission for a while so couldn't reply till now.

The money is of little importance, just put it in to give full facts. What was important was that no investigation was carried out. I don't think anybody would consider going to the bar and asking her a few questions would qualify as an investigation. She gave him answers which were bullshit, and that's what he put it in his report. As explained he even put her age as 26 when she was in fact 31.

Obviously he sometimes does a decent job. Well lucky you. If you use him again I hope you are equally lucky, but it could be pot luck.

I am waiting for Toby to post agan as I think he may have used the same "P.I".

Cheers

John

lawro says:

t'investigator? happen you don't need one lad

why, wi my irish intuition i could just tell ya - your lass is shagging about

course she is, they all are

happne thats why we all came out t'thailand eh?

have a word wi yoursells you lot of spare wanks...

it wasnt like this when i was rooming with big al.... whayt apartnership we made, mind he'd never tak it up t'chuff, scar headed twat

John U says:

Hello Lawro,

Your command of the English language is obviously not very extensive so I'll try to explain this in very simple terms.

I wanted to know if the lady concerned went to her home in Korat for Songkran. Nothing to do with shagging or working, or drinking or ripping off mentally deficient Irish.

Perhaps you didn't read my first piece about "the investigation". If not I would suggest you get the full facts before commenting. Otherwise it makes you look such a twat. We all know what to expect from Lawro in future.

Look forward to any further words of wisdom you may have.

John

P.S. Notice I don't call you names, it is so easy to do that when not face to face. I always think people who do that are gutless cunts.

lawro says:

oh aye oh aye.....

hapen you'll geta balck eye and a think lip........

unless you alrady have em? is that why t'chip on't shoulder?

dozy prick...... any road..... ican tell thee.... yoru lass is getting humped aall ower t'shop, course she is....... they all are!!!!!!!!!

yon dozy prick....... why me and hanno, we would have sorted your right out......... i'd a flicked you up and alan would'a volleyed ya!!!

gobshite

what top class football have you ever played (while hindered by an effemintae voice?)

none!!!!!!!!! I tell thee none!!!!!!!!!

John U says:

Lawro,

Two pieces of advice:-

1. Take some English lessons.
2. Consult a psychiatrist.

You may then learn to write properly ( balk, think lip,yoru, alrady, effemintae???? - and no upper case), and the trick cyclist may teach you to stop repeating yourself.

John

P.S. Where exactly are you by the way. Close to me??? Perhaps we could meet for a latte??? Let me know.

Billy says:

Stick speaks fluent Thai and that gives him a good start.

No, He was never a copper in NZ.

Yes he does 'know' the bar scene.

He does have a lot of satisfied customers over the years he's been checking on bar girls for trusting Farangs.

I have seen him in action and he 'can' be good but he is an arrogant prick,
just lookat the last few weeks' diatrides, a load of crap, I guess it's just a teacher's way of filling the page, about as credible as Thaksin giving up power!

If you feel that you have been ripped off, ask for a refund, or did you?

Good luck next time ;-)

John U says:

Billy,

No I didn't ask for a refund. Perhaps I should have. Do you think he would have given me one? I just didn't consider it. After all it cost him about 200 baht all told to carry out his fucking "investigation".

As I said previously my philosophy is, catch me once, shame on you, catch me twice shame on me.

Are you Billy P?

Toby where are you? Why don't you tell us who your useless fucking P.I. was?

John U says:

Billy,

I refuse to look at his website (Stickman) anymore. All it does is give him some more numbers to boost his advertising.

Since I had a disagreement with him over postings I'm never going to help him by adding to his numbers - the twat.

I did mention previously that there was a strange relationship between him and a guy who calls himself Caveman. In his wisdom David didn't show it, and rightly so probably.

kohsamui says:

The rumour mill suggests wrongly that Stickman was a policeman in NZ. He was (and still owns as far as i know) self-employed and owned a computer business. He only works as a teacher to boost his earnings from elsewhere (selling copied playstation games etc.) and to keep himself occupied.
He is only a normal bloke who has set up means of an income so he can live a pretty decent life in Bangkok.

Combover says:

Personally, I find Stickman's site awful to look at and almost impossible to read.

Just my $0.02.

Rick H. says:

Its all fantasy. Some truths I dont care to know.

BLACKCUNT says:

Now I know that stickman is a fraud, copyright violator , sissy ,RACIST, THAI, SOB and GFN.
Hey , let me give you all clue, He just bought that his thai pussy a low end Japanese automobile . could be all the money from the playstation and detective my foot! deals.
Hi STICK, what can I call someone that teaches english, sells copied playstation cds, deos private detective, operates a website and get paid for the adverts posted there, and looks under 15year olds skirts? In my country we call them Frau...conme................SOB

Mr Peter says:

I don't get this one, why is mr stick all of those nasty things just because he bought his mrs a car? What's wrong with having a website and charging for advertimements? Does he sell copied playstation games? I'm against copied crap myself and believe such traders should have their fingers cut off, or at least be thrashed in a public place, but surely almost everyone who posts here buys copied stuff, except me of course. As for being a racist well who isn't, unless you are really black, we all know darkies can't be racist. A sissy?, only seen him a few times but he was never kitted out in a dress or carrying a handbag. The only real complaint aginst the bloke that I can see is that he is a crappy detective, don't use him then-peter

Stinkman says:

QUOTE:

...should have their fingers cut off, or at least be thrashed in a public place...

How about a kick up the private places?

(winky)

mr peter says:

A kick up the privates would be letting them off lightly, this should be done to anyone found double charging mr falang, bargirls who agree LT then have to 'go home' 2 hours later, hotel receptionists who suddenly decide to charge you a joiner fee, taxi touts outside hotels who prefer to rip off tourists rather than do an honest days graft, tarts who have to get up to dance for 40 mins just after you buy them a drink, and maybe detectives when they do a lousy investigating job.-peter

Dave Ellis says:

John,

I don't know Stickman but you come across as an egotistical, self opinionated twat. Why do you have to slag off everybody with whom you disagree? And arselick anybody you like (Tanai and David)?Why don't you ever let things lie? The 'analyst' posted about 2 or 3 weeks ago but still you keep referring to him (on other threads). Let it go, lad.

Mr Peter,

Join the real world, son. This is Thailand - enjoy the good times and roll with the bad times (which can be easily avoided). If you're going to get so het up, I suggest that you:

Don't buy bar girls drinks;
Don't employ private detectives;
Use a bit of nous when dealing with receptionists/taxi drivers.

If you act like a victim, you'll get treated like one - Thais can smell weakness a mile off. I've lived here for 7 years - be confident and you'll hold your own. If you can't, then fuck off back to wherever you came from and stop moaning

And no, I'm not one of the schizos, just someone who gets pissed off with know-it-all, negative wankers.

John U says:

Because I wanna. :) !

tonychang says:

I like his site,the readers submissions section is good for a laugh (and i'm in the market for some moody PC games).

TANAI KWAI says:

Dave Ellis,

Easy there, champ. You have to admit that everything John says is a legit gripe.

Don't buy bargirls drinks? I know you're just being facetious but that's an awful suggestion. You would turn into that guy in the front row, forearms on the stage -- just burning a hole in that camel toe with your eyes, a warm, half-finished Singha in your hand. You sit there for hours, tip no one, close down the place, then try to hail a luckless girl in the street to see if she's desperate enough to go LT for 500 baht. Yikes! That doesn't sound like much fun. But there are a lot of these cheap-assed veterans of the scene that take a bit too much pride in economizing on tail. Disgusting. And they're always the fat, shiny ones with the most to say about a particular girl's physical shortcomings as she does her best to work with what she's got.

I'll tell you where I think you're spot on -- the "weakness" angle. Weakness will kill you in innumerable situations. But I prefer to combine steely confidence with a little humor rather than sheer bluster. I prefer not to make enemies in a country not my own.

By the way, if you skim his posts John (what with his poor breeding) is not always civil towards me, much less favoring me with any sort of lavage. And we all owe David at least a light spritzing from an appropriate distance.

(winky)

mr peter says:

Mr Dave

I was joking of course, thankfully we still have a sense of humour in the UK, well we have to have the way the place is going. Congrats on living there for 7 years, maybe they should give you a medal. Not another 'underpaid teacher' I hope. Nothing worse than negative know it all ex pats, I agree on that one.-peter

John U says:

Take no notice Tanai.

I think he's one of the split personalities.

Funny thing is my first posts were always to try to give people a laugh or an interseting little story. Then someone took a dislike and started slagging every time I wrote.

But when I have a go in return, I'm being negative.

I've just come to the conclusion I can't do fuck all right for some people.

marco says:

John U, no mate you can't win.
look - this site is well donw in general, and always enjoyable. David is a friend of mine and knows what he is doing, well done mAte.
And, I must say - teh comments site, particulalry when spiced up by some piss taker or other (and it's occassionally me!) is always, always entertaining... (I'm convinced there is a sitcom character, if not an entire novel and movie in our friend Ernesto Ortega), however... I think I speak for a lot of people here - when I say... I wish you and TAnai Kwai woudl get off your soap boxes a bit... your entitled to your opinions, my god don't we know it.... but, please......... don't take it all to heart lads,
a) you come across like self obssesed, smug, schhol boy arseholes
b) you end up chasing pointless argumnets round
c) its boring
d) you are making every other reader hate you

anyway........ all teh best

TANAI KWAI says:

Well, Marco, as long as you're a personal friend of David's I guess we should really take heed.(!)

Presumably, you feel the site would be enhanced by posts like the one you just belched out.

I'll tell you one thing, if David were as remarkably illiterate as you this would be one lonely motherfucker up in here. Just you and your 12 personalities.

I'd love to know what "the point" is to a person of your likes and dislikes? What do you find really interesting in life? What doesn't bore you, exactly?

Humor me.

(winky)

Pierre C. says:

Hello All, I've just read about everyone's post and it seems that I am turned off even more from getting a P.I. I think the easiest way to deal with Thai ladies is to let them know what your ideas are of a future with them and asked them if they share your ideas. Let them know that you have all intentions of checking them out with whatever resources you deem appropriate. If you leave them in a Thailand with money then you are asking for problems. Make them work for a better life, have them get a stable job anywhere because that shows where their time is. Why whine over one lady when their are millions of them to chose from. I've been down the Thai Lady ordeal once and I learned a lot. Just be smart and really consider when and where you met a Thai lady and why you want her in your life. As for stick man, he doesn't sound like an official person to me but understand everyone has to have more than one hustle. We have money and they want it, can't be mad about that.

John U says:

Marco,

I had decided not to respond to any more, but couldn't resist one last try as you represent so many readers - every other reader in fact.

I have taken the trouble to look through my postings. I don't know if I got them all, but I found no evidence of the faults in your point (a).

I can see what you mean in point (b), but generally I've stopped responding to people slagging me now.

(c) Boring? Well, that's your pespective. Mind you it's also your perspective that you speak for every other reader. Should we value the opinion of such a megalomaniac?

(d) Well I've covered that one. Perhaps you'd enlighten us as to how this knowledge reached you.

Anyway, from my brief research into my history, I've posted 7 original amusing stories in response to David's articles. (I only found this site in March, so it's not bad going)

I've had 3 direct emails from guys complimenting me on my pieces.

I've made quite a few comments in response, and apart from that I've told a true story about our Kiwi P.I./Teacher/and apparently Fake Software Salesman - although I have no knowledge of the last.

So there you go. I can give you chapter and verse for my funny pieces if you ask, but perhaps you'd tell us of the contributions you are proud of. Do you have any you'd like to mention?

John U says:

By The Way Marco,

I should have mentioned in my last bit about my "opinions" - "don't we know it".

I've only ever given two opinions. One was my opinion of the quality of a certain P.I., and the other was my opinion of people who post without giving their email address.

The implication from you is that I am spouting off opinions constantly so you are factually wrong there.

And in your last piece you gave eight opinions !!!!

Four times as many opinions in one piece than I have ever given in 3 months.

Your opinions - don't we know them!

marco says:

temper temper boys..... jesus fkn wEpt, you lads just love yourelves eh? I had hoped that you would see I wasn't trying to have aperosnal pop at you, just to encourage you to shut teh fk up for a while you boring cows.... didn't work...

i love you lads, you crack me up

yes yes yes, please more of your funny pieces....... they are so funny!! oh, my sides.

fkn hell man, pull yerself together!

i remember teh norwich keeper flapping like that back in 91!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

see ya ron

John U says:

Four more opinions from Marco.

Twelve opinions in two short pieces.

Opinions Marco - don't we know them.

Opinionated? Me? I can't compete.

OK. That's my last word. I'm not responding to any more, but when they lay them selves open to an easy response it is very difficult to resist.

Sitting ducks really - I shouldn't do it. It's too easy.

mr peter says:

I think there should be an unwritten rule that nobody responds to anyone who either cannot be honest enough to include an email address, or react to the constant new names who just appear merely to take the piss then vanish again until the posters responsible selects another name to carry on acting like a 15 year old. Ignore the wankers.-peter

PETERS CONSCIENCE says:

Whats the matter with you Peter? You actually didn't mention Lao music in that post! Did you forget to take your medicine?

TANAI KWAI says:

John U.,

Marco's probably just referring to me. I fully account for the possibility that I fit categories a-d. Fact is, funny is subjective, interesting is subjective, most things are subjective.)

Really just wanted to know what "every reader" really wants.

Perhaps Marco will give a thoughtful answer and not focus so much on his the/teh gag. All that aside, Jesus tap-dancing Christ can there be anything less funny than this at this point:

"i remember teh norwich keeper flapping like that back in 91!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

If you're the type of guy who's never pissed into your own mouth on a dare, this is fucking numbing.

(fakkin' numbing I tells ya)

John U says:

Thanks Tanai,

You've got me fucking laughing.

The image of Jesus tap dancing brought tears to my eyes, I can tell ya!

"If you're the type of guy who........" fuck me I can't finish it, laughing too much.

Now this is the type of stuff I love. Try to make em laugh myself, but obviously don't always meet with success - quite the opposite.

John U says:

Bollocks.

It's just occured to me that I gave an opinion about Tanai's comment. Smack my wrist.

Mind you it was a positive one, so I don't think positive ones count when being criticised for being opinionated. Or do they?

I'll be more careful in future.

John U says:

Now here's a spooky thought.

Just put together Tanai's image of Jesus (no not tap dancing you bastards - stop laughing). Think about the traditional face on the statues and the Turin shroud.

And then "tj" comes up with doubles re. Ronald MacDonald, and it occurs to me that there was recently a living breathing double for the "Saviour" as he's known around some parts.

A double for Jesus ....... think about it. We all know and love him, his picture is everywhere. Yes that spitting image of the Messiah... Osama Bin Laden.

What if he was really born a jew and adopted by Joe & Mary Bin Laden and brought up in the Yemen?

They'll discover his body pretty soon in a cave in Afghanistan. They check out his DNA and find that he was Jewish by birth. A few days later his body disappears. But this time he doesn't go up in a puff of smoke and stay there. Oh no, this time he sticks around like the holographic image of Obe Wan Kanobe and preaches to Arab and Jew alike that they are brothers and have the same genes and wear the same jeans.

The result is Arabs and Jews unite and pray and live together in peace.

Until some fucker from the IRA ends up in Doha. He fell asleep on the plane from Honduras training the rebels how to make a fucking good bomb, and he thinks he's in Dublin. (far fetched I know, but he is Irish). So he throws a lump of C4 into the happy Arabs and Jews, and starts it up all over again.

What's it got to do with Thailand? I suppose he could have been born in Thailand to a 19 year old Jewish lady from Bethlehem who came to Thailand looking for her boyfriend Moshe, who fell for a Thai go go dancer.

She always swore she'd never had sex, and the baby was born in Hat Yai.

Now at the time Joe & Mary Bin Laden were in the south of LOS for a muslim conference. He visited the hospital where the child was born and fell for him. Mary his sixth wife had been barren and he thought adoption would be ideal.

What a story. You heard it first on Mango Sauce

John U says:

Dear David and Mango Sauce readers,

And now, for my 4th IN A ROW!!!

Please forgive me for filling up the comments areas with my useless posts. You see, I'm what most people would consider a hopeless nerd, or "dork", if you will. My thick glasses are held together with tape and I wear a pocket protector for my many pens and pencils in my short-sleeve button-down shirts. The only whores I can get to go with me are katoeys, and even then, only the fat, old, ugly ones. That might have something to do with my chronic halitosis, funky brown teeth, acne and greasy, thinning hair. Thai people don't like me very much, possibly due to my extremely offensive body odor. They're always calling me "Farang Khee Nok", whatever that means (I don't speak a word of Thai). I'm sorry, I'm rambling again, and as usual my post has nothing to do with the subject at hand. So I'll try to wrap it up with this: I have no life to speak of, other than sitting in front of my computer all day and most of the night. Writing post after boring post on sites like this is how I pass the time, aside from beating my shrivelled dick raw while looking at pictures of other men having fun I can only dream about. Now, I hereby solemnly swear, that I will stop posting inane comments on your most excellent web site, as I realize that they add nothing of any real value and serve only to stroke my own severly deflated ego and annoy others. There, finally I'm done. (Or am I?)

Yours in shame, John U

reader's_digest says:

Is there an abridged version of this thread available?

Verbose meanderings, textual skitters, blah blah blah...

marco says:

now thaTs funny

and....... i do have an email address....... trying fkn looking at stupid

teh?? teh?? what you talking baout?

tonychang says:

yaawnn!
and I mean yaaaawwwnn!

DeDanan says:

IRISH AND PISSED OFF!!!

If it is one gift WE Irish have, it is the ability to laugh at ourselves, but who the FCUK is LAWOR, HE IS NOT IRISH, he talks like an extra from the UK soap ìEmerdale Farmî

I have had to read this full thread to see if anyone protested to this ìLANGERî claiming Irish blood.

While we may act the ìmickî and do not mind a joke at our expence, we do not need wankers like lawor. We are a small island on the west edge of Europe only 3.5 million population, but we always box above our weight! 10 million Americans claim Irish blood! We have some of the worlds most famous music performers : U2, Enya, Boys Own, Westlife, Thin Lizzy. Cranberrys, Boomtown Rats ect, I wont even mention our political achievements or the inventions from true Irish.

To be Irish is to have a sense of humour and not take your self too seriously, but this prickÖ

Have a HappyÖ

DeDanan.

DeDanan says:

Langer [noun] penis. "Feens has a langer": Males have penises. Often used as a swear word. "You're a fuckin' langer": self-explanatory.
Author: webmaster on 09/15/02

link to dictionary of some Irish slang

http://www.peoplesrepublicofcork.com/index.php?module=Dictionary&func=lettersearch&letterget=L&vid=1

John U says:

To The Bogus John U,

Just look at his email address everybody and you'll see he's not me. My email has my real name.

Now Mr. Bogus, I can't address you by any name because you use different ones constantly.

So what do you care if I'm a sad lonely person. maybe all I can do is sit at this computer for my pleasure. Are you a fully functioning human being?

Well lucky you. Maybe you'll be like me some day.

OK I have my mind and it at least is functioning to full capacity. And I have a vivid imagination. I try to make people laugh. Laughing is good. But what do you do? You try to make somebody feel bad, and the somebody you picked on is me.
Why do you keep having a go at me. What exactly have I done to offend you?

Why don't you give us some explanation?

You avoid all questions and continue to slag people off.

I ask again, what have I done to offend you apart from maybe having more of an imagination than you and putting on more posts. Is that so bad?

So answer the questions. Also the one I asked before. What have you put on this site that you are proud of?

TANAI KWAI says:

Love the Irish. I'm sure there must be some bad ones out there but I don't recall ever meeting one I didn't like immediately. (Can't say the same for Americans who are just vestigially Irish -- they're a mixed bag like most.)

My friend Rory from Dublin, many years ago, used to say "Yer man Reagan" did this or did that. The "Yer man" thing always cracked me up.

(...)

TANAI KWAI says:

John U,

Happens to everyone, from time to time. It's all part of the "free to be you and me" (even if it means being you) ethos of the board. In all fairness, the Bin Laden post was painful (speaking as someone who posts the literary equivalent of a flaming bag of shit from time to time).

But the "fake John U." piece was among the most charmless things ever posted here (rivalling those "WHO CARES IF LUCY THAI IS A GUY? YUM YUM CREAMY BANANA" posts David periodically removes). Perhaps the author will request that it be expunged.

Just send up a flare to let us know when you've been hijacked. It'll sort itself.

(...)

John U says:

OK, sorry about the Bin Laden piece. My wierd sense of humour.

Anyway I've decided not to post anything for a week. It'll be difficult for me, but the Whingeing Schizo can't post anything original so he'll lose me for inspiration for his whingeing.

Why don't you join me Tanai? Then he'll really be stuck.

Form a mini writers union, and any other person with original ideas can join in.

Don't worry David your site will get as many hits. I'll still be looking.

By for now.

JOHN U says:

QUOTE - John U

...Just look at his email address everybody and you'll see he's not me. My email has my real name...

Now we all know and thanks for informing us your real identity.

TANAI KWAI says:

To the imposter immediately above at "hotmale.com"...

I suggest you study John U's message and leave him be. He writes:

"So what do you care if I'm a sad lonely person. maybe all I can do is sit at this computer for my pleasure. Are you a fully functioning human being?

Well lucky you. Maybe you'll be like me some day.

OK I have my mind and it at least is functioning to full capacity. And I have a vivid imagination."

It's no fun when you do that.

(...)

Billy P says:

Anyone care to analyse the man with no name.

A while ago somebody said "obsessional"? You got that right Buddy.

lawro not lawor!!!!!!!! says:

cos I'm a fruit, and not from fkn ireland!!!!!

schoolboy arseholes, dont they teaCh you anything about great centre halves at t'school anymore, i say dont they teach you nowt???

TANAI KWAI says:

Billy P.,

Earlier, Marco stated:

"And, I must say - teh comments site, particulalry when spiced up by some piss taker or other (and it's occassionally me!) is always, always entertaining... "

It can thus be deduced that (a) Marco is a member of Team Schizo and (b) where he's from, they use shit as a spice.

In fairness, I do find some of the quasi-fraudulent posts amusing when they are clearly from a jokester. If he's authored any of those then hats off.

(winky)

TANAI KWAI says:

Apologies -- Marco's comment is more ambiguous than I first recognized. He was not necessarily admitting to (a).

(in fairness)

JOHN U says:

Just beats me how a person can give an hotmail address and consider that as having declared their true identity to the whole wide world. You should be collecting support to be elected to government office next using the same address.

(fingy)

Cynic says:

There are two type of stories I really enjoy in the readers section on Stickman.

The ones that contain this line "and I must add, at this point she had never asked for money". You know its going pearshaped from there.

And the ones where some geriatric fucker recounts his Issan 'adventure' like some cunt writing a shopping list. "And the Noi went to the shop and bought me beer Chang. And then I drank the beer Chang. And then I saw Noi naked in bed with her brother. Noi told me this is the way Isaan people sleep."

TANIA KWAI says:

Heh Heh - Giggle - Giggle! Just testing it out while big bro Tanai is long-timing with the ladyboy he picked up from Nana last night.

(pinky)

TANIA

BLACKCUNT says:

Guys,

So only black people are nt really allowed to be racist????
Well let me tell ya , this is 2004 and I got the freaking right to be what ever I damn wanna be, and to call anyone what ever I feel he deserved to be called . GOT ANY PROBLEM WITH THAT????
Stickman speals thai language very good, He says AYDAM means BLACKCUNT.
Good translation.
I say this to ya all , He is a sissy,PERIOD.

Cynic says:

Stickman played the main role in the film "Once Were Warriors"

mr peter says:

I say this to ya all , He is a sissy,PERIOD

How does 'He says AYDAM means BLACKCUNT' make him either a racist or a sissy???? and where did he write it?

sissy=effemiate or cowardly person.

tonychang says:

Cynic:
"and I must add, at this point she had never asked for money"
you are spot on there mate,always a bad sign!
I never get past the first paragraph of the gereatric tales from Issan and dont even bother with anything thats split into parts,then you know youre on the slow visa run train to tedium.

Conrad says:

I too used the services of a well know Farang private eye, the report was wank and I later found out inaccurate..

Mike says:

Stickman is a brand as much as a person.

We cannot expect a site like Stickman to just post any nonsense just because we like it.

The site has undoubtedly become more PC in th elast 12 months. Stick has become a born again righteous prick but that appeals to many readers.

He has taken down any "contentious" material and has refused my pieces because they were harshly critical of a certain Thai politician but based on my personal business experiences with the twat.

He gave no reason but I suspect that he does not want to be blocked by Thai govt areseholes who resent foreigners having an opinion.

As to his PI skills, what do you expect hiring an English teacher? Did you want her academic quals checked out?

Gregcellence says:

I hired Stickman to investigate the essence of Gregness. Three days later I find him lying on my doorstep in a puddle of piss and jello singing "I've been to paradise, but i've never been to me."

What a fucking rip off!

Gags says:

Anyone wanting to check on their g/fs as to whether they've gone back to their villages or not, just ask for a landline tel. number which wuld have the area code, and tell her you'll phone to her on that number. I'm sure all the main villages in a Tambon still have a tel. service regardless of the popularity of mobiles.

wilbur says:

And don't forget to ask her to put her Thai husband on the phone! LOL!

TANAI KWAI says:

"And don't forget to ask her to put her Thai husband on the phone! LOL!"

GodDAMN, that's funny.

(...)

Dana says:

Has anyone seen Tanai Kwai and Lawro in the same room at the same time?

TANAI KWAI says:

Twisted, Dana.

Kind of a funny thread, though.

(...)

Dana says:

Greetings Tanai Kwaister--

That sound you heard was me falling down. Please, no more neutral or adult or kind or positive responses to my posts. I haven't got enough years left to retool.

TANAI KWAI says:

Come, come, Dana. Not my first kind word and I'm only tough on you when you Danacize.

(Jazzercise + overweening Dananess)

Dana says:

People pay me money not to jazzercize (I like my spelling better) in public.

dtoodnut says:

If you are feeling weak and sweet for one of these pooyings, hire a private eye. The guys on this site are straight up. Just don't get mad at them when they bring you the bad news, or go running right back to the pooying and blow their cover. Hiring a private eye taught me that I want to remain a butterfly for the rest of my life. The ladies always have at least one Thai guy or t-bird and then there is the family. Man I have been fooled beyond belief. They can be diabolical. That stove and all the pots and pans you bought go right back to the big C and the cash goes to the boyfriend or family. Fun to see what kind of stuff they try to pull, but they get very angry when you let on and laugh at their game. Any mouthy stuff and they will beat you like a runaway slave. 33 johnsons were cut off last year, so avoid confrontations when your private dick give you the news. Just walk away and getcha another!!!

Poucher says:

I want to add my $0.02 as well. I used to be an avid reader of Sticks, but believe me his claim that all his text is his own is utter bull$hite. I emailed him a few pieces of juicy info which he posted and do you think he credited it as from his 'bag of email'. No he told it exactly as it were him who found out.

poucher says:

Sorry that my above post was off topic. Should have been in the 'Who's got a reason to have a go at Stickman' coloumn.

peony says:

.Hasn't anybody started to notice a pattern with the the girls they are finding in Pattaya etc?.Why you waste your time in Thailand. Head to Kunming China and get a taste of female reality

Warren Olson says:

Not really trying for the 'Hard Sell' -
but the book just published on my times from when I first started Thaiprivateeye back in the mid 90's, is I trust enjoyable [ Thanks to much of it being written by Stephen Leather of my case notes ] but also something of a Guide to Thai Life, Thai Culture, and dealing with Thai girls.
As the books shows, it is not just the Bar girls - who in my opinion, are really OK when you get to know them, [they are mostly battlers doing what they can] -it is the so called 'Good Girls' the 'Hi-So' TGs, who you need to be particularly wary of !
Choke dee.

Andy says:

Stickman recently posted a "Fuckwit's Guide" to people who (correctly) suspect that the lying, rice paddy-dodging slag they "met" in Gaping Gash A Go Go might not actually be the innocent, doe-eyed ingenue ballerina that fled the circus in Nakorn Numpty to arrive all wide-eyed in Soi Fisting...
Thanks, Stick! What the f*7k would we do without you?

Jim says:

Obviously, stickman should not have taken money for an assignment that he could not perform to an acceptable standard. He should have sent the work to someone else when he realized he would not be present at the required time.
Also, it appears that Stickman was posting under an alias. You can tell him by his typos and style, which are also to be found on his website. It is likely that he posts articles on his website and claims that they are submissions from others.
None-the-less, his website is a valuable contribution to naive men. Myself, I cannot understand how a woman could fail to appreciate a man who brought them to the US and married them, but it seems to occur frequently. I think it is a combination of stupidity and of denial caused by guilt and of ignorance. Ignorance in that noone in their family told them how lucky they were and how much they were going to benefit and how grateful they ought to be, and stupidity in that a smart person would realize it without being told.

Road Natzi says:

Wow,

I've met some seriously fucked up people in my time, but you lot, well lets just be polite and say, "You take the cake" !!!

Vote 1 for Road Natzi for President