December 17 2003
Tony's Pattaya: Nightmare on Walking Street

If you're rich, dumb and horny, be sure to visit Tony's Entertainment Complex on Walking Street, Pattaya. There, you will find hundreds of freelance Thai hookers who want to meet you before you wise-up. Last week, I visited Tony's to see if it was as awful as I remembered.
Tony's is probably the most expensive bar in Thailand. It's definitely the most infuriating. Hundreds of annoying waiters bother you every 60 seconds (no exaggeration) offering drinks, cigarettes, flowers, photos, cigars and tequila slammers. These human mosquitoes don't understand the meaning of "fuck off."
At 310 baht a pitcher, Tony's home brew is the cheapest drink available. If you want to make one beer last all night then order this. It's the worst pint I've ever tasted in my entire adult life. It really is.
Each time you order, the change contains at least 40 baht in coins. If you pocket them, the waiters don't hide their anger. After being bothered for the 100th time by a particularly annoying waiter, my normally placid companion got up and hurled him across the room. They didn't bother us again after that.
In fairness, the stage show was quite entertaining. A fat Thai rapper, who thought he was black, belted out some reasonable cover-versions. He had the clothes and the talk but I reckon he would last only 5 minutes in Da Hood before some bad mutha put a cap in his ass. He was joined by a blonde Thai woman who could also sing but was a little too chubby for her revealing outfit.
Though pure torture, Tony's is always packed. The key to its success is a strange quirk in the laws of economics. Normally, you can't sell grossly overpriced goods because rich, dumb customers don't exist in the real world. Freelance Thai prostitutes still dream about meeting one, though. That's why they all go to Tony's. The guys just go where the girls are. It's a vicious circle that spoils Pattaya's nightlife.
[Posted to Nightlife by David]
*** THE COMMENT FORUM IS NOW CLOSED ***
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Previously
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