Farang refused sex by go-go dancer

TINGTAWNG says:

$129,626 for a night-out, and he didn't even get a shag.

If we use the standard BG rate of 1500 baht for Long Time (hey, I frequent quality venues!), that equates to 3715.94 bar girls/long times.

That's a different girl every night for over 10 years. And you get to shag 'em too!

KDub says:

I can't even get myself to step foot into a strip club in my state. Not after Bangkok! Here, no booze, no sex...no fun.

Combover says:

That was a little slice of comic genius in itself from TK there. I laughed my man-breasts off.

David - if you're feeling the pressure and fancy a couple of days down in Ho Samui (or wherever) why not solicit a few discreet contributions from one or two of the uber-posters? I'm sure just the suggestion would have them creaming their pants with excitement (Greg excepted naturally), though whether they would ultimately be able to contain themselves and keep their contributions a secret is another matter.

On topic - albeit at a lower end of the food chain: I'm sure many of us have had the NEP "solly - hab peeliod" experience, just as the beer goggles and viagra have kicked in, the minibar is being pillaged and a couple of hefty room service waiters are huffing and puffing down the hotel corridor (normally with an 8am flight the next day I hasten to add).

Combover says:

In fact, while I think about it, a more common phenomenon amongst grizzled expats is to use a go-go bar as their local boozer.

Hence the unedifying spectacle in a crowded Soi Cowboy bar of half a dozen English teachers situated half way between the bench seats and the bar, blocking the view, standing and engaged in deep conversation with each other, whilst occasionally twanging the odd g-string and muttering such immortal phrases as "dirty cow", "yeah, she's got a bloke in Zurich sends 'er 50,000 baht every month so she bangs who she likes" etc etc.

Marvellous!

eurobserver says:

Solly , hab peeliod, hehe, a good one, but doesn't work with me, i tell them instead to stick up a "look khai", that's what all working girls do when they " hab theil peeliod" , however if the BG is from the area near the cambodian border, and she "lilli hab hel peeliod", she turns into a Khmer Rouge and then the best thing to do is running as hard as you can...

kelake says:

Though the shagging may be rare at least they can dance. You can't tell me that you actually find what passes for 'erotic dancing' in Bangkok actually entertaining? God what a bore.

nick adams says:

yes, kelake, it's much better to be titillated by "erotic dancing" and then go home for a wank. getting to touch the merchandise afterwards does indeed wreck the aesthetic appreciation.

oh, well.

just a couple days ago i saw a girl that i swear was my japanese ex. maybe she emigrated! what do you all reckon? is there a special dancer visa?

Dana says:

There is erotic dancing in BKK. Sloe-eyed grinders of expertise and interest schooled by obsession in thoughts and displays of sex. They hypnotically seduce with the practise and expertise that comes to the novitiate. The denouement in the hotel room may be disquieting and disappointing but the selling was without improvement. They are called ladyboys.

Dick Headley says:

Good yarn David. Some blokes don't know when they're well off. Not that I have much to add to this compendium of cyber wit & anonymous ribaldry but and I'm in the mood for a bit of cognitive dissonance and there's fuck-all to do at the moment (just had me tubes flushed) and I like a long rambling sentence as much as the next bloke (unless it's in the Scrubs right Chopper?) so here I sit on the crapper with the old lap top banging away waiting for whatever comes out.

Tell the truth I'm still a bit pissed off with the Montego Bay Yacht Club. Why? I'll tell you bloody why. You'd think it would be all spliffs and bare-bums in the moonlight but not at all. Lot's of rudeboys in town but at the Club it's Queen's regulations. No toking and no topless staff which didn't bother the girls too much but I've got used to seeing things hang loose if you know what I mean. Bloke from the club asked me to cover the girls up. I said sod that. Paid my bill and took the afternoon breeze down to Negril where I'm happy to say things are still allowed to dangle free. Back in the 60s and 70s there was a permanent cloud of ganja smoke hanging over this place. Sometimes the sun hardly got through at all which tended to discourage tourism. Things have changedÖthe hippies are all rich now, because they picked up the best properties, but they still enjoy a spliff and its still OK to swim starkers.

So first day here and who should I tie up next to but my old septic mate Oscar. Oscar got filthy rich scalping theater tickets in New York. Now he has a nice big boat and his own island somewhere which he keeps well-stocked with rum and Thai girls, and here the bugger is lounging around in Negril waiting to see what happens with Hurricane Charley.

Nice fella OscarÖwe were sloshing back Mountgay on his cruiser and I was just on the point of asking him to buy a few shares of the Headley Hedge Fund when he asks me if I know anything about buried treasure. Not really, says I with a Robert Newton leer across the table at Cindy, the Halyard Winch, who was busy with her nails, why do you ask? Arrr Dick lad, says Oscar, getting into the spirit of things, don't laugh but I found this old rock on my property, half buried on the beach and it looks like there's a map carved on it. Well of course you hear this kind of stuff all the time in the Caribbean. Everybody's got an old map or piece of chart or something with compass bearings and the old X marks the spot. I use a few bullion bars for ballast myself, never know when it might come in handy. Especially the way the Federal Reserve prints money these days. I suppose they have to have something to pay the Saudis & Kuwaitis withÖbut I digress. Have another drink Oscar says I. Where be this property of yours exactly? BVI says Oscar. I bought it to start a nature reserve. My plan was to reintroduce a rare strain of pink flamingos, then a bunch of Thai girls showed up, said they were stranded and needed a job. I go out netting them after dark. Sound good? Aye aye Oscar, says I, I'll see you there and we'll go hunting together.

Next day Oscar stayed in his bunk but me and the girls rented a Land Rover and drove out to the Cockpit Country. This is where the Maroons lived out of reach of British forces. After a series of battles they were granted land in the region in 1739. Accompong is the only Maroon village which has kept it's original name. Accompong was the brother of Cudjoe, a Maroon chief and the name comes from an Ashanti word, Nyamekopong, which means ëlone warrior'. To this day the village is ruled by a man called The Colonel who has the power of life or death over the villagers. The Jamaican coppers leave them alone.

So we spent a pleasant couple of days there in the mountainsÖoh Ötalking of runaway slaves, I caught Cindy on the cellphone to Lambert and I hear the word treasure and I'm thinking fuck me maybe she's not as daft as she looks. Those two are up to something. More when I feel like itÖ.DH

BROWSERBUG says:

Dick,

Are you on a different planet? Or simply on the wrong URL?

I thought Thai girls never heard of Jamaican Run, and I'm sure they don't like Jamaicans, or any other African Decendants....."Big Cock hurt too much"....."I like small disk, not hurt me"

Dick Headley says:

Excellent observation browserbug. I've met darkies in Thailand who seemed to do OK but generally speaking Thai girls prefer white blokes. The richer the better which is why me and Oscar always keep a few around. One exception was a girl from Buriram who got sent home after I caught her shagging a rasta on Roatan. Underwater.

As for Jamaican rum I find Appleton still make a good one...they bloody should, they've been at it since 1749. But I find the Jamaican rums a little on the sticky side which is why I drink mostly Bajan... Mountgay mostly but Cockspur is fine.

Greg says:

If he'd only taken his lithium that night.

Manic.

Bow Wow Wow says:

If only you'd refrain from posting boring, witless comments.

Greg says:

Bow wow,

As my posts bother you, you may consider doing what I do. After I find that certain posters don't write things that I'm interesting in reading, I stop reading their posts. I always scan to the bottom of the post before bothering to read the content.

You can rest assured that I won't bother to either read or answer any of your future posts.

In general I don't respond to trolls at all any more, no matter under what name. You took the time to answer three of my posts in a row, so I guess you really want something or other. I don't know what. You figure it out, as I don't care to be involved.

Muffin says:

Dick Headley, aka Mr United Dairies:-

You RACIST PIGSHIT, why dont you crawl back to the hole you came out of. How many times did you have to scratch your ear with your back foot to come up with that darkie comment. Are you just a fully-fledged housewife from Liverpool with all her prejudices?

The slappers you pay 30 dollars come back to me and my mates (to your consternation, yes all of us Africans) in the same apartments we live in.... a whole bunch of them, and we fuck them all we want, and over somtam and beer later they recount stories of pathetic English losers (or degenerate cockroaches like you).

Oooh such comically impregnable and indifferent musings. Who do you think you're deluding with your Montego Bay charade? I bet in your perpetual middle age you have been in and out of the bog so many times you have the rice marks on your face and tree rings on your knob to prove it. Dicky boy I can help you out but you'll have to tell me which way you came in first. Becaue whatever it was that you never had, you still haven't got it. And you're not going to get it here.

Now flick over to your duct tapes and gerbils URL or is it white superemacist redneck bollocks. Such a potent mix eh? When it comes to Mango Sauce though I can assure you, you have the range of a wart (there are a few other racist warts like you here I'm sure).

Sorry sunshine but I hate to ruin it for you. By the sounds of your posts your withered one brain cell rattles about in there like a marble in a biscuit tin. Thai girls are not white, and they dont like you too. Run along now. Back to your girlfried. What's the matter? Or let me guess; your girlfriend is so fat, she puts mayonnaise on aspirin, that smelly cunt. Stop tossing her off with an eggbeater then. It's been a long time since she felt any sensation down there. Yes, that's it back to the bog for you....

Is this what your mother used to hand you everytime you opened your gob you soft shite.
http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/12380.html

You poor sap.

Seems like a good English village is missing an idiot.

Dick Headley says:

Well well well, here come the nasties. Obviously Muffin the Mule has never been anywhere near Jamaica or he'd know how people talk to each other down here. All in good fun of course. Funny thing Muff, the longer you stay in the Caribbean the less you notice epidermal differentiations. Everybody makes a big joke about it. The localsÖthey call me whitey and I call them darkies, they call each other a lot worse and apart from the odd gun battle in Kingston we all have a good laugh about it. White, pink, brown, black, Paki, it's all the same to me mate, as long as I've got money I don't care.

Perhaps you're wondering how I got so richÖno? I'll tell you anyway. Back when I played for Arsenal I made sure part of my contract included the Highbury and district hotdog concession. Had to negotiate with some hard buggers but, cut a long story short, I ended up as purveyor of hotdogs to the fans. You don't want to know what went into those sausages but I used to sell about 10,000 a week so you can see the point of it. Warm 'em up a bit, slap ëem on a soggy bun and bob's your uncle. The most work was dicing up the onions. I had a team of Jamaican ladies working part-time so don't tell me I never did anything for the third world.

I had more money than I knew what to do with in those days but I could see which way the wind was blowing so I started investing in property. I bought houses in places like Bradford, Doncaster and Leicester from pensioners. They moved to the Costa del Sol and I flogged the houses to Bangladeshis. So everyone's a winner.

Anyway Muff I've got to go now. Thanks for the feedback son. Feel free to get a kick in anytime you're round the goalmouth. Oh, and keep slipping it to those slappers. Somebody has to do it. CheersÖ.Dick

AVID says:

Dick and Muffin,

What a pair of bickering idiots. Go find another forum on racial hatred or harmony.

I thought the thread was on of Farangs & Go Go Dancers.

ps. DAVID, next time you delete my post I'll hack your site & slide in a Trojan!

(just kidding) VIVA POLITICAL CORRECTNESS!

Unsexy Dirty Itchy Me says:

Dear Muffin and Avid,

Please do us all a favour and post photos of yourselves, that way we can see if you really are as stupid as you look.

Dick is a fictional nom-de-plume whose posts are written by a clever mangosauce reader (would love to know who?) - any halfwit can see its not to be taken seriously.

I'm not sure which I find funnier, Dick's posts or yours.

David says:

AVID

Congratulations. You're the very first person ever to label Mango Sauce as politically correct.

I deleted your original posting because it contained a racial slur that would have offended some readers.

You probably intended the remark as a joke but, in my opinion, it was ill-judged and unfunny (just like your threat to hack my website). Perhaps you're the kind of bloke who jokes about carrying a bomb when he passes through airport security.

People of all races and nationalities take part in the Mango Sauce forum and the task of moderating the discussion falls to me. If a comment crosses the line, I delete it.

Please bear this in mind when you post again.

AVID says:

Ok. David.

I only suggested that peoples of African decent might be more welcomed by 'working' mulatas in Caracas or Rio.

That was not racial slur, simply stating a fact based on common knowledge that Thai girls have certain certain preferences.

Are you going to delete this one now?
Likewise, I dont think Thai men would have much fun with working girls in Nairobi or Brazzville. Though, I can't be certain about that.

ozricmann says:

Its true... Thai girls and Thai people in general do not like black people let alone have sex with them. although this generally happens but not entirely within the sex industry. For the guys out there with big guns then the same applies to you generally speaking the go-go girl with either not have sex with you or will adopt some varying positions so its easy on her believe me I have been there.

To cut a long story short I was in a go-go bar in Pattaya when I eventually took this girl back with me to my hotel. Into my room and a few drinks later the clothes began to come off. Wow, she sat on the bed in all her glory and I was standing there in just my shorts but by this time it was apparent I was ready to go. It was then, a concerned look etched on the girls face and she asked me to get them off so to speak, as I did she let out a gasp and said to me “oh my god I no want go hospital you too big I cannot go with you I scared doctor” and again she retorted “I no want go hospital you hurt me too mutt” then she asked why I was so big and I told her you can get them in made bigger in a place called Camden market in London England to which she replied “how mutt” at this point I thought maybe I should just go out again and go to a short time bar as I was at the point of no return but after she looked at it one more time she got up, dressed and walked out the out exclaiming that “she not want go hospital why some farang man too big”
That was it I went out to a short time place with rooms upstairs and mirrors everywhere and had one of the best 500 s/t fucks ever with a lovely Thai/Chinese chick……………. ironic eh!
On return to my hotel room everything was in order and nothing had been stolen so I guessed it wasn’t some strange ploy to rob me blind.
I did see the girl from the go-go bar again and she told me she was embarrassed to talk about it too much but it turned out she had worked there for just over a 3 weeks, “hmmm I wonder” and had only been with three older men who she said just wanted bj's hand jobs and one 30 something guy from Norway who wasn’t very big but she also said she would be trying very hard from now on, to learn Japanese.

I don’t think she will last long, she was a nice looking girl but maybe her thoughts on the sex industry have changed and she will not be so choosy, for me I don’t know I never saw her again as I left Pattaya a week later.

Chock Dee