December 11 2006
Bangkok newbie gets stuck in

Some fun-loving friends from the UK visited me last week and one of them was a Bangkok newbie.
I suggested that he avoid freelancers if he didn't want to catch crabs or get his stuff nicked so it goes without saying that he gave countless beautiful go-go dancers the knock-back each night before carelessly plucking a pockmarked slapper off the street on the way back to his hotel.
Inevitably, he had a great time and I ended up looking like a clucking mother hen.
However, I did manage to score few points when he asked me why some go-go bars have a big squad of girls outside but hardly any onstage. I explained that Thailand is very safety-conscious nation and that they're always having fire drills.
In reality, of course, health and safety in the workplace isn't taken very seriously here - as was demonstrated later at Nana Plaza.
Number 69 is Playskool's superstar but she'd had more than a few drinks that night and her balance was a bit off. Descending the pole fireman-style, she sustained a minor but rather painful industrial injury. Her final dismount was heralded by a terrible screeching sound as she gave herself a rope-burn right on the minge.
Hygiene can sometimes be an issue too. At Patpong's Queens Castle 2, dancers leaving the stage retrieve their knickers from a communal bin. One girl carefully inspected the gusset of each pair before raising them to her nose for a quick sniff.
If you can't find your own Heineken bottle on the bar, you obviously settle for the one containing the most beer so it stands to reason that the go-go dancer who can't locate her own underwear might go for the pair with the fewest skid-marks.
Consumer protection is a third area where Thailand falls down. Another lad was quite impressed when an absolute stunner reached into his trousers and gave him the old "Bangkok handshake."
"You're pretty good at that," he told her.
"Yeah, I used to have one myself," she replied.
On the plus side, Thai food is streets ahead of anything you can get back home.
One evening, my friends decided to have dinner 61 floors up at the renowned rooftop restaurant of the Banyan Tree Hotel but I couldn't join them because, cost wise, it's a bit out of my league. The guys quickly discovered this for themselves and vowed to bring parachutes next time so that they can base-jump when the bill arrives.
At the end of his first trip to Bangkok, my newbie chum asked an astute question that I simply couldn't answer.
"Why is it that the guys who go off with the huge ladyboys always look like Woody Allen?"
[Posted to Nightlife by David]
*** THE COMMENT FORUM IS NOW CLOSED ***
Nightlife
Follow-the-bargirl con-trick sweeps Bangkok
Crikey! Steve Irwin snogs ladyboy in Midnight Bar
Bangkok nightlife: Bad men who misbehave
Cops piss-test Westerners at Bangkok nightclub
Sleazy paintings by Bangkok's Toulouse-Lautrec
Farang girls get naked in Bangkok
Katoey toilet terror in Nana Plaza
After hours at The Grace Hotel
Break through the glass ceiling at Baccara, Soi Cowboy
Agent Orange dropped on Spice Girls
The FCUK Inn: Pattaya's funniest signboard
Win a date with a Soi Cowboy go-go dancer
"The Rock" exposed as Soi Cowboy go-go dancer
Farang refused sex by go-go dancer
PACI bar girl identification guide
Rude Thai girls foiled by phone jammer
Thai cops shut CM2 nightclub for 30 days
The Cave gets raided by Thai police
Hugh Grant flees Tilac Bar, Soi Cowboy
Tony's Pattaya: Nightmare on Walking Street
Secrets of Thai bar girl pay revealed
Patpong: Putting the sex into Thai tourism
What she says and what she means #3
10 ways to keep Thai bar girls happy
Previously
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
December 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003







Readers' comments
December 11, 2006 9:02 PM
December 11, 2006 9:24 PM
December 11, 2006 9:57 PM
December 11, 2006 10:08 PM
December 11, 2006 11:01 PM
December 11, 2006 11:14 PM
December 12, 2006 1:53 PM
December 12, 2006 1:58 PM
December 12, 2006 2:42 PM
December 12, 2006 7:15 PM
December 12, 2006 7:25 PM
December 12, 2006 9:16 PM
December 12, 2006 11:17 PM
December 13, 2006 2:38 AM
December 13, 2006 8:13 PM
December 14, 2006 7:51 AM
December 14, 2006 10:15 AM
December 14, 2006 11:28 AM
December 14, 2006 1:38 PM
December 14, 2006 2:49 PM
December 14, 2006 6:13 PM
December 14, 2006 6:19 PM
December 14, 2006 6:59 PM
December 14, 2006 7:46 PM
December 14, 2006 10:38 PM
December 14, 2006 11:04 PM
December 15, 2006 1:50 AM
December 15, 2006 2:43 AM
December 15, 2006 1:15 PM
December 15, 2006 1:29 PM
December 15, 2006 2:09 PM
December 15, 2006 2:52 PM
December 15, 2006 3:47 PM
December 15, 2006 4:54 PM
December 15, 2006 5:05 PM
December 15, 2006 5:44 PM
December 15, 2006 6:13 PM
December 15, 2006 9:39 PM
December 15, 2006 10:57 PM
December 16, 2006 1:04 PM
December 16, 2006 2:11 PM
December 16, 2006 2:51 PM
December 16, 2006 3:18 PM
December 16, 2006 5:24 PM
December 16, 2006 6:36 PM
December 16, 2006 7:15 PM
December 17, 2006 3:36 AM
December 17, 2006 11:15 AM
December 17, 2006 12:32 PM
December 17, 2006 1:33 PM
December 17, 2006 3:02 PM
December 17, 2006 3:48 PM
December 17, 2006 4:28 PM
December 17, 2006 5:54 PM
December 17, 2006 8:04 PM
December 18, 2006 12:39 AM
December 18, 2006 1:47 AM
December 18, 2006 2:02 AM
December 18, 2006 12:13 PM
December 18, 2006 12:40 PM
December 18, 2006 2:26 PM
December 18, 2006 2:37 PM
December 18, 2006 2:45 PM
December 18, 2006 4:05 PM
December 18, 2006 4:35 PM
December 18, 2006 4:48 PM
December 18, 2006 5:08 PM
December 18, 2006 9:54 PM
December 18, 2006 10:41 PM
December 19, 2006 12:28 AM
December 19, 2006 4:55 AM
December 19, 2006 8:06 AM
December 19, 2006 8:54 AM
December 19, 2006 12:08 PM
December 19, 2006 2:55 PM
December 19, 2006 4:28 PM
December 19, 2006 6:55 PM
December 19, 2006 7:28 PM
December 19, 2006 7:50 PM
December 19, 2006 9:27 PM
December 20, 2006 12:39 AM
December 20, 2006 3:27 AM
December 20, 2006 4:53 AM
December 20, 2006 6:37 AM
December 20, 2006 7:20 AM
December 20, 2006 8:49 AM
December 20, 2006 9:49 AM
December 20, 2006 10:51 AM
December 20, 2006 11:14 AM
December 20, 2006 11:18 AM
December 20, 2006 2:19 PM
December 20, 2006 2:27 PM
December 20, 2006 2:49 PM
December 20, 2006 3:03 PM
December 20, 2006 3:36 PM
December 20, 2006 3:36 PM
December 20, 2006 3:44 PM
December 20, 2006 4:28 PM
December 20, 2006 9:23 PM
December 20, 2006 10:39 PM
December 20, 2006 11:06 PM
December 20, 2006 11:25 PM
December 20, 2006 11:55 PM
December 21, 2006 3:12 AM
December 21, 2006 7:21 AM
December 21, 2006 7:29 AM
December 21, 2006 7:56 AM
December 21, 2006 8:40 AM
December 21, 2006 9:50 AM
December 21, 2006 10:25 AM
December 21, 2006 12:26 PM
December 21, 2006 12:28 PM
December 21, 2006 1:00 PM
December 21, 2006 1:10 PM
December 21, 2006 1:24 PM
December 21, 2006 1:53 PM
December 21, 2006 2:45 PM
December 21, 2006 2:56 PM
December 21, 2006 3:29 PM
December 21, 2006 3:35 PM
December 21, 2006 5:14 PM
December 21, 2006 6:15 PM
December 21, 2006 6:28 PM
December 21, 2006 11:09 PM
December 22, 2006 9:52 AM
December 22, 2006 10:03 AM
December 22, 2006 2:06 PM
December 22, 2006 2:16 PM
December 22, 2006 3:07 PM
December 22, 2006 4:16 PM
December 22, 2006 4:18 PM
December 22, 2006 4:41 PM
December 22, 2006 4:56 PM
December 23, 2006 6:11 AM
December 23, 2006 7:38 AM
December 23, 2006 1:58 PM
December 23, 2006 4:31 PM
December 23, 2006 6:01 PM
December 24, 2006 2:31 AM
December 24, 2006 2:57 AM
December 24, 2006 10:30 AM
December 24, 2006 10:53 AM
December 24, 2006 2:27 PM
December 24, 2006 8:35 PM
December 24, 2006 9:12 PM
December 24, 2006 9:27 PM
December 25, 2006 2:56 AM
December 25, 2006 3:12 AM
December 25, 2006 11:11 AM
December 27, 2006 2:55 PM
December 29, 2006 8:52 PM
December 30, 2006 6:20 AM
December 30, 2006 11:21 AM
December 30, 2006 2:59 PM
January 1, 2007 7:28 PM
January 6, 2007 12:34 PM
January 6, 2007 5:52 PM
January 6, 2007 10:17 PM
January 8, 2007 6:59 AM
January 9, 2007 10:21 AM
January 9, 2007 1:19 PM
January 9, 2007 5:01 PM
January 9, 2007 8:37 PM
January 9, 2007 10:48 PM
January 10, 2007 2:22 AM
January 10, 2007 5:59 AM
January 10, 2007 11:53 AM
January 10, 2007 4:19 PM
January 10, 2007 10:21 PM
January 11, 2007 7:44 AM
January 11, 2007 5:35 PM
January 11, 2007 7:05 PM
January 12, 2007 12:42 PM
February 22, 2007 2:02 AM