January 31 2006

Agent Orange dropped on Spice Girls

Last year, a friend drinking in a Phnom Penn bar noticed a baseball cap scampering around between the tables. On closer examination, its owner turned out to have a head, a pair of hands and a pair of feet - but no obvious limbs or torso. This real-life Mr Man was probably the victim of Agent Orange

Judging by the current state of its dancers, Spice Girls on Soi Cowboy has also caught a whiff of the dioxin-laced defoliant. Everyone knows that go-go bars have their ups and downs but Spice Girls seems to be in freefall at the moment.

Their star dancer, known rather uncharitably as The Mong, is a hideous Genghis Khan mini-me with a pudding-bowl haircut. She's living proof of what can happen when cousins fall in love.

Her careers adviser must have been quite an innovator. Of all the occupations suitable for people with special needs, go-go dancing isn't the most obvious.

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Two of the other dancers appear to have been cloned from her - sparking unfounded rumours that Spice Girls is part-owned by Dr Hwang Woo-Suk, the disgraced South Korean stem-cell pioneer. An internal panel set up by Seoul National University might conclude that he should have cloned a good-looking one.

As if to emphasise their dumpiness, Genghis and her Mongol Hordes are accompanied by a painfully anorexic waif who looks like she'd snap in a light breeze.

Spice Girls has long been a regular part of our nightlife itinerary but the situation on the ground floor has now become so depressing that, last week, we decided to try the quieter upstairs bar instead.

It turned out to be a lesson in the dangers of unregulated plastic surgery. The sole dancer had a terrible boob-job that made the veins on her overstretched tits stand up like jump-leads. Not to be outdone, the girl sitting beside me had an appalling nose job that looked like a pig's snout.

A deranged older woman was running around naked and clinging to reluctant punters with the kind of desperation seen only in chronic substance abusers. The mamasan was in hot pursuit, trying to make her put her sarong back on.

Despite our objections, the naked desperado pushed her way between us. Without pausing to introduce herself, she snatched my beer glass and drained it in a single gulp. I should have topped it up in the toilet and offered her another sip but, luckily for her, we decided to ask for the bill instead.

Needless to say, we won't be going back until things improve.

By Bangkok standards, the current line-up at Spice Girls is a twisted carnival of the grotesque but, on a wet Wednesday night in Kettering, you'd be crying with gratitude if you managed to pull any one of them.

[Posted to Nightlife by David]

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Readers' comments

Agent Orange says:

Spent several very pleasant evenings at Spice Girls in August 2006.

No trace whatsover of (the other) Agent Orange.

Liked the bar and the glass ceiling with some attractive ladies, sans any clothes, dancing on the transparent glass.

On the evenings that I visited Spice Girls, the palace was rather full- lots of Japanese and Koreans plus some farangs.

Will definitely visit Spice Girls on my next visit to Bangkok.

It certainly isn't the place described by the bar reviewer. Maybe things have changed since January ?

September 7, 2006 5:15 PM

bernski says:

I went to Spice girls in febuary 2007 and me and my m8 was the only ones in the bar all night. The girls was very charming and nice, we did not get bothered by them untill we bought them a drink and they sat by us. The bar is a very nice place not like the report stated.

I will be back there again :)

March 9, 2007 7:27 PM

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