May 8 2006
After hours at The Grace Hotel

Choose wisely my friend but the fat one is mine
Contrary to popular belief, Arab fellas enjoy drinking and womanising every bit as much as we do and, if they can't afford to cut-loose at The Dorchester on London's elegant Park Lane, The Grace Hotel on Bangkok's decrepit Sukhumvit Soi 3 will have to do.
The Grace isn't the force it once was in Bangkok's vibrant after-hours drinking scene but, for those who refuse to swallow the lie that Westerners and Muslims can't get along, it still offers some novel opportunities for night-time adventure.
In the hotel's authentic belly-dancing lounge you'll rarely see a farang face - so you can play Humphrey Bogart in your own private Casablanca.
The Thai femme-fatales are a bit on the chubby side, however, and they certainly don't go for the natural look when applying their makeup. By morning, Van Gogh will have painted your companion's likeness on the pillow - and on a few more surfaces besides, if she's game.
The after-hours drinking action takes place in a small bar area off the hotel's main lobby. Imagine a Lebanese coffee-shop in the swinging 1970s - before the bullets started flying. By law, alcohol can't be served after 1 a.m. but the crafty waitresses keep the cops guessing by wrapping your glass in a paper towel.
The Grace's small bowling alley is also open all night. The place is run by a surly young woman with a finger permanently wedged up her nose (who, despite years of experience, thinks that barge-like farang feet will fit into baby's booties) but going bowling there is always great fun. It's even better when you're totally inebriated and competing against Yemeni warlords.
Next morning, of course, your wrist feels like you've done a charity wank-a-thon and the spitting sounds coming from the other side of the bed make you question the wisdom of swapping your girlfriend for a camel.
Full-sized snooker tables can be hired by the hour. For those more used to pool, they feel like tennis courts and the potting of each ball is worthy of a minor celebration.
For would-be Forrest Gumps, The Grace also offers table tennis facilities. I'd say more but the advertisers always get twitchy when I mention Bangkok and ping-pong balls in the same sentence.
The Grace Hotel is probably Bangkok's most offbeat venue to relax and enjoy a late-night drink. Go there to smoke a hookah while those infidels up the street are busy seeking out precisely the opposite.
[Posted to Nightlife by David]
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