Thai PM to sex-up Liverpool FC

Errant says:

Or, "You'll never wai alone." Though if that proves indecipherable to the UK fan base then "You'll never wank alone." Which would be the case given the promotional efforts as mentioned above.

smee says:

or as was written on a dodgy copy of a guernsey
you will never sleep alone

I heard mr T is remaking himself into a man city fan next week?

Whippet says:

I know these Thais are into footie but what's Mr T giving £35 million to Liverpool for? Has no one warned him? They're scousers for christ sake, he won't get it back.

Dick Headley says:

Hi everybodyÖHeadley here. Just checking in. Little bit pissed so I hope you'll excuse me if I ramble on a bit. Did you get rid of the soccer hooligans OK? They probably got bored. Those types don't have much to say anyway and if they can't get a punch-up going they usually just wander off. It was clever of David to let them make fools of themselves. Makes the rest of us look better.

Ah but what's this? I see our beloved webmaster has come up with an amusing piece about football. Good for him. We can always count on a few laughs with Mango Sauce. Let's see if the usual culprits can be provoked into posting a few witty oneliners.

What about you Dick I hear some of you ask. How are things with you? Well not bad, not bad at all, thank you. I'll be leaving Samui soon and popping over to Tahiti. It's time to check on the yacht and see if she needs anything fixing. Probably hang around there for a while then sail over to Aruba. Great little crew this year by the way. Couple of trainee masseurs from Buri Ram (who also cook) and a very cute young law student from Saigon who will be helping with the navigation. Depending on the weather we should be passing through the Panama Canal around mid-June so if you're down that way feel free to go to Miraflores and throw flowers or just give us the finger.

After Aruba it looks like Barbados again probably via Grenada. A tricky piece of sailing at any time of year as you know but Team Headley enjoys a challenge. Then we'll be piddling around in the Caribbean until it gets boring before heading to Europe. I have to stop in Zurich and see if I have any money left (ha,ha) then I have some business to take care of in London. A bloke in Bangkok has asked me to go halves on Liverpool FC but frankly I think he's shit out of luck. For one thing I don't like some of Houllier's signings. Owen's is no Beckham I fear. Also the Buri Ram girls are scared of Shankley's ghost. Ö.DH

cloughie says:

cant

Chopper Harris says:

Headly. Fuck off you miserable gobshite. If I was marking you you'd be scouring the pitch for your teeth during the half time interval.

Combover says:

Here's the original story from when it was first rumoured a few months back...

Combover says:

No it wasn't, here it is...

THAILAND's prime minister is lining up a bid to take control of Liverpool - according to the country's football coach Thawatchai Satchakul.
Billionaire PM Thaksin Shinawatra failed in his attempt to wrestle Fulham from Mohamed Al Fayed last year, but Satchakul, who assisted him in the bid for the West London outfit, claims Shinawatra has now switched his attention to the Reds.
But Satchakul told BBC Online: "I would say the prime minister's eyes are now fixed on Liverpool. ì
Thaksin is already said to have started the introduction of his own backroom staff. A team of highly experienced elite masseuses were recently ushered quietly through the hallowed Shankly Gates, and are said to be preparing the team intensively before every game. However, there is some way to go yet. During the defeat to Portsmouth on Sunday a number of senior players arrived late at the stadium, looked shattered pre-match, and were apparently begging to be pulled off at half time.

Thaksin is renowned for the strong line taken he has taken against drugs and would be determined to stamp out the use of mentholatum, a highly addictive stimulant which is snorted from the team shirt and which has become a particular scourge amongst the academy players.

In the best interests of the club he also is likely introduce a draconian curfew, which would mean the closing of the players' bar 30 minutes after final whistle.

One source inside the club said ìThis is ridiculous. If people just want to have a drink after the game, they'll just spend their money somewhere elseî.
One major concern remains the club's long term plans for the stadium and area regeneration. A recent planning request submitted to Liverpool City Council earmarked Stanley Park for concreting and the development of a luxury Thai style shopping tourist village. This follows in the wake of local Anfield Road residents who awoke last week to find their homes bulldozed and the police kicking their family dogs. Piling for the West Anfield Night Komplex has already started.
Inside the stadium changes are also afoot. The famous ìThis is Anfieldî sign has been replaced by a small spirit house decorated in flowers, Monopoly money and glasses of orange Fanta, and players will be required to wai before running out to the Anfield roar.

On the plus side, there may be a new boot sponsorship deal. It is thought that Thaksin's footwear company have designed an innovative range of knee length boots with special soles to give the players a height advantage. A source, who wishes to be known only as Deep Throat, and has been involved in the testing said ìOhhh! Boot velly good!î.