February 26 2005

Thai law-maker & cleric exposed as illicit shaggers

We all enjoy a good sex scandal - particularly when the miscreants make a living by urging other people to behave themselves.

Our Mango Sauce Nightlife Correspondent spotted two such stories in a single day:

Today, as part of Mango Sauce's Amazing Thailand series, we present two stories of illicit sex culled from our morning newspaper. Our first concerns a paternity suit against an 80 year old politician and the second raises the question "how do you defrock an abbot who is already defrocked?"

In our first story, Khun Tavich, a veteran politician seemingly fell head over heels in love when he was 76 years old for the charms of Khun Petchaporn, a 14 year old girl who worked in the Milin tea shop across the road from the Parliament building. After a busy morning passing bills and chairing committees, Khun Tavich would pop over the road and gaze adoringly at her. Such was his love that he eventually asked the girl's mother and auntie if he could take her as his wife (which of course he never did).

Well the inevitable happened, and sometime later our waitress found herself with a child and in need of financial support. In court, our politician now 80 years old and frail claimed from his wheel chair "I'm not the father. It wasn't me - it was my chauffeur". The judge didn't believe him and ordered that he pay 40,000 Baht to the mother every month until the child reached 20 years.

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Beside the obvious point, albeit with hindsight, that he could have had an awful lot of nookie for 40,000 Baht a month, the story also raises the question how was it possible for him to have carnal relations with a 14 year old girl when it is illegal in Thailand with girls under 18 years old. The answer, apparently, is that it is possible providing you have parental permission.

Hence, if any Mango Sauce reader has the misfortunate to be caught with Khun Noo, a shapely 17 years and 364 day old go-go dancer, in a short time hotel, he should not worry but simply say "M' Lud. I'm innocent. I got permission from Noo's mum and auntie first".

Our second story concerns Pra Khru, the abbot of Wat Don Yai in Prachin Buri, who after a morning spent chanting and praying began to feel rather randy. Not being able to control his urges he got into his van and drove off into town in search of a little female companionship. Once he'd found the lady of his choice he then drove into the countryside, parked the van in a secluded glade, whipped off his robes and began to have his nefarious way with her in the back.

In a fine example of coitus abbotus interruptus, a passing motorcycle cop, who was intrigued by the rocking van, stuck his head inside and asked " 'Allo, 'allo. What's going on 'ere?" He didn't think much of his neighbourhood abbot having it off with village girls and insisted on driving the van and its occupants to the nearest police station where the abbot's superior was called. The senior cleric too was not amused and insisted, there and then, on de-frocking the miscreant; which was all very well, but difficult, as the randy abbot wasn't wearing any robes in the first place.

If octogenarian Khun Tavich's career takes a dive because of his sexual indiscretion, he might consider becoming a good-will ambassador for Viagra.

Pra Khru wins a coveted Mango Sauce bumper-sticker bearing the popular slogan "Don't come knocking while the van is rocking."

[Posted to News by David]

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