July 25 2004

Thai condom police await green light

Ex-pats covering-up their infidelities will be pleased to learn that carrying a packet of condoms may soon become mandatory in Thailand.

Our Mango Sauce Social Affairs Correspondent explains why.

Senator Meechai has probably done more than all other Thai politicians combined to prevent an AIDS explosion in Thailand and for this he deserves our greatest thanks (See Thailand rises to condom challenge). We wonder, however, about his latest pronouncement.

Radio Thailand reported that, in Senator Meechai's closing address to the AIDS Conference, he proposed making it mandatory for any male entering a bar to have to carry with him a packet of condoms. Moreover, any man found without a packet of condoms on his person would be committing an offence (we kid you not!)

Imagine. Every bar will have a mama-san sitting by the door seeing if customers are carrying condoms and directing them to their seats. Carriers of large condoms will sit to the left; small "Asian size" ones sit to the right and fruity flavoured ones can sit next to the stage. This way the dancing girls can choose what sort of excitement they fancy.

While the absence of condoms in a man's pockets may seem to be a golden opportunity for Thai police to levy fines upon unsuspecting farang tourists we can also foresee some funny conversations between men and their girlfriends or wives.

Your Ad Here

Man to wife/girlfriend: "I'm off to the pub now dear. I've got my money, keys and ciggies."

Wife/girlfriend: "Don't forget to take your condoms. I don't want to have to come to jail to bail you out."

Or, more inquisitively:

Wife/girlfriend: "I see you haven't forgotten your condoms but what are those little blue tablets you've got in your bag as well?"

Man: "Ah those blue tablets. They're called Viagra dear. They help me in case I get indigestion."

Or, more unfortunately:

Wife/girlfriend: "I see you've brought your condoms home but you've only got one left!"

Man: "Oh! Don't worry dear. It was my friend Bill. He forgot his packet and I had to lend him two of mine."

Perhaps the Thai government should also make it mandatory for any male leaving a bar to wear a circle of lipstick around the base of his cock.

[Posted to News by David]

Your Ad Here

Readers' comments

Dana says:

Another nail in the coffin--only human beings could fuck up sex.

July 25, 2004 9:43 PM

Macgyver says:

Eh?

Dana, like your namesake, are you of Irish Catholic descent?

Perhaps this explains your antipathy towards safe sex.

July 25, 2004 9:47 PM

Dana says:

I just say what others think. Don't kill the messenger--he might have an important message.

July 26, 2004 1:08 AM

wilbur says:

Just another helmet law. Soon you're not even going to be able to risk having your arm torn off by one of them photo-op tigers. What the hell is happening to Thailand, anyway?

July 26, 2004 2:25 AM

Dana says:

I had to laugh at this. I'm all for reasonable risk taking but the photo-op tigers attached to a chain that looks like a piece of dental floss scare the shit out of me. I was once at a well known zoo where there was no wire on the roof of the outside tiger cage. Why the free roaming tigers didn't just scale the walls is a mystery to me. In the same zoo I was once way-a-way from the photo-op tiger and I was standing in a little group of trees. I wondered if I could get up one of the trees before the tiger c
ould get to me. I decided the answer was 'no'. The photo-op tigers, like almost all of Thailand, scare the hell out of me.

July 26, 2004 5:39 AM

wilbur says:

On my first extended trip to Thailand (I was an engineering team leader on an installation of some machinery), one of my guys almost got mauled by a photo-op baby bear, which got REAL interested in his forearm. Wish like hell I'd gotten a pic. We pissed ourselves laughing, once we'd escaped. I've kept a respectful distance ever since.

July 26, 2004 6:40 AM

Dean says:

Richard Condon - the Manchurian Candidate.

Richard Condom - the prophylactic candidate!
I'll bet he comes in a jiffy!

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

July 27, 2004 9:32 AM

Jules says:

Good old Senator Meechai.

I have met him several times and he is a real hoot, a bit eccentric but extremely well educated and with a wicked sense of humour.

His concern for the poor unfortunates in the sex industry (he must mean the ugly ones) and concern over HIV is quite genuine. He is one of the few absolutely genuine Senators I have ever met.

Hats off to him, or on as the case may be.

July 27, 2004 11:21 AM

Jules says:

And from the Pattaya Mail:

Condoms Sniffing, Barking Dogs to Promote Safe Sex

- Best to place condoms in easy sight

A leading Thai politician and personality has proposed using dogs to sniff out people who fail to carry condoms on them.

The idea is to help promote ìsafe sexî, according to Meechai Viravaidya. He was responsible for an earlier campaign in Thailand's promoting the use of condoms and family planning.

The condom-sniffing dogs project could be launched without waiting for government support and funding, said Meechai.

It could begin with the selection of a few dogs which could easily be taught to sniff for condoms, and bark when a person does not have a pack of condoms on them. Meechai appealed to anyone who wanted to, to donate dogs to the project.

Meechai made his suggestion at the 15th International AIDS Conference in Muang Thong Thani on the outskirts of Bangkok on Friday. He saw police dogs sniffing for drugs at AIDS conference. This, he said, gave him the idea of using dogs to sniff for condoms.

The idea, he said, struck him as an interesting way to keep people interested in AIDS prevention campaign activities, especially promoting the use of condoms among today's sexually liberal youths.

Meechai is an internationally renowned AIDS prevention advocate, who is widely known as ìMr. Condomî in Thailand. (TNA)

I am not letting that bitch near my willy........