March 18 2005

Thai bargirl gobbles Frenchman's ring

When a Thai bargirl gets her mouth around a guy's ring, he's probably not going to complain - but he might do if it's his diamond ring. Combover sent me this bowel-looseningly funny story from the Phuket Gazette, entitled Bargirl swallows rock.

RAWAI: A Patong bargirl swallowed a Frenchman's diamond ring after he refused to pay her and a friend for services rendered after an all-night menage-a-trois in Rawai.

Chalong Police received a complaint from a 62-year-old Frenchman identified as Mr Patrick, who fingered Tawan, a 28-year-old bar girl, as the jewelry-gulping culprit.

Mr Patrick told the police that on the evening of February 8 he went to Tai Pan Pub, where he met Tawan and a friend named Rose. Mr Patrick invited the girls to join him for a three-way at his house in Rawai.

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All was going well. Tawan reported that the Frenchman ejaculated twice with each them during the first session - and repeated the performance four hours later.

But when it came time to cough up, the Frenchman's performance was less impressive. He refused to pay the 1,000 baht each he had promised to the girls, Tawan told the police.

When the Frenchman went to the bathroom, Tawan searched his drawers and found a diamond ring, which she hid in her bra. The Frenchman immediately discovered the theft and demanded the ring back, searching her intimately for the missing gewgaw. Tawan said that Mr Patrick slapped her, which so enraged her that she swallowed the encrusted annulus while he wasn't looking.

After bringing her to the police station, she began having stomach spasms - diamonds being somewhat harder to digest than somtam. This led the police to suspect that she had swallowed the ring. An X-ray at Phuket International Hospital confirmed it. Doctors there gave Tawan laxatives in an attempt to purge the ring, which Mr Patrick said was a family heirloom passed down though generations - and possibly even a few digestive tracts.

Tawan was then apparently released and, for reasons unknown, returned to Mr Patrick's home. The Frenchman stood by with plastic bags at the ready to collect the excrement from over 20 bouts of explosive diarrhea that she experienced - but still no ring.

She became so ill she had to be readmitted to hospital - this time to Wachira Phuket Hospital - where she finally gave birth to a beautiful diamond ring.

Tight-wad Monsieur Patrick should count himself lucky that the girl didn't gobble up his cellphone too.

This is a charming story of lovable low-life but I'm highly sceptical about some of the claims. They might be a nation of celebrated lovers but could a 62 year-old Frenchman really ejaculate 8 times during the course of a single evening? We know that most Thai bargirls are full of shit but could Khun Tawan really have produced 20 bag-loads?

It's a bit like the chroniclers' accounts of Viking raids on Anglo-Saxon Britain where 20 or so men might be killed in a local skirmish. By the time that someone like The Venerable Bede writes the story down, the death toll has inexplicably risen to 20,000.

Thai bargirl gobbles Frenchman's ring

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