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As the feud between police and massage magnate Chuwit Kamolvisit continues, it emerged this week that undercover cops are working overtime to bring vice charges against his masseuses. Evidence is gathered by fucking them rotten for two hours before slapping on the cuffs. Workaholic plods are said to be queuing 10 deep to bang these young women to rights.

Vocational students swap books for guns

The bullet-riddled body of Surapong Songsawad, 22, was found face-down in a Lumpini Park ditch after a student brawl. Trouble flared when vocational students from rival colleges clashed at the Suan Lum Night Bazaar anti-piracy concert. For over 30 years, ministers and academics have struggled to tackle the culture of student violence. Researcher Sudjai Sukha argues that the Education Ministry should encourage private and state schools to improve ties by organising joint activities. May I suggest a rumble in the car park of the Rama IV Tesco Lotus this Friday night - dress code casual, firearms optional?

Hi-tech terrorists beamed-up to face justice

Four suspected JI operatives have been arraigned in the Criminal Court for plotting terrorist attacks on westerners in the Kingdom. The Government repeatedly assures us that there is no terrorist threat in Thailand. Perhaps we'd better call The Discovery Channel. Bodies that both exist and don't exist at the same time are normally only observed in exotic particle physics.

Thai troops arrive to rebuild Iraq

The first batch of 21 Thai military technicians has arrived in Iraq to help US forces with reconstruction. There is no truth whatsoever in reports that they will be overseeing the construction of a new watering hole for weary US Marines - Desert Storm A-Go-Go.

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