April 1 2005

The only good farang is a dead farang

A poisonous anti-farang rant is perhaps the last thing you'd expect to find in The Nation's motoring supplement.

Ordinarily, this seldom-read pull-out offers its readers a meagre diet of trite locally-sourced wisdom ("remember to bring plenty of food on long journeys..." etc) sandwiched between syndicated reviews of foreign cars which often have no dealer network in Thailand. Yesterday, however, a Thai journalist called Pattandesh penned this blatantly racist tirade on the pretext of Shedding light on flashing lights.

Many Americans and Europeans choose to spend their retirements in Thailand. Thais are generally very nice to foreigners, and we sometimes tend to honour them more than fellow Thais. The majority of foreigners who come to Thailand are good people and don't cause problems. But some capitalise on our generosity and use Thailand as a hiding place to get away from crimes they have committed back home. Some even go further and start committing new crimes in this country.

We all disapprove of the criminals, paedophiles and drug-dealers who take refuge in Thailand but Pattandesh's definition of a "bad farang" goes a little wider than this.

Today there are certain foreigners who rely on being "farang", and trick Thai women from the provinces into marrying them. In return they give the women a small amount of money every month in exchange for being able to live in the Kingdom permanently. In the process they also get a partner in bed.

Pattandesh seems to be suggesting that caring and responsible foreign husbands are "bad farangs." He probably also believes that Mother Teresa "tricked" the starving beggars of Calcutta into accepting food and nursing care so that she could selfishly extend her visa - the evil bitch!

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Some of these farangs take advantage of legal loopholes by setting up independent organisations and find ways to publicise themselves. They go to the provinces, donated a petty sum to schools, or take photos at restaurants and small factories in the villages, all so they can send the pictures abroad and claim they are doing charity work. They are angling for support money from international organisations. They lie to people and say that they work for an NGO, even though their work does not benefit the public and is merely a commercial enterprise.

It seems that I was right about Mother Teresa. Foreigners who do charity work are also "bad farangs." This must come as a shock to the many dedicated volunteers who rushed to Thailand's aid after the devastating tsunami.

These foreigners, who generally are not well off, usually live in small provinces, like in the Northeast. Sometimes these farangs even trick fellow farangs.

As far as I know, the Thai authorities are carefully watching these people and waiting to get their hands on evidence to go after them.

High-profile crimes occasionally distract the police from their racketeering but officers willing to waste time creating dossiers on law-abiding foreign husbands and NGO workers exist only in Pattandesh's bigotry-fuelled imagination.

Without evidence the police could be accused of violating the bad farangs' rights.

The police aren't really accountable to anyone so it's hard to believe that they're losing any sleep over accusations of "violating the bad farangs' rights."

Finally, Pattandesh calms down, straightens his tie and returns to the subject of the article.

But today, I have some questions from a good farang concerning the use of indicator lights in Thailand...

I'm guessing that Pattandesh's definition of a "good farang" is one who submits a couple of questions to the Nation's motoring supplement before hurling himself from a high balcony.

Leaving aside the image-conscious Thai executives who display it prominently on their desks, most of the people who actually read The Nation are farangs. I wonder what their reaction will be.

A) Pattandesh's fine words have opened my eyes. We farangs who marry a Thai woman and choose to live in Thailand are truly a shit-stain on the underpants of humanity - especially if we take on charity work.

B) Pattandesh sounds like a shirtless labourer swigging Beer Chang on the doorstep of Family Mart. His bigoted and ill-informed views are an insult to The Nation's entire readership.

Option A doesn't sound very plausible to me.

It's the first of April but I'm sorry to report that this story is no joke. Here's the original article on The Nation's website:

Auto talk: Shedding light on flashing lights

[Posted to News by David]

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Readers' comments

boris says:

Typical moronic thai rant
say no more except eat my toosh if you wanna be that much of stereo typing twat

October 9, 2006 4:07 AM

Dicer says:

Amazing. Close in some areas to truth. The dodgy bunch for example. 60% of the Northern Thailand travelers will give you a phoney name and are up to something. Of course as we know you can't trick Thai women. This is the same logic that says police rescue maidens from brothels. As they have already been tricked by their families etc. Well uh, they do do tricks, don't they? But not the farang who teach them the pingpong show?

The guys donating to hill tribes and getting photos are the load of dodgy charity people up to look like the mission is in full steam, but are after other stuff. Of course we know that. The donating reminds me of Peter who had 'good' intentions, but is spending way too much time playing basketball with local kids.

I have wondered since coming to Siam where the paranoia about outsiders came from. All the police checks etc. At first I thought it was the locals seeing themselves in us, but in truth, the vortex sewer does attract garbage. In the end, Pattanadesh probably shows what might be a new consensus opinon from Thais. It's weird, but then so is the Bush gulp stuff of creating world chaos by force. The reaction of Thai immigration seems to be they are faced with a horde of bad guys and have to do something to try to stem the tide, which might actually have a bit of truth to it.

Of course Pattandesh himself is a nut and also overlooks the mass of daily crimes committed against all tourists in the country everyday.

This also reminds one of the few genuine (if somewhat insane people) like Matthew here.

http://triballaw.wabanaki.net/2004/04/
matthew_mcdaniel_silenced.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthew_McDaniel

Matthew used to drive a truck in Chiang Rai with "Missionaries Suck" on the sides. And literally drove missionaries out of Akha villages as he reckoned all they did was pay 500 baht monthly to each villager to show up in for prayers and take video and photo to send back home for fresh funds. Now the Thai cops thought this guy was funny and ok. Everytime they caught Akha kids and didnt know what to do with them they'd pass them on to Mathew who had a community going. Until he hired a UN lawyer to sue the Thai goverment. The guy was of course on 30 day tourist visa for 15 years and on the next renewal they arrested him and threw him in the slammer, and deported him a few months on.

October 10, 2006 9:52 AM

Andy says:

Pattandesh is one of the best ever reads I've ever seen on here! Where else could we find his efforts?

October 10, 2006 7:48 PM

Jack Wow says:

Dicer, the arrest of Matthew McDaniel happened a few years ago. Any idea what happened to him afterwards?

October 10, 2006 9:20 PM

Dicer says:

Jack Wow,

He sent me a few emails after he was chucked out of LOS and then I lost touch. I woudnt be surprised if he's in Burma right now. Sneaking in back and forth. The Akha villagers he was with really loved him. The guy was of course a true nutcase, but genuine and passionate about his cause. He married a stunning Akha woman and had several kids and somehow I feel sorry for them all. At one time we met in Mae Sai (Burma Border), he had a pick up truck full of pitch forks, hoes and what nots and the very same anti-missionary slogans. I asked him, "Matthew, what's with the tools?" He said he was farming a 400 rai land....I mean foreigners are not allowed in farming and Matthew was on tourist visa, with a human right thing...farming what's more. I said, "Matthew, but you are on a tourist visa and you can get nicked for that." I was only teasing of course. I'm sure he knew more than me. His reply, "f*** them."

A true hero! I wish him well.

You see, the Thai cops, military....in fact everyone in this country thinks farangs are funny haha giggle until you face them with a threatening stance. People with no mental past and future. And once u are on their way you are dust. In Matthew's case he was clownish to them so rather than killing him they kicked him out.

Andy, yes Pattanadesh is a true wonder. The irrelevance, the deviation, digression, non-sequiturs (something I find almost tooo cultural)...and then the editors find this fit to print... magic! Actually credit goes to David for sluething.

October 11, 2006 2:45 AM

Dicer says:

btw...I wrote that...and I thought, why did I really like Matthew and it just occurred to me that he was one of the few true cases of an ALPHA MALE I have known in Thailand. Organised the village people. Lead the way. Married more than one stunning girl at a time (oh yes!) Broke every rule possible to get what he wanted, and the most redeeming feature...not for his own gain! Yes they got him in the end. Or did they really? Could he have made any real change for the Akha cause. I mean there are so many Akha groups you find that there is an akha akha cause regressing down to I dont know where.

Andy, I laughed out too loud and thought and sent the article to some of my former students who are all over the place now and most agree with him. One typical klong Chinese dour cow said he was actually being nice! to farangs.... I mean I could go on and on... but you know Grunt, and TK and Dana and all those digipops will get upset so I'll leave it at that...

October 11, 2006 3:12 AM

Mother Terrisa says:

Yes your correct in your above article. I really did trick the starving beggars of Calcutta into accepting food and nursing care so that I could selfishly extend my visa.
It was a good screw until I discovered LOS. Cant tell you what I am upto now but it involves blind karioke beggers and a bunch of steel washers.

April 5, 2007 3:46 PM

alai na? says:

and the title of this story was Shedding light on flashing lights? how did he get away with adding a complete other off topic story to 'flashing lights"?

Maybe he got cut off by a falang/farang (god I hate that fucking racist name) on the way to this interview and decided to add a good rant.

what a tosser.

April 25, 2007 6:17 PM

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