Learn Thai & woo Thai girls

mr peter says:

If the linga course is too expensive you could always try a thai school. I went to the excellent somchart on suk soi 19 in 2002. The friendly owner signed me up for 40 hours @ 8,000 baht and told me I had two years to use the hours. A few months later after only having used 14 hours she had a memory bypass and claimed 'no time left have to pay again' The owner is obviously a very good business woman, but it's not just customers who get screwed as she also sometimes 'forgets' to pay the teachers all their hours and has never heard of the taxman. maybe the linga course is not so expensive after all.-peter

Bangkok Phil says:

I studied the Linguaphone course for 18 months before I came to Thailand and won't have a word said against it. I think it was 140 quid in them days, but my old pal Jewish Micky had the right idea. He sent off for the 14 day free trial and then his front room became a hive of activity as he spent most of the fortnight copying the cassette tapes and lovingly xeroxing every single page of the textbooks. He still never got past "are you married yet?" and "what kind of fried rice do you have?"

The problem for me was always finding someone to practice with - Birmingham not being exactly a hotbed of Thai immigrants. Now if I'd have taken up Urdu, it would have been a different story.
"Test me, test me" I used to say to me mom at times when she used to have a pile of ironing to do and really couldn't be arsed.

So I was left alone to tackle the intricacies of the Thai language. A one hour bus journey to work and a one hour bus journey home again provided ample opportunity to grapple with the Thai tones and picture myself having deep, meaningful conversations with Tom's long suffering driver, the legendary Khun Tawat.
As people around me checked their Daily Star bingo numbers and the norks on page three, I was repeating the Thai words for 'telephone box' and 'secretary' Fifteen years on, I don't think I've ever used either of 'em.

What I never recovered from was the trauma at the end of lesson number 10 I think, when the textbook announces that if you had been delaying learning the Thai script (and It must be said that I had) then you could put it off no longer. Frankly, I felt cheated. So much for the 'learn at your own pace', 'ten minutes a day' promises of the Linguaphone experts. It was liked being smacked over the head by the French teacher. I was suddenly back at school and being told what to do. Language learning is supposed to be fun isn't it.

Bangkok Phil says:

Yes, she's a crusty old bird Peter is that owner at the Somchart Language School on soi 19. Located in the Benetone Building, where the monthly rent is apparently however much you've got in your pocket at the time, I've heard that the 'teachers' (and I use that word in its loosest possible terms) get paid between 50 baht and 75 baht an hour. That said, if you can go there knowing EXACTLY what you want to learn and have the ability to steer the teacher in the right direction, you'll probably do very well. Otherwise, you'll be learning the names of rare zoo animals and how to say "do you have these wellington boots in a purple?"

Another school that operates with that 'open-plan, restauranty' type environment, and probably worth checking out, is the Thonglor Thai language Center, nestling in the shadow of BTS Thonglor. This place also has a very charming but devillishly clued up kommandant, but differs inasmuch as it's mercifully devoid of piles of smelly sports shoes piled up near the front entrance.

tonychang says:

"mercifully devoid of piles of smelly sports shoes piled up near the front entrance."
you've still got it Phil! Carry on fellas...

Seth says:

Thanks for the Somchart advise, I am living very nearby and was going to start soon..... I just saved 8000 Bath.

This being said, I am still looking for a nice place to learn. 2 Years in Bkk and still hardly able to have a basic conversation.... scary !

Peter says:

seth I now employ an ex somchart teacher who worked there for five years. She comes to my room and I pay as I go and don't have to fork out 8,000 baht just to get cheated out of it. Most of the old somchart teachers have left, only one remains. Old missry guts chutima is mai sanuk mark mark I am told, as well as being a cheating cow.-peter

Seamus says:

Linguaphone certainly does put out a good product. I used their Spanish course when I moved to El Paso, Texas about 20 years ago. It helped me a lot.

On a totally different subject, please check out my website. If you know anything about the type of music I'm trying to promote I'd love to hear from you. I think its really good stuff and for too long has been ignored as "world music".

T.J. says:

What is your website Seamus? must be because your Irish mate.

John U says:

Must be

"seamusweirdirishpipemusic@betyoucantfucking findme.com"

Chuckle chuckle.

mr peter says:

Interesting site even if I cannot get the music to play and a lot of the text is copied from other places. The G Alexander site still has quite a few inacurrate descriptions and statements, but is well worth a look. How did we get onto music? I just bought the thai lingo course for 65 quid off the web. For music lovers see http://photos.yahoo.com/thai38 lots of my luktung and morlam pics there.-peter

SEAMUS says:

T.J.

Sorry mate. It's www.monsoon-country.org

JOHN U

What does the U stand for? Updike or Updick? Haha.

MR PETER

I used Windows Media Format because I thought it was universal but I'll reconsider if you have another suggestion. Yes you're right, I did copy from other sources, mainly to get the website off the ground and put the music out there. The truth is I really don't know much about it, particularly that funky "kantrum" stuff. Any insights? Nice pictures by the way. Is that you posing with Jintara?

Cynic says:

The reason traditional Western Irish music sounds like North African and Asian music is that it is the only music in Europe that uses the pentatonic scale. The Western Irish are actually genetically closer to North Africans than to Europeans. St Patrick was an obvious myth to hide the fact that The Irish were initially Coptic Christian's converted by monks from Ethiopia and Egypt. In the 11th century Pope Adrian gave the English carte blanche to invade Ireland to convert them to the Roman Church. The word shamrock comes from the Egyptian word shaam-rach with signifies any three leafed plant.

A the British Royals and The Roman Catholic church have conspired for centuries to deny the true history of the Irish.

The Irish are truly the blacks of Europe.

mr peter says:

Seamus I can get them to play now, was on a mac before. Why don't you put dome pics on the site? Pity Kantrum like lukrung seems much more popular with older people and might fade away in time. Yes that's me with the divine one, i'm half Irish maybe thats why I like the music so much-peter

John U says:

Seamus,

I'm surprised at you. My name is no secret, I just type U to save time. I like a good laugh, so I couldn't help taking the piss as we Brits like to say.

If I fuck up you have my permission to take the piss out of me and I'll join you in a good chuckle.

By the way, you missed out a few, I've been called some pretty good ones over the years. With a name like mine you have to be thick skinned or ready for a "donnybrook" as I think you guys from the Emerald Isle say.

Seamus says:

Cynic, quite a theory you've got going there. I'm only disappointed we were initially Coptic Christians. Can you change that and make us Gnostics instead. Now those guys knew a thing or two.

John, no offense taken at all. It was quite funny really. As for me, I felt rather foolish for engaging in childish name-calling, especially when it wasn't particularly clever. Sorry about that.

Peter, I'm not sure about kantrum being popular only with older people. Perhaps David can let us know if it's popular with young people in Buriram or Surin.

TANAI KWAI says:

"The Irish are truly the blacks of Europe."

In a strange sense, the Irish are also the Mexicans of Europe. Stay with me...

During the Mexican[-American] War of the 1840's the Mexicans, led by the crafty Antonio Lopez de General Santa Anna*, engaged in the aggressive recruitment of primarily Irish deserters from the American army. Santa Anna cast the war as a fight to defend Catholicism, a sentiment that apparently resonated with one John Riley, who led what came to be known as the "San Patricio" ("Saint Patrick's") Battalion.

The San Patricio Battalion participated in several battles, the most dramatic in defense of Chapultepec Castle in Mexico City. It was there that the Irish fought arm-in-arm with "Los NiÒos Heroes" ("The Child Heroes") -- a group of young military school cadets (the Mexicans like to claim the cannon-lobbing moppets were between 6 and 12 years of age; American historians would have you believe they were practically in their 40's).

All this is to say that years after their ignominious defeat the Mexicans met an Irish delegation in the newly named San Patricio Garden of Chapultepec Castle. Together, they solemnly declared that from that day forward, the Mexican people and the Irish people would consider one another "cousins." Diego Rivera was commissioned to create a mural in commemoration of the ceremony, which adorns an interior wall of the Castle.

(Viva Irlandia!)

*Santa Anna was himself an interesting character. After he lost his leg he had it buried with full military honors, himself leading the procession on horseback.

Peter says:

Buriram and surin is kantrum country where my GF comes from, she assures me it is not very popular with youngsters, even she hates it and she is only 29-she's a right know it all when it come to music. I should be refering to her as the ex as we broke up last month, she claims I love to go concert more than I loved her-and she was right about that too!-peter

Cynic says:

Tanai:

I love it - we should hijack threads more often

Seamus says:

Mexicans is bloody right.

Desertion by the Irish from the US Army began before the invasion of Mexico even started. Camped out on the north bank of the Rio del Norte, Irishmen and other european catholics were given permission to attend Sunday mass on the other side, in Matamoros. Some lads went down to the local after church and forgot to come back.

And why wouldn't they, weren't they at home. Not long before they had marched from the port of Corpus Christi and who did they meet on the way? Other Irishmen. A whole colony of them, living among and marrying the native Mexicans. They must have had families with teenagers by that time, 20 or so years being plenty for that sort of thing.

In fact, the Mexican government insisted on it when the issued the grant to McGloin and McMullen. They were worried about the growing population of Anglos in the Austin colony. They wanted Irish catholics to settle in what is now San Patricio county Texas and to integrate with the local population.

Sure the Irish are loved everywhere they go! And its all due to drink.

Up the Republic!

Mike says:

Kin Hoy?
Lets have some translations of interesting phrases
anyone know what these mean ?

Kin Hoy seemed to raise a laugh amongst the girls!
as did Hoy Alloy?

Mike

taxexile says:

i feel i must come to the defence of somchart school.

i had 250 hours of lessons there over a two year period and find that i can read,write and speak at an intermediate level.but like phil said,you had to want to learn and to push the teachers to do there stuff,or they would just chatter away to you all the time.

the really good teachers have all left now (problems with the owner) and i now learn with two of the ex-teachers.

but, i certainly learnt how to read,write and speak above average thai there and those teachers were good fun. i enjoyed my time there immensely.
a pair of purple wellington boots anybody?

PIK says:

Mike,

Maybe you know already!!!!!!!!

Hoy is small shellfish, eat uncooked with chilli sauce. Alloy mean taste nice. Kin? I think you mean gin, eat.

When open, hoy look like pussy!

Gin hoy, hoy alloy! ;-)

Dana says:

I find farang chatter about learning and speaking Thai (and for the truely dilusional reading and writing Thai) to be endlessly amusing. Sort of like wandering around on the grounds of an insane asylum and listening to the nonsense from the patients. No farang can learn to speak or read or write Thai. Period. All else and any other conclusion is dilusion and ignorance combined with the males need to dominate by bragging at middle class farang gatherings and embassy parties that he can 'speak' and/or 'read' or 'write' Thai. Checkmate to him in the social one upsmanship game and maybe he gets to take home the wide eyed Israili backpacker who is impressed by this nonsense. But he is not literate in Thai. Thai is not a language, it is a song. It is a tonal verbal anurysim invented by people who had first imbibed beers and herbs at a party for Chinese and Indians 5000 years ago. You can't learn to speak Thai because you don't speak Thai--you sing it. It is tonal. You have to start singing from the day you are born to 'speak' Thai. No westerner can do this.

tonychang says:

bit like geordie then...?

de says:

many western people can learn to speak, read and write thai. i think you're just a little jealous because you aren't bright enough to do it.

Dana says:

It's not that I am not 'bright' enough to learn to speak Thai--it is that I am bright enough to know that I can't learn to speak Thai. Your average farang Thai literate wunderkind can't get a non-metered taxi driver to take him to Chatuchat Weekend market after he has had one beer. The reason is because the taxi driver doesn't understand what he is saying. He is not 'singing'. You sing Thai. Don't believe me. Get someone to finance a prime time Thai TV show that features Thai literate farang speaking Thai. It will be the top comedy show in Thailand by the third week. Thais will have to be admitted to surgery for broken ribs from laughing. Thais will lose control of their bladders in public from laughing. You of course will be impressed by the farangs 'intelligence'. More Thai laughing. The jokes on you.

Cal says:

"It is a tonal verbal anurysim invented by people who had first imbibed beers and herbs at a party for Chinese and Indians 5000 years ago."

I am Thai, and found the above reference quite offensive. You can explain that Thai is a tonal language without being offensive.

Anonymous says:

Dana, what on earth are you talking about? A lot of westerners can learn to read, write and speak thai well. you cant do it, you are not bright enough, its as simple as that.

Dana says:

You would not be offended by the Indian and Chinese references to the language bases of Thai if you were not a racist. Another ignorant jingoist Thai that knows less about their own culture than many farang.

Trong Com says:

Dana, has it occurred to you that the offensive part was the "tonal verbal anurysim..." bit? And did you really need to react to CAL's post with such venom? An apology would have been more appropriate.

From your posts on the Stickman site we understand you have "issues" but your arrogance does nothing to endear yourself to those who otherwise find your anecdotes quite funny.

If you have any ambition to improve your writing you'd be much better off to stick to the "anecdotes" and leave the "thoughts" to those with the ability to think.

Dana says:

The 'arrogant' person knows that 2+2=4 and states it without apology. Everyone else has their own ideas. They are all wrong. The person who is right is hated twice. First when he disagrees with people and next when they find out he was right all along. The last thing these little losers squeak out of their mouths is the word arrogant. They should have gone for the word apology. If you are going to be aggressive to no purpose than this chat site is water at the lowest level for you. If you want to be aggressive with the intention of winning you need to work on precision of language. I hope now that we are friends. The master loves the sound of the barking dog. But he likes to see the dog learn to. I'll throw the stick--you chase it.

sniffer says:

very gnomic. I must say your posts make a change from ones about how ugly farang girls are, favourite asian pornstars and the deceitful ways of Thai bargirls. Problem is it's not a good or welcome change...

TANAI KWAI says:

Dana writes:

"If you want to be aggressive with the intention of winning you need to work on precision of language."

Dana, this guy keeps grinding you into a fine paste. I don't think he needs to work on anything. You are not his master. He is not your dog.

Arrogance has never been a virtue. The Greeks called it hubris, and they considered it a tragic flaw.

(...)

Jim Beam says:

At least we can be assured that the more time Dana spends in that internet cafe composing his intelligent posts, the longer that menace is off the streets.

Dana says:

More bleating from little mortgage holders. In the lifeboat everyone begs the 'arrogant' one to take over. But why quibble over life and death issues when there is Irish music to discuss. Boy or boy what a tough chat site. I am being roasted and ground into a fine paste at the same time. Some day I hope to be just like you guys--but I quess that's just a dream for now. Oh, and hubris--last time I checked that little nation of philosophers couldn't pay their bills. Did it every occur to you guys that considering David's estimate of his weekly hits that the same small stable of responders might mean that no one finds you guys interesting? Hey, just arrogant me throwing out ideas here. Well, I gotta go. I'm enrolled in a self-improvement course that'll make me average so I can have more cricket loving sausage eating friends like you. Tell me how the Irish music thing turns out.

TANAI KWAI says:

"Hey, just arrogant me throwing out ideas here."

Yes, not unlike a lawn sprinkler hooked up to a septic tank. If we took glibness and non-responsiveness out of your arsenal of rejoinders you would be mute.

"More bleating from little mortgage holders."

This obviously isn't the first time you've misjudged others. You're too good at it.

(...)

Arrogant says:

I'm not sure why arrogance bothers some people so much. One positive aspect of Thai culture is if someone is making a fool of himself, others will often smile shily and not exacerbate his problem with a fuss about it. That's one reason we like Thai women - they don't nag.

People that complain about arrogance I think are a bit arrogant, throwing stones. Ya, we all have problems, some of us are arrogant. No one is perfect. Is it so threatening to have conversation delivered to you by someone unskilled in the art of humor and humility?

TANAI KWAI says:

"Is it so threatening to have conversation delivered to you by someone unskilled in the art of humor and humility..."

I get your point. Still...

A lack of humility is far less distasteful if actually coupled with humor. But without humor, or cogency, or humanity, it is mere boorishness.

If we all sat around here not making a "fuss" and allowing assholes to "deliver" conversations without incident this would be a graveyard. The nature of an interesting forum is its highly kinetic give-and-take, its hyperbolic slagging matches, the extravagant honesty that relative anonymity permits. To reply to bombastic arrogance with a subdued response seems hardly fitting.

Indeed, the Thai participants caught up in discussions certainly don't just smile shyly when someone spews out something arrogant.

(...)

Arrogant says:

Sometimes the message is killed because the messenger is perceived as arrogant. I knew one woman who disregarded the whole canon of thought of Ken Wilber on the basis that she found the writer to be arrogant. I've heard that all great thinkers who have challenging ideas have enemies that label them as arrogant. No one wants to accept an inferior social role.

I think that to keep high quality discussions name calling and labelling someone as arrogant is not enough - you have to actually go after the arguments. Which you do, very well. I like your cutting wit.

grimreaper says:

If anyone is really interested in learning to speak and write the Thai language I recommend the website: http://www.learningthai.com

This site is posted by students of a school in Thailand and has an excellent presentation. You can learn at your own pace and best of all IT'S FREE

Grimreaper
(for whom the bell tolls? it tolls for thee)

Anonymous says:

It's does NOT matter where you study a foreign language or what material you use. What matters is the desire and passion to learn the language and if one has that then they will find the methods to learn the language. the Mary Haas Tha/English dictionary is the only mandatory book to get. Move to Thailand and get cracking mfer's.

DavidZ says:

Slightly off-topic (but then again, maybe not):

I intend to move to Bangalore, India soon. Can anyone vouch for the quality (or otherwise) of Linguaphone's Hindi course?

Ronin says:

DavidZ:

Don't know about Linguaphone for Hindi (didn't use any course to learn to speak Thai fluently either), but I lived in Bangalore for quite a while. Cool town! One of my favorites in India. Put an e-mail address here if you want some inside info.

p.s.: The true language of Bangalore and the whole state of Karnataka is Kannada, although a working knowledge of Hindi would certainly suffice.

Mr T says:

My ex GF (Chinese) dated a thai guy for a while and she speaks fluent thai. She was with him about two years living in. She's not that smart so i dont think its that hard. She learned enough to be able to hear the "two faced" conversations you never hear in english.

TANAI KWAI says:

Ronin,

I am Bangalore-bound in a couple of weeks and would appreciate what info you can provide when you have a moment. Your description sounds heartening, if contrary to other reports I've received.

Many thanks,
TK

mr peter says:

What with blogs, music blogs, work, wanking, next doors cat and plotting to blow up thailand-uk.com I not have time for thai liguaphone. If anyone in the UK fancies a go with it drop me an email with a sensible offer-peter

Abraham says:

I came across a new language school called the Advance Alliance Academy - check out their website at aaathai.com. I visited the school recently and was quite impressed. Very professionally run. The teachers are mostly former Union Language School teachers. The head of the school was formerly principal of the Union Language School.

Steve says:

I studied both Linguaphone and went to Somchart in Soi 19. Both recommended but yes, make sure you get a receipt at Somchart and keep a record of things. Teachers are excellent and really do teach well. Some 'kanon' is always appreciated.

JDMAN says:

Kanon...??? please define. Is this Somchart school good for Thai GF's learning English? Or will they simply get picked up by farang students? ABC schools? Same problem? I know...hopeless problem...she will get fucked and fucked and fucked again until I am there to do it (and maybe still get fucked whenever I'm not watching her).

Frank says:

Hi,

How can I contact an ex Somchart school teacher, for private lessons?

Taxexile and Peter could maybe send me their email?

Thank you so much!

tekfrank@yahoo.fr

ANONYMOUS says:

"No farang can learn to speak or read or write Thai. Period. All else and any other conclusion is dilusion and ignorance combined with the males need to dominate by bragging at middle class farang gatherings and embassy parties that he can 'speak' and/or 'read' or 'write' Thai."

I've never read such toss in my life. I know a ton of westerners who speak - sorry, sing - and read/write Thai fluently. Just because you're semi-literate (although you can't spell 'delusional' and don't know how to use a possessive apostrophe) that doesn't elevate your diatribe beyond misinformed dross from someone who likes to string big words together just to sound wordy/worldly.

"Get someone to finance a prime time Thai TV show that features Thai literate farang speaking Thai. It will be the top comedy show in Thailand by the third week."

What, like Andrew Biggs and his popular educational non-comedy programmes that have been running for years? Much as I don't like the guy, he speaks - sorry, sings - Thai flawlessly. Then there's the luk thung singer Jonas who sings - and speaks Thai - fluently.

From your ignorance and petty jibes, I can only assume that you're a frustrated two-weeks-a-year Pattaya sex tourist who bases all his opinions on bar girl talk and addled "old-hand" farang gibberings, and never gets to speak to anyone of any worth or value. Or is that just

billybob says:

"DANA you're like a child that wonders into the middle of a conversation."

There are probably a lot of people on this page who know what it takes to really learn the language. They know that what you can't learn from immitation is easily analyzed if you can read and they don't need your pessimism. IT'S HARD ENOUGH! - Sincerely, Thailand's next Jay Leno

Dana says:

OK everyone I take your point and I am willing to learn and I just simply adore compromise so how's this: If any farang can learn to speak or read or write Thai then he is not really a true farang.

I consider the tonal and clicking languages to be little more than babel. If some farang can truely learn these language in all three dimensions I respect them for it but I do not feel diminished because I feel their accomplishment is way outside the bounds of what any reasonable person would call normal. Classifying them as savants seems a bit over the top and they like to correspond with me and assure me that they are not super intelligent. Both could be true because brain research in the last twenty years has shown that some people have a facility for learning new languages and other people do not. This is IRRESPECTIVE of any ideas people may have formed about how easy or reasonable learning the language is. The notion that hard work will plug in the gaps for someone whose brain simply is not wired for language acquiring is simply ignorant. Language is a very interesting subject that not many people know anything about or really have an interest in. The fact that some person can learn another language does not qualify them as knowledgable about other peoples ability to learn languages. I actually am pretty knowledgable about the subject of languages and linquistics and the learning of languages and recent information about brain and cognition theory. I got interested in these ideas because in spite of abundant evidence that I have at least average intelligence--I can't learn languages. I shouldn't be pilloried for this by the lucky (they will bleat hardworking) people who can learn languages.

mr peter says:

Mr Dana

When you say you cannot learn languages this is just not true as you already did. Are you sure you put enough effort in with the thai? just how many hours have you put into proper lessons? BTW I know a very good thai teacher if you like and still have the linguaphone course for sale. I am hopeless too, but that is purely down to lazziness, are you sure your failure is not for the same reason?-peter

Greg says:

I'm in the same boat as you Dana. Strange thing is, as a teen I had above average language learning skill. All the acid, alcohol, and that big blow to the head? Alzheimers? I daily try the patience of my Thai tutor, but I just keep reminding her - review, review, review.

Dana says:

More on languages as a personal service to people who can learn languages:

If a person had no arms most people would say that his chances of learning to play basketball were zero. But that is not what a person who can learn other languages would say because it is not how they think or identify their persona. Their knee jerk instantaneous response is ALWAYS that the guy with no arms didn't work hard enough. And then they ALWAYS link this rediculous assertion to the notion that since he didn't work hard enough it must be because he lacks character. Now the language proficient has crafted a world where he has permission to call the language obtuse names.

If the language proficient would take the time to learn a little about gender brain differences and left brain right brain personality differences and differing perceptions of reality amoungst human beings as well as cognitive differences and challenges amoungst human beings they might be ASTOUNDED to learn that everyone is not the same. And the differences rarely have to do with character or hard work.

Greg says:

I agree with you. As a meditator I face the same thing with teachers who say that I have the ability to learn to visualize. My brain is not built that way either.

Greg says:

Dana, it's true that people without certain cognitive deficits often simply can't understand someone with one. My ability to remember faces and names and dates is extremely poor. And unless I have a trigger as a starting point, I often can't remember events, such as what I did two days ago. People think I'm rude because the night before they reminded me twenty times that the next day was their birthday and the next day I simply could not remember. I explain as carefully as I can that I will forget the birthday, but I still get into trouble all the time.

I'm not stupid either. Just partly broken.

KDub says:

It's quite obvious that everyone is wired differently, all you have to do is look at those around you. Language is just one of the skills we all possess to different degrees. But, desire also plays a part. Dana- If you were dropped into a remote Thai village where no one spoke English, and you were forced to live there...would you not learn?

KW

Dana says:

"Would I learn?"--well, let's see. I once spent two years in a university language program to satisfy graduation requirements. In two years of tutoring, perfect attendance, and 100% homework completion I did not recieve a single passing grade on a blackboard assignment, classroom exercise, quiz, or test. Luckily, I was in a civilized enviornment surrounded by civilized people. People were nice about it. Nicer than the people on this site. At the end of this program my teacher suggested that I transfer to the 'other' langauge--the language even morons could learn. Spanish. She told me this with bright kind eyes. After a half semester of horrific humiliation and 100% incomprehension my Spanish teacher who was a very nice lady went to the university and suggested that I be given a passing language requirement grade based on effort. The university refused. Effort and character meant nothing to them. So I quit school and went sailing.

There followed for the next 30 years an on again off again interest in how the brain works and language and linquistics. This is how I think my brain works with regard to learning languages. I believe my brain works exactly the same as a spam filtering program in a computer. It instantly and irrevocably and automatically identifies all strange sounding words and phrases as not relevant to my internal language base (english) and communication needs. These strange sounding words and sounds and accents and phrases and sentance structures are not allowed entry. My retention rate with languages is about zero. In all other course work in my life it has always been A's and B's. Don't believe me? Ok, consider this. Let's imagine you are walking down the sidewalk and two dogs are barking at each other. The dogs are making eye contact with one another and engaged in the ping pong activity of language. First one dog barks something that he wants to communicate and then the other dog replys. The are communcating with one another. Their dog language is barks. At the end of the sidewalk do you think you could repeat the barks back? No you couldn't. And it is not because you are not a dog. It is because your brain identified the barks as not relevant to your communication needs and automatically screened them out. Those barks are not even stored in your brain. You can't retrieve them. To me sitting in a French class or a Spanish class or a Thai class all the sounds my brain hears are barking dogs.

The three criticisms leveled at people who have trouble learning languages are 'hard work', 'character', and 'attitude'. People love the 'attitude' approach. Often these people have book shelves with titles that have words like 'self actualization' and 'yoga' in them. Gee, if I could just change my attitude than I could change my brain. Gee, I never thought of that. Not more than one thousand times! Just can't do it. So the next time you are in the same room as someone who says he or she has a hard time learning languages why don't you just be quiet. My university experience taught me a few things. It taught me that there are some good caring lanquage teachers and it taught me that other people can be kind when you can't keep up. Unfortunately, it didn't teach me to speak a foreign language.

KDub says:

Hey....I'm one of those that struggles as well. But, I don't stop trying. Maybe it's the method of learning. I have a hard time when it involves translating English to some other language. It just doesn't stick. The Rosetta Stone method seems to work for me. No English is spoken, just images and new words. You did learn boom-boom and yum-yum, didn't you? Probably because you can relate them to real events.

mr peter says:

Greg your teacher is not sontaya is she, review review review sounds very familiar!-peter

Raz says:

Never used the Linguaphone course but i learnt using the 'Teach yourself Thai' book by David Smyth ... i also had some tapes and couple with frequent trips to Thailand at the time and a tremendous dicitonary i found it relatively easy.

Must be a whole lot easier for those living in the country full time. Not sure about others that learnt but i find by far and away hardest part to be 'listening'.

The comment about not chalking up your name in Thai to play pool made me laugh ... i also avoid that like the plague :D

I also got a series of 'story' books that covered a wide range of topics and found them invaluable.

Bow Wow Wow says:

Greg and Dana,

Perhaps your problems with language acquisition have something to do with your personality disorder.

Your grandiose sense of self-importance and of entitlement, your lack of empathy and your arrogant, haughty behaviour might explain why you can't remember people's names, birthdays, etc. and why the "barking" of others is "not relevant to your communication needs".

Congratulations! You both qualify for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Dicer says:

Agent Bow,

Narcissistic isn't bad.... a narcissist is someone who is better looking than you are.... and probably one who can get a better satisfaction from self-shag than the rest of us.

Dana says:

Attn: Mr. Bow Wow Wow

You simply must be kidding. You can't mean the things you said as meaningful or helpful or adult or intelligent discourse. Then again, maybe it's all my fault. Maybe I shouldn't have opinions, even about my own life. That's it, I'll simply come to you for all of my thoughts. Not.

Bow Wow Wow says:

That's right, Dana, it's all your fault. It's all about you and your grandiose sense of self-importance. Now quit your barking. It's not relevant to my communication needs.

Dana says:

Last time I checked 'grandiose sense of importance' was called ego. Apparently, you don't have ego because that would be bad. So. . . you must have attained Nirvana. Congratulations. One question: how come people who have attained Nirvana don't talk nice?

Bow Wow Wow says:

There, there, don't cry. The truth hurts at first but it's better to accept it than to live in denial. Try staying off the sauce tonight, it doesn't help. You're going to need a clear mind for the next 24 to 48 hours as the flood of realization washes over you. Keep your head up, you can get through this.

ste says:

hello...
could anyone tell me if the linguaphone thai
course has those tone markings above the words
as in some books and tapes ?

thanks.....
ste.

David says:

Yes it does.

mr peter says:

I still have one for sale if anybody is interested, Dana?-peter

Dana says:

Hello Peter--Thanks for the offer regarding the linguaphone book. If I bought about 60 of them I could use them to block up my Camaro for the winter.

AVID says:

Why not download the software from

www.learn-thai.com

It's only 40 bucks to click & listen!

Bow Wow Wow says:

Did you say you have a Camaro? Yeah, might have guessed. Balding, fat little middle-aged man drives Camaro. Big hit with the ladies, no doubt.

Dave says:

I'm getting a bit pissed off now with these people who insult men who are balding. What the hell are we supposed to do about it? I'll quite happily stick my balding head on the end of your nose if you direct the same insult at me in person.

Dave says:

And that Dana is about as daft as a brush. I'd bet you are a university drop-out, they always seem to be trying to prove how clever they are (aren't).

mr peter says:

I'm very surprised to read today that the famous bernie trink, even though he has lived in Bkk for 42 years, cannot speak thai. Maybe he would be interested in my course.? I'm still ploughing through another one I bought in 1995-peter

Dana says:

Why is that a surprise? If the Thais could speak Thai they could learn to resolve their differences with something besides knives. You didn't honestly think all the Thais could speak Thai did you?

Tracey Emmin says:

*confused*

mr peter says:

Actually Dana I kinnda thought they could, Bernie being an American.-peter

Stone Cold says:

Dana | August 8, 2004 12:58 AM

"My university experience taught me a few things."

Evidently it didn't teach you that silence is the best substitute for brains?

Dana says:

I thought the best substitute for brains was an open mind and a kind heart.

Sanook says:

Mr. Peter,
How much do you want for the languague course?
Thanks.

JingsCrivvens says:

I can read and write Thai (albeit slowly) and converse in limited situations with ease after studying for about 1 year. I now seem to have reached a plateau where new words won't stick. Is there a limit on the volume of words we can learn?

So explain to my why I only need to hear a "rude" word once - even today - and I can remember it no problem. I was to d the Thai word for "efficiency" yesterday and I've forgotten it already!!

thailessons says:

hi,

I'm a thai teacher in a thai language school but I can also teach outside school in the evening (6pm - 8pm) and on week ends (all day).

Send me email with telephone number if interested.

your teacher.

thailessons says:

Sorry I forgot, email: netup@easy.com

UncleAlbert says:

I'm trying to learn Thai - so far, I've got as far as 'hello, how are you, where you from?'

Rock Doctor says:

I decided to try the Linguaphone course out about ten years ago after visiting Thailand. I worked at it for a year or so and then ended up working in South America. I learnt Spanish while I was there in 95 and 96 and went to Thailand on holiday in 96 and found that I could speak (or sing) Thai pretty well. A couple of things - I can sing in tune - I don't think you'd get many country and western singers or folk singers speaking Thai! - and I wanted to learn. I know of an English guy who has lived and worked in South America for 12 years and he still doesn't speak Spanish.

Charlie says:

If anyone is still interested in Learning the Lingo and heading down to Koh Samui, check out Jom at Mind Your Language. Great character has you all conversing from the start & every lessons entertaining and well worth the money..30hours at B8000 for first course.

Paul Robertson says:

Hi, I strongly suggest Courage Software from Australia for a CD. As for speaking Thai to get laid.........well I have found that a 50/50 proposition. When the girl learns that you have been in Thailand for the past 20 odd years and they can't bullshit you out of your cash, they dissapear.

dave says:

dana,

go visit Guy, at p.s guest house, phra athit rd.

he's been here 16 years, and speaks better thai than many thai's.

the main problem with thai, is dropping the grammar, to speak as lazy as the thais do, 'bai mui mai' - no sign of koh samui there,,but they know what they're saying.

chinese is 50 times more difficult,and so tonal, many westeners still learn that to translation standard in 5 years.

so blow it out yr ass,and look in the mirror for laughs.

Crazy Michael says:

It's true, speak some Thai and you become a pussy magnet. String a few semi-coherant sentances together and you are transformed from a dumb farang moron into something mildly intersting in the eyes of most Thai women. Why is that? Why do Thai women become intersted by soemthing that is really not that remarkable.

mongallai says:

you reckon???

Go to a bar with some first-time-to- Thailand-farangs, speak a bit of Thai, and see how quickly the girls lose interest in you and cling to your mates. Someone who can speak the lingo has been here awhile and is less corruptable. Even speaking to girls who don't work the bar will assume you've been here awhile, so you must be a butterfly.

Sam says:

Don't let the bar girls know you speak Thai, much more interesting to listen and find out what their agenda is, for a while... With non bar girls (and the rest of Thailand), speaking Thai helps a lot, as does speaking the native lingo in any country. People love it when you make an effort to communicate in their own tongue. For newbies who want a jump start and to make a good impression, I recommend getting the ebook at www.speakeasy-thai.com it is a phonetic guide and works well covering most topics. For more advanced linguists, a good school, probable somewhere in the threads here. Have fun

moh says:

i like ur page so much and iam looking for a shemale and TG and they must be beautiful and i will make good realation with themand i will make them happy iam from saudi arabia waiting for ur reply

Ben says:

I've been here in Thailand for an accumulated time of around a year and a half and speak quite good thai at least for how long I've been here. I thought I had it good when I went out and went to University (ABAC = better then any go-go).

However, I made friends with this Irish bloke a few years older then I am who has been here for a year who has passed the highest government exam here in thai. He writes and speaks thai fluently. I was amazed at the amount of women he gets. There is a site (Mthai.com) where many women put there pictures up and give out their msn screen names. All he does is add them and talk (also show that he is a falang in his mid 20s that writes and speaks thai), evenutally they will invite him out somewhere like Thong Lo and it only takes that night. I get very jealous when Im around this guy cause he can pull girls easily. The beer girls that wear the tiger, singha, and hieniken dresses are his specialty.

He studied at a place near Central (chit lom) and said it was great. Still waiting to head out there and take a look at it. Someone said AuA was out there but he said he tried there and it sucked. This place he said is about 6,500 a month for 5 days a week 3 hours a day and there is a choice between like 9am-noon and like 2-5pm.

mongallai, I totally agree with you; I've learned almost all my thai talking to people in bars (mostly non-go-gos) out with thai friends of mine. It has helped and entertained me to a great extent just listening at least for a while. I like to goto nana one of the side bars, bulldog I think it is, and just sit and say I have only been in thailand for a week. then after an hour or so start speaking thai, the girls almost shit themselves. It works better in a place where the music isnt so loud you cant talk to anyone and Bulldog is a good place to watch people. Nothing like watching ignorant falang "make a tit of themselves"