Ajarn.com: English teaching jobs in Thailand

Bangkok Phil says:

It's taken me a long time to find my way to mango sauce, but it was sure worth the wait. At last I've found a soulmate to hold my hand and plunge new depths of sarcasm. Top work fella!

Thanks for the write-up on ajarn.com. Yeah, I know it's Thailand's number one teaching website but I still like to be reminded of it now and again. Personally I think the confusing labyrinth of hyperlinks adds to its charm but I'll try and sort something out. Now where's that round tuit?

mr peter says:

Bangkok phil? I thought he had been abducted by aliens as no monthly update on his site since about 2001 and he has given up posting on nanaplaza. Hows life on the moo barn khun Phil?-peter

Dr.Sangeeta Shrivastava says:

i wish to apply for the post of english teache. my qualifications include B.A english, M.A english, B.Ed and Ph.D, i have 10 yrs of teaching expereince.

NotAnyBangkokRelatedWebsite.com says:

dear dr shrivastava

u r in luck! i am opening my new english school on soi nana "Short Time English" ur pay will be base salary 8000 baht, u urn commission for "teacher drinks" in our "Ajarn-A-Gogo Bar" and there is special "chalkboard fine" 800 baht for take out teacher private lessons. Many girls work nearby bars come in polish up there English for get hansum man.

plz send ur CV and recent photo (non-nude) to dopsalopsalai@NotAnyBangkokRelatedWebsite.com also indicate length and thickness of your big dictionary thx

Paddy O'Ffialle says:

This is a rather obvious wind-up, right? It reminds me of a CV I was once sent by someone who claimed to have a degree in "mechnical engeneering". But then I suppose engineers aren't supposed to be able to spell.

Administration says:

Sorry, Dr. Sangeeta, the post of "english teache" has just been given to Borat.

Bandersnatch says:

I wonder if old ajarn Bangkok Phil is still "plunging the depths", or has he come up for air and discovered that the correct expression is to plumb the depths.

Prufrock says:

Blenderbush: Equally shocked to find this "plunge" thing (a most obvious Malapropism) attributed to Ajarn Phil I took the matter straight to review at Bangkok's prestigious English Language Committee Hoorhaus.

The BELCH Committee accepted the ajarn's confession that once among native sa-peakers he'd felt at play in the fields of the language (as it were) and a mischievous moment of "linguistic naughtiness "just took over".
It was like ona them "out- of-body thingies", he offered.

During his "moment" Phil succumbed to a temptation to hazard a cunning play on the word "plumb". (to wit, the good ajarn's "plunge")

We,(*BELCH*) ruled in favor of khun Phil's explanation. 4/7 - (2 abs)

It seems that Phil had intended some ironic interplay between his status as ajarn, the tired old "depths" cliché and a thinly disguised reference to our shared "Bangkokian nocturnal matrix".

He then asked if we knew how jokes worked.

Cheeky nonce!

I hope this has helped.
Regards

Prufrock

Bandersnatch says:

Poofter: On the strength of your defence of Ajarn Phil, I suppose I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt on this, though I’d be more convinced if this sort of thing didn’t crop up on his own web pages with alarming regularity. Perhaps Ajarn.com should consider retaining the services of a Prufreader.

I must say I view the BELCH’s ruling with some suspicion, as a number of the committee members are known to have ties with the Bangkok Association of Resident Farang Instructors Networking Group (BARFING), with which the good Ajarn himself is closely associated (a filly ate it, some might say).

Besides that, the BELCH have erected something of an ivory tower in their Hoorhaus, wherein they sit about stroking themselves on being such cunning linguists rather than dirty their hands with honest toil in the fields of the language, as you so aptly put it. In their self-indulgent confabulation, they appear to be drifting ever further from the strictures of the written word and into the murky waters of English “as she is spoke”.

Unless the BELCH’s (largely male) members get back to penetrating the dark recesses of erogenous, I mean erroneous, usage -- as per their original man date -- so that the seeds of literacy may again take hold and flourish, they are in danger of degenerating into just another of the unproductive oral sects.

If Bangkok Phil’s wording was indeed intended as a joke, well, I plumb missed it.

“He then asked if we knew how jokes worked.”

My understanding is that if the joke is followed up by a lengthy explanation of its underpinnings and how these are intended to contribute to the overall humorous effect, then the joke has, by definition, in fact not worked.

(As a curious linguistic aside, I note that we say an unsuccessful joke has ‘bombed’ when in fact the opposite has occured - it has failed to detonate and produce the requisite explosion of laughter.)

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going off to tinker with the plumbing down at Nana. Small wonder that I’ve plunged into debt.

Respectfully,
Bandersnatch

Prufrock says:

Blenderdrinks: Ok, then. . . so I guess you didn't get any of Phil's other jokes, right?
……the ones Ajarn.com?
Nnnnkay. No biggy.
Our (*BELCH*'s) bad, fer shure.
It's just that up until this time no one else has really needed this kind of stuff explained.

You're right.
BARFING has a slightly different man date (to use your term.) from *BELCH*’s .
(Normally we run our pun work by the maid and the driver. If they smile or say "puat hua" we accept the stamp of approval and just go with the recommendation.)
Again we at *BELCH* profoundly regret any distress this may have caused your people with BARFING.

RE: (your) . . *BELCH*’s (largely male) members get back to penetrating the dark recesses of erogenous, I mean erroneous, usage -- as per their original man date -- so that the seeds of literacy may again take hold and flourish, they are in danger of degenerating into just another of the unproductive oral sects.

Blenderbarf?
Can we talk for a moment about that, um . . . like, crudely projected, erogenous "man date" focus thing of yours? the one with the large male members? the oral sects?
Y-e-e-a-ah . . . . hmmmm . . . listen,
I think this is, um, probably why we've never met, okay. (y-e-e-e-ah).
(Looks to us as if BELCH and BARFING definitely do get their tickets punched on different busses. If ya know what I mean there, fella. (Heh heh . . . anyway(s) . .

Trade Gossip (*BELCH* sharing, if you will)
First, a question: Any progress on that massive John Galt proofing deal everybody’s been hustling?

We (*BELCH*) voted to let it go. (4/7 4 abs)
I hear that the Famous American Rewrite Taskforce (formerly, the Barrett Group) was tendering. (And if Barrett’s last book or even his last SIGNED MS post is any indication they probably have one “in the chamber”.)
Hard into meetings with Summers, at the moment, street scuttlebutt is that FART’ll follow *BELCH*’s lead. They usually do once these things get started. So if you’re still interested you might wanna get down there (Keith’s, not Barrett’s) and sniff things out before someone else picks up the scent.
We here at *BELCH* travel on the big tan AIR-CON bus with everybody else. (Did I mention that?)
So we’ll just sit this one out and let BARFING & FART fight it out for that big Galt deal.

We (*BELCH*) simply told Summers in all honesty (Is there any other way here in Bangkok?) that if we were to correct all his typos no one would bother contacting him regarding anything else on his site.
We *BELCH* have also concluded that any future outflow generated by Summer’s current predicament is strictly “small bus” material.
(15/ 0 no abs)

Cheers
Prufrock

Bandersnatch says:

Prudelock: Who’s projecting? I was just describing BELCH’s activities aS PER My understanding of them. You seem to be reading some kind of GAY SubtEXt into what I wrote. How that could hapPEN IS beyond me. Your issue, not mine.
Apart from a moderate case of Peyronie’s syndrome (which has nothing to do with orientation anyway) I’m totally straight. (Don’t knock it; the girls love the added sensation those additional twists and ridges provide, and the upward curve rubs against the sweet spot just right.) It seems you doth protest too much.

It’s like the guy whose psychoanalyst conducts a Rorschach (ink blot) test on him. The doctor says, “Tell me what you see in this first one.”

“Well, there’s two black chicks standing back to back doing each other up the ass with a double-ended rubber dildo while at the same time each of them is fellating a massively hung black stallion and a couple of three-legged German Shepherds with enormously long tongues lap up the hot juices that are gushing from their steaming twats.”

“Hmmm,” says the shrink, “and this next one?”

“In a Greek monastery this one monk is buggering another monk who’s doing a goat. The goat is sucking the dick of a third monk who’s getting it from behind from a fourth monk. On the floor beneath the goat, two more monks are sucking each other off while the monks on either end of the goat squeeze its tits, squirting hot goat’s milk all over the guys on the floor.”

“I see,” says the good doctor, “and what about this one?”

“It’s a couple of eskimo chicks doing a sixty-niner in a pool of hot whale blubber in their igloo while while reaming each other’s asses with frozen cod and getting it doggie style from a couple of huskies, which in turn are getting humped by another pair of huskies that are getting it from a third pair of huskies. Meanwhile, the men of the village are doing a big circle jerk around them as they head for the grand bukkake finale and the igloo caves in on top of them due to all the heat being generated.”

“Well,” says the doctor, “it seems you have an unhealthy obsession with unnatural sexual activity.”

“ME?!? Doc, YOU’RE the one with all the filthy pictures!”

Bandersnatch says:

Prunecrock: There seems to be some misunderstanding.
I hold no brief for BARFING. I just brought it up because I had some doubts about BELCH’s impartiality as regards their ruling on Phil’s apparent malapropism. I was simply pointing out that Ajarn.com and BARFING are closely connected, while some BELCHers are close to BARFING.

In fact, I’m currently with the Tartarean Writers' Advisory Team. We broke away from the Correct Usage Nitpickers Technocratic Society about three years ago. TWAT is a much smaller, tighter outfit than CUNTS. As a result, we cater only to a very select clientele. The massive Summers/Galt job is totally out of our purview, and he probably couldn’t afford our fees anyway.
I agree with you that FART probably has the best shot at this one, though I wonder if even they can handle such a huge chore. It makes Hercule’s cleaning out the massive accumulation of shit from the Augean Stables look like child’s play by comparison, wouldn’t you say?

Meanwhile, our gracious host here at MangoSauce might want to consider retaining the services of the Verbiage Overload Management International Taskforce (VOMIT) to deal with some of these threads.

Regards,
Bandersnatch

Prufrock says:

Bandersnatch re: the services of the Verbiage Overload Management International Taskforce (VOMIT) to deal with some of these threads.

Indeed, Mr. Bandersnatch. On my own initiative I have secured undertakings from Imam notImtiazMuqbil and thuggish Yakuza mobster, Johnny Tokyo. In the highly unlikely event they need post at all to restrict themselves in any further posts to one line sound bites. The threat of further remonstrance from renown local parthenogenesist Dana proved to be an effective hammer during these discussions.
As for this casuistically challenged young fellow posting under the misleading nom d’ecran “Common Sense” we’re encouraging him to take further training in the use of the language.
Dicer? Well I’m currently spending a lot on printer cartridges but the upside is that I’ll have his next book in my hands (unedited, fortunately) before it leaves the printers. I’m well into the galleys as we speak and as usual I enjoy the read.
Mr. Combover, Mr. Pants Elk, and Mr. Tanai Kwai noticeable by their absence must have been busy with seasonal festivities of late. Some of us do have jobs and lives apart from this. In any event, their comments are guiding beacons to those of us new to the site.
There are others as well too numerous to mention.
Only David sees the hits ;-)
As for our host, although I’ve never met the chap, I’m sure he’s quite capable of brewing a nice hot pot of “SHUT THE FUCK UP” all on his own and passing it out to the major offenders.

Respectfully,
Prufrock

david thomas says:

ajarn is a shit pool of child molsters and
losers