May 21 2004

Zoe Shrew, 25, moves to Thailand

Month 1

Men go crazy for super-cool farang chicks like me. I'm pretty radical and massively committed to issues like feminism, animal rights and anti-globalisation. I've never been with a guy who I could say was my intellectual equal but, despite my best efforts, Ben never listens to a word I say. Ignorance is just one of his many faults.

Last night, he said "I'm supposed to be your boyfriend. Get off my fucking case." Naturally, I just laughed. "Boo hoo, lickle Benjamin" I said. "Can't you face the truth?" What a plonker!

Since then, he's been in a huff and has taken to going out alone. I'm not worried, though, because it's common knowledge that only fat Germans fool around with the Thai girls and, putting modesty aside for a moment, I'm a bit of a fox. If you saw me, your eyes would be out on stalks.

Month 2

Ben and I split up last week but we're still good friends. He seems to be crazy about his new Thai girlfriend but I think she's just a skinny air-head. If he wants to live with a doormat, then it's his call. Don't come crawling back, Ben. This sassy farang chick is trading up!

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I'm enjoying being a single girl in Bangkok. Most of my girlfriends are single too and we often meet up in The Dubliner. We always have a great time because the men in there don't bother us. Back home, I always had to tell the annoying dickheads to fuck off.

I'm so happy living in Thailand. The people are really friendly, I love the food and the temples are amazing. I'm developing a really deep fascination with Thai culture. Maybe I'll write a book about it one day. How cool is that?

Month 3

Twice I've hooked up with western guys in clubs near the Kaosarn Road. I gave both my phone number but neither has called. Ben won't answer my calls either and now he's blocked my emails.

One time, I went with a Thai guy but I ended up paying for everything. He was just using me but, when I tried to dump him, he got really angry. Later, he kept turning up at my apartment. It was very frightening but the police were quite helpful in the end.

I hate Thailand so much. The farang men who live here are all selfish bastards and the locals are no better. As well as being a cultural dead-zone, the whole place is sleazy and disgusting. Thank God I'm flying home tomorrow.

Readers' comments

Anonymous says:

Month 4

Guess what! I'm still in Thailand, though I must say that life on the inside is a bit different from the free outdoors.

Just when I was packing my bags last month to leave the LOS for good, one of the western guys that I met in Kaosarn road called up. We met and clicked right away. One thing led to another and we got pretty close - I mean as close as one gets on the first date.

When I told him I was leaving the next day for London, he told me about his poor sister back home. It seems she suffers from this incurable disease and only some natural Thai herbs can give her relief.

Naturally, I agreed to carry a packet of herbs for her. It wasn't big and I had plenty space in my backpack. It seemed a good opportunity to meet his family, now that we were so close.

Those guys at customs are so weird. One of them reminds me of the Thai guy that I went out with briefly. They just wouldn't accept those herbs were meant for John's sick sister and kept muttering about ya this and ya that. I thought it was the name of a sisterhood band.

Well here I am and finally I have found peace. I've become attached to this nice South African girl. We share a cell and we hit it off nicely together from the first day.

She's a bit on the heavy side but she's popular and can pull some strings, so I'm her slave - Well her doormat actually (remember Ben's Thai girl?) - but I don't care. I feel protected.

I really look forward to Ben's monthly visits. His Thai girlfriend brings such fresh fruit when they come to see me.

May 21, 2004 2:49 PM

sofyap says:

I used to think this site was pretty funny, but now it's just getting boring. I can take a joke, but why the never-ending, venemous rants about farang women?
If we're such washed up, old, bitter, has-beens, and you're living in paradise, why the need for mile-long diatribes about "sex-starved farang shrew bitches"? Be happy, enjoy your 2500 blow jobs a day, fair play to you, mate.
Leave us out of it.

May 28, 2004 9:16 AM

Skye says:

Right on. Long live the sisterhood. We're living large honey, don't go there, we are all that!!

May 28, 2004 1:12 PM

TANAI KWAI says:

Skye Spice:

Oh no not I, I will survive, cuz it's rainin' men, and ladies is pimps too!

(o+ power)

May 29, 2004 2:03 AM

Asian Wall Street Journal says:

I am available to service farang women who are desperate for some 'pulling up to the bumper baby'.

My limousine is of average length, and I am neat and tidy. Please e mail me on gaggingferit@pheromones.com for further discussions.

Women who wear Doctor Martins, have halitosis and/or neurotics, pay quadruple the going rate. And no public holding of hands.

June 5, 2004 11:22 AM