May 15 2004

Yoshi Sukifukito 42: Salaryman and kinky Samurai warrior

Yoshi Sukifukito: Samurai swordsman

Back home in Tokyo, I enjoy nothing better than to queue up with 100 of my closest friends to bang myself off in the face of some slapper dressed up as a schoolgirl. The practice of bukkake is named after a classic Japanese dish of plain, slimy-looking white noodles. It's just our little joke, heh heh.

You may think us a bit inscrutable but we're always game for a laugh. After a good bukkake session with the lads, I often quip "Waiter, there's a girl in my soup!" They always piss themselves at that - sometimes literally. Our cum-splattered little vixen probably appreciates a good hosing down.

As you can imagine, when you do it every day it starts to get a bit samey. That's why I decided to go to Bangkok.

With my ultra realistic love-doll Yuki in tow, I pitched up at the check-in desk. I got through no bother, but Yuki clammed up a bit when the girl asked if she had any prohibited items. She was better off in the hold anyway. The food on these flights is never to her taste.

I dumped my stuff at the hotel and went straight out on the pull. I tend to go for six-inch-tall comic-book minxes with ludicrous platform boots - the sort of girls you keep in a jam-jar, ready to pop in the blender when you feel peckish. Soi Thaniya was a bit short on cartoon vixens that night, so I settled for little Noi. We struck the deal over some karaoke and I took her back.

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"I'll be the sadistic prison camp commandant" I said "and you can be the plucky inmate, accepting various cruel forms of torment with as much dignity as you can muster" - like Alec Guinness or those tarts off "Tenko". That reminds me, I must pop down to the River Kwai tomorrow with my Nikon. Returning to the scene of the crime, heh heh. My honourable father has some fond memories of that place, I can tell you. After a few nips of sake, he always brings out his gruesome relics to show the grandchildren. Anyway, I digress.

As soon as I had Noi roped up tight, the silly tart dropped dead on me. Typical, I thought. Buy anything made here and it packs up the first time you use it. Good job I didn't shag her though. Can you imagine how embarrassing it would have been to explain that? When I phoned the club to get another one, the cheeky buggers gave me a hard time. Incredibly, it seems that I had broken some obscure law. "So have you, matey" I said "I want a replacement or a full fucking refund, pronto!"

To cut a long story short, I eventually got the refund but, to get things cleaned up, had to give half of it to the hotel manager. The Police have less commitment to customer service, so it was all a bit hush hush. Apparently, his mate could come over the next day with a pick-up truck. Given that Yuki needed the company, I agreed to let Noi stay with us overnight - in spite of the 500 baht guest supplement. I thought about a threesome but, with Noi getting a bit whiffy, I decided to go out instead.

I was minding my own business down Sukhumvit when some tart propositioned me. I gave her the shopping list but she said that she only did straight sex. "What?" I shouted "have you completely lost your mind, girl! If you think that I'm dipping my honourable Samurai sword into your slimy front-bottom, then you have another think coming you depraved fucking pervert!" Can you imagine? I'd tell the lads about her audacity but I doubt they'd believe me.

Anyway, must sign off now. I'm just going out to find some lucky tart and ram a lighted candle up her arse. Don't laugh, big-nose, it's probably your girlfriend.

Moshi moshi!

[Posted to Fiction by David]

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