July 5 2004

Joyce Cuckold 47: Hubby finds mojo in Bangkok

Joyce Cuckold

When I told the girls at work that Mike and I were going to Thailand they couldn't stop giggling. After lunch, they presented me with a dog-lead. "You'll need it for Mike" they said. How we all laughed.

They already know the truth, though, because I don't have any secrets from the girls. He fancies himself as a bit of a Jack-the-lad but I can assure you that he's all mouth and no trousers. His Rudolf Valentino days are definitely over.

Mike said that Thailand got its sleazy reputation during the Vietnam War with all those American GIs but that was 30 years ago and things are fine now. A couple of his friends went last year and they raved about the beautiful beach in Pattaya, the food and the bargains. "Take an empty suitcase" he said "and come back with a full one". He really put my mind at ease.

Our Bangkok hotel was lovely but the heat outside was unbearable. It didn't stop Mike wanting to explore though. He's normally such a lazy so-and-so. He said that I didn't have to come but I didn't want him to feel abandoned.

The noisy streets were heaving with people and stalls. I could hardly take it all in. Suddenly we found ourselves in Patpong. Mike said that he didn't know it was around here.

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Through the open doors, you could see the little Thai girls dancing around in their bikinis. "Do you think they're prostitutes? " I asked. "I don't think so", said Mike "it's just a show for the tourists. Prostitution is illegal in Thailand. Not a lot of people know that" he added, using his silly Michael Caine voice. I didn't fancy going in, though. "Come on Mary Whitehouse" he said "Lets freshen-up before dinner. "

On our way back, we saw a pretty young Thai girl smiling at us from a doorway. With a cupped hand raised to her open mouth she began to make pumping gestures whilst, at the same time, pushing her cheek out with her tongue. It looked a bit vulgar to me but Mike thought that she was pretending to clean her teeth. "She must have some dodgy molars" he said.

When I was in the shower, Mike realised that he had forgotten to buy a paper. "I'll just nip down and get one" he said. He was gone for ages. When he eventually got back, I asked him where it was. He stared at me blankly. "The paper" I said. "Oh, yeah" he replied "I went all round and couldn't find one anywhere."

"What's that white-stuff on the front of your trousers" I said. Mike examined the stain for a few seconds and then explained that a seagull had dive-bombed him on Silom Road. He would end up looking like a tramp if it wasn't for me. "Just give them here" I said. "Don't worry, Love" he replied, "I'll just give them a quick rinse in the bathroom."

Later, in the lobby, a young Thai girl looked our way and raised her hand in a telephone gesture. She looked awfully like the one with the imaginary toothbrush. "Maybe she's deaf" said Mike "Loads of the stall-holders round here seem to be using sign-language. It probably means something else. What do you fancy eating, Love? "

Mike must have had a dodgy prawn or something because next morning he was in a real state. We had to cancel our Phuket flight. He wouldn't call a doctor though. "Better wait till we get home", he said "or they'll probably have my kidneys away".

Though his holiday was ruined, he insisted that I should get out and enjoy myself every day. "Just give me a bell before you get back" he said, "in case I need anything". "Ok Love", I said "I'll call you later".

I kept on seeing the toothbrush-girl around the hotel but she never looked up or smiled. The Thais are normally such happy people. Sometimes, when I went to reception, the staff were almost crying with laughter.

Poor Mike never ventured out again but somehow he spent our holiday money. The rest seems to have put a spring in his step though and a lot has happened since then.

Apparently, the Council might allow the City of Bangkok to be twinned with Doncaster. Mike may only be a charge-hand in the Cleansing Department but the Mayor has chosen him to be our special envoy. He's always going there on hush-hush visits. I'm so proud of him.

Ta-raa

[Posted to Fiction by David]

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