August 28 2006

Western women who disappear in Bangkok

red shoes

She's a respectable, middle-class Western woman without an enemy in the world so how did journalist, Lyle Walter, disappear without trace in Bangkok?

Sometimes I feel invisible in Bangkok... After five years here, the situation is wearing on me. I hadn't realised until visiting the States this summer how much my ego always has been gently stroked by innocent everyday interactions with the opposite sex. Not my husband, but rather the people [men] I encountered while going about my business in the outside world: the bagel guy; the UPS guy; a particularly solicitous waiter... These moments weren't [were] necessary to reassure me as to my self-worth, but they helped me feel recognised as an attractive person with ideas, dreams, plans...

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In an article entitled A White Woman in Bangkok Isn't Like An Englishman in New York, published in last week's Guru magazine, Lyle Walter goes on to describe how Thai people rub salt in the wound by addressing her as "Sir."

They're not trying to be rude, of course - in Thailand men and women go by same title - but it's yet another factor that makes Western women feel ignored and undervalued here.

Are farang women so inconsequential (i.e. invisible) that we're not worth the extra few minutes to teach how to address us as the correct gender?

Maybe so.

Becoming invisible can make you a bit cranky - as Kevin Bacon demonstrated for us in the movie Hollow Man - but, rather than peeping at her neighbours in the shower, Kyle Walter vents her frustration on the same target that all "invisible" farang women choose - Western men.

Many farang men who visit Bangkok seem to be some kind of sex tourist, be they guys on a lark, stag party revelers, or long-term sexpats.

Lyle seems to have forgotten that, for every sex tourist propping up the bars of Sukhumvit, there are a hundred Western men leading perfectly normal lives with their Thai wives and girlfriends.

According to Lyle, Western men can't settle for "having their egos gently stroked by innocent everyday interactions with the opposite sex" but are driven exclusively by base motives. Apparently, only Lyle Walter and her female friends are capable of such subtlety.

She's wrong, of course. These innocent interactions happen all the time in Thailand (the bagel girl; the UPS girl; a particularly solicitous waitress...) and it's one of the nicest things about living here. Pleasant encounters with pretty girls seldom happen in the West - unless you happen to be dining at a Thai restaurant.

Having labeled Western men with Thai wives and girlfriends as habitual sex tourists, Lyle goes on to offer us some disingenuous advice.

Wake up, dudes, the ladies are real human beings, not exotic Barbie dolls.

It's lucky that she pointed this out before I tossed my Thai girlfriend to the landlord's golden retriever to use as a chew-toy.

Lyle starts to talk sense again when she explains why Thai men don't find Western woman attractive.

Many Thai guys apparently see farang women as too big [fat], too sweaty, and too loud to find appealing or interesting.

In a remarkable display of selective blindness, Lyle goes on to suggest that Western men have a completely different reason for ignoring her.

Perhaps my pale face and tall frame remind them of the harpies who drove them East to find ladies they expect naturally to serve as compliant sex kittens who won't talk back.

I'm sorry to pop your bubble, Lyle, but it's not your pale face and tall frame that's the problem. It's actually the "big, sweaty and loud" thing that you mentioned before.

It's the one thing that both Thai and Western men can always agree on.

The "compliant sex kittens who won't talk back" remark is nonsense too - as anyone who has spent more than five minutes in Thailand can testify.

Whether you're reading their opinions in print or meeting them socially, resident farang women are so preoccupied with demonising Western men and dreaming up laughably spurious reasons as to why we don't find them attractive that they seem unable to move on to more engaging topics.

It's as if they don't feel strongly about anything else.

This week, Lyle Walters' Guru column goes something along the lines of "experience the exotic sights and sounds of Thailand and the colourful array of blah blah blah blah..." - the journalistic equivalent of elevator music.

Lyle - If you want me to review any more of your stuff, you'll have to do better than that, Sir.

Footnote

Lyle Walter's original article can be found on her blog:

lylesinrodwalter.blogs.com

[Posted to Farang Life by David]

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Readers' comments

Dick Renegade says:

All the world over, Western men are considered to make the best husbands. However, nowhere in the world are Western women considered to make the best wives.

August 28, 2006 9:49 PM

britinhongkong says:

never a truer word spoken in jest dick renegade

August 28, 2006 10:53 PM

silap007 says:

....this Lyle guy has some balls! Really!

August 28, 2006 11:31 PM

Conan says:

Dick Renegade I am astonished at your lack of worldliness.

Everyone knows Arab men like western women, and I have heard certain hill tribes in Africa value them highly too.

August 28, 2006 11:37 PM

Dick Renegade says:

Please show me an Arab man that actually wants to marry a Western woman.

I know some Pakistani's and they feel Pakistani women are the most desirable wives. They wouldn't spit on Western women if they were on fire.

August 29, 2006 12:34 AM

Dana says:

Well, I have met my ego limit. I can not resist responding to this stupid woman. Just can not r-e-s-i-s-t. Sexual selection is an open market. She is not getting attention because she is not competitive. No other idea or emotion is more relevant than this. She can not compete.

August 29, 2006 12:34 AM

Paul says:

I can certainly appreciate her sentiment that western women become invisible. I think that many men are in Bangkok just because they are not 'invisible' anymore. I, for one, receive much more attention in Bangkok than in the west as far as 'looks' and flirting go. It's almost as if the tables are reversed- women are hot in demand in the west while men are in demand in the east. I can even agree with her sentiment that guys who hang round the girlie bars are creeps- that is not socially acceptable anywhere for a reason.

However, she makes my head hurt with her vitriol. I'm sure many people are comforted to know that all men in asia are actually just child molestors. I seriously question how many men she has developed friendships with in Bangkok or where she is meeting her western male friends.

Furthermore, I'd like to thank her for directly contributing to Bangkok's image problem. Why would she choose to live in such a den of sin and perversion and then knock it on the world stage at a very sensitive time. Perhaps that fat creepy limey sex tourist groping a girl 1/3 of his age on the sky train is a better kind of foreigner for Thailand... Ick..

August 29, 2006 1:01 AM

Bangkok Bob says:

There is little more enlightening than to see a Western female walking about the Nana Plaza area. Ignored, indeed invisible, the look of horror on their faces; the unspoken fear that their world back home may not be real; a fish out of water flapping about for any bit of attention from any man no matter how small. What can they do but lash out at the horror.

August 29, 2006 1:02 AM

Handyman says:

bollox Dana,

if she was available for 500 LT and prepared to wear a strap on we all know what you'd be up to.

August 29, 2006 1:24 AM

Bangkokram says:

In all fairness, anyone who writes for "Guru" should remain invisible. I read it once when there was nothing else to read in Subway.

Not sure who the mag is aimed at? Probaly Hi-so Thai Kids and the infamous Metrosexual on vacation in the LOS. So thats about 175 people then.

I usually throw the copy away from The Bangkok Post, now I'll take a quick look just to read the invisible woman's article. Is it funnier than Stickman's Weekly?

August 29, 2006 6:24 AM

Hugh Jarse says:

I've just spoken to the local UPS guy and he's agreed to shag the Lyle creature on condition she showers and shaves before their encounter.

For the record, Guru magazine has the journalistic value of a piece scrap paper that's stuck to a wad of chewing gum on your shoe.

August 29, 2006 7:50 AM

sniffer says:

Do you think there's any chance that this woman might actually, really disappear? I seem to remember that you can buy something called 'vanishing cream' at Watson's/Boots etc. It would surely take several truckloads to cover Ms Walter's 'tall' (or does she mean 'big-boned'?) frame but mangosauce has a lot of readers and if we started a charity appeal we'd surely have the cash in the time it'd take her to say "make mine a bitter"

August 29, 2006 9:35 AM

scoob says:

What a stupid cow.

August 29, 2006 9:48 AM

philH says:

I love these women who see all western men who go to Thailand as middle aged, fat, balding, beer swilling culture yobs.

OK, glossing over the generalisation issue they are entitled to their opinions, we've heard them all before but, what the hell, one more time isn't going to hurt.

My point is, why can't they accept that people are different and we all have our own likes and dislikes.

Why can't these women just stay put in farangland and meet their ideal man. Of course he'll be mid twenties, PhD in psychology and sociology, square jawed Adonis figure of a man. He'll play rugger in the winter and cricket in the summer with his chums.

They'll get married in some fancy, olde worlde, church in the Shires. They'll make the perfect couple, him rising through the corporate structure to some executive post. She'll be some glass ceiling shattering powerhouse who will also find time to produce two perfect kids. They'll live in a multi million pound mansion and drive fancy cars.

Mills & Boon have made millions writing books like this and selling them to sad delusioned women. They sit there behind rain spattered windows reading Guru magazine and denouncing any man who goes to Thailand as a sexpat pervert.

August 29, 2006 10:19 AM

Boolai says:

Yeah!!! Fat white women. They are going to rule the world. They run America Already. Really they have alot of complex and are used to men kissing their butts and getting their way. They just can't handle it.

August 29, 2006 10:48 AM

Jon says:

She should go to the Dominican Republic...Over there the Western Women are the sex tourists!

Quite funny to watch actually!

_

August 29, 2006 12:23 PM

Bad Guts says:

I hope these Farang women never turn invisible.

What will I point out to my GF, and say "Thats the main reason I came to thailand".

August 29, 2006 12:34 PM

Robin says:

Actually I thought Lyle's article was pretty fair-minded. The bitterness expressed in some of the above comments suggests that perhaps Lyle has a point. If nothing else, she has certainly touched a raw nerve. I think it is perfectly reasonable to seek some undertanding of why there is (clearly) so much hatred of western women by western men (and vice-versa if you live in Bangkok). If you really are such virtuous and rational men, why deride Lyle so viciously?

August 29, 2006 12:40 PM

Andy says:

Anybody got Lyle's phone number? She sounds like she needs a bit of empathy, or perhaps a companion who can take her out for a few drinks and a bit of witty repartee. Perhaps a few drinks, and then fish 'n chips at the Offshore, then maybe shag her over the rubbish bins round the back? I'm happy to help any tall white bird out; if she's up for it!

August 29, 2006 3:58 PM

anon. says:

"Having labeled Western men with Thai wives and girlfriends as habitual sex tourists...."

So YOU (website author) don't fit this category? You routinely oscillate between portraying yourself as being a loyal, loving boyfriend of a Thai woman AND as a regular patron/client of the Bangkok go-go bars.

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August 29, 2006 5:21 PM

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