My Thai prescription for happiness

willy says:

HERE HERE ! hahaha

But wot if ur dumb like me - and brought ur farang wife over here with u? lol

mind u i do listen to myself and enjoy the best of life in LOS. ;)

Marmite says:

Spot on, David.

Its funny how critisism omly comes from jealous guys or from domineering (farang) women.

There are farang women who don't want to dominate guys, but they're called 'mingers' and are only good for going out on the lash with.

Ben says:

DaveÖI get home from my boring job in Farangland every night just about at the same time as you post your update. Usually I am intrigued by your wit and insight. This time, however, I am appalled by comments made to John. Obviously she's menstruating. Have you been drinking Dave?

tonychang says:

My friend went on holiday to Thailand with his wife.They had a row,she left,he stayed.That was 5 years ago.

Dark says:

Dear Dave,

Right on!
"John" is obvious a feminazi who hasn't and never will meet a man who can come up to her standards. His rant is all full of emotional crap like 99% of Women's output.
Feminazis and their male lapdogs hate it when men choose Freedom over slavery.

Believe it or not "John" everyone, including heterosexual men have a right to express their sexuality. We don't have to apologize to anyone.
Women like "John" are pathetic, they hate men but want one. They are turning to other methods to find unconditional love, dogs/horse/vibrators.

Dave your posts are a sane and breath of fresh air!

Dark

Whippet says:

An excellent article, David.

I don't think I ever want to get into this 'feminazi' argument, personally I love farang women, I just happen to prefer their Thai counterparts.

That is not what this article is about for me, its someone recognising that they're not happy with what they've got and doing something to change it for the better - superb! My mind's eye doesn't see David getting shitfaced 24/7, with three or four nubile 18 year old Isaan girls hanging off him, speaking solely in English; I think perhaps John is a little upset that our David can write so coherently, succinctly and humourously about situations us farangs who live here see everyday, whilst still having a career, homelife and not being so disillusioned by Thailand that he has a pie-in-the-sky belief he is a private detective. When it comes to (having a) "life", John, I'm afraid that I think you're a few years too late in telling our author to go and get one.

TANAI KWAI says:

The last no-name-having guy writes:

"My mind's eye doesn't see David getting shitfaced 24/7, with three or four nubile 18 year old Isaan girls hanging off him..."

Perhaps not, but is that so far off from the dream that many Mangophiles cherish?

Without, for example, the opportunity to "be butterfly" in respect of one's regular girl or wife the allure of LOS might well plummet for a large majority. Many would say that if you don't have the opportunity to sample "strange" at any time the impulse might strike you -- you might as well be in Farangland.

*That* is what is so philistine and base and perverse to those who sit in judgment, be they Farang or Thai, John or Jane. And if you are standing up for David I submit you are also standing up for the validity and meaning to be derived from living "the life" -- the life of a monger.

Sure, you can sugar it up by learning some passable Thai and accompanying the vixen to temple -- many a farang with a passport full of purple triangles fancies himself somehow more refined than the first-time punters who've just arrived on the 10:30 p.m. from H.K. (and manage to find themselves at the G-Spot within the hour). But it is what it is.

"Now Gods stand up for bastards!"

(winky)

clark says:

Is there not more to living in Thailand than the ability to have a shag whenever you please?

Good article.

TANAI KWAI says:

Clark,

Thailand is a beautiful country with a rich cultural and artistic history, some wonderful people and lots of gorgeous scenery. The same can be said of a great many farang countries I imagine many who post here would love to escape.

(...)

Prorogue says:

I've always advocated an exchange program whereby Thailand and Occidental(*) countries could swap their women for our men. The number of Cheeky Choppers in the Eurozone willing to swap places with eager beavers in Thailand is surely about the same.

Additinally, this would have a beneficial effect on the long term goal of the beautification specifically of the UK. A whopping injection of Luk Kreungs and all those bad teeth and lard arses will be wiped out in two generations.

Please contact me for private donations to support my forthcoming lobby campaign towards the Thai and UK parliaments.

That said I believe the Premier is hard at it trying to buy UK football teams. Talk about Nero fiddling while (ahem) Napoli burns.

* Americans don't count for reasons to complex to humourously encapsulate here.

Tasty says:

David,

As the guy who shared your office for 2 years, I have only 2 questions to ask:

1. Why did I never get offered any of the Prozac?

2. On which particular day did you work 'far too hard' (you were never spotted before 9.45!)?

Incidentally, just before anyone gets too sorry for the old Farangland version of David, he was a magnet for the babes and never seemed to have less than 2 or 3 on the go at any given time.

David says:

Tasty - When you made our tea, why were there always horrible floaty-bits on the top? Why did you always offer me a bite from your ghastly pork pie but never from your mini Mars bar? Go score your own Prozac - David.

Bradford says:

Are you from Bradford?

Whippet says:

Dear Tanai Kwai,

first let me clear something up; when I originally entered my first comment (directly above your first) I accidentally ommited my name, it was I, Whippet. David has now kindly filled in the blanks, thanks and sorry for any confusion.

You go on to say, "...is that so far off from the dream that many Mangophiles cherish?" Well, I kinda hope it is! If your idea of heaven IS being an alcoholic, never having any form of relationship other than one fueled by your finances, and depending on people speaking your (foreign) language to get by then good luck to you. There are many people who do that, there are many suicide balconies in Pattaya. That is definitely not why I am here.

Clark's point above hits the nail on the head. Your response to him falls way short of the mark as you (purposefully?) fail to include things about Thailand which, IMHO, beat farangland hands down in the straight head-to-head competition you suggest: attitude, religion, climate, cost-of-living and cuisine to name but a few. Of course as long as you're permantly drunk and getting your end away, who cares how warm and friendly it is outside, eh?

Bradford says:

So, are you?

David says:

Bradford - Are you addressing me? If so, the answer is no. Why do you ask? - David

bradford says:

Just that you made a reference to a respondent as being from Bradford Met District council previously. Dont know how you knew (you may have found that out from the IP address), but it appeared as if you knew the person from the UK. And then someone on this thread obviously new you from the UK, so I just wondered. No reason, just wondered, because I am from Bradford. Cheers.

TANAI KWAI says:

Hello Whippet.

Please note the central premise of my post:

"Without, for example, the opportunity to 'be butterfly' in respect of one's regular girl or wife the allure of LOS might well plummet for a large majority."

So in fact, Clark was not really addressing my point (purposefully?).

We are agreed that there are many reasons to fall in love with Thailand -- happens to be my favorite place on the planet.* My theory is simply that for those pre-occupied to any extent with womanzing the wonderful "attitude, religion, climate, cost-of-living and cuisine" alone do not a paradise make.

(...)

[*I have not professed to be living any lifestyle in particular (though this is just a nuance, I suppose). But I do wrestle with these issues and figure I'm in pretty good company.]

Combover says:

Many expats choose their lives for things they cannot get at home.

Sometimes money, sometimes love of the language or culture, or other reasons.

The promiscuity angle is one of them, but happens to be true not just of Thailand, but of many other countries in Asia. There's no need to be short of a new wife, a girlfriends, a mistress or a quick shag in Singapore, Hong Kong, Manila, Kuala Lumpur Shanghai etc etc. Although nowhere else than Thailand can get a soapy!

If the shag thing is a given, then the other factors are important. Thailand wins hands down for me in terms of the people, culture, climate, food, and things to do and see factors mentioned above.

If you can then yourself out properly financially (see May 12th) then there are many reasons to live there other than sex and not be seen as a loser.

Combover says:

Apologies for not employing a sub-editor. Here's the above without typos (I hope):

Many expats choose their lives for things they cannot get at home.

Sometimes money, sometimes love of the language or culture, or other reasons.

The promiscuity angle is just one of them, but happens to be true not just of Thailand, but of many other countries in Asia. There's no need to be short of a new wife, a girlfriend, a mistress or a quick shag in Singapore, Hong Kong, Manila, Kuala Lumpur, Shanghai, Ho Chi Minh etc etc. Although nowhere else than Thailand can you get a soapy!

If the shag thing is a given, then the other factors are important. Thailand wins hands down for me in terms of the people, culture, climate, food, and "things to do and see" factors mentioned above.

If you can then sort yourself out properly financially (see May 12th) then there are many reasons to live there other than sex, and many ways not to be seen as a loser.

The Monkey's Paw says:

I'd like to express my extreme disappointment at Tanai Kwai's latest postings in relation to different topics.

They have been entertaining, well-thought out, provocative and well written. This has annoyingly kept the lid on my righteous indignation - what next, illuminating comments from John U?

Fortunately, Mr Peter's glut of postings show that there'll always be at least one arrogant know-it-all against whom we can vent our spleen.

Come on, TK, get angry and obnoxious again - we'll love you much morefor it!

mr peter says:

I thought it might be interesting to read some of the marvelous posts I was sure the monkey's paw must have posted, unfortunately I cannot find any at all. Is there something wrong with my computer do you think? Can someone direct me to them please, they must very good for someone to be as judgemental-peter

Big Ron says:

Good old Pete,

Dangle the bait and he'll always bite. Don't ever come back as a fish, Pete - you'd only last 2 minutes.

mr peter says:

So that's a no I don't know then is it, what about all your great contributions then?-peter

The Monkey's Paw says:

I was interested to read that, in your esteemed opinion, I should have posted 'great contributions' to justify being judgemental. Are you a buddhist, Peter? Do you believe in karma and the balancing of fate? Do you think that to justify my irritating traits I must have a great skill at something else? Or are you just a complete and utter prat?

I was born judgemental, young Peter, and judgemental I shall be until I head to my grave. It drives my wife and colleagues mad but c'est la vie. Unfortunately, the fates have not been intervened to bless me with great wit and literary skills (as any reader will have gathered) but while there are sanctimonious clowns like you around, I will remain happy and fulfilled.

TMP

(My pieces might be dull, Pete, but I console myself that they can NEVER be duller than yours)

TANAI KWAI says:

Combover (best name ever) writes:

"Although nowhere else than Thailand can you get a soapy!"

I am told (ahem) that Big Boss and Darlings in Macau offer not only a close approximation of a genuine Thai "soapy" (administered by arrestingly beautiful Vietnamese beauties) -- but also what knowing gentlemen discreetly reference as the "Fisherman's Friend" treatment.

"there are many reasons to live [in LOS] other than sex and not be seen as a loser."

You have grasped the pebble from my hand.

The Monkey's Paw writes:

"I'd like to express my extreme disappointment at Tanai Kwai's latest postings in relation to different topics."

Fek off you W.w. jakob gap ing cnut teh Laburn am villa kant.

I trust this addresses your concerns.

As for mr peter:

From one pariah to another, you don't need to respond to all of them. You'd never even had intercourse with Mr. Paw before and you blew a load all over him at the slightest caress.

You must think of yourself as a sinewy and sexy cobra whose venom cannot be milked by just any one of these charmers. Make them take you to dinner and a movie before you put out.

By the way, I've heard your mother is a lousy lay.

(winky)

Not-Whippet says:

Errr... ahrm.. err.. my *friend* Whippet isn't here right now. He is, err, somewhere else. Now, y'see if my *friend* Whippet were here I'd ask him, he's bound to know, but he's not so I'll have to ask you. Ermm... could anyone enlighten me as to what a, ahem, er..., "soapy" is? I trust it isn't a daily ongoing fictional TV programme, or a method of cleaning 'rot geng'?

Thank you,
Not-Whippet *blush*

Combover says:

Dunno about the fisherman's friend thing. Had the diet version (with a mento) in Pattaya once and it was interesting.

What they DO have in Macao is the legendary hot & cold tea treatment.

No PG Tips sadly.

Combover says:

A "soapy" (pron. soe-pee) is the technical term for what many people call a "body massage" (pron. bod-ee mass-arge).

Basically, you pick a nice looking bird from the window and she takes you upstairs and washes your nads and the rest of your body and then she lies you down in superman pose on an inflatable mattress and covers you in soap and slides up and down you with her firm naked body and then retires you to the bed where she hammers away at you for as long as you can take it as long as you don't go over the 90 minutes and...I'm spent.

yantra says:

Seen from abroad the temples might be a very alluring aspect but once you live here they get boring as they all look the same. Small wonder then that one starts drinking and womanizing.

TANAI KWAI says:

Combover writes:

"What they DO have in Macao is the legendary hot & cold tea treatment."

Quite right, and I have heard THIS referenced as the "Macau Special." But I could not, in good conscience, call it this myself as the same hot & cold tea treatment has been administered in Taiwan barber shops since at least when the now-dreadful place was called Formosa.

(...)

Fish says:

I also used to work with David many moons ago. I don't remember him drinking any coffee, he always drank tea.

Fish says:

....and he told me he moved Thailand to expand on his big interest in temple architecture, not - as it appears - to be a dirty whore mongerer, the lying bastard...

Fish says:

not that that neccessarily makes you a bad person of course

dave says:

get to bed fish will you?

ozricmann says:

Sure beats being back in the uk and i have to say i feel better for it, back in the uk i seem to give a shit about the wrong things and i worry about so much trivial shit.
in thailand however i worry about myself and respective friends only, but i also seem to take more pride in what i do and how i do it, i also have more respect for people here.

funny that all those people in the uk tell me to be this, do that, etc, etc and it only happens when im 7000 miles away from them.

funny that.