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Britain's Premiership football stars are now better known for their performance off the field than on. Tales of debauched group sex sessions, known as roastings, have titillated readers of Britain's tabloid press. Though a Brit myself, I only know this because it was reported second-hand in the sports pages of the Bangkok Post.

As a Thailand-based ex-pat, I keep track of Farangland events by watching BBC World (See UBC: Thai satellite & cable TV), reading the Bangkok Post and subscribing to a couple of lad-mags. Though I'm fully aware of Tony Blair's declining fortunes, I'm now utterly clueless about what's hot and what's not in the fluffy world of British entertainment and fashion.

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In Thailand, farang music can be heard almost everywhere but the repertoire is usually limited to ancient Santana tracks. Contemporary offerings rarely rise above the level of Cheeky song: Touch my bum. My research reveals that, currently, Britain's top selling single is All this time by a girl called Michelle. Am I just out of touch or has she really got a face like a bag of spanners? When I lived in the UK, I'm sure that pop-stars looked better than this.

If I ever return home, I'll certainly have a lot of catching up to do but at least I'll know what to expect when my attractive female boss calls me into her office for a roasting.

[Posted to Farang Life by David]

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