June 29 2006
Duped farang goes postal

If they don't fall from their Pattaya balconies in mysterious circumstances (See Would your Thai wife murder you for cash), farang blokes duped out of their life savings by scheming bar girls generally end up homeless and wandering the streets clutching a suitcase.
With the odds stacked against them, only a tiny minority ever manage to get even. Helmut the Hammer was just such a man.
Our Mango Sauce Postal Affairs Correspondent takes up the story:
Koosang Koosom (www.koosangkoosom.com) is a gossip magazine for Thai women and amongst its regular features is a column called "Samee Farang" (Farang Husband) which recounts the experiences of Thai girls living with their foreign boyfriends and husbands.
A recent article told the story of an anonymous German man - let's call him Helmut - who visited Bangkok on holiday where he met Khun Nai, a go-go dancer from Soi Nana.
He fell head-over-heels in love with this exotic girl of his dreams but, alas, his holiday soon came to an end and, somewhat poorer after visiting a gold shop or two, he was forced to return home.
Every week, he phoned Khun Nai who professed great love and affection for him; so much so, that Helmut decided, after three months, that he needed another holiday and flew to Bangkok to see her.
Khun Nai told Helmut she loved him so, so much and would give up her dancing career and going with customers if only she had a little house where she could live - so Helmut and Khun Nai set off to visit her village near Yasothon.
They were soon introduced to the local builder and were shown various housing plans. Khun Nai fell in love with a four bedroom house on half a rai of land and Helmut was persuaded to sign up for this stately mansion costing US$150,000 safe in the knowledge that, if Nai had her own home in the middle of Issan, she wouldn't be spending her time drinking, dancing and fornicating with customers.
Helmut made the down payment and then went back home to Germany but returned twice to make progress payments. During these visits, he developed a good working relationship with the builder - let's call him Somchai - and even took him out occasionally for a few drinks.
After a few months away in Germany, Helmut decided that he'd surprise Khun Nai and pay an unannounced visit to their newly completed home. So, without telling her he was coming, Helmut arrived one morning in deepest Issan to find their house empty.
Initially, he assumed Nai was away visiting her relatives but, just to check, he phoned her mobile and was surprised to be told "yes" she was at home in Issan and what's more she was sitting outside in the garden.
Helmut found this rather odd as, looking outside, it was definitely raining hard and not gardening weather. He went to bed somewhat puzzled and next day phoned Khun Nai again and was once more assured that, yes, she was at home and had just returned from the shopping in the market.
Wandering outside, Helmut met a neighbour who said how pleased Nai would be to see him when she arrived as she hadn't been living in the village for three months. This shocked Helmut and then the euro finally dropped! She was back working in Bangkok and had not lived in the house since he left.
Helmut was not a man to be taken lightly. He contacted Somchai, his builder friend, and said he wished to make some major modifications to the house and could the builder please carry these out.
Somewhat puzzled, but ever eager to earn some more baht from these modifications, the builder brought his backhoe and, under Helmut's direction, proceeded to demolish the whole house.
Once the four bedroom house had been reduced to a pile of rubble "Helmut the Hammer" pronounced himself satisfied and, after telling the builder he would send him the new plans, he took a motor cycle taxi to Yasothon, boarded a coach to Bangkok, and then a plane to Germany - never to return.
To get some idea of the damage a backhoe can inflict on a house, check out this illustrated story from Britain's Sun Newspaper.
[Posted to Farang Life by David]
*** THE COMMENT FORUM IS NOW CLOSED ***
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