March 18 2007
Bonking Belgians may eye up Bjorn Borg's briefs

Phuket waitress, Arm, was videoed by her French boyfriend, Greg Garcia, lying to a Belgian punter who had called to check up on her.
Greg now wishes to point out that the sucker on the other end of the line was not, as I reported, her restaurant-owning Belgian sugar daddy but a different and entirely unrelated bonking Belgian.
In my defence, I have to point out that it was an easy mistake to make. The very existence of Belgium has yet to filter into the collective Thai consciousness so who could have guessed that Arm was actually having it off with two of them? As Oscar Wilde might have said, to shag one Belgian may be regarded as a misfortune, to shag two looks like carelessness - but at least she'll never run out of exquisite handmade chocolates.
I owe you an apology, Greg. Your girlfriend is a bigger tart than I gave her credit for.
Another update concerns the unconscious reveller who nearly died in Patpong's Madrid Bar.
I'm told that the manageress was unhappy with the tone of my story and remains oblivious to the fact that, by Mango Sauce standards, it was a rave review. Unlike Greg Garcia, she won't be getting a published apology but I'm delighted to pass on the good news that our Sleeping Beauty awoke the next morning and flew to Phuket.
Finally, you may recall that, back in October, I said this about Hua Hin.
It isn't really suitable for families - unless everyone in your family likes shagging hookers.
Having recently taken my elderly parents to Thailand's oldest and grandest beach resort, I can now report that, during the high season, Hua Hin is a suitable destination for families - and impressionable seniors.
The sheer number of ordinary holidaymakers dilutes the sleaze to the point where you hardly notice it at all. In fact, I've never in my whole life seen so many respectable, middle-aged fatties beached in one place.
If you've ever wondered what that "kewl" tattoo might look like when you're fat and fifty, Hua Hin is the ideal place to find out.
Our Hua Hin trip also resurrected unhappy memories of Bjorn Borg's ill-conceived venture into men's underwear. I stumbled across a veritable smorgasbord of Bjorn's unsold briefs gathering dust on a table at the rear of a small Swedish restaurant.
If his latest marketing strategy fails, the world's greatest tennis player might soon be reduced to flogging his unloved undies to tourists from the back of a squeaky handcart.
[Posted to Farang Life by David]
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Farang Life
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