April 18 2004

The World's scariest cockroach chases

When my Thai girlfriend collected her treasured photo albums from her mum's house, she didn't consider the resident army of cockroaches. Her oversight allowed a small platoon of foot-soldiers to hitch a lift over to our place.

I'm no etymologist but I've managed to identify two distinct species of cockroach in the Thai urban habitat. They probably have fancy Latin handles but we are all men of science here so I'll refer to them by their proper names - big'uns and little'uns.

Though the big'uns have long regarded my apartment as home, the little'uns have always had more pressing business elsewhere. Their strategy must have changed, though, because, when my girlfriend set the albums down on the floor, they jumped out and steamed through immigration without filling in their landing cards.

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With me in hot pursuit, they scattered like teenagers fleeing the wreck of a stolen car. It's lucky that there were no TV cameras around because I had to use excessive force during the subsequent wave of arrests. If the big'uns had caught the shocking footage on the evening news, they might have come out from behind the fridge and torched my apartment.

Unfortunately, the little buggers ran like the wind and many holed themselves up in dark corners before I could bring them to justice. With its complex ecosystem of big'uns, little'uns, termites and ants, my apartment now boasts greater biodiversity than a rainforest canopy.

Readers' comments

Crash999 says:

So Friday night I'm drifting through dreamland when I'm suddenly jarred awake at 4am. "Look, look!" my girlfriend exclaimed, "it's over there!!!"

I thought someone had broken in, so turned on the light and jumped out of bed- only to almost step on the roach that had awakened her.

Turns out the substantial creature had crawled up her arm which had woken her up. I grabbed the nearest magazine and gave the thing a big thwack... which only seemed to stun it. It paused and then started running towards me in what I can only assume was 'cockroach attack mode'.

A couple of more thwacks and it turned upside-down, legs scurrying and wings bouncing it around with a 'bzzzzt' noise on the magazine I used to scoop it up.

By this time my girlfriend, who as a Thai must surely be used to these sort of bugs, is about as far away from me and the bug as my apartment will allow.

Being the nice boyfriend I am, I made a point to show her the still squirming insect- ya know, just in case she wants to say hi to or or something like that.

After a couple of laps chasing her around the apartment I tossed the creature into the toilet and gave it a flush.

Needless to say I won't be sleeping with my mouth open anymore....

April 18, 2004 4:01 PM

kelake says:

I made the mistake of looking under the cupboards when I moved into my last apartment. Not only was it filthy under there but when i did a preliminary spray I was greeted by an armada of "big ones" coming up through the ill fitting sink drain. There is nothing like 12 big cockroaches serving as a welcoming party to your new overpriced apartment.

April 19, 2004 1:01 PM

Golfy says:

I just got back from my home visit! (Thailand) Luckily, had not seen any cockroaches at all while I was there (thanks god. I remember those things love to fly into my face >_<)

April 19, 2004 8:52 PM

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