June 5 2004

Thai girlfriend wrestles my anaconda

Those penis enlargement conmen are always sending me junk emails but, as we all know, their claims are bogus.

A questionable ligament cutting operation might make your knob a bit longer but it will also end up considerably floppier. Obese fellas can lose weight to achieve noticeable length gains but it takes a lot of effort. There has to be a better way.

Instead of making your cock bigger, why not consider making your sex-partner smaller? There's never been a better time to trade in your massive farang girlfriend for a smaller Thai one. Relative size is the key issue.

This is how Father Ted explains the concept to a baffled Dougal.

Now concentrate this time, Dougal. These (pointing to plastic cows on table) are very small; those (pointing at cows in field) are far away...

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My mate's boss was rather short in stature and had to endure many jokes. On a business trip, he picked up 200 Marlboro at the airport. The packaging was designed to resemble an ordinary cigarette packet - except that it was 10 times bigger.

As he returned from the duty free shop, his companions were doubled up with laughter. From a distance, the huge fag-packet tucked under his arm made him look like a nicotine-crazed pixie.

I love my Thai girlfriend because her tiny doll-like hands make my cock look absolutely huge. If I can persuade her to pose for a photo, I'm going to mail it to all my mates as a Christmas card. First, though, I'll have to Photoshop the background to remove any objects of known size.

[Posted to Diary by David]

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Readers' comments

Whippet says:

Get her drunk enough and you can have the photo taken at one of the booths at MBK or Don Muang. You know, the ones with you super-imposed over a backdrop of the Eiffel Tower, or the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Of course, if you can get Rudolf and his flying reindeer friends in there too, you're on to a Christmas card no-one will ever forget.

* Note, should Rudolf's appointment book be full, I'm sure a "gote" in a Christmassy outfit would suffice.

June 5, 2004 1:02 PM

TANAI KWAI says:

Whippet,

The inclusion of the word "gote" in any post produces a Pavlovian response at this point -- I wet myself. There is just something funny about that spelling.

As you know, George Bernard Shaw once pleaded for spelling reform. To stress, he asked us to take note of these pronunciations:

GH as in "rough"
O as in "women"
TI as in "nation"

.: GHOTI = "fish"*

(...)

[*I submit that "ghoti" also describes the musky odor of the love act as proposed in that memorable letter.]

June 5, 2004 8:22 PM

Combover says:

I think the small hands argument is a potent one. As is the case for those of us who are of slighter build to find partners we can lift, spin and somersault at will.

Of course, in such circumstances tiny girls are the answer. When going for a very tiny girl I do find that a good benchmark is 40kg, and wherever possible I do whack 'em on the bathroom scales to make sure. I have gone as low as 36kg. I met an Indonesian who professed to be 34kg but I just couldn't get past the twelve extra teeth she seemed to have crammed into her mouth.

The downside is that extreme lack of height often seems to go hand in hand with weighing bugger all, and in the throes of passion the poor girls' noses tend to get squashed into a sweaty hairy chest pit, whilst I'm biting the pillow.

I therefore do waver occasionally but can categorically say that 50kg is my absolute upper limit. OK - apart from that German girl a year and a half ago but I'm not proud of that.

I have noticed that a small girl does not necessarily guarantee small bits though. Quite frankly - it's a lottery. You never really know if you'll get the Sunday roast chicken or a bucket of wallpaper paste.

June 7, 2004 12:26 AM

OT says:

Combover,
FYI
the ladies you are referring to are actually known as "SPINNERS", that is to say, "something you can bounce off a headboard"

June 15, 2004 8:15 PM

brian says:

In the original native culture of Thailand, when males reach the age 18 they participate in a ceremony as follows:

They stand naked in a large circle, facing inward. A beautiful naked girl does a sexy dance in the centre of the circle. Behind each male is a beautiful naked girl. As soon as all the males are excited and have erections, the girls behind them reach through between their legs, pull their erect penises downward and then release them. Their penises spring back up and go "WHAP!" against their bellies. This is considered a measurement of strength of masculinity.
And that's why the capital of Thailand is called Bangkok.

July 2, 2006 3:53 PM

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